- Member Since 1st Jul, 2013
- offline last seen 19 hours ago
Lauralite
Formerly Sterling Blade, returning to the land of horse words.
Lauralite
Joined 1st Jul, 2013 ·
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I really like this story so far, this is definitely up there with "my little dashie", keep up the good work!
3669008 Surely you're joking o.o this is no where near as good as My Little Dashie as far as I'm concerned... Then again I usually am my worst critic but still, you're serious?
3669084 wall for me its the same i'm my own worst critic in the end because I always think I can do better so give yourself some credit even if its not the best you can always do better next time
Fallout you say...
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Epic_096d36_2184765.jpg
3671588 that picture, is EPIC
I shall be keeping an eye on this story. I like the use of Project Nevada into the story because of the elements it expands. Good luck, this story can either be very good or very bad.
3674604 well I'll do my best not to disapoint and make this as good as I can. Anyway, Merry Christmas, Happy Hearth's Warming, and Happy Holidays in general
3676007
Question: Which mods did you have installed when you took the screenshot?
3677429 too answer your question, I had Project Nevada, Project Nevada: Extra Options, Power Armor Revamped_Compatible with project Nevada_, Ambient Temperature, HUD Extended, Unified HUD Project, M56 Smartgun(not visible obviously), and Weapon Mods Expanded installed at the time for the screenshot.
New things i got, JIP Select Fire from the nexus forum, and all DLCs thanks to a Steam Giftcard so I'll touch on them as they become relevant to Hair Trigger. So yeah.
3677846
Cool if you need help with some DLC things you just need to ask.
So far so good
3683199 glad to hear.
3720454 give it a few weeks and it'll likely be after my other story gets updated.
Ok, this is really good. i don't really have much more to say other than that. i found two things that was there, but didn't bug me too much
Awesome anyways
3726881 what were these things of which you speak?
3728650
I think this should be "mental note", instead of "mental not".
Then there was one place where there should be a comma, but I can not find it for the moment. I might return when I find it.
One more thing, you may know me as Biohazard-65 in other cases
3731860 I'll get on fixing that soon, and Biohazard you cheeky dickwaffle! Hehehe, good to see you finally made it to the show, brohoof? /)
3731881 First,
Wow that's an unexpected reaction!
Secondly, Well Hell Yeah! /)'(\
The first thing that I noticed about this story is that it at least takes some time to try to explain the non-pony side of it's crossover source material. I do appreciate that, even if doing so is in author-note-but-not-really style. That said, I probably shouldn't have to read supplementary material just to enjoy your story. It's been said countless times by many, that crossovers are really difficult to get right.
The second thing I noticed is that a whole lot of incomprehensible references to the various factions within the game were made. I'll note that not only have I never played the game, I don't ever intend to. I'm sure a lot of the boasting at the start is pretty impressive to the shounen-types that are fans, but as someone who does not and will not ever enjoy that game, this story is never going to be one I enjoy for the content. So I'm in no position to comment on how awesome the character is, nor how technically accurate it is to the other source material. I'll be forced by necessity to stick to general writing stuff and the pony side of things.
The thing that stood out to me the most by the time I finished what is here for me to read is how little ponies are actually in it. I was kind of wondering where or how any ponies would show up at all, until the human finds himself in apparently the Everfree Forest and we switch briefly to the CMC saying goodbye to Zecora. Well, now we see how this managed to get past the site's requirements to be about ponies... because other than a few paragraphs, there is almost none of MLP to work with. So... on to technical writing I guess?
At this point I have almost no real motivation to dig deeper into things. I have no desire to play editor and point out grammar mistakes unless they jump out to me. On the plus side, none really did, so that is a plus.
What did jump out to me was a sense of repetitiveness. The biggest culprit was the "Gobi Campaign Scout Rifle" which seems to be one of his main choices in combat, so it kind of comes up often. If this story is continued, I expect references to this weapon to come up relatively often. Now herein lies one of the problems with a writer who is trying to be technical, but doesn't have personal experience toting around a weapon (let alone an armory worth only made possible due to power armor). During my own time in the US Army I carried around the typical standard-issue M-16A2 assault rifle. In conversations where we (my fellow soldiers and I) talked about our M-16A2 assault rifles, we generally didn't go around calling them M-16A2 assault rifles each and every time we spoke a sentence that had an M-16A2 assault rifle as the subject or object. Do you see how annoying that is yet? No, instead we simply referred to them as "your rifle" "my weapon" "his gun" "that piece of shit on your shoulder" and so on. Just like you wouldn't refer to Twilight Sparkle, Protege of Princess Celestia the ruler of Equestria every time you depicted her in a story, you wouldn't want to completely and accurately rattle off the full nomenclature of your weapon either. You want to vary what you call it, as long as for the most part people understand what you're talking about.
Another technical problem: Armor Piercing rounds. I'm sure some readers might appreciate the opportunity to learn about how this kind of ammunition interacts with soft targets, but I sure didn't. Whether I already knew or not (I did) is irrelevant, because I'm here to read a story about some guy and some ponies. It would be more than sufficient to just describe what happens when he shoots the deathripper things and save the forensics lesson for CSI.
The other thing that stood out was the generally "rambly" way things are narrated. Your story seems a bit self-aware of this though, so I can assume it is done on purpose. A lot of the information-dump that you present me with at various points in the story seems especially pointless. You introduce the character, brief fight with some apparently unimportant low-threat things, then get mysterious radiation stuff that sends you to Equestria. You then rescue the CMC from a manticore. The details of how you fix your armor with mercury and superglue don't actually interest me, but I suppose I could chalk that up to fans of the game might. What I do want to see is how your character ultimately does interact with ponies. That seems to me to be one of the only compelling points to any HiE story, but unfortunately that bit is unwritten yet. I have no clue what you intend to do with this hyper-violent & survival-minded human stuck in Equestria. I can't even begin to guess what sort of plot(s) you have in mind, but I imagine he'll have to fight stuff, since that's apparently all he's really good at.
If nothing else, I guess I'm glad that I took the time to read this and get a peek at the apparently popular "Fallout Equestria" sub-genre of fanfics. This one was thankfully short and didn't take all that much time investment from me. My curiosity is sated and now I don't have to read any more of them ever again.
3837165 first I'll say thank you for atleast taking the time to read what little is already written, wasn't the response I was hoping for but you're honest about it. It should be noted that this story isn't affilliated in anyway with Fallout: Equestria(aside from the fact of it being a crossover with the Fallout series) and also that despite a bit of experience on other sites and irl, I am still not even an adept writer.
I'll be honest I debated with my proofreader/editor whether or not to add more details instead of just glossing over the factions but he pointed out the story would mainly draw fans of the fallout series and people who would likely be familiar with the main material presented.
Once again thanks for your honest opinion and time, have a good day.
Yet ANOTHER story where a human gets teleported into Everfree and kills a Manticore. If I get a cap for every one of these, I'd be rich enough to buy the Vegas Strip.
3901877 Well, atleast he didn't do it just for the hell of it, I somewhat understand your frustration(most stories that I've read that have a human killing a manticore usual involve them doing it just to prove they can, I never liked those really) anyway, I'm assuming by your comment that you won't be joining us for the duration, if that's the case then thank you for atleast taking the time to comment, but I'm not quite certain on that so anyway good day.
3902589
Strange, since most of the stories I read have them do it because themselves and/or other ponies are being attacked, which is bullshit since way back in EPISODE TWO, it was established that Manticores don't attack unless provoked.
Also, all the stuff at the beginning about your reputation with the in-game factions? Get rid of those. All you need to establish is what's your Courier's faction. (NCR, House, Yes Man...) Same with the explanations about AP rounds. Also, I know Stealth-Nanobots is an actual implant in PN, but nanobots don't exist in Fallout-verse.
I bet 500 caps that he's gonna be attacked by AJ/RD/Both
3903287 This is just the prologue and more will be explained in chaoter one. As for the faction relations... Yeah I see what you mean looking back on it, I'll get with my editors and snip it down a bit. As for your reasoning behind manticores only attacking if provoked, it was never outright stated so your aforementioned reasoning is based on fan assumptions but I understand your position, but let's be realistic, manticores regardless are almost certainly Apex Predators so it wouldn't be much of a stretch to see one attemoting to prey on the occassional pony.
Onto Nanobots(technically nanotech), we actually don't know if they exist in true fallout canon or not' seeing as a lot of Old World tech was either wiped when the bombs fell, in the possession of the Brotherhood of Steel, stuck in the Big MT and Sierra Madre, or been stripped for parts. However considering the FEV is some serious biotech it's not much of a stretch to think that the Old World or even the Enclave in its prime might have developed Nanotech as well... So in all honesty it's artistic license, besides Bethesda(or Interplay if you remember back when the Fallout-verse first even came to be) never outright stated Nanotech didn't exist in the fallout universe... If that came off as preachy then I'm sorry.
Anyway, thankyou for your feedback, hope to get it again eventually, because without criticism I can't improve.
3909485
You do realize miniaturized electronics never caught on in Falloutverse right? Computer mainframes take up entire rooms and AIs like Eden take up even more. (Remember that stairway you climb when you need to talk to Eden? That's his full size.) It's almost impossible for nanobots to exist in Fallout universe, especially considering that even in our own universe, nanotechnology is still far from application.
3909780 by that logic a PiPBoy shouldn't have half the functionality it does because of the size. Like I said, it was a choice of artistic license and also part of binding Project Nevada into a canon basis for this story. I had already thought ahead on this subject to be honest, in this specific instance with the stealth nanobots I've decided to explain things a bit more later in the story. when the question about his disapearing ability is proposed by either Twilight or one of the others I hope to give a plausible explanation then,
I've already said to much!3909816
I said "never caught on", not "doesn't exist". Plus being able to make portable computers is one thing, being able to make self-replicating robots smaller than human cells is another.
3909825 i'm sorry, I misread the first part of your previous comment. And nanobots are not necessarily self-replicating, a common misconception that irks me to no end. Self-replicating nanomachines fall under nanites, anyway like I said I hope that later I can give you and others an at least somewhat plausible explanation.
3909849
Nanobots and nanomachines and nanites are the same thing.
My point still stands: Portable computer ≠ Nanobots
3912577 I could make so many arguments against that, in almost all of the science fiction i've read Nanites are the specific self-replicating subset of Nanobots, usually used in terraforming, construction, or deconstruction or as Nanoplagues to wipe out infrastructure and populations. Nanobots are the general purpose nanotech with specific subsets for more specific tasks be they medical, repair, stealth, or even shortrange communications in environments where standard communication systems are inoperable or as nanites as stated above.
anyway let's agree to disagree so we don't clutter comments.
And I do believe you missed the part where I stated I had originally misread that comment where you made your 'point'.
Update!? Please
4976442 it might be a while yet, if you look in my blogs you'llfind some snippets of the coming update but at the moment i am stuck in the mental gulag known as high school senior year.
Wow this I still good keep up the good work, here some good music for you
what doesn't he have helmet on? so how know breath? but good story keep it up! yeah.
3929529
They are the same damn thing, read Wikipedia.
Twilight is my least favorite character when she is made to ask a nigh un-ending stream of questions and test toward the unknown. In other fics, I wonder why people don't have their 'main characters' slap the shite out of twilight for her invasive questions?
6010238 Rest assured, she won't be the unending 'question everything' mare. I'm working hard to keep this going, she's still a scientist at heart, but she isn't going to constantly be asking questions(though the mark of any good scientist is one who questions even their own work.)
It might be a while yet before I update, but that's because I'm working on this story as well as another story at the same time, and I'm not the most prolific of authors to begin with.
6032575 so...more please?