Troy was a normal teenager going to a halloween party dressed as the vampire king Dracula however while taking his little sister to a friends house he ends up in equestria. not only has he become a real vampire, not only is he an enemy of a nation but his sister is missing and he wants her back even if he has to destroy or turn every pony in his way.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Proof-reading, Pre-Reading, And Editing
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What are these, you ask? Why, groups to help you out, of course! This story has multiple errors in it that can ruin the reading experience for the typical fimfic-goer. This can be, but is not limited to, bad grammar, bad characterization, overly clichéd story idea, too slow or fast pacing, walls of text, bad punctuation, comma misuse, and so on and so on. You can get into more specifics by asking an editor to look over your story and provide feedback so you can improve.
Also, if you don't know how to write a story, but want to give it a go anyways, stop, listen, and go to the School for New Writers group first before you write something that I can almost guarantee half the site hates and will down vote into oblivion.
Have a nice day!
4013466 So says the man who bitches about every story in the LoHAV-vers
4013508
Even if this story wasn't part of that verse, that's no excuse for bad grammar. Readers actually need to be able to read the story to properly enjoy it. Just because a fic is part of a verse doesn't give it the grounds to be poorly written and never be improved upon.
The story line is a good one but it REALLY needs to be gone over and redone. Still going to follow though
Good story so far. The only problem I see is formatting issues.
Yea I'm having a bit of trouble with that.
I like this story but damn you need an editor.
editor and reformat otherwise, SO likiing this story
To everyone who's going to point this out yes I'm looking for an editor right now as for the format it got messed up. no doubt an error on my part. so I'm going to fix it whenever I can.
Needs work with character development.
Formatting issues.
Hella rushed
4021035
Glad to hear it. Punctuation is not your strong point.
That entire conversation at the palace gates summed up in 16 seconds
Why would Celestia still fight him when he is clearly the same species as Abby and obviously wants her to be safe?