Thanks to my awesome, awesome, awesome mate! Dark Avenger for helping edit this story!
Twilight Sparkle: the mare who had committed a crime for which most would despise, and some would outright banish her.
But they did neither. Once news began to spread of what had passed, all of Ponyville was shaken to its core. Its inhabitants were confused, some of them even angry, and all were filled with sorrow. As they still mourn the loss of a dear friend, no one had decided to take charge of the situation. None of them could even begin to try and decipher the events while their pain is still so unbearable.
Twilight is lost, heartbroken, and all alone. Guilt and fear are taking their toll on her, and the sounds just will not stop. The noises never stop...
It's time for her to make a decision.
i...don't get it. i know someone died but that's all. who died, how did they die, why is twilight getting the blame. seriously though, good story just leaves more question the more you read without answering them
Sure it was good, but like 3738016 said there was no explanation for anything that happened before.
3738016
3738306
I intended that actually.
I don't know, I mean. To me? I like to think it as an artistic piece, if that's the right word. When you guys say it doesn't necessarily make sense, I kind of left it like that for a more ominous feel.
Interpretation! Yes! That's the word. I mean like its left for interpretation as to however you feel the story should have went. Not necessarily mind fucking or screwing you, but I left it like it because I just wanted to create something that doesn't necessarily make a whole lot of sense.
Consider it abstract from my previous work.
What do you guys think?
3738338 I don't think you should leave something so vital out.
I think you could have left small things out for us to guess, but not something so big. I was expecting to know what had happened.
3738356
Well I'll be honest. It wasn't a good choice at all I guess. But see it from my point of view.
The story was either going to serve as a backdrop to the sequel of True Addiction or touch up a part two of this story as a separate arc.
Originally, the option still hangs.
3738356
I hope you are interested. I'm currently as of right now, making a second and final chapter to clean up the ominous feel I once perpetrated.
Would you still read it? It won't be 10,000 words if your wondering.
3738555 Sure, I'd read it.
3738338 well good on ya because that exactly what you did and if your that good you should do more story's like bloom being apprenticed to zeccorra or something... please tell me at least what she did...
3738725
I'll make you happy, buddy. A second and final chapter is in creation. I'm almost done it and it can shed some light on whatever has made you guys feel disjointed on the whole matter. Do mind that I'm not outright explaining everything but just elaborating on what has been considered inconclusive.
3738743 sweet beans cant wait
3738804
Second chapter finally added.
3738584
Second chapter finally added.
So Twilight ran into the forest? What about the other ponies? And about Celestia, what will happen (even if this is labeled complete,
I feel it's not.)
(Comment before reading:)
Title alone got you an instant thumbs up...
Then again, it's kinda bugging me too, since I was going to do a chapter of the same title as well...
Well, I never really figured out what I was going to put in it anyway. Let's hope you found a good way to work with it...
3739376
That's where the sequel I was talking about takes place, my friend in need.
3739554
Haha! You caught on to it. Yes! Yes! I always try to sneak a little Swans in hope that you will notice one day and now you have
3739629 yay! *sounds like Fluttershy*
3739648
You seem really thrilled of this story?
3739678 I like these types of stories. It put me at the edge of my seat wanting to know what happens. But I hate cliffhangers though.
(Comment after reading:)
Hmm... not bad...
Unfortunately, there are quite a few grammar errors (most of them, oddly enough, in the second chapter), which kinda makes it difficult to immerse myself in the story, but it was still an interesting read.
Also, I don't know about everyone else, but I actually enjoyed the vagueness that this story employs. To me, in a way, it's saying: "it doesn't matter what happened, what matters is how everypony has to cope with it afterward."
(Not to mention it also grants me a free pass to assume that no shipping was involved between any of the Mane Six...
)
3739634
Well, it wasn't exactly subtle...
Where else did you sneak in some good ol' Swans?
3738743
Hey before I read this everyone that reads this story must listen to this sing while reading
Heyyyyyy, this is good! It's very ominous and eerie, leaving me wondering exactly what the hell happened and making me want to read more.
3739918
Cool, man. I'm extremely glad you like it.
3739708
Ouch, and mine was the cliff-hanger right?
3740087 yeah. And not being mean but hurry up (cliffhangers makes me impatient) but I'm looking at other stories to keep me occupied.
3739722
See! No one understands that, at all. Literally, everyone is like 'it needs to be more discussed, it needs to have more discretion about the information it is giving us.'
What I wanted to achieve is what you exactly liked. I'll be perfectly honest with you. I disagree with chapter 2 in the utmost authority. I didn't like it because I was forcing myself to do something I didn't believe in. Oddly enough, I only made it based on two comments, if I had known. Like if I had known that a lot of people including yourself liked the vague and eerie feel of chapter 1, I would've just kept it as it is.
I hate chapter 2 and I only did it because a couple people wanted it. I'm sorry for the grammar errors, I'm very sorry that the quality was degraded based on those 1,000 words. I didn't do any editing at all during the last chapter and I didn't do much during the first, but that one was better because I was invested in making it good. Yeah there is some errors no doubt, but from where I'm standing. You enjoyed the first chapter so that shows that it was good as it was.
IMO, fuck chapter 2. I don't like it.
Very nice. Second chapter cleared up enough to keep it open to interpretation but not too open-ended. Like I'm guessing some other people are, I'm just wondering what exactly Twilight did that got Fluttershy killed. I saw you mention something about a sequel— I'd like to see that! I don't tend to read too many dark stories, but this one definitely caught my eye. Kudos on a job well done.
3740113
'hurry up'
Well not to be mean, but I hardly like the second chapter at all. In fact, I loathe that chapter greatly. I'm just not fond of it because I loved my original idea a lot more.
Now 'hurry up' on the sequel can take its time. Would you want it to be a one-shot again, or a longer fic? Depends really.
See my past comment below or above yours because I explain why I dislike that new chapter.
3740118
Don't be too hard on yourself. Chapter two is alright. It does have a bit of an "I had to force myself to add this" feel to it, but it retains the vagueness of the first one, and is just as interesting. If anything, it raises a whole lot more questions than it answers (i.e "where do we go from here?"), so it by no means "ruins" what was originally set up in this story (in my opinion, at least...)
My suggestion: clean them up a bit, but otherwise leave them as is.
Idk why this was in the adventure category, but yours caught my eye and i really liked it it keeps you wondering whats gonna happen next. R.I.P. Fluttershy
So Twilight somehow killed Fluttershy whether it was an accident or not, every pony is blaming and rejecting her.
She decides if no one gives a damn bout her she will remove every trace of her Ponyville existence by burning the library down.
She decides she will run away so no pony has to deal with her ever again, but inadvertently burns down her friend's houses and the school.
Hue hue.
You wanted an ominous one chapter story but that wont work.
Its a really great story mind you, but you created a lot of questions and introduced a lot of events, the type of thing a multiple chapter story does.
If you did that, the story would be more successful.
I liked it, but what does the future hold for you?
3740524 3740382>>3740113 3740145>>3738356 3740113 3738016
Goddamn it you guys!
*In a haha sense*
I just wanted a simple one-shot. A simple artsy one-shot. That's my damn problem with stories I throw to many ideas in different directions before it gets all screwy than I'm stuck with what you guys are facing; to many unanswered questions and so many random plot fuckys. *sigh
This reminds me of True Addiction lots when I wanted a sequel or prequel everyone thought it was good as it was. Now with this I just wanted a simple one-shot with no ties, and appears that it would make much more sense that I either make this a multiple chapter story (possibly a novel I'm assuming) or create a sequel. Now I don't know what fairs better but it seems that I have an obligation now to attain.
Okay...lets think this through. I could do this, I can make the epic story you all seem to like. ilikepie1076, you like how it leaves you wanting more. That's good, it gives me hope. Mr GrimdarK, you feel that it needs to be an epic story, right? Okay, I can do that. Dark Avenger, you said it raises a lot of questions and leaves many unanswered with this little two-part bit. Given time, I can find way around that and flesh out what you desire to make this story successful. Level Dasher, you would like a sequel along with - Pixel Berry98. Why not make it a single story? Would you two be okay with that? Rotorix - like the others, you felt it was to little with information and not enough hard facts? Fair, I wanted it that way but it seems that you guys and among others like the idea that I should increase this story to either a sequel or expand on it. Quite frankly for views I would just throw a new story and be happy but that seems to cluttered.
I just want to know if sticking with this one story and expanding on it will be good enough for all of you.
Oh boy, I'm especially flattered that you guys want more, I never had this buzz before so its a tremendous honor on my part.
Oh and also, I was to lazy to plaster your names in the right areas for this comment so I just quickly wrote them down.
Against my best judgement, there is a buzz for this and its a buzz I gladly approve of, so I'll extend the story by not creating a sequel and just roll with it on this one if you want?
Have a good day and reply.
I am new to Fim Fiction so i dont know how to reply to a comment but i hope this will do. I think your idea for expanding the current story would be a great idea, i see so much more you could do with what you left us on and i am really looking forward to seeing where this story goes
3741320
You are? I'm very surprised and over the moon that you seem that dedicated to the story so much. On my mothers grave, I'll do the best to not disappoint.
This isn't bad. It was much darker than I normally rad but I'm glad I did.
You used the word arsenic, you meant arsonist. (i'm sorry) I would be happy to read anything else you are not sure of.
3741957
Hey, I'm glad you liked it.
Two things can I ask? One, would you follow this story, I mean like. Would you like to continue with it or just be done after reading those two chapters? Two, would you like to read True Addiction on your right in my story section.
3741980 It would be rather abrupt if it ended here but I think you could pull it off. Then again another few chapters would be great. And I'll read True Addiction in the morning. Sleep is calling my name :rarityyawn:
3741260 Could just throw a chapter or two in there.
You made it too epic for a one shot
I'm sorry but this chapter needs a serious Proof reading. There are Errors literally everywhere, which surprises me because the first chapter was amazing. Please go and do a though check over your work because this desperately needs to be rewritten.
PS: Just so you know I love the story, but the Gamma and the wording is just....
3742560
Did you know my reasons behind chapter 2? Its not an excuse, but its true.
3742560
I know, it isn't the best. I'm not particularly fond of the results either.
You think I should re-edit this chapter instead of producing a new one, or?
Now your probably wondering why I can't just do both, but that isn't going to happen you see.
I liked it. Some errors.
But it seems that you dislike this chapter for more reasons than just that.
If you dislike it, then delete it. I never asked for a second chapter. I simply commented saying that I disliked the amount of info I missed.
It's your writing; you do with it what you want. You don't have to do what we say.
I guess I simply wanted more because I hardly felt anything when I read your story.(No offense to you, I'm weird like that.)
If I had, then I might have agreed and said," yea, that helped it feel ominous", or something.
3746122
Can't man, I've already decided that this story needs to be longer (Thanks to people) so expect a full-length story.
Oooh! I wish I can tell you the ending.
3741997
New chapter my friend.
3741320
New chapter my friend.
3740113
Hey, sorry about the rant. I finished a third chapter and I'm really pleased with the results on this one.
3739918
Third chapter is in.
3740145
You my friend! You! A third chapter is in. I hope you enjoy!
Story read.
Full comment pending...
Prepare yourself.
I like this story, therefore, I won't go easy on you.
3749233
Awe your a harsh man, maybe not brash. But dammit man, I only wanted a comment, not a review!