Text Tuesday

by Sausagefanclub

Master Hand

Once upon a time there was a giant floating disembodied gloved hand in Equestria. PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE™ decided to greet it, but she didn’t know how to do it.

Pinkie Pie decided to jump up and give it a great big hug. The hand tried to hug her back, but it ended up squeezing her too hard and she exploded into confetti. Realizing its mistake, the hand frantically pointed toward the hospital. Unfortunately it accidentally poked it and destroyed it. Bandages flew everywhere. Three ponies who had been planting flowers screamed “The horror, the horror!”.

Meanwhile another giant gloved hand was walking on its fingers rapidly, destroying several houses. Applejack tried to kick it into oblivion, but it stepped on her and she burst into a ton of apples. Rainbow Dash, seeing what was happening to her friends charged into the second hand and knocked it down. The hand screamed, curled up and died.

The first hand was heartbroken at the death of his brother, making a fist and smashing it down onto Rainbow Dash. A flurry of rainbows squirted out from where the late Rainbow Dash had formerly been located. For some stereotypical-fanfiction-related reason everypony that the rainbows touched turned into lesbians, including the stallions. Fluttershy scolded the hand, telling it to learn some manners. The hand tried to crush her too, but she stared at it, causing it to relent. It decided to let her off with a warning. Fluttershy sighed and walked away. Then she exploded into butterflies for no apparent reason.

Rarity, seeing how everypony was exploding, looked at her cutie mark and had a great idea. She grabbed a needle, stabbed herself and combusted. Sharp diamonds went everywhere. They stabbed the hand, which fell to the ground in a bloody mess.

PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE™ glowed her horn and everypony came back to life and they lived happily ever after. Except the hands. They died forever.

Oh and PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE™ flew to the castle.

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