Just a person that reads, writes, and reviews stuff. Oh, and draws.
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Celestia sometimes have bad hair days but never has her servants seen her hair such state. After taking a small trip only to get caught in a little bad weather, she walked through the castle and got all sorts of expressions from her servants and tries to figure out what could be the problem.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Who gave this a dislike? The idea alone is worth a like.
This definitely going to be something in my ponyfic.
Brilliant idea!
...
Not-so-perfect execution.
Hear me out:
I like to punish Celestia as much as the next guy, but your Celly...she's a little "teenagery", bossing others and laughing at their misfortune at her hooves. Naturally, that's where we might believe the random tag, but that's just one small thing.
You also don't really describe her hair, one sentence about it poofing up, and only really allowing us to see it in the cover pic. I feel that's a huge case of show and no tell. I'd like to see this as a thing, but it's a little feeble in constitution. Throw some choice descriptors in there and we'll see a better reaction and more chuckles. In comedy, it's all about the execution- punchlines at the right times, wording the characters a certain way, I could go on, but most importantly, you want to keep care to describe enough so the joke makes sense to us.
But overall? Good attempt, needs work.
I thought the story was okay, but the execution could have been a bit more. The beginning felt stilted and the cover image you've used, I feel, seems to carry the story more so than the writing.
Also I was surprised about Luna not laughing/chuckling about her sister's predicament. I'm sure Luna wasn't around in the 60's to see the new groove (I know MLP don't use human years/timeline I was just mentioning the era since we were on it. Basically I don't think there were afros back when Luna was around a 1000 years ago).
Overall, I found Celestia firing the guards for lying to be too harsh a punishment. If nothing else, I think forcing them to have afros for a few days would have been more entertaining/humiliating.
Edit: Why do you have Philomena tagged when s(he) isn't even in this story?
Best of luck, stay healthy, and update soon.
-Sky66
4000766 Lol
Interesting premise, but this Celestia is much harsher and more impatient than we know her to be from the show. That alone is too much of a downside to be ignored.
It's time to judge someone for treason!
Oh damn watch out for them white mares bro they got a thing about their hair.
Sky66 has the right idea about Celestia zapping the guards so that they get Fro'd as well. Having them getting fired like that kind of let the steam out of the joke. You need to work on punctuation, as well. "Is there something wrong gentlemen?", for example, should have a comma between wrong and gentlemen.
You have a nice idea to work with here. Keep practicing, friend. You are getting better.
Why didn't you just call it Frolestia?
4215163 Ooooh, you know uhh I really don't know. All my stories need a edit anyhow. I'll be sure to do that when I get around to fixing it up. XD Or maybe I could do that now O.o
Edit: Your title is better :P. I should've named it that at the start.
4001268 imgur.com/JTLfj4f.gif
TO THE MOON
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5362237 OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME I CANT STOP LAUGHI-AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAPLEASEKILLME!!