The Bearers of the Elements of Harmony failed to stop Sombra in time from getting into the Crystal Empire and acquiring the Crystal Heart. Now the Crystal Empire is ruled over by a tyrannical unicorn, that will stop at nothing to get what he wants.
Equestria is on the brink of war, and the only ones who can stop the evil king of the Crystal Empire, are six mares. Those six mares are the Element Bearers, but can they use the elements while one of their own is missing and in fact within their enemy's grasp?
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This story is a pickup from Pat_Hoof_5000, with his generous permission of course. I aim to finish what he started.
Collab with the awesome pony known as LightningBass94
That Romance tag isn't there for the reason you probably think it is.
Also, this story was added into groups that it no longer fits into. It was added to these groups by the previous author.
Don't have the time right now, but I look forward to reading it.
Your grammar could use some tuning up, but this definitely has potential besides that.
Looking forward to more.
5508492 I look forward to you looking forward to reading it.
5508651 I look forwa- Oh, buck it. Thanks.
Few questions. (I know, some of it's nitpicking, sorry.)
Why wouldn't she blame Celestia. It was her teacher's instructions that she not let anyone help after all. Trollestea for the loss.
Didn't Applejack just say she was going to stay and fight? how did they convince her to go? (She's kinda stubborn)
Shining was mind controlled. He really blames himself? This seems like an argument the other mane 6 would make.
Sounds awkward, and when did Shining get a sword? Was it a magical sword? How was he using magic? How was he holding it if it was normal without magic? -answered later in the story, although not sure when he got a sword though-
Unneeded space between heart and the period. (I do that a lot too lol)
Stop or cancel, don't need both.
from*
Hmm... overall impression, it's an ok story. (Did not really buy the whole Sombra gets hit by such raw magic that breaks his ribs yet has more than enough strength to beat Rainbow Dash to Twilight before she can fly fast enough to rescue Shining and Twi.)
Not really my cup of tea, however, I see a LOT of improvement and I'm sure others will enjoy this story a lot. good job!
Sorry if this came across as nitpicking.
5508767 I'll fixy that stuff.
Applejack left because Shining stayed. And Twi said so.
He was captain of the Royal Guard, and a prince. He's gonna have a sword.
Blame is a weird thing.
Sombra could have teleported.
5508793
Shining doesn't have one in the show, that's what most people are going to go off of. (It might be good to specify 'Shining draws his ceremonial sword with his teeth and charges in.') ~just to specify~
Applejack's stubbornness is legendary. Useful to make some mention of it. (She relecutleintly agreed to Twilight's orders)
Sombra was thrown through a house (twice) and had to crawl out of rubble with a broken rib. (Anyone who breaks a rib knows that walking sucks, much less anything else.) As the story is written now we are led to believe he escaped all that and captured Twilight in the time it took Rainbow Dash (the fastest flyer in Equestria) to rescue two ponies. ~why i did not buy it.~ (Make some mention of RD returning in record time just to see Sombra teleport himself and Twi away.) Achknowlages RD's speed and the fact that Sombra, (with broken ribs) did not just walk all the way to Twi in the time it took Rainbow to fly sixty feet.
Nice good story to pick up.....an excellent job at not 'bucking' it up
but if I remember correctly wasn't this anthro before? Doesn't really matter though but I expect 17 chapter updates by the end of the week 
5508852 Thanks, and yes it was anthro before.
So glad this was adopted.
5508970 I couldn't let a story with so much promise just be forgotten.
5508677 I look forward to you looking forward to me looking forward to you looking forward to me looking forward to--
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "<stdin>", line 2, in forward:
def forward(): forward()
RuntimeError: maximum recursion depth exceeded
5509276 This sentence is a lie.
5509282
def thisFunctionLies(b):
return not(thisFunctionLies(b))
(with similar results)
5510649 Exactly. Sombra took interest at her power.
Finally got around to reading this, and... wow. Well done. That's really heavy. Definitely an interesting concept, though.
Definitely going to keep an eye on this one.
Is this going to be a Sombra and Twilight shipping story or not. Please tell me.
5512645 Yes and No. It wouldn't be any fun if I spoiled anything.
5513424 O k I'll wait and see.
Well, this is interesting. As it already has been pointed out, it could probably use some slight editing, but for now it's intriguing enough for me to let the story unfold for a few chapters before deciding if I like it or not.
You have my attention, please proceed.
5508651>>5514773 What's everyone's issue with my editing? I don't understand! I follow a grammar book to the T for this kind of thing after being proven wrong on several occasions!
Edit: Okay, I missed a stray comma in the last paragraph, for sure, but that was an oversight, not an indication that I don't know what I'm doing...
5520266 "Blah." She said.
Correct version:
"Blah," she said.
5520274 I'm aware of that rule. If either of us made that mistake, it was an accident. Where is that, exactly?
Edit: Nvm, I found that particular infraction. I just need to do a 70th once-over of this chapter.
Found this story on my Blood Wolves' Also Liked file, I'll be checking it out when I get the chance.
THis is why Luna should have gone with them. Simple cover could have made a difference.
Nice job rewriting this story. I think you did a great job. I can't wait to see what happens next. Also I can't wait to see will Sombra corrupt Twilight or not? I guess the future will tell us the answer.
You lied to us! You said the edited version was double the length! Before the edit the chapter was 2314 words, and this chapter is not 4628 words! This is only 4442 words!
5970875 Oh, no need for such specifics!
5974166 No spoilers
Either way, you shouldn't let shipping of any kind (or lack thereof) turn you away from a story.
Unless it's bad shipping.
Ava, daily thou dost bring ear to soul for fair Twilight and Rainbow. Seem they to have harder tethers: be this thy plan? How I love that pairing!
5970875 Cheeky and hot-tongu'd! Sirrah, do not bother her, but thy wit do I admire.
5977567 Most of what I wright, I have a plan for.
In my first story, people were saying from the beginning "Rarity is Out Of Character downvoooooote". Little did they know, she was a Changeling all along.
5977652 Had I not always embraced my art, a devil'd hath his way in my stead. Save thee and our passions! Ha! Ne'er let the lewdly inclin'd snatch thee up, let thy soul be thy compass, and turn deaf ears 'pon the naysayers. Heaven hath blessed thee with wit hot as new steel.
Perhaps I should advertise this story more with the reveal of the next chapter. It doesn't have near the heat it deserves.
this story is great I want to know what happens to Twilight. I love a good King Sombra fanfic and this one is good. Continue writing.
I'll be watching for more on this one.
Me to.i am in love.
Plz continue writing
the story is just so thrilling. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Please continue..! I really love this concept and would be grateful if you'd continue this..!
Dead?
Is this cancelled? I'd love to see more but I'd rather know it was cancelled rather than having it just say uncompleted forever. Also thanks for what you have written so far ^^
JUST TAKE IT DOWN IF YOU' RE GONNA LEAVE IT LIKE A DERELICT HOUSE
Very intriguing.