- Member Since 9th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Brightlight24
Quite frankly, I'm a simple person who enjoys watching the show from time to time, and an avid reader/writer.
Brightlight24
Joined 9th Jan, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Brightlight24 · 24k words · 70 10 · 871 views
- Duelist96 · 11k words · 26 8 · 456 views
- FullMetalPony · 21k words · 28 3 · 1.1k views
- Stormwind · 5.6k words · 57 18 · 1.7k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.156 seconds
Total duration
1,008 users online
427,605 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
it good so far I like
and I will be watching you
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121206013652/adventuretimewithfinnandjake/images/f/fe/Horse_gif.gif
and yes it 5:33 in the morning as I comment so I have poo brain
Very well done so far, The main character has a interesting concept, could be better but I won't complain. The story is alright as well, a little cliche with the human in equestria concept, but a concept can be done a million times, the only reason it be good is they try something different and interesting each time. The pacing is very well done to, not to fast, not to slow. Now at this part of the story is a win or die situation, most people would just write at random and add so many characters, concepts and unnessasary information that usually does not go well since it gets confusing and outright annoying. So far you are doing very well and sticking to the lore to the MLP series and not making things confusing. Overall I can't wait to read your next chapter.
P.S: I am not sure why this story is getting so negative reviews, most likely its the spelling mistakes, I usually don't mind that much, as long its not constantly happening and very often. I suggest getting a pre-reader just incase. Another thing could be the human in equestria concept, but I am not entirely sure?
P.S.S: Another Thing I would like to add is I have a blog with 3 videos I have found, that talk about expostion, word use for character and character creation which I beleive would be benificial to your writing. Yes it is on gaming, but the principal is the same.
P.S.S.S: On last thing is a few suggestion to the story, you dont have to follow them, but it would be nice. Please do not have pinkie pie break the 4th wall, that is very annoying to see in a story. Do not make the alicorns immortal, they are just very powerful with magic.
Lastly when it comes to romance, becareful on how fast they fall in love, let the romance build up.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/520/073/eb9.jpg
''often times''? ''OFTEN TIMES''?! WHAT KIND OF SENTENCE IS THAT?!
and the story itself is also just another ''human goes to Equestria'' in the way we've seen it (literally) more than a thousand times before.
3780330
I understand, it was a slight slip up on my part. I was up pretty late when I wrote that part, ergo, often times. I also understand that human in Equestria stories are not uncommon, I simply wanted to try my hand at it. However, that does not nesecitate an overreaction of such caliber. I appreciate constructive criticism, but not negativity. Nonetheless, I thank you for pointing that out, and will get to rewriting that faux-pas posthaste. (Hilarious picture btw.)
this story seems interesting so far. cant wait to see what you have in store for next chapter.
3780266
This is exactly the kind of criticism I prefer from readers. On various other sites, I have often asked people to be honest with their criticisms, though they often turn brutal. I greatly appreciate the help, and thank you for not being one of those, as Pinkie Pie would likely say, "Meanie Weanies".
P.s. The guidelines you wrote about some things I should avoid are BEYOND agreed with. Though I find it comical whenever Pinkie breaks the 4th wall, it loses its charm rather quickly, breaking me out of my submergence into a story, as for immortal alicorns. They. Just. Live. Long. Once again, the concept you suggested is agreed with. I do not want to continue to think about the fact that an Alicorn will end up outliving a human by an eternity and forget about them in the next lifetime. Personally, I feel better off with a large life expectancy rate then just flat out immortality. Everything dies, wether powerful or not. (Though I'll never understand how nightmare moon survived so long on the moon with no food, water, or oxygen. Pinkie Physics on the moon?) Finally, love does indeed take time. Several stories I've read in which a character just magically falls in love with the other in such a short pace. If the relationship is well specified and paced, like detailing a date for example, then its fine however I truly do not want love to be over/under paced. Thank you again, your writer, Brightlight.
3781592
Np, Im glad to be of some help. If you have the time take a look into those videos, they are of some great help. Especially expostion, since almost every writer has this problem when explaining the lore or background in the story.
good chapter and I miss the old game reference and mad becomes am looking at it I know I am but I don't see it
3790391
Thank you, and as for the video game reference, if you, or nobody else, manages to get it by the next chapter, I'll post it in the author's notes of the next chapter.
am so fucking piss at that I had just beaten like one hour before I read the last chapter man that suck
also Kairi say it full quotes There are many worlds, and they share the same sky - one sky, one destiny but
axel is my fav
stream1.gifsoup.com/view/1064061/kingdom-hearts-axel-o.gif
got it memorized
Very well done you have progressed very well. I can see myself reading this for a long while. Keep up the good work. Ya I am not sure why this story is getting so low on scores, maybe people misassumed what it is. Could be you might need to update the summary.
3810513
Like I said, kingdom hearts fans, begin your rage. Also, the reason I didn't put in the exact quotes was because it wouldn't have fit Richards character, plus it would be kinda obvious. Other than that though, glad you could enjoy the reading and the reference.
P.S. "Got it memorized?" I see what you did there. :3
3810842
Thanks for the support GMP. Perhaps a change of summary is necessary though. I'm open to ideas.
wright more pleaz
I enjoyed the interaction between discord and Richard
oh and please try not to make pinkie too annoying like some fics do
3827869
Thanks, and don't worry, I already talked this over with another reader and informed them about how I felt about Pinkie breaking the fourth wall or anything like that.
You're missing an italic-end tag somewhere, sir. Nearly the entire chapter is in italics.
"What!?! You went out for a walk and came back with a job!?!" I could tell that this was going to be a long night.
need more pleaz
3923862
Should I take this a someone getting the joke, or constructive criticism?
sorry
I just thought it was hilarious
Why does this have so many thumbs down?
I'll admit the beginning wasn't all that impressive, but I've seen far worse. The rest of the story flows pretty well, minus the odd typo or two. Well done.
i1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii516/Klutzybear/saved.gif
Why so many dislikes
? I love it 
and I hope you keep working on it
3925820 I like your story. Why does it have down votes?
Hmmm.
Looks interesting. Why hasn't anyone commented on this yet? Y'know, what with all your other stories and such.
meh.
Well, look out. It's Discunt.
i have to say, when ive seen so little likes and so much dislikes to this story i wasnt much optimistic about it. but i was really pleasantly surprised. its quite realistic witch slow enough pacing with quite good main character thought process. i have to say this is definitely above average quality of human in equestria fiction.
i really wonder why this have so little likes compared to other absurd inconsistent shit people produce here.
but there is one main negative to your story... i was told there would be sex!
i really hope you will get back to this someday, because this shows promise. and don't forget to add sex
Heterochromia?
How come this story doesn’t have more likes?!
It’s awesome and well written!
Need moar!!!