Sombra,waking and again finding himself inside the ice cold prison finds he has not been locked up alone...
A tale of friendship, love, madness, heartbreak and of course, the darkness inside us all that waits for just the right moment to consume us.
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Interesting story I liked it. I think you have potential to write some really good stories, ya just need to keep at it and you'll get good. :P
Needs a little help with formatting, but its a very interesting idea.
Liked the story. And yes, should you continue writing this story. I would be very happy.
3807700
ill continue it then! :)
3807942 YaY
SWEET MOTHER OF NIGHTMARE MOON! A NEW CHAPTER!! I NEED TO GET MEH MAGIC POP CORN MAKER! AND MEH MAGIC POP MAKER!! IT HAS OVER 40 NEW FLAVORS AND MEH MAGIC LAZY CHAIR *grabs magic pop maker and magic popcorn maker and hops onto the floating magic lazy chair*
3807942 SWEET I U!!! FOR CONTINUING IT :D
and oh by the way WHERE THE HAY! IS THE STORY SIMALLER TO THIS! I thought I favorite that story
3807942 nvm I found it ..... I might just go on www.roblox.com and ROLE PLAY THE SHIT OUT OF IT WITH MATURE RATED SHIT!! .3. ... BUT FIRST I need to get rid of this awkward boner O_O that I randomly got
Why the hate, this was actually pretty good
3810854
Thank you! i can't believe 10 pony's actually missed the like button! i worked hard on this
3810861 depending on how your next chapters go I may be able to get some people to read this
Good concept, poor excecution. And not just grammar/spelling, either.
3810863
thanks im thinking luna going into the dream world or something (kinda sounds like kirbys dream world lol) and seeing twilight go trough a disturbing nightmare about being a queen,and having absolute power. im thinking twilight could have too conflicting personalities or something these are just ideas though
whay do you think
3811014 As long as Twilight kicks some ass Idc
Soo... First, you really need to get an editor to give this a once-over. Second, you should definitely continue this.
and now for minor grammar tut:
there's: there is
their's: belongs to them
pony's: belongs to said pony
ponies: more than one pony
hoofs: no.
hooves: yes.
,: used to symbolize a short pause, and always followed by a space.
It would be sad if it was cancelled because it sure looks like it has a lot of potential.
Oh and I think Moon Shade's post rounds up what I wanted to tell you pretty well.
3827311
i wanted to continue this right away but im sick at the moment,thanks for your comments though!
A few gramma mistakes, but who am I to talk
I think you should carry on, I'd like to know where this is going
Please do go on.
this looks like its going to be good. please continue.
Please do continue as I love the Twibra fics
I like the set up. I'll be a keeping my eye on this
Very good idea. Keep going because I would like to see this go very far. There are not many fan-fictions in which we have a Sombra-Twilight shipping that actually makes sense and is interesting enough to read. And in which Sombra and possibly even Twilight are made/are evil and are able to see eye-to-eye and just 'click' with each other. However, I would seriously suggest getting an editor or two. This story has so many spelling and grammar errors that anyone even remotely interested at first would rather go find a different fan-fiction to read rather than trying to fight through the jumbled up words and letters. Even I can say that even though I am quite interested to see this continued, I almost left this story to find another when I kept running into error after error. But this is just a little bit of advice and encouragement to inspire you to continue. If done right, this story could easily rank up there with Past Sins and An Affliction of the Heart; Volumes 1-4, and Bride of Discord and Daughter of Discord. Do not give up, as I'm sure that there are many other readers that would love to see this story continued. Do not give up.
3959630
Thank you
I'm trying to continue right now but I'm starting to go to sleep....ow well
omg that is amazing
4163883
thanks
4167315 show a good bit of promise, keep up the good work
4167414
once again thanks
your support keeps me going :)
4167444 I can help you develop this more if you want, All I want in return is a follow
4167534 UH I already follow you, so do you return the favor? If not okay
4167545
jeez i was only joking!
ill delete
4167546 hey what April Foals Day without jokes or pranks
4167566
.....
4167618 so when shall we start
4167632
well this is it so far
..
ill message you!
4167637 I'll be waiting
Oh fuck yeah
Feed the never ending horde of readers...
*Edit*
No, Forget what I said,
CHOKE US WITH THINE GENIUS AND MAKE US SHAT YOUR INGENUOUSNESS INTO MORE AWESOME!
4215496
other some grammar mistakes, I would like to see more in the near future
At last a Sombra X Twilight story that does not have Twilight joining Sombra at the 'dark door' or what ever that illusion door is called, or have Sombra win and brainwash Twilight! Nice job by the way, you left so many loose ends and questions that get readers asking and wanting to know more without using the classic starting points most writers use.
i can help you with the story
i could help too.
Best story ever
MORE
when can the next chapter come?
I see some potential... but I would be unable to tap it for i am a beginner fanfic writer...
5273905
might, might not....wait and see
5299274 i am waiting XD