Rainbow Dash thought it was an odd request when Twilight had asked for hints and guidance in stunt flying. Persuaded by tickets to the year's most popular Wonderbolts event, however, gave Rainbow all the motivation she needed to help. While practicing, Twilight's odd and secretive behavior piqued Rainbow's curiosity and required further investigation. What she finds out does not make the rainbow maned pegasus happy. Not one bit.
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Seems intersting enough.
Go on. Give me more >:D
I do think I shall keep my eye on this story
Good. Very good concept! Making Dashie unhappy about competition is always a jam
There goes a fav.
MORE I SAY! Also, Good Luck!
I had been waiting, looking, hoping, for a "Wonderbolt Twilight" fanfic for more than one year. I will definitely follow this story.
4540493 And I as well! Which is exactly why I decided to give this story a shot.
I really hope that Dash doesn't end up getting jealous but... just wait till the rest of the story comes out.
I like where this is going so far.
For some reasons, I am expecting something like this :
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th05.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/i/2013/344/f/5/saddest_dashie____by_thatguy1945-d6x79u3.png
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4541509 I had a moment like that this morning.
I really hope Spitfire has a really good reason for giving Twilight special treatment by allowing her to compete, while Rainbow is still forced to train, despite her heroic acts of saving the Wonderbolts quite a number of times.
Unless this is going to turn into a story about Rainbow going to reform the Shadowbolts after she finds out that all her hard work meant nothing to them. That would actually kind of be an interesting twist.
Regardless, you have my attention and I'd like to see where this is going.
I will give you advice, something I have learned while writting my own stories.
Try to not repeat names endlessly, especially so close to one another. It may not be incorrect from gramatical standpoint, but try to use variarity to make your story sound better.
You repeat Twilight and Spitfire name a lot, in some situations even word after word. You can always use "the princess" "the captain", "she", the unicorn."
It is just my personal opinion, but I find story more easy to read when names do not repeat themselves several times in a row.
4541854 Why, thank you for the hint. I shall keep this in mind! Since you pointed it out and highlighted a few examples it's actually really obvious and I see what you mean.
4542124
Glad I could help.
4540493
I just recently wrote a fanfic where Twilight work for Wonderbolts' as medic. Maybe you will like it.
link - http://www.fimfiction.net/story/190638/my-little-medic
Maryland
i would do the samething
I like this story.
Poor Rainbow is going to be so hurt.
4541854
Yeah, its heard to read with all your repetition. Another example is this.
You said the same thing twice in different ways, and you do it some other times too. Don't be afraid to go back and edit your writing and cut out things like that. Words are powerful, you don't need to say them more then once.
To adjust a quote from Sir Terry Pratchett: "Rainbow is going to go spare, she's going to go utterly librarian-poo. She's going to find new ways of being angry just to try them out on Twilight".
poor rainbow dash she has no idea what's going to happen soon . oh boy I can bet this will end badly for rainbow dash.
Could you put a Flashlight romance in your story?
4603650
You, sir, a sick man. I heartily recommend you find your nearest mental health institute for the sake of yourself and everyone around you.
A cute concept for a story that I found enjoyable. I've upvoted it and am interested in seeing how it plays out.
Eh, a bit short. I was hoping for a bit more aside from Twilight trying to keep the uniform a secret. Regardless, I look forward to where this is going.
Yaaaaay, there's more.
...
Now we need more again...
If I am reading this right, Twilight will be made a Honorary Wonderbolt.
If Twilight would be open with Rainbow, I don't think Rainbow would mind much. Sounds like the Wonderbolts asked her. Likely to try to counter sagging ticket numbers. "There is a Princess in the Wounderbolts: come out and see!"
Twilight has to know Rainbow will find out and that the lie will be with hurts Rainbow. I bet Rainbow would be happy to help Twilight knowing that Twilight is doing this for the WounderBolts.
- given as an honor only, without the usual requirements or privileges
That was evil of twilight and very effective. Magic the clock ahead and say she is late.... Genius.
Annd twilight is a disloyal jerk
4706092
I think that it is going to be more than an honorary position.
The Wonderbolts are actually training her to be in the shows. If it was just an honorary position the training would not be needed.
It dont take a whole lot of training to put on a uniform, smile and wave a hoof at cheering fans ... heck she already has that through Princess Training!
4707153
She has been corrupted by Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.
4710013
Nooo!! Twilight will be half book worm and half cool mare like 
RD! 
I think
4710372 This may be a wild and crazy theory here, but bear with me. I theorize that I just didn't make it clear enough that it was Rainbow talking instead of Twilight. Thanks for pointing that out though. I should have made it more obvious.
4706104 Woo! That was pretty much the limit in my ability to be moderately, kind-of subtle in my writing, so I'm glad someone picked up on that.
4712244 well that makes a lot of sense now
4712267
I enjoy that kind of subtlety and I agree that it is hard to pull off.
This is so going to end badly...
So when are we getting to the part where Rainbow learns that Twilight got special treatment by becoming a Wonderbolt before her and then s**t going down? I can only imagine what will happen then.
4719187 She's not exactly a Wonderbolt, by the sound of it she isn't even performing with them. She's just starting the show off by flying in and surprising everyone. It sounds like a one time thing. Also, Twilight knows Rainbow is going to take it badly, that's why she's trying to keep it secret. Although it makes you wonder why she's doing it in the first place. You'd think Rainbow's feelings would mean more to her than some one time performance.
4719368
I don't think she does know, or is even thinking about Rainbow's feelings on the subject.
She gave Rainbow the ticket to the show, and the short synopsis says this is all about Twilight living a dream, while the end of the last chapter shows her being disappointed she won't be allowed to show off more with a few tricks.
So far, this is being made out to be pure self-indulgence on her part made possible because of her princess status. The fact she actually gave Rainbow a ticket to the show is just rubbing salt in an open wound.
4719420 I see your point, but she did hide the uniform from Rainbow Dash. I guess that could just be that she wanted to keep it a surprise. So yeah, I guess Twi is being a bit selfish.
4710004
In this chapter it looks like all she will be doing is smiling and wave. I think most flyers outside the Wonderbolts can do a few flips.
It also looks like have not been pushing her to do what the other Wonderbolts train to do. Spitfire just want her to be able to fly around smoothly and do a few flips. It looks a lot like what they do in baseball where they have a person throw the 1st pitch. They try to check that the person knows how to throw a ball (so the ball will get from point A to point B).
4720897
Before this chapter I was hoping for more (so was Twilight by all appearances ...) Now it looks like she will be stuck with her Princess duties. Smile and Wave ... Poor Twilight , this has got to be a serious let down for her.
on the other hand she could train extra hard when she is away from Spitfire and change the game plan when the show actually starts ... At least that is what Rainbow would do in her position ...
Why would Spitfire need an agent?, she's technically a soldier and the Wonderbolts part of the Royal Guard, hence the use of military ranks like Commander, Admiral, and General. So she would still receive military pay, though she might get a bonus for being the squad Captain.
“You’re confident with you’re flying, correct?”
"you're"
Other than this, continue
4724157 Fixed! That would have been quite embarrassing if too many people saw that. Thanks.
Keep up the good work