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The infamous Princess Twilight Sparkle never saved Equestria. The power of four alicorns running through her veins made her go insane.
For her actions against Equestria and its citizens Twilight was outcast to a cold stone prison.
so now all she can do is remember. Be quiet. Be Alone
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Cool story! But I don't understand, what is that last bit? "OWA EN TNA DREE SMEF OHEAE"
5303598
FOR WE ARE ONE AND THE SAME
Oh, that's nice and creepy, but thanks for replying!
Awesome
Really creepy..
Very creepy, but the numerous spelling and grammar errors kind of threw me off. It's justified slightly, since you wrote this out of boredom, but it still deducts from the reading in my opinion.
5303716
thanks i will go fix them
Are all of the errors intentional? Even if they are, it would still be a better story without them. (I don't mean the aNnoYiNG stRanGeLy caPitaliZed TexT, though you could get rid of that without impacting the story at all).
5303721
no they are not intentional I'm just horrible at grammer
First of all, I think the story would flow a little better if you used more commas. You don't really have many run on sentences, but it would feel more dramatic if you had some short pauses at times. My next thing contradicts with what I said before. if you where to use shorter sentences and less commas, it would give the story a sense of urgency, and it would help with the dramatic affect I mentioned before. I would read through it and look for spell/grammar errors as well. I spotted a few while reading. other then that its a pretty good story. I usually read longer fanfics, but this was still entertaining. Although I'm not sure if I'm being entertained by the story itself or helping you to improve it. Probably 50-50, It was an interesting premise.
It's an odd story, but still good.
Creepy story! Just to let you know, I saw your thread on SSPB and decided to provide my feedback. There's no point in copy-pasting myself here, so I'll just provide this link. Best of luck!
EDIT: You know what? If you ever need somehuman to help you proofread your stories, feel free to shoot me a PM. I'm on this site frequently, and I'd be glad to help!
Good and creepy story! Worth a fav if you ask me!
they're
capitalization
run away, two seperate words
I've
two
wants
Capitalization
Confusing, incoherent, ambiguous, dark... It´s like giving a peek at my mind
In any case, among inner monologue fanfics this one is pretty good. Not a master piece, not something revolutionary, not something which will make me reflect... just good.
5304290
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/172/417/1315624431566.jpg
Not very good.
"OWA EN TNA DREE SMEF OHEAE"
Is it supposed to be an anagram?
You talk about insanity and then bring out the Derpy "Nyan Nyan"?
... I APPROVE!
I like the story, but I'd advise that you check your grammar again.
'Much' is not a verb. It should be too much.
An ellipsis consists of 3 dots. not 4, not 2.
I think you mean Tirek? Or is Tirok an OC?
The story is ok, though
.
I wish you good luck.
Who?
6078669
Tirek it's Tirek. Sorry.
6078835
At least it wasn't spelled as 'Colonel Sanders'.
Overall, the actual story was good. However, you really needed an editor (or at least a proofreader) for this story. There's so many errors in it. I suggest going to either the Proofreader Group or the Looking For Editors group. Both will help you find one.