The Crystal Empire disappeared long ago during Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's quest to cleanse the land of Equestria from all forms of evil. King Sombra was a great threat to their entire world and when his defeat came about, at the cost of the Crystal Empire vanishing from existence, it brought nothing but a whole lot of good to the world.
What they didn't realise however, was that Sombra had survived their confrontation and was now plotting his revenge against them both in the one way he knew how.
Twilight Sparkle thought she was the luckiest filly in all of Equestria when Princess Celestia asked her to become her personal student, but she had no idea she'd be a pawn in a game nopony is even aware exists.
Source for art: https://www.deviantart.com/dipfanken/art/Domesticated-626423587
Here you go
https://www.deviantart.com/dipfanken/art/Domesticated-626423587
9746107
Thank you
Interesting start.
Keep up the good work!
9746215
Thank you, and I will
Neat
Cool.
Wow that was amazing^^,I can't wait for the rest!!
Scales is a snake.
Coomma after "her". When...her is a clause
Finally, Spike was eaten by Scales.
9751809
Oops, I'll fix those mistakes now. Thanks for letting me know
9751816
No problem. So far so good.
Will you be using any canon from the comics?
Mhh
Awesome💥💓,I really loved Scales character!!keep the good work^^
9751915
No, sorry, I haven't read any of the comics
Damn
buitifull chapter good job
Great update!!
[[["What's the plan?" Scales asked as she held onto Twilight's back.]]] isn't suppose to be "He" rather of "She"?
9754976
Yeah, I've changed it now, thanks for letting me know
Dun dun dun
When I saw the cliffhanger I was like:
HOW DARE YOU!
Love the chapter. Scales is definitely hiding something that no one knows about.
Yay!! update 😁🔥
Oh well, I didn't think Twilight will intrude to dark magic that fast, still I am happy that this won't take a long time,Amazing work btw☺❤
And I can't wait to see "Nightmare Twinkle" Lol
That's a hell of a lamp
9767496
Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
And don't be mistaken, there's still quite a bit of the story to go. I was just giving Twilight a little taste of dark magic, sparking her temptation and curiosity.
Welp, pinkie is on the case. It is only a matter of time now.
Interesting concept that is well done so far, the parts of the story that diverge from the episodes are really good as well. The only thing that was a bit meh was the pretty obvious hints to scales being evil-ish, he was created by Sombra so it's pretty obvious he had a dark side from the beginning.
Besides that this is a well done story in a genre that doesn't have a lot good stories in it.
9770320
Thank you, I'm glad you like the story so far.
As for Scales, I was trying to show how Twilight has become so used to him as her best friend and assistant that she cannot see the dark intent that's right in front of her. It will also be some of those moments of Scales' darker side showing that will drive Pinkie Pie into her curiosity induced investigation later on. I'll admit I didn't do as well a job as I intended.
I would love an update, this story is just to good!
Update? >: The story is really good....
update? i hope so I really love this
I like your style.
"That magic of harmony sure was a good cleaning service, he'd have to invest in some of it after his global domination and his revenge was had."
- I laughed so hard at this line... the few asides like this you did almost felt out of place, but were delightful and pleasant.
Interesting take on the frozen spell... and wow this got dark... I mean, Spike was always one of my least favorites parts of the show, but that was just brutal.
I can't seem to find time to read a whole chapter these days! Busy busy, but I had a thought I wanted to share before I forget...
Chapter One... interesting retelling with the changes set up in the prologue...
The flight to Ponyville segment is great, but I have a minor complaint. There is a span toward the beginning of that segment where the words "town" and "chariot" are used many time close together. I saw that you mixed it up by throwing in "hamlet" and "village", but it still felt cumbersome to me as I was reading it. I know you can't always find or use a good alternate word, but maybe consider rephrasing half of them so using those two respective words won't feel so redundant.
Twilight is originally terrified of snakes (Winter Wrap Up). I seem to recall you did mention her trepidation in the Prologue... but it's an interesting choice to give her a snake friend and show that she has become totally comfortable with him. Ignoring the fact that he's evil for a second... yay for snake friends!
A choker and earrings? Haha, punk girl stereotype... seems oddly appropriate.
Anyway, I'm enjoying the story so far!
Some interesting differences are developing for sure! I like that scales doesn't care about Rarity, and biting Nightmare Moon was a nice touch. Is he venomous? I expect we will find out. Scales eats birds... not too surprising... but interesting.
There were quite a few minor errors in this chapter that could use correcting.
I like the subtlety with which scales works... planting seeds of doubt. I somehow don't want to think of him as the villain he is, which makes him far more dangerous than most villains you find in any story. Well done on that front.
Come on Celestia! Hope for the best, plan for the worst!
Ah moving... much more fun to read about someone else doing it than actually moving.
So... you have three crushes develop out of thin air in just a couple of paragraphs... to me... that feels a bit lazy. At least develop a reason for some of them before just making everyone crush on everyone else. DISCLAIMER: I'm not a fan of character ships in general... so if that's the way the story goes, I'll be out at that point.
The stuff with Scales and philosophy and the dark magic is great. I especially liked the mention of using a window at the library without repeating why. That was really well done.
I seem to have run out of story for now.
9863594
Glad you're liking the story, and don't worry there will be more soon. Just suffering from a bad case of writers block.
As for the shipping aspect. Without spoiling anything, this isn't going to end like your typical ship fic. Ain't no 'happily ever after' that I'm thinking about.
9863873
Sorry to hear about the writer's block. That's the worst! If I can be any help at all, let me know.
9863873
Would my Groudon that knows Rock Smash help?
I believe you can get through this writers block what I did to hep with a writers block is I would find a good story and read it for a while then that would help me. Either to turn a paper in or write a story for myself.
Moo
That is all
9863873
Is this still going? I was enjoying is quite a bit.
10162568
It is still going. Sorry, I've just managed to get myself out of a months long writers block. I'm working on the next chapter now. I'm just taking my time on account of having to struggle my way through a certain character's speech pattern.
camo.fimfiction.net/7DGvdHhqQchvewhN75zX2xjT0lEZMqiS76dZdM0K7k8?url=https%3A%2F%2Fencrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com%2Fimages%3Fq%3Dtbn%253AANd9GcSsR7y-JYiqN_Q402b-qG9jiesMKUF45xqfLfeC9Dq8z9NzaWNL
Rip Spike...
Nice... gore... finally, a villain acting like a bad guy
It's dead? The story...(༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ)
Another week on the hope this story gets revived. I love the groundwork so far in these first chapters and can't wait to see more of it! Onwards!
I would like to see more.
An interesting story so far. Can't wait to see more.