New Toys in Town

by Derpator

Chapter 12 - Epilogue

Last time, our dear friend and daughter of the Baron was taken by the giant dragon Spike. Poor Fluttershy was kidnapped! Rainbow Dash couldn’t stand for that! She had to get her back, whatever the cost. Not only because she was an important pony, but because she loved her as well. With some great assistance along the path, will Rainbow Dash finally rescue the mare of her dreams?

“Ugh... is the week recap really necessary?”

“Shush Spike! I’m telling the story to refresh ourselves. Right Fluttershy?”

“...Yes.”

“Fine” spoke Spike, rolling his eyes.

Rainbow Dash had travelled many miles and great distance for the search for her love. But she couldn’t find her! Whenever she stumbled across a town, Spike had ravished through it all, leaving none alive in a path of destruction and flame. That poor farmer named Applejack didn’t stand a chance.

None knew why Spike chose the beautiful Fluttershy as his hostage. Perhaps he was jealous of her good looks. Maybe he wanted to go out on a whim and marry her. None knew the psychotic dragon’s mind.

“Really? Me, jealous?”

“Stop interrupting Spike.”

“Rainbow Dash? You really think I’m good looking?” asked Fluttershy, hints of red showing on her face.

“Uh...”

Rainbow Dash got injured during a battle with the well-known dreaded killer rabbits. Their leader, going by the name of Angel, didn’t go down without a fight. But Rainbow Dash was dedicated to saving her love, and wouldn’t take any obstacles to achieve her goal, giant rabbits or not.

But all was in woe, as her wing was seriously damaged from the fight. She had to take temporary refuge in a nearby town that hadn’t been ravished. The town’s well respected unicorn, going by the name of Twilight Sparkle, healed her with a spell. She was extremely grateful for the help, even somehow managing to seduce the unicorn in the process. But throughout it all, she claimed she was not as good as her dear beloved Fluttershy.

“What? Twilight never did that!”

“I’m taking a few turns with this story ok? Work with me. I’d like to spice it up every now and then.”

Rainbow Dash carried along her travels, coming across a rather strange setting. She found herself at a swamp, where the dreaded alligator king called Gummy lurked. She was extremely careful, as the alligator of legends had a habit of devouring all who crossed its territory. What was strange though, was that the legendary alligator didn’t have any teeth. But that was only a myth, as all ponies that came across it never lived to tell the tale.

Some said that the alligator wasn’t all there in the head, while others were just scared of it. Rainbow Dash did come across it though, and prepared to fight for her life. As she approached into battle, an ally emerged going by the name of Pinkie Pie, who took down the alligator with her assistance. The alligator king Gummy became no more, and Pinkie Pie decided that Rainbow Dash should not continue on her quest until she had some cupcakes.

So Rainbow Dash took a small break from her adventure to have a nice picnic with the pony that helped her take down a worthy foe. She constantly questioned if the other pony was in fact a pony, as her unusual eating patterns didn’t bode well with her. She was also on alert as the pink pony had a weapon of her own, storing a huge cannon of confetti in places she wouldn’t like to know. She only hoped that the two could remain allies.

So she seduced Pinkie Pie shortly after the picnic, having one of the best lays of her life, when-

“Seriously?”

“Spike, if you don’t stop, I will thwart you so hard. Besides, I’m not lying in saying she was open to it.”

The dragon only responded by folding his claws.

“So where was I?”

It was a shame to say goodbye to Pinkie Pie, considering she was the most amazing mare in bed she’d ever had. Like seriously, the way she worked her stuff was just amazing. The tongue of hers worked wonders on Rainbow Dash. She claimed it was her ‘Baker’s Tongue’, to which Rainbow Dash crowned a holy thing. And the way she moved her hips in rhythm to the appendage she had brought along for the ride. Rainbow Dash never felt so alive from something put inside her before.

“Ahem.” Spike cleared his throat.

“Right. Sorry.”

Of course, Pinkie Pie wouldn’t match up to Fluttershy, when she would rescue her. Rainbow Dash went along, travelling more across the land, spotting the aftermath of the horrible Spike. Fluttershy kept calling him a meanie, which Rainbow Dash thought was a cute nickname.

Meanie the dragon.

Rainbow Dash found it fitting. She remembered to use that name to address him when she found him. For he was a meanie indeed, leaving none alive wherever he found them.

She foolishly stumbled upon a little village, where a cannibalistic tribe lived. She got captured soon after her arrival, and was already tied up over the pot, ready for her demise. The tribe leader, going by the name of Rarity, stopped the ceremony just before they feasted on her flesh. It was unknown why she let Rainbow Dash go, but she gave her a parting gift.

A dress.

Rainbow Dash didn’t question how a cannibalistic tribe in the middle of nowhere had a dressmaker as a tribe leader or even how she made them with the lack of sewing machines. She was even more confused at how the tribe leader owned a cat and hadn’t eaten it yet. She wanted to remain loyal to the gift the pony who spared her gave her, keeping it as a memento, but in all honesty, it looked horrible and too uncool for her.

So she threw it away.

“I still can’t believe you did that” said Fluttershy, in an almost scolding voice.

“But she just kept insisting! I don’t like dresses.”

“I must say I’m surprised. You didn’t seduce her?” asked Spike, with a grin.

“Quiet Spike! Woops, I mean Meanie!”

Rainbow Dash was starting to get desperate. She wanted Fluttershy. She wanted to hold her, tell her she loved her. Even kiss her. It had been weeks since she set off after Meanie, and she was starting to lose hope. Some thoughts came to her of poor Fluttershy’s demise, and she refused to believe them. She carried on, fighting the bad weather ahead of her. She flew through the air, trying to pick up speed.

But a flying turtle blocked her path.

“Tortoise.”

Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy, a very unhappy look on her.

“She’s got a point.”

“...Fine.”

The flying TORTOISE flew around, blocking her progress whenever she tried to bypass it. The way it moved its heavy body around reminded her of a tank. A fitting name for the monster. She fought the tortoise given the name Tank, emerging victorious soon after.

The battle had worn her out, so she took refuge in a nearby settlement, looking like a farm. There, she befriended an earth pony named Applejack Smart Cookie. She had an argument with the earth pony at a point though. Apparently, she had been killed off too early with no full introduction or something.

“That was pretty mean.”

“Moving on!”

Both of the ponies could look past their argument, for the sake of poor Fluttershy. Applejack Smart Cookie wished Rainbow Dash luck after she made a full recovery, making sure she had a nice breakfast consisting of apples at the same time.

Rainbow Dash continued on her travels-

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“What?”

“Really? You don’t want to add in that one little extra detail to alter the story?”

“Huh?”

Oh yeah, she seduced Applejack Smart Cookie before she headed off.

“There we go! Carry on.”

Her travels only got tougher as she went on, but she persevered. After days of almost dying several times, she finally found the dragon’s lair. A mountain, excluded from the rest of the world. Figures, a dragon that didn’t have anything better to do that capture a gorgeous pony would hide in a cave by itself.

But as Rainbow Dash reached the mountain, there was an assistant to the great dragon. A giant owl, that honestly went down way too easy. It took almost no effort, and she didn’t even bother giving the beast a nickname.

“Heh. I never did like that owl anyway.”

At long last, Rainbow Dash entered the cave, coming face to face with Meanie. The giant purple dragon was right in front of her, with Fluttershy near the back, all tied up. Meanie started to taunt Rainbow Dash, claiming she wouldn’t ever save Fluttershy.

...

I said Meanie started to taunt Rainbow Dash-

“Spike? I think that’s your cue.”

Spike, who wasn’t paying attention previously, now got into character and walked towards the cyan plushie. “Roar! You’ll never get Fluttershy!”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “Oh yeah? Meanie, you’re going down!”

Spike fiddled with his claws. “Yeah sure.”

Rainbow Dash moved the miniature figure of herself towards the dragon. “When I’m through with you, you’ll be sorry you ever took Fluttershy!”

Spike just prodded the plushie with his claw, causing Rainbow Dash to throw it backwards.

“Argh! That hurt! Alright. Take this!” Rainbow Dash, holding the small version of herself, lifted it up, pretending it was flying, and smacked it into Spike’s face.

Spike had a deadpan look, not getting affected by the blow at all. However, knowing he’d have to lose eventually, he pretended it was a big deal, falling to the floor and lifting a claw in the air, with the other on his chest. “No! How could I lose!? I can’t... losing life...” And then he pretended to die.

“Aw yeah! Victory is mine!” Rainbow Dash moved herself towards the tied up Fluttershy, and undid the ropes. “Fluttershy, it’s over.”

Fluttershy, also holding herself, moved it so it was hugging Rainbow Dash’s plushie. “Thank you thank you thank you! My hero!”

“Are we done yet?” asked Spike, still on the floor.

Rainbow Dash took her attention from their roleplaying. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Good! I’m going home!” he yelled as he picked himself up and walked out of Fluttershy’s cottage, slamming the door behind him.

...

“Strange. This cave didn’t have a door when I came in. But that isn’t important. Fluttershy, are you ok?”

“Yes! Thanks to you!”

“I love you Fluttershy!”

“I love you too!”

“...Really? I mean, I get that you’d love me after traveling through barren wastelands, fighting giant rabbits, a legendary alligator, escaping a cannibal tribe, fighting a flying tortoise, a giant owl, and then Meanie. But do you really love me?”

“Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“Will do.”

And then Rainbow Dash seduced Fluttershy.

“Phew! What an adventure huh Fluttershy? How long was that? Two weeks?” Rainbow Dash wiped her forehead.

“Yeah,” the yellow pegasus replied, “Thank you for playing with me.”

Rainbow Dash sat back and put her hooves behind her head. “So what now?”

“How about we get our friends and have a group session?”

“You know what Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash said while picking herself and the plushie of her up, “That’s a brilliant idea.”

Comments

[Twilight_Scratch]

Awww.
But still no bop-it

[Crimson Dawn]

So they get to roleplay sexual situations but it appears that when they do it is not a prelude into getting together for real.

Pinkie and Dash have feelings for each other but Pinkie will not act on them yet due to a fear of making things awkward. However at the end we do know that they are happy about it and that there may be more in their future (since they kissed and Pinkie was only pretend mad it may be a clue that her resistance to the idea may wane with time).

Good story I enjoyed it.

[Derpator]

So that's the end of my first main fic. I never would have thought it'd get to 36,983 words. There went my original 12,000 word plan. I also know that the twist might have either made or broken this story, depending on how you feel about it.

This was originally intended to focus more on Rainbow and Fluttershy rather than with Pinkie, but I like how it ended. I'll leave the ultimate ending regarding the pair up to the reader.

For the big send off, better known as what the toys are, I did originally plan them to be something different, and seeing a few comments, a part of me wishes they actually were bop-it or something similar.

For the last few chapters, I keep getting a sort of bad feeling from them. As I wrote them, I didn't have as much fun as I did writing the earlier ones. Some part of me just wanted the story to end, considering the overall word count, and I think it shows in some of the later chapters. Overall I'm happy with how it turned out, but I feel I should have put more effort into those last chapters. I've been balancing a few things as well as this story, and when it came around to chapters for this story, it came across to me as different.

In the future, I'm positive I want to stick with shorter stories. One-shots or just stories that have a low count with three chapters or so, it doesn't matter. Will I ever do a long story of this sort of length again? I have no idea. But seeing how much fun I have writing some one-shots, it may not seem likely. I definitely have ideas for longer-ish stories, which I would hope never reach this length.

To add more into the effort point, I've found that some others things I've been writing at the same time have had more detail put into them. This likely adds up with the 'just wanting it to end' point, whereas I've been thinking I've been putting much more detail into the others. Did the ending of this story suffer as a result? Possibly.

As for my comedy, I think I lost some of it towards the end of the story. I focused more on the slice of life and romance part of things, which alright by itself, didn't keep to the running theme. I feel the epilogue picks it back up slightly though. I'm still new to writing comedy, so I hold high hopes for improvement.

There's not really anything else for me to say, except thanks for reading. I feared that this story might have crashed and burned early on, leaving a bad mark. But from how it's turned out, I can say that isn't the case. The comments that have pointed out some points to me as well I'm grateful for.

But now that this one is done, new stories are to be written.

[Crimson Dawn]

4388249

Perhaps what may work for you as a compromise is when you want to write something more substantial write it as a group of serials. In other words make a bunch of separate one shots (think of them as episodes) that are connected in universe and with an overarching storyline. It would be like seasons 1+4 where most of the episodes are self contained but many have snippets that are parts of a bigger storyline (though you may want to make those snippets bigger/more important than they used in those seasons). This way you indulge in your love of shorter stories but you can create a larger narrative while you are at it.

As for this story there was a bit of a change in tone as the story progressed but I don not think that it hurt the story. I also think the story ended up more interesting with the Pinkie angle than without it. I think your idea of the dream that Rainbow Dash would exploit through the story was funny and gave adequate foreshadowing of how Pinkie may have feelings for Rainbow (even if she is afraid of them).

[Crimson Dawn]

Things I think the story has that are weird ro don't fit

1. Spike is involved with the roleplay at the end. It is funny I give you that but it is really odd that he is involved when the other two are using such subject matter. He feels like a third wheel. Still it was funny so it can get a pass.

2. Pinkie physically hurting Dashie. Granted I think you gave it an adequete explanation but I still don't think it fits what we know of Pinkie. I think your basic idea of strikes, getting back at somebody, and then being very forgiving (in a funny way especially with those muffins which was a great idea) are very spot on ideas, however the one aspect of her physically hurting Dash does not fit so well. I think it would fit what we know of her character better if the punishment was more in line with the crime where Pinkie embarrasses her, pranks her, or otherwise does something to Dash without physically hurting her. If you feel that Dash needs to be holed up in her home like you did you could have Dash pull a muscle in her wing when Pinkie gets her in an epic tickle attack (prevents her from flying), her chase causes her to crash and injure herself, or she accidentally pulls out some feathers in the middle of her revenge unintentionally (or some other similar situation).

This allows you to make the same story with the same overall tone and flow but without Pinkie doing that one OOC moment. I do think you should keep the rage involved that is supported in canon so that fits. I just think the exact nature of the punishment should change.

Now there are things I did like about this story.

1. I think you did an excellent job of making each character feel unique and keep their best qualities. For instance while I thought the way Pinkie punished Dash was OOC I thought the way she did it, handled it, and responded to it were very in character. Pinkie really feels like Pinkie. Dash is suitably cocky, fun, and confused. Twilight still manages to be adorkable. You did a really good job in this area.

2. I think many of your scene ideas were excellent. The scene with Sweetie Bell works so well from the cutie mark conversation to having her help prank Pinkie. You don't see that combo much in the fandom and I think you pulled it off well. Your "romance" scene in the bakery with Dash and Pinkie is well foreshadowed and feels passionate. Better yet the part where Luna comes in is hilarious and leads to a very well done Pinkie set of jokes. It even helps move along some parts of the plot so it isn't even senseless.

3. Your pacing works well. This story isn't too slow or too fast. I think its length is long enough for you to get some good ideas going (such as that dream being foreshadowed) but at the same time this story moves so that you don't get bored. I know that you felt that it went longer than you wnated at least on the writing level but I feel you should know that I think it works on the reading level.

As for the part you will let the reader decide I am going with Pinkie eventually realizes that hooking up with Dashie is not such a bad idea and eventually they both decide that having a full relationship is a good ideas as well.

[SweetieBot2000]

Awesome story, and it was written superbly. I, personally, think that you should write about the group session, and probly make some other sessions, with her other friends.

[Derpator]

5383283
There wasn't any plans for any kind of continuation with this, but it's nice to imagine, is it not?

Anyhow, glad you liked it.