Spike took a deep breath trying to calm his racing heart. This was the day, the day he finally confessed to Rarity. After all these years he'd finally worked up the courage. This was either going to be the happiest day of his life, or the worst. He took a deep breath a knocked on Rarity's door.
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That was beautiful and quite touching. For a one-shot, it was also remarkably well paced; there was actually time for a bit of character exploration there, and you used it well.
A couple of minor typos:
"quite"
"standard", perhaps? (And did you mean to capitalize "Permanent"?)
No offense, but using an exclamation mark or two when characters are angry or excited would make this seem less like husks with writers and more like actual characters cuz
Looks pretty meh, also, a comma doesn't work the same as a question mark, period or exclamation mark. Just some constructive criticism, otherwise I thought it was okay... though, the rationale behind Rarity not dating Spike cuz she'd die before him, is kinda stupid.
Rarity look away again? It's Rarity, looking away again. Have someone proofreaded this for you?
No offense
not bad; not bad at all for a one-shot
It's not really Teen. But wow, I expect Rarity like this when she turned it dragon
"...Please Twilight I need to promise me this.”
Yea promise to yourself... like that's going to do anything!
3690450 it is the only promise you can ever really trust.
3688496 I'm sure she'll get used to it
I felt it a bit rushed, but it was a good read :)
3690450 LOL
3688059 Actually her rationale is fairly sound. Sure for the time they are together they would be happy. But the remaining THOUSANDS OF YEARS Spike would be alone. And when Spike reversed the situation he even agreed. He couldn't bear the idea of his beloved being alone for so long just for a short time of happiness. However, I disagree with both of them personally. For true love, almost anything is worth it. And even the few things I think wouldn't be worth the joy, I'm not sure I still wouldn't take it anyway. I have lived a long time alone, and now that I look upon my beloved and our daughter, I find it very hard to picture something I wouldn't be willing to face/sacrifice I wouldn't be willing to make for them.
3738806 That's just the thing though, Spike was willing to make that sacrifice, but Rarity wasn't willing to let him. She didn't want to live the rest of her life knowing that when she died it would leave the love of her life alone forever. Rarity didn't want to bear the weight of that sacrifice, even though she wouldn't be the one to make it.
3738806 ...I was talking about how she didn't even give him a fucking chance at first, what's the difference between loving somebody, it being unrequited, then they die or loving someone, it being mutual and then they die? She wasn't the one making that sacrifice, he was, who's SHE to say he couldn't take it?
It would be hard I'll admit, but love isn't always sunshine and lollipops, it hurts, but it's what you do with the hurt that matters, do you let it destroy you, or do you make it strengthen your love? It's fucking selfish to completely take love off the table just because it hurts.
3739299 Rarity is the second half of the relationship, and as such has every right to make that decision. Relationships are two way streets, and even though Spike is the one making the sacrifice it doesn't mean that Rarity isn't going to be effected by it.
It's like someone who gives their life to save the one they love. It's such a common trope, but rarely does anyone ever talk about the one left behind, who has to live the rest of their lives knowing that they're only alive because the one they loved is dead. Even if it's what they wanted it's not an easy burden to bear.
A relationship between them would have hurt Spike forever, and Rarity didn't want that responsibility. She didn't want the pressure of making sure the time they had together was worth that pain. Thing would have been different if Spike hadn't been a dragon, even if he was still immortal. If he wan't a dragon then the pain would fade with time and Spike could eventually get over that loss, maybe even come to love again, but because he's a dragon he will never be able to get over that loss, never be able to move on.
That being said, yes Rarity is being selfish. She decided that they could be together all and then to become a dragon all on her own, without ever discussing it with Spike. She has forced Spike to be responsible for her choices without ever giving him a say in the decision. Now Spike has to live with the fact that Rarity has risked everything she's ever cared about for him.
Bleh, there's nothing I can say to change your opinion, I think this mighta been a misunderstanding though, cuz I didn't understand the rationale of her not even dating Spike first before she became a dragon, she just completely wrote it off as a negative, but since she's a dragon now... it doesn't really matter ya know?
3739656 3739849 I shall try again. As I said before, I DO NOT AGREE WITH RARITY. For true love, nearly anything IS WORTH THE COST. And the few things that are not worth it I am uncertain about. They very well might. There is only one way to tell and I hope I never have to find out. My only claim was that Rarity's rationale, the 'logic' if you will, of her decision IS SOUND. In fact it is perfectly spot on. Logic dictates that a short term gain is not worth a long term suffering. In this case it is a few decades of happiness for centuries and more worth of sorrow and loneliness. The logic on this is absolute. From a rationale stand point, that is not worth it. Rarity is using her head and her brain is telling her simple numbers. That 80 (if you want to be really generous and say she lives that long) does not equal 1000. (and that is really low-balling a dragon's potential age IMO)
The problem with that is that logic, and every single rational argument that you can possibly make, is COMPLETELY WORTHLESS when it comes to True Love. Pyro you said her rationale was stupid. My only counter point was that her rationale was spot on. The problem was that she was using logic in the first place.
As for you Author, I use your own story as my counter point in your case.
Spike is clearly saying he would be more than willing to make that sacrifice. Which is something I AGREE WITH. I would be willing to do it as well. But when he turned it around, he found that he could not force the same sacrifice on her. Which is ALSO something I agree with. We would make any sacrifice for the one we love, but can not bear the idea of forcing such a sacrifice upon them. There is no right or wrong choice in this. There is only a choice, and the terrible consequences of said choice. Someone is going to suffer for this, and at least one of them is going to suffer for a very, VERY long time.
As I have said before, I disagree with Rarity's initial choice, but I do not see it as a selfish one. She isn't saying she doesn't want to deal with the responsibility of the choice, she is saying that she would rather Spike be happy with someone who would live as long as he will. She does not wish for her beloved to suffer. A clear case of the trope "I Want My Beloved to Be Happy". She is giving up her chance at True Love so that the one she loves will be happy. She used logic to determine that being with another dragon would make Spike happier in the long run. I feel that she is VERY WRONG in her choice, but I can't fault her logic or say it was selfish. In her hooves I would certain be compelled to make a similar choice. I feel that I would not do it, but great deal of who I am would want to say the same things she did.
For the part about her becoming a dragon, I agree with her absolutely. As for it not being fair to Spike, I would say you are wrong Author. That choice was NOT Spike's to make. This wasn't a gamble for her. She knew that if she became a dragon that BOTH her and Spike would be bonded together. That isn't risking everything you ever cared for on a 'chance' at True Love. All she is doing is saying that the possibility of losing everything I have ever worked for is worth the certainty that I will be with the one I Truly Love. Twilight tells her that
The only thing she is risking is the possibility that she loses her job and her chance to be a famous fashion designer. You ask most people that question, "Hey what if I told you that I could guarantee you that you will be with the one you love, they will love you back, and your closest friends and family will most likely still be with you, but you may very well lose your dream job, would you take it?", and they are going to say yes. Rarity giving up her profession isn't Spike's choice to make. It is hers. And, in my opinion, it is a REALLY EASY one to make. Because Rarity is absolutely right in when she said
3780307 Bah, I'm not even gonna argue, my linguistics aren't great. My only issue is the common misconception that people believe that you need to live as long as an 'immortal' (Closest thing Ithought of and sounds better than extremely long lived creature) to love an immortat, and that ain't right, because not everyone has a physics breaking transmogrify spell.
Besides, it'd also likely hurt alot if the love was reciprocated and the immortal knew it but was rejected because of a silly thing like living a very long time
Because it's possible to love multiple people at once or in spurts... but like I said before, she's a dragon so all is forgiven.
Let's agree to disagree?
3780460 Actually we are not disagreeing when you break it down. I am of a similar opinion. However, the part you are missing is the thing where Spike is a dragon. And while age is a part of the problem, age is NOT the reason Rarity originally turned him down. It was the fact that DRAGONS MATE FOR LIFE. Spike would be INCAPABLE of loving someone else, due to the nature of his very being.
Lets use a non-dragon example that will explain better. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Official, Hasbro Canon says plainly that the Royal Pony Sisters are the "We will never age, grow sick, or die of natural causes. Ever" category of immortals. They will outlive every single being, pony or otherwise, they grow close to. This doesn't stop them from forming close personal bonds with others. Probably even intimate, in both meanings of the word, relationships. Sure their partner(s) will grow old, get sick, and eventually die. And the Sisters will keep going. That is going to hurt like hell each and every time. Nothing will make that any easier. But they WILL move on. Eventually.
Spike is NOT immortal. And his long life is only the smallest part of Rarity's initial issue. After all, if he were a pony, he would get over her in time. But as a DRAGON, yes it is all caps for a reason, he wont. Why? Because the canon for the story says that to prevent themselves from murdering their mates in greed driven rage, dragons BOND to their chosen mate with "True Love's First Kiss". This bond is PERMANENT and UNBREAKABLE, even with magic due to dragon's innate magic making changing their being impossible even for Twilight freaking Sparkle. So when/if a dragon's mate dies, they DO NOT GET TO MOVE ON. They are coded at the magical level to never love anyone or anything as much as their mate. This is an evolutionary design that is probably the only reason dragon's haven't slaughtered themselves.
Rarity did NOT say no because "My love would live on long past the time when my life has faded. I fear he shall never be able to move on after my departure". She said no because "If Spike falls for a pony, when they die his very being will make it impossible for him to love another". If he were simply an immortal alicorn, or even a draconequus, she would probably jump him in a heart beat screaming "Let's make memories that shall last for eternity!" As shallow as it sounds, Rarity really did say no simply because he was a dragon. Take that out of the equation, even if he still had a 10,000 years or more lifespan, and I don't see her saying no to him ever. But then we wouldn't have a story to be discussing this intently. (And in my case argue with the very Author about what certain characters may or may not have been feeling)
3780634 Completely forgot that part, yeah! See that changes everything completely because I was operating under the assumption that dragons don't mate for life, damn it! This is what happens when you skim and don't read a story for a week! I'm reaaaally sorry bout that... alright to make myself feel better I rectify my opinion to "If Spike isn't required mate for life with Rarity because of biological mechanisms, I'm obligated to be be annoyed with her."
I just... don't even remember the mate for life thing being there, but if I'm wrong, I'm wrong and I also agree with you. One thing I gotta add though, could have stopped at "Dragons mate for life." I got the picture, paragraph not needed. But then again it's hard to sort through and remember all the headcanons that people put in their stories, so thanks for the crash course.
3781145 Zane used Word Wall. It was super effective.
I absolutely
this story 
Later Rarity gave birth to an omelet, A little rough in the sack weren't we?
Well yeah !
Spike!
Cute little PONGON Story.
Mine ahahahhahhahaha
This story is wonderful and very well written, but I can't bring myself to say that I really like it. For some reason I do not like that Rarity turned into a dragon, I have no idea why I don't like it, I just don't.
I don't have any logic or reasonings, I mean I sat here for like 15 minutes reading comments and trying to figure out why. But I just can't find any real arguments.
I mean I sort of agree with Zane Wolfe about the choice being the individual's choice, but I'm just bothered by Rarity wanting to turn into a Dragon. And I don't know why.
But anyways, a beautiful story.
5768430 If you ever figure it out I'd be interested to hear it, but if I had to guess your uncomfortable with the idea of someone changine themselves so fundamentally for someone else.
5768898 That seems right but I don't know.
I'll make sure to tell you if I gigure it out though.
5768898
I suppose that makes sense... but how's that saying go? "People do crazy things... when they're in love."
Also...
MMMOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!
Now, please.
5769014 There could be the possibility that you could be just worried because Rarity might not be able to be an element bearer because of this now. She, as a newly changed dragon, is now going to be ruled by her greed and passion for Spike. That could literally mean she can't represent the element Generosity. That may also be why you feel the way you do.
6242256 No it's not that. I actually didn't even think about that. I just find something morally wrong with it. Though I can't put it into words.
Wow, this just as enjoyable now as was when I first read it.
3691161
I'm just cruising around on my old account and decided to reply to some people from "back then." Jeez, that makes me sound old.
Anyway, I just wanted to drop you a thanks because "sentimental reasons."
I wish there was a sequel to this showing Spike teach Rarity how to be a dragon.
This could destroy the business you’ve spent your life building. You could lose everything you’ve ever cared about.”
Rarity just smiled at Twilight. “That may be true, but what I’m getting in return is worth so much more than that.”
----
[XD]