CH2: Information (Revised)
Special Thanks to Editor: Bronymaster
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Chapter 2: Information
Date: April 13th, 2012
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Her movements and response caught me plenty off-guard. She looked so peaceful while she was sleeping, and then she surprised me with that sneaky move. I blinked a couple times as I looked at her. Those lovely purple eyes really give a small beauty to her face and figure. But I couldn’t just stand here admiring how she looked. The strange woman gave a forced frown as she punched her closed fist into the air, as if she was pointing at me with it.
“I asked you a question: What do you think you’re doing, where am I, and why bring me to such a place you beast?” She said to me angrily. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was confused at her situation. I stood still, calm again, and looked right at her eyes with crossed arms. Before I said anything, I noticed that she was only pointing at me with her fist. It’s a minor detail but… why won’t she just point a finger at me instead of her fist? I shook my head a couple of times, dismissing the thought for now, and looked at her once more.
“Well good evening to you too.” I said mockingly. “To put it in a nutshell, you’re in my house, in the guest bedroom to be exact. I had to drag your sleeping butt off of my obstacle course so I could put you to bed. What you saw me doing was checking to see if you were alright.” That last part was a lie. I couldn’t exactly tell her that I was attempting to touch her hair, especially since it was so unique-looking in my opinion. I continued my explanation as I could see her with anger in her eyes. I spread my arms wide, as if showing off the room.
“I would’ve expected a thank you, but I guess calling me a beast negates that possibility, ma’am.” I said with a frown. The woman merely blinked in disbelief as she took a glance around the room. She dropped her fist down on the covers and took a look at it. This brought with it a look of confusion and shock on her face. What was she so confused about now, I wondered?
I eyed her carefully, studying her expressions and movements as I see her looking at her closed fist. She eyed it carefully as she attempted to extend the fingers of her hand, and gave them a small wiggle. She twisted her hand all around, as if glancing at a new toy. I raised a brow at her in confusion. Just what was she doing that seemed so confusing to her?
“Look, as much as I love watching you admire your hand, I have some questions to ask you.” I told her. But it seemed the words didn’t reach her, since she was still looking at her hand. She then lifted her other hand and did the same thing to that one. I gave a small sigh as I brought up a small wooden stool to sit on, my feet being tired of standing.
“Hey, rainbow girl; are you listening?” I said with a slightly raised voice. This did get her attention as she stopped looking at her hands, and looked back towards me with what seemed like anger in her eyes.
“What foul magic did you use on me to put me into this form!?” The rainbow haired girl commanded.
Now it was my turn to be confused. Was this a role-play session gone bad, or did she just say that she wanted to know what put her into her form? What form was she talking about? Maybe she meant her clothes; after all, she was naked when I found her. I merely gave a shrug.
“Magic, you say? Ma’am, I think you’re confusing something here… You were naked to begin with. I didn’t find a single shred of clothing on you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Er, that’s not what you were thinking?”
“No, I want you to stop playing games with me, and tell me why I’m in this form with… with this hairless skin and, these things that are on my hoofs!” She said, wiggling her fingers on her hand. At this point, I gave her a deadpanned look. Yep, this woman was certainly on drugs. I rubbed my forehead in disbelief with a palm of my hand.
“Lady, you’re a human… in case you haven’t figured that out by now… Also, those aren’t hoofs, they’re hands. You make it sound like you were originally a horse.”
“No, of course not,” I merely sighed at her response. “I’m originally an Alicorn, a royal princess of the highest order in all of Equestria!” That’s when my eyes shot up and looked back up towards the woman. First, it was a look of doubt, and then, a look of happiness.
Then it evolved into a small chuckle and full blown laughter after that. I held my sides as I laughed my butt off at her response. Either this woman took too much cocaine, or she was role-playing… horribly. I wanted to assume it was role-playing though. I could hear her voice as I laughed.
“What seems to be so funny? Am I not convincing enough?”
“Ah heh…” My laugher had calmed down, but I couldn’t look at her seriously after that response, but I decided to play along for a brief moment. “Well, if you’re an Alicorn, where are your wings and horn: Because if I recall, an alicorn is supposed to have those two things.
Her eyes widen, and in response, I blinked once more. She brought her hands up to her forehead and felt around, as if she really was trying to see if she had a horn on her head. As she did though, the blanket dropped slightly from her chest, and her zippety doo dads—aka breasts—came well into my vision. I decided to say something.
“If you’re going to look for your invisible horn, you should cover yourself up first.” She shot me a confusing glare when I said this.
“Cover what up?”
“Are you dense lady? Your ‘melons’ are in the open air. My ‘eyes’ are staring at them. And if anyone else was in here, their ‘eyes’ would be staring at your ‘great tracts of land’ too.” I raised my two fingers on each hand and bent them, for each word I said in a different tone. She tilted her head as she looked at me, still confused still. Either she was on drugs or she didn’t know the meaning of decency. I just sighed as I told it to her straight.
“Good lord lady… Your chest: Hide it with the bed sheets in front of you. Have you no decency!?” I said with disbelief in my voice. The woman looked down at her chest and became even more wide-eyed. And what I couldn’t believe next was just plain… bizarre. She wrapped her hands around them, and copped a feel of her own breasts. I placed my hand in front of my face, wondering what kind of twisted scene I’ve been placed in.
“What are these?” She asked questioningly. These questions… they were becoming really stupid now. As she looked at me while groping her breasts, I gave a small blush at the rather clumsy, but erotic scene. I shook my head repeatedly and just decided enough was enough.
“Alright, that’s enough. Put your hands down on the sheets, cover your chest, and let’s ask some questions, alright? You’re overloading my brain with nonsense here!” I said to her. She blinked a couple of times, and then looked at her hands. She placed them on the covers of the sheets, while still trying to use her fingers. The fact that she was ‘trying’ to use her fingers just piled onto the confusion of who she was and what the hell she was doing to begin with. It was like she was born yesterday, and is already experimenting with the world around her… or herself for that matter. Eventually though, she did cover her chest up, and I could finally look at her straight again.
I gave a small sigh as I sat back down on the wooden stool. “Now then… May I ask you your name, Ms…?”
“Celestia.”
Oh for the love of…
“Lady, stop clowning around with this My Little Pony business and tell me your actual name! In case you haven’t noticed, you’re not in Equestria, you’re not Celestia, and you’re certainly giving me a headache by doing this!”
“I’m what!?”
‘Celestia’ as she calls herself, gasped at my words. Which ones, I don’t even know. I just know that she gasped and brought a hand over her mouth.
“This… isn’t Equestria?” I gave a heavy sigh at her response. Fine, she wants to play this way? I’ll humor her. If it’s for the sake of getting HER questions out of the way, and getting MINE in, no matter how ridiculous they are.
“Yes… What you’re seeing right now isn’t Equestria. You’re on the planet Earth, in the United States.”
“How… what… that can’t be… How did I…” She kept speaking in her monologue, as if I was oblivious to her speaking out loud. Her hand went to her chin and made her realized what she was using. She looked at her hand again briefly as it looked like she was in deep thought. She then looked back at me.
“I am a human, you said?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“And I’m in this… United States?”
“Yes, you’re gettin’ it.”
“How did I get here?”
“I’m not sure. Like I said earlier, I found you on my obstacle course, naked. After finding you I brought you here in my guest bedroom for you to recover, then one argument led to another—with a bunch of confusion I might add—and here we are.”
“I… I see… So then… how did this all happen?” That last question confused me. What was she talking about? And she really believed she was from that TV show? No, wait… she kept saying she was from Equestria… Maybe she banged her head and got her memory mixed up, or perhaps she isn’t aware that MLP is a TV show… Ugh… I held my head in confusion, but that didn’t matter: I was still fucking confused about the last ten or fifteen minutes! As confusion ran amuck in my head, Celestia shot her head up and her eyes went wide, as if she finally realized something. I raised a brow at her along with a response.
“Something wrong, Celestia, or whatever you call yourself?”
“Yes… I remember now… that moment! That time when…” She said, trailing off slightly, and then looked out the window as she said out loud.
“Discord… yes, now I see… he must have zapped me during that disastrous battle… causing me to turn into this form and send me here, to this United States or whichever it is you say… that must be it… it seems all so clear now!”
It seems like you’re crazy, that’s what I think. But it did support the fact that she was in the middle of my obs—wait, what the hell, that doesn’t support a damn thing at all! Her fictional mix-ups were giving me a headache, and yet she looked so serious, so sincere, to think that anything of what she says is true!
“Or… it could be that your brain isn’t working properly and that you’re someone else entirely, and someone left you for dead on my obstacle course. I still don’t believe your story, and it’s quite farfetched. Magic or those zappy things doesn’t exist here in this world.
“Human, you don’t—“
“Gerald.”
“Huh?”
“It’s Gerald McCormack, that’s my name.”
“Well, as I was saying Gerald… I am Princess Celestia, and I will show you the power of magic.” She immediately closed her eyes, and immediately furrowed her brows, as if she was concentrating. If she did do magic, I would be surprised. But there was one thing I had to point out to her. I pointed towards her forehead.
“Lady, you don’t have your horn… you don’t have any magic, and you never will…” She immediately opened her eyes to my response, only realizing just now that she didn’t have her horn, despite checking her face a few minutes ago. I merely sighed.
“Alright, let’s say for a moment that you are ‘Celestia’, and I have to admit, you’ve got the hair down to a T, but this doesn’t prove anything… You’re probably just some random role-player that wandered about, fell, bumped their head, and suddenly have amnesia. Because of this, you believe you’re some other person. What you’re telling me is fictional: No one has horns on their heads around here, and no one is born with wings, except for pigeons or birds and whatever.” I said to her. She merely frowned at me.
“But all of it is true, you must believe me, Gerald.” She pleaded. I closed my eyes for a moment and then looked back at her.
“Well, for now, I believe you should get some rest. You’ve had a long day, I’m sure, and you’re practically naked. It would be best for you to stay here and recuperate and think things through. Oh and also…” I said pointing to a nearby tray next to her bedside. “There’s a muffin and a glass of water there. Feel free to help yourself, since I’m sure you’re hungry and thirsty.” As I said this, I sat up from the wooden stool, and started to walk towards the door, while looking back at her.
“I have a lot to think about, especially this fictional situation you’ve explained to me.” I walked out the door without a second thought, and closed it from the other side.
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AN: Well now, Celestia is in quite a bind, isn’t she? And Gerald doesn’t believe a word she’s saying. He’s becoming one tough cookie to crack open, eh? Anyway, this chapter is slightly shorter, but it does reveal quite a bit into light… and just raises more questions. Stay tuned!
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AND Its updated (get ready for everyone to comment Dragon)
First? No? Oh well!
Very good!
Moar!
I'm surprised Luna didn't get mentioned at all!
Oh lawd, I can just imagine when Celestia will look back and recall this day.
Gerard is a bit boob-fixated, isn't he? Then again, I can't blame him.
Excellent!
OH MY BACON I NEED MORE!
God.... I try to go to sleep and oh look! Another update.... If your story wasn't so good I would just have gone back to sleep
First
I enjoyed the "huge tracts of land" Monty python right
forums.playfire.com/_proxy/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fi472.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Frr87%2Fcrazzup%2FBisonYes.jpg&hmac=fa24ab5c00d38d0c791620b6d8f07a5e Update! Woohoo!
Nice chapter, and it brought light on some questions! Keep up the good work and have some staches! :3
...Give
a muffin
RMCC: 3
why is this so interesting, reads about celestia's state decency,
Oh yeah
I guess you really were just winging it
Good so far. Fortunately she's a diplomat, someone who has to put up with all kinds of weird customs in foreign lands, so it isn't like she will have zero tolerance for the odd 'clothing' requirements. My guess is after thinking things through she'll be pumping him for information. A lot of it boring stuff. Then she'll be watching cartoons a full day to get up to speed with what Gerald knows of Equestria.
Being stripped of power, immortality, and species could get a number of different reactions. I'd have her tough through it, but we'll see what you think.
Gun damn it Discord
Can't blame him for it, I'd be checking out those huge tracks of land too!
Funny stuff, can't wait for more!
I like the direction this is taking. I hope you don't have any plans for rounding it up in the near future, because I want many more chapters of this before it ends
I also hope she gets to leave the house and explore the closest city of wherever his house is located after a while (no need to rush it), as I bet there's many ways comedy can be incorporated in such an adventure
Anyway, this fanfic is currently the one I'm currently looking forward to most regarding new chapters. Good work
Before I said something, I noticed that she was only pointing at me with her fist. It’s a minor detail but… why won’t she just point a finger at me instead of her fist?
“No, I want you to stop playing games with me, and tell me why I’m in this form with… with this hairless skin and, these things that are on my hoofs!”
She'd be pointing her middle finger at you. The horse's hoof is biologically the same as a human's middle finger or toe.
If she's been observing herself, she'd know that human's aren't hair less. Just really short-haired. Also, the plural of hoof is 'hooves'
pjanoo didn't even help this chapter, i was expecting pervy scenes and everything! ah well, still a pretty decent chapter.
verry good! oh and. y u no mention luna
Ahgen blargen flagen, buck this gay earth, I need more to read, and I need it now!
WTF Gerald?! Let her show her tits!
I suppose it would be pretty interesting if she took a negative stance on clothing, only wearing it as he insists and taking it off when she has the chance. After a thousand years with only the occasional royal outfit, getting her to see the point of wearing clothes all the time may turn out to be a little hard
Excellent chapter once again also a derpy because of the muffin
i got the weirdest boner right now
The muffin will be an important plot element. I just know it.
Now I have to wonder how she would react to seeing the cartoon
SPLENDID CHAPTER OLD CHAP!
375886 Bonrtd are never weird!
evar! 
367639 about #3 I think it happened before to him
Well, I certainly like what I've read so far, so I guess I will just pause to calmly say:
MOAR MOAR I MADE THIS ACCOUNT JUST SO I COULD SAY, "MOAR!!"
*ahem*
Anyway, here's what I hope happens next:
1) Celestia convinces Gerard that she is Celestia and not crazy.
2) They have a collective "Hell yeah!" moment and rock out.
3) They find a way to communicate with Luna, who says, "Discord? Don't worry 'tia, Twilight's got this. Keep on keepin' on."
4) Celestia continues to rock out.
Basically Tenacious D and the pick of destiny, but with ponies. The bar has never been higher, but I have faith.
I lold
Send in Luna.
That oughta make Celly more believable....or just add another cute girl into the equation. EITHER WAY! Things turn out good when Luna is involved. *le nod*
So awkward... Not sure if gusta.
376178
s1.static.gotsmile.net/images/2012/01/15/weirs-blackadder_132660481969.jpg
376670 Never never never never. That is forever!
This... This is amazing. I'm so curious as to what'll happen next!
First of all this was another great chapter.
Second of all: BOOBIES! WHY U NO LET HER SHOW?!?!?!
At first I found myself disliking Gerald for his reaction to her... But then I realized that it is the only logical way to really react to it. I mean, yeah some of us dream of things like that happening, but really we would only have the true option of reacting in that manner, lest we risk a massive joke or great plot happening against us. Thus is the world we live in.
Good job, keep up the good work, and I'm looking forward to more!
I want to like this, I really do, but I can't in good conscience. In general, the fic just reads awkwardly. So here's my criticism:
* You shift tenses nearly every sentence. It doesn't matter which one you settle on, it would make the most sense to go with past tense, but pick one and stick to it. That would make this fic far less jarring to read.
* You're way too repetitive. Seriously, you spent three paragraphs about Celestia staring at her hand in confusion and Gerald staring at her.
Focus on those two things and you'll have a way better story.
---
I'll have to reread the first chapter now that it's been revised, but my biggest complaint about it originally was that it didn't really offer anything besides an expanded story synopsis.
too short needs to be longer....moar plz
Its good to see a fic, where the main character aint all bubbly wubbly goodie-two-shoes at the first sight of this and are in fact questioning the whole situasion.......
I'm starting to get board of blackout->ponies->pinch self->'this must be real' crap, and then hurled right into 'i must save equestria!'
Seriously? We're doing "first" comments here too? Sorry to disappoint, but you weren't the first to comment... (you know who you are)
Great story. Looking forward to more.
This was good. I have to admit, its got some grammar problems, but nothing I can't ignore.
Bring out with the next chapter, Human!
I support OC/Celestia!
This story has a lot of problems with it.
1) Gerald is presented as being from a rich, upper class family, but his speech and manner is not consistent with that. He continually thinks and speaks in cliche, slang and filler expressions: "to a T" "in a nutshell" "for the love of" "take a gander" "y'know" "if you know what I mean" "killed too many cats" "that meant zilch" "sheesh." He's excessively embarrassed by her breasts, and uses bizarre metaphors to refer to them. "Zippety doo dads?" Seriously? What, is he 12 and not allowed to speak like an adult? "Melons?" These are expressions I'd expect from a blue collar factory worker. The way he keeps calling her "lady" makes me think of downtown Detroit, and his insistent and excessive deference portrays him as someone used to thinking of others as his betters.
His speech and behavior is NOT consistent with his background. Imagine reading about two downtown LA hoodlums walking down the street and one says to the other, "I say, old boy. Positively cheery weather today." It would be jarringly out of place. Your character has this same problem.
2) He's clearly and unreasonably being made to carry an idiot ball. Upon first seeing the girl, he immediately identifies her as resembling Princes Celestia. He then spends all of chapter two having additional clues thrown at him, yet continually denying the obvious. The readers know she's Celestia. He says she reminds him of Celestia. She says she's Celestia. She has body language hinting she's Celestia. Yes, she's Celestia. We get it. He's trying way too hard to insist that she isn't.
3) You, as the author, are regularly using a lot of strange language, and seem to be generally going out of your way to present ideas obtusely. For example:
"A woman at first glance, completely naked without any clothing and sporting a pair of double D breasts. I stared a few moments longer before checking her out...
A woman "at first glance?" What do you mean by that? She didn't stop being a woman, there was no doubt her her being a woman, he didn't need to reevaluate the appraisal, there was no question or "second" glance. What do you mean "at first glance?" She was "completely naked without any clothing." Umm...what? Are you suggesting it's possible to be completely naked but with clothing? She was sporting double-D breasts and he stared for a few moment...before checking her out? That doesn't much much sense. Was he staring at the walls before he checked out the breasts that you just described?
Another example: look at your character's self description. He has "large yet thin lips." He "wasn’t really muscular by any means, but I had some muscle." So...large but thin, and not muscular but has muscle. Is he also fat, but thin? Is he also really smart but kind of dumb?
4) When Gordon identifies her as resembling Celestia, you seem to try to distance him from that recognition by having him refer to it as "that show" that he hadn't seen in months, of which he only had fuzzy memory. You're identifying him as someone who saw an episode or two for whatever reason, but certainly isn't a fan of any kind. But then he identifies Celestia as being an alicorn. That doesn't work. "Alicorn" is a completely fan-generated name for a unicorn with wings, and it never once appears in the show. The proper meaning of the word is 'a unicorn's horn.' He would only refer to her as an alicorn if he's an active brony and reading fanfics.
377683
You're taking it WAY too seriously dude... I can't exactly tell if you're giving me criticism, or just plain out trying to troll me.
The story is meant to be funny. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it's meant to be funny. Zippety Doo Dads was part of the comedy. Sometimes making stuff up can fall short, or sometimes it will be a hit. It's all the matter of risk. Also, the character does not "immediately" recognize her as Princess Celestia. It only makes him think she "resembles" or "has a slight appearance" of Princess Celestia.
Also, pay attention to the character's personality: If he were to just immediately accept the fact she was Princess Celestia, the story would get boring very quickly, and the whole concept is over-used to a horrifying degree.
In no mention in the story did it ever say he was born in a upper-rich class society, don't even lie about something that was never mentioned in the first place. All it said was his family had money and connections. Did it flat out say his family was rich? No. Did HE say he was rich? No. Did I mention he was in a big-ass 4 story mansion living his life out in riches? Nope, don't think so.
And yes, the sentence structure looks odd and can be rather awkward at times, but no one is perfect, and these issues have been pointed out at me countless times. Why do you think I have a proofreader? He's not always available, and I may have to carry on without him at times, but at least the mistakes are corrected whenever my proofreader is available, or if the task is easy enough for me to fix them myself.
Hmm... im thinking that either some more MLP characters are going to come to earth, or Gerald is going to equestria, or both...
376694 That would be fornever, not forever...
I have a question about Celestia's appearance: Since in Equestria she is the tallest of the ponies, would she be an abnormally tall human?
And you fixed your 'I' capitalization problem. Thank you for that.
377856
Hmm, I hadn't thought of that. I'll have to mention that in the next chapter, hopefully.
376670
i.imgur.com/ntuXr.png ...had to....anyway's this turn of event's that happend i wonder how it all turn out