Eclipse-Lunablade
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It's a nice intro, but...
That grammar... oh god
330257 Yeah sorry about that I did this on my bull
t IPad it'll get better I promise cross my heart and hope to fly stick a cupcake in my eye.
Pinkie: Forever.
Well a little grammar issue, but except that I would like to see where this story is going
Oh dear god the grammar
Uh, an ok start I think. Hard to tell really.
330357 330425 Like I said to the last Guy I did this on my bull
t iPad also what exactly IS wrong with the grammar? Please tell me so I can fix any problems.
330606
The issue lies with the wording and punctuation. A couple words are spelled incorrectly, one of its sentences is nearly a paragraph long, and the punctuation really, REALLY needs work.
But I really do mean what I said when I mentioned how it was a decent idea.
346063 Okay I'll fix up the paragraph long sentence and try to fix my punctuation when I get the chance.
it has promise but since it has jusr started i aint saying more... also equestria is another world/dimension so how did humans get their unless by portal.
but may want to be careful people hate self-inserts *points to username*
i hold the most powerfull force in the universe. many seek me. few get me. for i am first. ok now i will see if people comment about the story THEN i will coment.
407539 I'm quite sure people who don't like that sort of stuff to be smart enaught to not read or at the very least not b
ch about it.
412394 oh trust me people will read self-inserts even if they dont like it and will then Bi*yay* about it becuase they didnt like the self-insert... see it all the time. i just wrack it up to idiotcy if people do that.
ignoring those comments, after waiting all day for some free time I a managed to enjoy this chapter! I half expected Eclipse to have the diction/accent of an average American; Im VERY glad he speaks in a more formal tone. Well done! Now I play the waiting game again.
413664
Well he WAS raised by Celestia.
FIRST and i can tell a good bit of the humans are not like leon and instead are not as "friendly" to the locals. (what i mean by "friendly" is willing to not attack and just talk) lets just hope eclipse does not do anything stupid like kill a important figure like the president or a general... or a squad of humans...
478138
And I'll have you know that this is MY story and I can make them act the way I fYAYing want also not all humans are going to shoot first and ask questions later if a talking zebra walked up to you after stopping you from suffering from poison joke what would you do?
478154 think aboubt this for a second... if a animal that where you are from can not talk then if it sudenly talked then you would most likely freak out and think you may be going insane... and if a soldrer freaks out then he most likely shoots. it is not normal human behavior to take stuff like that and just be all "oh i am ok with this" i can deal with the fact that he wracked it up to the plant then once he gets sleep and wakes up and discovers it was not the plant then he most likely will freak out...
478169
And that's what I was thinking. And don't worry about Eclipse I'm not one of those writers that makes the protagonist perfect in every way.
478292 neither due i with my OC's...
(it is aspects that are desires such as power,to much devotion,manipulative,and such that trip them up)
This seemed a bit short to me, but still well done!
Short chapters but good nonetheless
I want to say "Dis gon be good" but it just doesn't get my point across... I'm eager to say the least
I can't help but feel that the chat between Luna and Celestia could have been a bit more developed, but I am not complaining at all; Everything has been perfect for me thus far.
more dammit i must have more of this.
I'm gonna laugh if Blueblood gets killed while trying to make Eclipse seem like a enemy
Blueblood is a prick
I really like how this is developing, a bit slow though. Still no complaints
im going to be soo happy when blueblood dies or gets imprisoned at least.
AWW SNAP SON SHITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN!
Ooo... Getting good!
It's not just the grammar and spelling that is bad. The writing is, as well. Also, it really doesn't make sense that Celestia would pick up a creature that she knows nothing about and call it her son.
You may as well find a dog on the streets, bring it home, and call it your daughter.
You really can't have sentences that take up 5+ lines without at LEAST a comma. Break it up into smaller sentences, please. This will make it easier for people to read your story.
Get a beta-reader to catch these mistakes until you can write just as well without one.
damn the it is about to hit the wall/fan.
awsome chpter , i cant wait for bluebloods big death, or dishonor scene.
wait if he is celestias"son" wouldn't that make luna his aunt i think
1955064 Yes and No. Eclipse is Luna's nephew this is true but it is only legally through Celestia and not through blood. As such they would be able to have a relationship without it being considered incest.
wow shit has really really hit the fan.
holy shit you can say that again mike ok luna holy shit
god damn this story is ging in a bloody, direction. soo many things going wrong.
2007915
Too much Elder Scrolls? IMPOSSIBLE.
No direct communication device between Leon and the jet pilots? Shame.
Well. Down goes the war.
Dragon
2012863
I'm with you there! There can never be too much Elder Scrolls! NEVER!!!
For the chapter: Good chapter and only few grammar and typing errors. Nice.
Dragon
well Blueblood probably will start a conflict between the humans and ponies
wow this is like how a lot of first encounter wars go and to say blue blood started it
now i don't know who to vouch for on one hand the ponies attacked because they felt threatened on the other the humans were just defending themselves
I just hope for an eventual peace
You know what celestia, save your son!
Let them call you selfish, let them call you corrupt, let them scream in the streets!
But never let them forget that you are a mother protecting her son!
They will whine and bitch, but you are a goddess, the avatar of the sun!
And if they ever want to see the sun again then they will leave your child alone!
Even if he was guilty, his punishment should come from you and no one else!
If you really see him as your son then you will stand against anything to save him!
So yes! be selfish! be corrupt! be the mother you have to be!
Oh I'm dying man!
My sides!
I can't breath! This was just too good.
Awesome chapter again. Good to see someone from the dragon race wanting to roast Bluebloods ass.
Dragon
You're back!
The secret pass was unexpected.... a bit. 
Good chapter.
Just found three errors. Else there's nothing to complain.
At the beginning Saphire cleared her thought. I think that should have been throat.
Another one was where you wrote solders and not soliders.
And finally A sentience was ended. That should have been a sentence I guess.
Hope to read more of this soon.
Dragon
Nice chapter.
Summing up the previous chapters really good.
And King Sombra..............
images.wikia.com/mk/images/2/25/Anchorman_well_that_escalated_quickly_966.jpg
Dragon
Good to see Blueblood getting bitten back by his own actions.
But one thing. You made the lines where things happen blur here. Use something to show that you are changing the scene.
Like ------------- or o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
Something that tells the reader that you are showing another part of the story now.
I was taken aback when you suddenly mentioned Leon and I was wondering how he got in the cell with Eclipse.
Just saying. Other than that a good chapter my friend.
Dragon