Featured In4

More Stories5

  • T Pink Symphony

    [2nd Person Fic] [Silent Protag] [No Clop] A retired musician meets Pinkie Pie. Hilarity ensues.
    47,686 words · 3,997 views  ·  302  ·  8
  • T My Little Naruto: Friendship is--WHERE AM I!?

    Naruto's life is given a second chance in the world of ponies... beyond his will.
    137,929 words · 11,831 views  ·  1,029  ·  68
  • T Azure & Lavender

    Twilight Sparkle & Trixie Lulamoon duke it out in a blazing battle of magic! Who will be victorious!? Twilight Sparkle, or Trixie Lulamoon? Or maybe a bulging pegasus who's taking too many steroids? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!
    2,162 words · 596 views  ·  39  ·  2
  • T Twilight Sparkle is a Waffle

    Twilight turns into a Waffle. What more is there to say?
    3,176 words · 1,798 views  ·  91  ·  20
  • T Dream Time with Fluttershy

    Fluttershy has a dream of tranquility... a dream that goes horridly wrong.
    1,091 words · 1,089 views  ·  19  ·  3 · gore

Blog Posts79

  • 26w, 5d
    A LOT to catch up on...

    ((TL;DR version down below))

    Alright, a lot of you have been wondering where I've been the past several months, and I greatly apologize for that. I've had to take a big focus on real life. Mostly due to a few reasons:

    1. I had to move from Belgium to Georgia. So yeah, I am now in the USA. This took up a big chunk of time, and I had to focus on my main priorities instead of my hobbies. There was also getting my college credits transferred to another college-- no, lemme rephrase that-- several colleges within my new area. Even then I've got a lot of paperwork to get through to even apply to any of them.

    2. My writing inspiration's been VERY lackluster as of late. I had started Chapter 31 of the Naruto fic at one point, but then I had to scrap it due to how hollow it sounded, so I had to go back to scratch. So here I am, with only 300 words worth of content, which is nowhere acceptable to what I usually put out. This is why I hate scheduling: My brain is unpredictable with what it feels like doing. I can either be lazy, energetic, or even go on a brainstorm/writing spree. I'm starting to think it's my current diet that's affecting my energy-- Pizza and burgers will only get you so far. One thing I need to start doing is going back to salads and fruits. It will accomplish a lot in the long run.

    3. There's also PonyFall, which, I must admit, had been draining a lot of my creativity. If some of you are aware, I had to overhaul one chapter due to its questionable content, and that really drained the fun out of me writing for the fic. Not only that, but I've been putting it off for several months. There's really no excuse I can give for its delay, since I've had a ton of time to get anything done with it. And it's been 2 years since I created the darn thing as well! D:

    I also have some unfortunate news regarding PonyFall, actually. Me and the group had a talk at some point in Skype regarding my position in the collab. Time and time again I said that I would get around to updating my fic in particular, and a lot of us were aware that I would be finishing it up in 1-2 chapters, due to me no longer being interested in the collab in particular. Unfortunately, what I said was an understatement. It turns out I had no interest in updating it anymore. I kept telling myself "No, don't give up! You can do this! Get off your lazy ass and finish it up!" but they were just empty words pointed at me, ironically. It sounds like an excuse, but I don't know how else to describe it.

    Therefore, my part in PonyFall has stopped indefinitely. I have no idea when I'm going to be getting back to it, but the group is aware that I am no longer part of PonyFall. If I DO get around to updating the fic, I will have free reign on what I want to do with it. But this is probably unlikely. I would probably need the size of Mt. Olympus's size just to get motivated in doing it again.

    However, that doesn't mean I'm done with Fanfiction entirely.

    The Naruto fic will go on, I just don't know when. I've also lost contact with DaMobbs and some of the other proofreaders, so I will need to get back in touch with them soon if I do get the inspiration again. I must apologize deeply to everyone on this late status update. It has been nagging at me for a long time, but I just didn't know how to word it all. I hope everyone will stay patient with me as I try to find the inspiration to continue.

    Thank you.

    ((The tl;dr version)): I'm done with PonyFall, I don't know when the next update will be, and real life is my main focus. Thank you.

    2 comments · 257 views
  • 62w, 4d
    400 Followers AND in the Popular Stories List?

    Well... christ, I didn't expect that at all. Who knew after such a long hiatus that something good like this would happen? I'm just rather speechless! I mean, I not only have 400 Followers, but My Little Naruto is in the Popular Stories List! I don't think that's ever happened before.

    Wait... what I just said had nothing to do with being speechless at all... Dammit!

    Regardless! Everyone, thank you very much for your continued support. I never thought I'd get this far. I'd give you guys some kind of reward, but... I'm pretty sure if I sent money to everyone here, I'd go broke in a heartbeat, lol.

    So instead, here's my half-ass attempt at showing my appreciation.

    Thank you once again, and I hope that me (and the editors and proofreaders) will continue to entertain you for as long as we can. :)

    2 comments · 233 views
  • 64w, 1d
    Gonna try Twitter out.

    I normally don't use social networking websites, mainly because when it's all new and fresh, it tends to die at some point in the future. Myspace comes to mind. Ah, my High School days...

    Anyway, I decided to cave in and check out at least Facebook and Twitter. Now while I do have a Facebook account, I normally don't use it. But Twitter I just recently decided to check out. For the purposes it has, I figured I'd give it a shot. Seemed simple enough: Got something interesting to say in 150 words/characters? Post it for everyone to see.

    https://twitter.com/DragonLSX

    I'll be using it for mostly updates on my life or on the current fanfics I'm working on. That way everyone is on top of things and with me without sending 20-30 PMs asking me if I'm still alive, lol.

    Also, the next Naruto chapter is around 30% done minus editing/proofreading as of the posting time of this blog. :)

    3 comments · 140 views
  • 67w, 7h
    Going on Vacation for a week.

    (Apologies in advance if my typing and pacing in this blog post seems awkward; the heat is killing me over here.)

    Ahhh, the hot days of summer... The only time you have some substantial freedom, whether it be from school, or maybe a day-off or two from work, just so you could enjoy the brisk and bright sun tanning your body as you lay on the sandy beaches next to the ocean.

    Sadly, none of that here in Belgium.

    But I digress.

    Although there is one thing I'm looking forward to here on Saturday: The Edelweiss Lodge & Resort in Germany. Seems like I'll be going there for family vacation tomorrow, and I wanted yall to get the heads up on it. I'll also be bringing my laptop over there as well since I "really" need to make some progress on my chapters if I have some time to spare, since I hear every day is just going to be seeing the sights and what not.

    But I am going to enjoy my time there regardless, it has a lot to offer. Here's a link if yall are curious: http://www.edelweisslodgeandresort.com/home.html

    To be honest though, I didn't read too much into it, except for the hot spots and what they had. Not sure if they have fast wifi over there or not. If they don't, then I won't be able to access Fimfiction for at least a week, which means I can't keep up-to-date. But most resorts usually do have wifi, so I could be wrong.

    Other than that, I've had a few distractions as of late, mostly due to the Summer Steam Sales. I went on one helluva shopping spree because of it, and I even picked up a copy of Borderlands 2 and its Season Pass, costing everything to a total of $20. I thought it was a damn good deal, and now, I can't stop playing the damn game. It's like Diablo, except it's an FPS.

    Now granted it's my first time playing Borderlands 2, since I never played the first one, but it's damn fun and addicting. Can be challenging at times too.

    Sooooo... yeah, can't think of anything else to say, might edit this post later once the heat stops going to my damn brain. I mean, christ almighty, it's like my room is a freakin' sauna. Opening the windows doesn't help either because it's just as hot, so it's a lose-lose situation. Fans work to an extent when you have it blowing on high, but even then you still feel a bit hot.

    Bleh... How I've survived Belgium for 2-3 years without A/C, I will never know.

    2 comments · 134 views
  • 69w, 1d
    Story Updates

    Alright, I haven't made a lengthy blog in a long while here. So, let's go ahead and get some updates out of the way.

    First off, an update about myself: I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. I've had a bit of a dry spell with writing for the past 4 months, and only recently I've started to get my writing mojo back (Thus the Twilight Cookies fic). While I'm still not as motivated to write again as usual, it is still slowly coming back to me. Hopefully I'll be dishing out chapters again before you can say "All Your Base Are Belong To Us."

    ...Wait, I just said it. Why am I not dishing out chapters yet!?

    Twilight Cookies is my attempt in getting my writing motivation back (or mojo as I keep calling it. Christ I sound like a broken record.). It'll be a two-parter, and I'll have it done at some point this weekend. Much to my surprise, its release today had a lot less activity than what I usually get. No Favorites nor any comments for the past 4 hours. Either I'm getting rusty, or I made the fatal mistake of posting on the 4th of July, where everyone is celebrating out on the streets, or causing mayhem with illegal fireworks. Ah, my childhood days...

    Regardless, it will be finished before the week is over.

    My Little Naruto will still be continued once I'm done with Twilight's Cookies. I don't know why I stopped while in the middle of it all of a sudden, especially since I'm writing what I've always wanted to write in the MLN fic, and what I've most looked forward to. I should be damn well excited, so why am I not!?

    PonyFall is still a grey area for me. The next chapter is 90% done for the most part, but I'm having trouble finding the motivation in finishing it up. Maybe I'll just make that the next update and do Twilight Cookies after that. I don't know. I'll have to see how I feel.

    I also managed to watch Equestria Girls online (They don't have it in Theatres here in Belgium. Damn you Hasbro!), and surprisingly one of the videos has been up for nearly a week. Why Youtube hasn't taken it down yet  is a complete mystery, but I'm thankful they haven't. The movie was a lot better than I had anticipated. Everyone was all "Oh gods they turned them into humans, this is going to suck!" But a lot of the majority changed their minds once they've watched it. It was actually pretty damn good. Even that one song that sang "Get up get down, Help Twilight Sparkle Win The Crown" something something was pretty catchy. Although I did find the end a tad rushed and a bit silly. I won't spoil it for you, but the movie is a must-watch for any brony/anthromorphic fan out there.

    That's about all I needed to touch up on. If you have any questions, ask them in the comments below, and I'll try to answer to the best of my ability.

    0 comments · 188 views
  • ...
 700
 12,002

Gerald McCormack, a 22 year old college student that is living by himself with his trusty butler, Gordon. When he stumbles upon a strange majestic-like woman in his own obstacle course--with a pair of Double D's I might add--he takes the woman in, and realizes she strongly resembles Princess Celestia! Will she be able to handle the human world that is so different from Equestria's? Or will she go into a paranoia freak out and Gerald would be forced to kick her out since she seems to be a crazed drug-addict hippy!?

LET'S FIND OUT!

Rated T for Violence & Language

Info about collab located here: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=405

First Published
26th Mar 2012
Last Modified
8th Jul 2013

And here's the fifth one to come out

:pinkiegasp:OMG dat Celestia

This has potential

Also, dat celestia :eeyup:

At first when I saw the picture I was like OH NO IT'S ONE OF THESE FICS SOMEONE HELP but everything turned out better than expected.

I do have three minor nitpicks though.

1) This sentence has way too many commas: So, in some bizarre twist, using their money and connections, they hired me a butler, to, mainly take care of me, making sure I was eating right, and clean up the house if it were to be a pigsty, and some other minor tidbits here and there…

2) Numbers lower than 100 are usually written out as words (such as one, twenty-two, and so on).

3) There isn't a whole lot of reaction when he runs across Celestia. He's just like Oh hey, I tripped over a naked woman. A bit more emotion might help to color it.

Everything went better than expected.  I am intrigued.    Oh, and DAT CELESTIA.  :moustache:

>>367604

Ah, finally a critic who hasn't been hit by the cover image!

1. I can understand the too many commas part, it's a bit of a grammar habit I'm trying to get rid of.

2. True, numbers are mostly written in words. Bit of a slip up of mine, unfortunately, which I'll have to edit out once I get some sleep.

3. There is SOME reaction, but enough to not cause a major dramatic freak-out. Some people do exist that are calm and calculated, but do give minor reactions. Differs on personality from person to person.

and now that i have acutely read it i have something to say

Moar plz :pinkiehappy:

UFB

Saw this in the whatever that box at the top is called and decided to give it a try, I must say I am looking forward to more of this seems like it should be quite fun.

Couple of inconstancies stood out to me

I pressed my fingers up to her clothed neck,

Wasnt she still naked at this point?

costumed figure in my arms.

same again

Twice referring to her in such a manner as she is wearing something then very soon after repeating her lack of clothes, just seems a bit off,

anyway time for the customary

MOAR!

>>368761

Ah crap, that was back from my first draft when I wanted to put her in clothes. I better go fix that...

Fixed.

At first I was liek "NOOO HUMANS WE NEED PONIES" :raritycry:

And then I was liek "YAAAAY HUMANS MOAR PLZ!"  :pinkiehappy:

This fic is witchcraft!!!

WITCHCRAFT I SAY!!!:flutterrage:

I Praise the ruinous powers for this bounty!:pinkiecrazy:

(Please do not take offense to my rather critical criticism)

My greatest grief is your lack of commas in reference to dialogue. When you have, say, '"Radda Radda Radda." I said' - I go berserk. If your dialogue ends with a modifier like "I/he/she/it said/replied/barked/shouted/deadpanned," then you should end it with a comma. Like so, "Look at my pony; my pony's amazing," Discord Sang. NEVER "Look at my pony; my pony's amazing." Discord deadpanned. Do not use periods in these cases, please. It's grammatically incorrect and it just looks unprofessional.

Also, OCs are incredibly laid back about the whole "Naked Hottie" thing. I for one would be far more concerned. An unconscious, naked girl would set off rape alarms, not murder alarms; you characters are thinking it might be murder, but then again I over-think things like hell. Still, they are fairly nonchalant about it, and that irks me. Ask yourself this, "If I found a hot and naked lady with double Ds in my backyard, how would I react?" This might be how you would react, but personally I'd be freaking out. Your main OC seems almost aloof about everything.

Celestia's mane ( or in this case, hair) is not described as a "rainbow," it is described as "pastel." ROYGBIV is Dash's thing, not Celestia's. I often use the Wiki to describe how the canon ponies look in regard to coat, mane, and eyes.

>>368822

Grammar's a bitch, my friend... Grammar's a bitch.

Also, the OCs are not THAT laid back, they do show some kind of surprised reaction. Just not the kind the readers expect, which I was aiming for. Don't you often get tired to see an OC acting like a dramatized crazy guy as if a gun was held to his head? Yes, naked women can give anyone a very surprising reaction, but not everyone. Personalities differ.

The way of naming Celestia's mane... That did make it a bit difficult. I thought her mane was like a really soft rainbow-like color. Didn't know it was called pastel. Sorry about that.

I appreciate the criticism though, friend. You're probably the first that has ever heavily criticized anything I've made, besides grammar, lol.

>>368832

I know, I've spent many a long night with the Owl at Purdue just to make sure I'm using commas properly. I think that writing here has significantly improved my abilities as a writer, and as such I love to pass along my knowledge as to improve other people's stories so that they get more sleep than I did.

I suppose I can buy that argument, however dubious. The whole 'freaking out' is accepted because it's realistic, is it not? The issue here is that he's almost too easy going. Sure, he's surprised, who wouldn't be? First reaction (besides resisting poking her lovelies) is to bring her into his house. Admittedly, that's an acceptable break from reality for the sake of story, but it's presented a little peculiar at how fast he reaches that conclusion. Ditto for the butler; butlers are people too. I'll accept it for now, but keep in mind to flesh out their reactions lest they come off as needlessly aloof.

Well, according to the dictionary, pastel is described as "a color having a soft, subdued shade." Si her mane is usually generalized as "pastel" because it's easier than describing each one of her colors, of which there are four.

So long as I've help you on this day, then my day is a success. Cheers!

[img]data:image/jpeg;base64,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[/img]

Tracking.

Wait, I know you. You commented on Wrong Hospital Niko Bellic. That story was awesome. This is cool too!

>>368875

Pleasure to see you, fellow commenter! :D

>>368879 And if i am not much mistaken, you are also the author of My Little Naruto. Great fic by the way. Let me know if mine are any good.

Nice to know some authors get out into the masses instead of hiding in their ivory towers of creativity.

You keep mentioning she smells like fudge I am a massive nerd but I can't help but keep thinking 'if he said she smelled like honey she would be a Time Lord/Lady'. This is why I shouldn't read wiki pages so much weird information. Liking this rebuild though you seem to be a lot more enthusiastic about it then the mare-do-well one.

Very interesting. I'll be sure to give this one a chance.

Tracked/liked.

Edit: Not because of the picture.

HOLY MOTHER OF CHEESE AND CRACKERS!

...And Butter.

The fic is in the #1 spot on the Featured List! God dammit, if I could go through my computer screen and meet every one of ya, I'd kiss you all! I'd be disgusted for doing so, but I'd still god damn do it!

Everyone, thank you all for the great support you've given this fic, it makes me so damn happy!

It's a fun fic I guess, though I can't help but feel some early warning gary-stu vibes coming from the main character... Still, I had fun reading it.

That being said, you may really want to consider getting somebody to go through this with a red pen. There are a LOT of spelling and grammatical errors and some really awkward word choices here and there. It sorta makes it feel like the story is written by a talented writer, but one who does not speak English very well...

>>369069

Spelling errors I really doubt... Grammar errors I know about.

Yes... I know. I get this a lot. I get it a lot... x_x

>>369075

It's not so bad it breaks the story or anything. I'm just saying you might want to get somebody else involved with your writing. It never hurts to have someone with a critical eye proofread what you write.

BTW, can you link me to wherever this Ponyfall thing is? I've never heard of it before now, but if it's still open to join, a legitimate reason to write a silly, non-serious, self-indulgent, self-insert fanfiction might be just the thing to get me out of my writing funk... :twilightsmile:

Fry

I Clicked cuz of thumbnail....i like the story :D

Well my collab has plenty of spots available. Just get in on the Irc Chat, /join ponyfall, and we will find you a character to use.

I clicked for thumbnail

I stay for story

Me Gusta is all I can say

Good start. Although, FYI, 95% of the people that read this got here because they saw the picture.......:facehoof:

Alright, back to the story. You have a open story, a good level writing plain, (a little shaky with grammer though..) and the story itself is fulfilling what about every MLP fan wants to happen. :derpytongue2:

For Chapter 1, 4/5 stars.

Tracked and waiting next chapter!:pinkiehappy:

Hm.

It's a self-insert story, with a very... very attention-grabbing image. Image aside, here's my thoughts on the story.

>It's a labour of love, I can practically feel the Fun you had writing this. It is like a foreboding sense of dread - usually, when I detect this much Fun, it means I'm in for a horrible ride.

>I'm curious as to how you land in front of, then proceed to trip over a naked woman, without seeing her first. Usually, when you drop down from something, you look down. And see things on the ground, like rocks, gravel, and naked women.

>"Why I was looking at her breasts, is just a sign that I was a male. Who wouldn’t honestly?" <- Yeah, this was not a good sentence. It makes you sound like you're trying way too hard.

>Got some tense confusion in there. (You used "can" as in, "So I can carry her." Should be "So I could carry her.")

>Sentence punctuation needs a bit of work. This is partly pure opinion of mine, given my preferences for dialogue and speech - consider throwing in a semicolon instead of a comma sometimes, that sort of thing.

>A bit much expositionary detail... about things which are incredibly likely to be totally irrelevant.

>Some odd sentences - they feel like you're trying to hit a word limit or something, and so it's a bit forced.

>"So it was probably no suprise." <- You're the narrator. I think you'd know if it was a suprise to you or not.

>Yeah, you could probably do with an editor.

>Thesauruses are your friend. Mix it up. Parched, thirsty, dry, dehydrated. Don't have to do it every time... but try and do it most of the time, it helps.

Overall: Despite my internal "Fun Warning" at the start, it wasn't terrible. Unfortunately, it wasn't amazing, either. Characterization's a little off - MC's 22, and it just feels like he's/you're trying a little too hard to write this character. Throw in a lot of edit-work being needed (proof-reading, at least) and it's falling short of the mid-way mark, even if only by a bit.

On the other hand, it's a self-insert with a cheesy humanification premise, so this is about what I expected, really.

"since there were some times I didn’t pay attention and smashed my fingers with a hammer or chisel."

that is NOT how you are supposed to get hammered

i like it, and it's honestly better than most of my fics, tracking

>>369255

Trust me when I say "I'm trying."

These issues have already been apparent since I've been here on this site. It would be rather simple to get a proof-reader to fix all of these mistakes, but if only it were that easy to find one... They are bloody hard to find, my friend.

Interesting... Definitely gonna have to keep an eye on this. :twilightsmile:

>>369279

Tell me about it.

Anyway...

I visited for the picture but I stayed for the wonderfull story.

You are a great writer, i wish you the best of luck with all your stories.

Good day.:moustache:

>>369457

Only if it doesn't burden you. I'm sure you have a lot on your plate with the Naruto fic, after all.

Din

Personally there is just not enough of the story yet for me to give a "this is good" or a "all my raeg". So far however, your playing with the reverse HIE, with humification trope. And you have a grand amount of breathing room here. So make the best of it and write more plz. :twilightsmile:

Tracked, I'm curious as to what happens.

The avatar< prays you have the ability to make the plot (mostly celestia's) ravashing.

-never stop writting.

I can only imagine what slorgies fic will bring since he actually hired someone to make his cover art.

:raritywink:(shameless plug for Ponyfall):raritywink:

Absolutely excellent! :raritywink: Definitely tracking!

Very, very interesting. Really liked your OCs.

Really looking forward to the next chapter, and see just how the story will proceed!

All I can say:

Bravo good sir.

Definitely worth tracking.

Now I am off to keep writing my DMC/MLP Crossover story.

Login or register to comment