Text Tuesday

by Sausagefanclub

The Resurrection

Author's Note:

The reason I have not added new stories for several months is because I was kidnapped by a squadron of rogue empty bottles and forced to eat broken glass for a year. After realizing that a year is longer than several months, I grew heroic muscles and escaped, then climbed into a wormhole that took me back to this time period to fix the chronology error. It's okay, I'm here now. It is time for some more stories. This particular one is inspired by the struggle I have just outlined to you. Enjoy!

Granny Smith woke up in her bedroom. “YES! The demon spell worked! I am once again in the realm of the living!”

She went to the bottle cabinet and opened it. Unfortunately, all the bottles were gone.

“My bottles have been kidnapped?! This is an outrage! I will not allow myself to be stopped by these equine creatures again!” Granny Smith pulled out a magnifying glass and sniffed around the nearby area. She saw a piece of paper attached to the ceiling. It read: “Dear Granny Smith, if you wish to have your bottles back you must pass my five trials. Come to my legendary castle of wonder to start.”

“Where in the whole wide world of Apple Land am I going to find that nitwit’s castle?”

Granny Smith looked out the window. There was a giant arrow-shaped sign pointing toward a castle.

“There is simply no indication as to where it could be located! I shall have to resort to my alternative plan.” She put on a dark cloak with a hood and went to the Black Market which is actually colored white.

A passing pony spotted her. “Hey there, Granny Smith! Interesting choice of clothing you got there…”

Granny Smith turned toward her. “No! Granny Smith is not here! I am not her, I am… Joe!”

“Okay then… ‘Joe’. See you later.” The pony evaporated.

Joe shook her head. “This town gets more interesting every day.” She reached the market and knocked on the counter of an empty shop a thousand times.

Discord rose from under the counter and started barking. Screwloose rose up as well, wearing a trench coat. “You’ll have to excuse my pet. It does that for every visitor.” She gave Discord a piece of paper and it calmed down. “I’m quite impressed with how many times you were able to knock on my counter without stopping. You’ve actually sort of made a groove in it. That’s bad for business, so I’m charging you ten times as much for whatever you’re going to buy.”

“Bye.” Joe left.

“Darn, I really thought raising the prices would encourage her to buy more.” Screwloose said disappointedly.

Joe went to the White Market which is actually colored black and knocked on the counter -1000 times. Albert Wesker rose from the depths and started meowing. Granny Smith rose up as well and gave Albert Wesker a capsule containing a zombie virus to play with. “Apologies about my pet. It’s very affectionate.” She looked at Joe closely. “I am astounded that you have somehow managed to knock on my counter a negative amount of times. Strangely enough, it’s created a bump in the table. That attracts a lot of customers, so I’ll give you a 90% discount. What would you like to buy?”

“Someone has kidnapped my army of empty bottles. I require new ones to avenge my death!” Joe said fiercely.

Granny Smith stared at her. “You don’t seem very dead to me.”

“Do not evade my request! I can call the higher-ups and they can replace you with the snap of a… um… hoof!”

“For the love of Gunther, calm down. I’ll check the shop inventory to see how many empty bottles we have left.” Granny Smith left for a moment.

Joe began to get impatient. “She is taking too long!!!”

A few seconds later, Granny Smith returned carrying 2 bottles. “Alright, here you go! That’ll be 300 bits.”

There was no response.

Granny Smith looked over the counter. All that was left of Joe was a rotting pile of bones.

“Rainbow Dash was never seen again.” She whispered for no apparent reason.