Silver Soarer
Joined 8th Jan, 2014 ·
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Wow. This is good! Can't wait to see more! :D
4145749 Thanks! I'm hoping to finish writing the chapter shortly, I hope to have edited it in the next 4 days.
4160273 :D Yay!
A very interesting start given the story's summary.
Initially, I knew very little about what I was going to be reading beyond a few vague hints and a skipped summary and I'm happy to say I am not disappointed. I'm happy to favorite this and await another chapter whenever it becomes available.
4211102
4226289 no, I literally watched you make a new profile.
4227502
Feel free to delete this later.
Shouldn't this be possessive?
One word.
Why capitalize this?
You've actually got quite a few extra capitals right after this.
Not a mistake but maybe that second "A" should be something else?(suggestion)
If I find anymore today, I'll edit this. If not I'll just leave another comment with my opinions. Sorry though, I like pointing out things like this.
A nice and sweet chapter.
Where is this going again? I've kind of forgotten.
4384021
Ooops.. My writing can get a bit sloppy sometimes.. Thanks! I'll fix those when I can.
4384066
Good! Makes things more dramatic and interesting if you have no clue!
Will she be vanquished. Little typo there.
~ARTL
4586233
Is that not a tense thing
4586248
Alas, no. "Vanquish" is a word that, in this context (I think, it seemed appropriate) simply does not make sense. "be vanquished" makes sense.
Well, I'm hooked.
4603522
I'm glad! I just hope that I can continue to do a decent job in writing these chapters.
4586254
Thanks! Feel free to tell me of any other mistakes if you see them.
4603648 You were right about the chapter. It was disturbing. (Especially nice as you hinted what was done rather than explain it in gruesome details. Let's the reader's imaginations do the work. Kudos, l reply shuddering.) Although one thing I'm curious about, and there's no need for an answer because I'll assume it gets covered later, but why do those particular ponies and their boss care about the bat-ponies?
If it wasn't for the typos, I'd be thoroughly enjoying this story. As is, it's a but of a trudge getting through each chapter. You ever thought of finding an editor for this? Anyway, on to the chapter talk!
The following chapter contains bad things being done to colorful cartoon horses. Any irony is entirely coincidental. (I dunno, that line made me laugh.)
The torture scene(s)... Felt a little weak to me honestly. Maybe its just been so long I can't feel for Tyl... Can't even really remember him mentioned before now but it has been a few months.
The rest of the chapter... Wasn't bad. Nothing of tremendous note really. It was certainly a read. That is all.
Cute chapter. Good thing the elder us so forgiving or that could have ended badly. Given my sense of dramatic timing, the only time those bad ponies could ever strike would be in the middle of her "rites".
Also, errors ahoy. If it wasn't for the fact I'd be busy all the next two days, I'd send you some mistakes to fix.
Finally, something something pacing is all over the place. Some parts feel like they drag on and others are over in what feels like an instant. Their little library adventure took forever compared to the other 3ish parts which took about half.
Well, I'm loving the work so far. Swift is chipper, Midnight is hilarious. Although I can't help but wonder what Blaze's game is. He's obviously crazy and wants to exterminate the thestrals (batponies), but what does he gain from all this? (On a separate note: I think calm crazies are scarier than outlandish ones; Joker being the exception)
Well look at that. Four chapters in and we've got the opening picture down. I expected another 3 chapters before that. Just means we're progressing faster than I expected.
Which brings up a point I may have made earlier, too lazy to check; we seem to be progressing pretty fast, your pacing is all over the place. Not necessarily a terrible thing but it can be jaring from time to time. Not that I can complain though, it is certainly setting a strange feeling around the story that I can't quite explain but do like.
Also, Tyl no D: (I think its a "past time" not a "pass time", though)
Damn, Blaze is... Something else. Which really creates a disparity when we've got the hijinks of Night and Swift, I love it.
Okay I have to point this out
What is this?
Anyway, back to reading. Will edit this when I'm done.
Edit: well, it begins. Or ends in some cases. I for one can't wait for the next chapter whenever that may be.
This chapters alot of mood whiplash
moooore
Can't wait for more
I feel like this chapter is more; it seems like there's something that wasn't here before. Which is a very odd thing to feel.
I'm pretty sure I need a character sheet: Starlight, Midnight, Moonlight, Night, they're so similar that I could have sworn one corpse had a regenerating spear. I'm pretty sure it's because of this confusion that I didn't feel for the characters as much as I should have.
Which brings me to one last thing: naming patterns; I don't know whether I'm hoping the names are more or less symbolic than they appear. More so I can exclaim "I knew it!" or less so I can be surprised.
I have to wonder what Savant thought was going to happen; a pool party? I do suspect a certain amount of "worse" to be coming around soon though I hope I'm a little off.
I need more of this; I see great potential here.
She's so clueless, it's a real shame she's a genuinely pure child.
Thanks for the mood whiplash.
I think I need a character sheet. I'm sorry, there's so many names I'm so confused.
It's probably just me though, I'm terrible with names. Time to re-read in hopes it makes sense.
I'm fine with Night but Starlight? The worst evil.
What do you mean skewed priorities?