Chapter Four
“Son? Baked Bread? Are you all right?”
Baked Bread groaned and open his eyes; his father’s worn face glared down at him with a slight frown.
Known simply as The Bakenator, his father was built like a wagon: he was taller than anypony in town, including Big Mac, and able to beat dough into submission just by looking at it. Back in his day, mares literally swarmed around him and begged to squeeze his rock hard muscles. He had been able to keep most of his impressive physique through the years and still cast a formidable shadow wherever he walked. Almost an exact replica of his son looks-wise, he had a dark brown coat, a sandy colored mane with streaks of grey through it, a slightly wrinkled face, and tired blue eyes; though the shades of the various features weren’t the absolute same, one could easily tell they were related.
“What are you doing in my house?” he asked, massaging his forehead with a hoof
”Your house?” his father laughed, “Don’t you remember where you are?”
Looking around, he saw the familiar insides of the muffin store. “Right.”
“So anyways, I was just stopping by to see how you were doing, but I found you asleep on the job!” He shook his head. “Care to explain?”
Baked Bread willed his brain into some quick thinking. “I was working,” he said.
“On . . . ?” his father prompted.
“The . . . the . . . the floor!” said Baked Bread, noticing that the table and chairs were still propped up against the wall.
“The floor.” His father’s frown deepened. “What about the floor. It looks the same to me.”
“I . . . well . . .” The unfortunate stallion crumbled under his father’s piercing gaze. “I didn’t really work on the floor,” he sighed.
“That’s what I thought; don’t ever try to lie to me,” rumbled the much larger stallion. “So what actually happened? And why is your record player sitting on the counter?”
“I brought it in so I could ask this mare to dance with me,” sighed Baked Bread, deciding that lying wasn’t worth it.
“Really? Mister ‘I’m waiting to find the perfect mare’ decided to get a fillyfriend?” He chuckled. “Did you get laid yet?”
“Dad!”
“Did you?” he chuckled, his eyes twinkling.
“No!” protested Baked Bread, climbing to his hooves.
“Good.” The Bakenator’s eyes hardened and his voice lost its jovial tone. “I don’t care who she is. Treat her right or I will break you. No son of mine will be anything but a perfect gentlestallion to any mare.” He leaned in intimidatingly and roughly poked Baked Bread in the chest with his hoof. “Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, sir,” he replied, gulping nervously. This was a side of his father that he hadn’t seen before.
His father’s eyes bored into his. “I need to hear you say it.”
Baked Bread nodded and thought quickly. “I . . . I will do my best to always treat her with respect, honor, courtesy, and adoration,” he said with determination.
“And . . .” said his father.
“Uhhhhh . . .” And what? he thought.
“And no . . .” urged The Bakenator.
“. . . Really, Dad?”
“Say it!” he growled.
“And no sex before marriage,” he recited reluctantly.
His father smacked him not too gently on the side of the head, causing him to stumble. “Like you mean it!”
“No sex before marriage!” he shouted, snapping to attention. “Sir!”
The Bakenator placed his massive forelegs on either side of his son’s face and stared into his eyes. He slowly nodded and began to smile. “Do me proud, son.”
“Yes, Dad,” he said, not quite expecting to have had his morning go this way.
“So who’s the lucky mare?” The Bakenator pulled his hooves away from his son’s face and backed up to a more comfortable distance.
“I don’t know.”
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t actually know her name yet. She’s only been here three times, and it never seems to come up,” he said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.
“Hm,” his father grunted.
“Yup.”
“So anyways, how’s things with the shop? I know I’m retired, but you can tell me how everything’s going, right?” said The Bakenator, instantly changing the subject. He was good at that; when The Bakenator changed the subject, nopony argued.
“Good.” Please don’t look at The Muffin. Please don’t look at The Muffin. Please don’t look at The Muffin. Please don’t look at The Muffin. Please don’t look at The Muffin. Please don’t look at The Muffin.
The Bakenator looked at The Muffin. He lifted up the cover with his foreleg. “Hey! Somepony finally bought this thing! Or at least part of it. What are you going to do with the extra bits?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “It looks like you got about . . . two hundred or so.”
“About that . . .”
“What about it? I know that forty bits per serving is a bit much, but I put a lot of work and some pretty expensive materials into it.” He lovingly stroked the clear case as he spoke.
“You see—”
“How did you measure the servings? It’s forty bits for a four inch cube, so a ruler mayb—”
“I gave it away!” he shouted, interrupting his father.
“What?” The Bakenator’s head mechanically swiveled around to point at his son.
“I didn’t charge forty bits per serving. I didn’t charge anything at all. I gave it away for free.”
“To whom,” his father stated, walking closer to him.
“The same mare that I danced with last night,” Baked Bread said, holding his ground.
“The same mare that is currently nameless,” his father deadpanned.
Baked Bread nodded.
“So let me get this straight. You don’t know her name, you have given her approximately two hundred bits worth of food, and you danced with her?” his father asked.
“Well, yes,” he replied.
“Do you know anything about her?” his father asked.
A lost expression graced his face as he thought about the mare. “Well, she’s cute . . . a bit silly . . . endearingly clumsy . . . shy . . . needy, but in a good way . . . soft when I hold her . . . feisty when I don’t . . . she just perfect and amazing and—” Baked broke off as he noticed his father no longer standing in front of him.
“You’re too far gone for reason. I know because I was the same way with your mother,” said his father, reaching the door. “Just keep what I said in mind, and do your best.”
“So . . . you’re not mad?” Baked asked.
“Why would I be mad?” The Bakenator replied, putting his hoof on the door handle.
“You know, because of The Muffin,” said the stallion, gesturing to the case.
“Son, I ran through a brick wall for your mother, nearly died while jumping out of a three story window, and broke my leg doing . . . well, I won’t give you any ideas. All of that because I was completely infatuated with her. And you know what?” He paused.
Baked thought that it was a rhetorical question. The was a short pause before he replied, “What?”
“None of that impressed her in the slightest.”
“Soooo . . . you’re telling me this why?” asked Baked Bread. “I mean it’s interesting and all but—”
“I’m just saying you’re on the right track. Gifts and dancing will get you a better mare ten times faster than flexing your muscles. All muscles get you is one night stands; romantic is the way to go to get a life partner. Fortunately, I figured that out before your mother married some other guy,” said The Bakenator, yanking the door open.
“Eeeep!” squeaked the grey mare with the golden mane, falling face first onto the floor at The Bakenator’s hooves.
“Hello, little lady,” rumbled the massive stallion, offering her his hoof.
“Oh, sorry, did I interrupt something?” she asked tentatively, taking his hoof and regaining her footing.
“Not at all, I was just leaving,” said The Bakenator. “Remember what I said,” he stated, staring at his son with a blazing intensity.
Baked Bread nodded as his father walked out of the building and closed the door behind him.
“. . . Who was that?” asked the mare in amazement, “He’s huge.”
“That’s my father,” said the stallion, finally breathing easily for the first time since he had woken up.
“Wow,” gasped the mare.
“Yeah, wait a second. . . .” The stallion looked at the light streaming in through the old windows of the shop. “What time is it?”
“Nine, I think?” she replied, scratching her ear and yawning cutely.
“How are you off of work already? Yesterday you didn’t even have time for lunch!” he exclaimed.
“Oh.” She giggled a bit before responding. “I forgot that today’s Sunday.”
“The post doesn’t deliver on Sunday,” he stated.
“Nope!” she replied happily.
“That’s nice,” he said, returning her smile. “So what are your plans for today?”
“It all depends on the answer to a question,” she said, walking closer to him.
“And what question would that be?” he asked as she closed the distance.
“Did you mean what you said?” she asked, beginning to blush.
“When?” he said, immediately trying to remember any lies he might have told.
“Just now. You told your dad that I was amazing. Did you mean it?” she asked, staring intently at him.
“. . . You were eavesdropping?” he asked, also beginning to blush. “How much did you hear?”
“My question first,” she said, closing the distance between their faces until mere inches separated them.
“Yes, I think you’re amazing,” said the stallion, completely incapable of lying to her, “beautiful, funny, cute, and adorable, and I want to get to know you better.”
“I wouldn’t mind seeing a bit more of you either,” she giggled. “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you so far.”
The mare smiled up at the stallion; the stallion smiled down at the mare.
As if receiving an unspoken signal, both the stallion and the mare tilted their heads to the right and slowly, hesitantly leaned in. Their lips connected in pure bliss and their eyes closed. Being their first real kiss with any pony, each pony was completely inexperienced. But the tender passion that they expressed for each other through that simple, age-old action could have melted the coldest of ice.
They wrapped their forelegs around each other, and the mare softly sighed. She relaxed and let herself melt into the embrace of the stallion, her stallion. She let him completely support her weight, and it was okay. She somehow knew everything would be okay. Everything that had seemed important no longer mattered. She was with her stallion. She could feel it. And it felt right. The way her body fit perfectly with his, his gentle strength, and his lips pressing against her own felt like nothing she would ever be able to describe.
The stallion held her aloft with a firm—but tender—embrace as he kissed her. She was so soft, yet so fragile. Her felt as though if he pushed her away, she would shatter into a million pieces. So he held on, reveling in the feeling of her warmth in his forelegs. He slowly caressed her, eliciting small squeaks and quiet giggles, muffled by their kiss. This was his mare. He would do anything for her.
They slowly parted, their breathing slightly heavier than when they had started.
They open their eyes slowly and saw each other in a new light.
“I’m Baked Bread,” he said, his chest rumbling against her’s. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Hi, Baked Bread,” she whispered, her breath grazing his muzzle. “I’m Ditzy Doo.”
“So, Ditzy, does that answer your question?” Baked asked cheekily.
“Yes it does, Baked,” she answered.
“What are your plans for the day then?” he asked, brushing her mane out of her eyes.
“Could I maybe, spend the day with you?” she asked with a hopeful smile.
“Could you? I can’t think of anything I would rather do,” he answered truthfully.
Ditzy smiled as Baked led her out of the store. He locked the door behind him and walked next to her, their coats gently brushing with each step.
“So where would my fillyfriend like to go on this fine day?” Baked asked, blinking in sunlight.
“Let’s just walk for a bit,” sighed Ditzy, resting her head on her coltfriend’s shoulder and draping her wing over him.
The End
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.....oh me gosh....that was so fricking adorable
…over already?
Ok. I guess I can see that.
Hehe, I had a feeling that his father would have been okay with him giving away the muffin in the name of love. Making him a powerhouse just to emphasize the "appearance isn't everything" idea was a nice touch!
A sweet ending to this tale. I'm glad I stuck around for the ending, and maybe I'll hope to see more of Ditzy and Baked Bread in the future.
Have a great day!
Knead more Ditzy Bread! Bake more Ditzy Bread!!!!
3729905
Thanks.
3729910
I hope you still enjoyed it though.
3730077
Thank you! And a wonderful day to you as well, good sir.
3730558
...I found that funnier than I should have.
Yees, I Like
3733209
Thank you.
Baked´s dad is really cool. If that was my dad, he would flip he's shit. heck if my little brother took stuff/money from me, to impress a girl I would be... unpleasant
all that a side, I
LOVE 
this story
3730558
100% agree more Ditzy Bread
This is quite the read, ill need dome time to organize myself.
this chapter was really too adorable of a read-yes, somehow it was able to do that-and it's kind of a shame that the story is finished, but it was a story worth finding. all i can say is: HELL YEAH, THEY FINALLY FREAKING KISSED!....ahem, sorry about that. can't wait to see what you do in the future with these two characters. you might have gotten yourself a follow good sir.
Okay, Ive read the first 2 chapters, and this is what I have to say.
This is like the blind leading the deaf and confused, because I never read or seriously write romance... so yeah!
grammatically, its fine. I never had any real errors that stuck out for me, but Im a pretty chill guy when it comes to that stuff.
Pacing wise, I feel that some areas could be slowed down. it moved really fast at times, like in ch2 when the guy was waiting for derpy to show up. I understood that he was waiting for her, but if you took some time and really drew it out, it may convey how much he waited for her.
Other things were like the kiss in the first chapter, I suppose it was supposed to be fast, but if you wanted it to have more of an impact, you could have slowed everything down.
Other than that, the idea is somewhat original. Ive never seen anything like this before, and I like it that you aren't just writing a simple "Derr! Im Retarded and adorable!"
reply if you want me to read the rest for you.
3734313
Oh wow. "Love" in enlarged font and surrounded by hearts?
Something subtle is telling me you enjoyed this...
3736498
I might do something with them later. I do love a good Ditzy ship.
But they are so hard to find...
Also: their kiss
And: Yay! Possible follow!
3736502
It's all right if you don't know anything about writing romance; you are merely writing your thoughts about it.
Like for instance, I never suspected that the waiting scene in chapter two could be considered rushed. It doesn't seem rushed to me, but I'm not you.
Though, the kiss scene in chapter one isn't rushed. I designed it to be that way. I described it as "Light as a feather on the cheek". It's kind of hard to draw that out more than I did.
And yes, I would appreciate it if you read the entire story.
The last 2 were better than the first.
The dad was a good change of pace.
The spelling and grammar was good for me.
And thats really all I have to say. Sorry I couldn't add anything else.
3740626
Okay, thanks for the read.
3761775
He did. I just haven't fixed it yet.
Very nice very nice you've got my favs and my dawws
I can't think of any word to describe how i feel about this chapter except beautiful...heck the entire story is simply beautiful! Liked and fav'd.
3777297
Yay! Faves and d'awwws!
3777530
...Don't ask.
3777899
Thank you.
3779009
I don't think you will be disappointed.
Awwwwwww, I loved this story, but now what will I read? I'll just go crazy
Anyway 10/10
3784829
I don't know, but I might come out with a sequel at some point. Anyways, glad you enjoyed it.
ITS ADORABLE!!! SEQUEL PLEASE!!!
This was incredibly, adorably cute. Also, I loved Baked Bread's father. He seems like the kind of father I wish I'd had.
Very well done. This story's been on my Read Later list for so long...
Really should have read it earlier.
3852394
)
Awww, thanks. I'll see what I can do.
(And I totally didn't forget to reply to this comment until now.
4079902
Thank you.
THIS WAS SO ADORABLE! this is an easy #6 on my top 10 stories ever list, and a #3 on my top 10 fics ever list :P
4143510
Wow. Thank you so much!
I'm glad you liked it!
4143554 how could i not? derpy/ditzy is best pony
4143580
I know, right?
I'm actually in the process of writing seven more stories starring best pony. Might even write a sequel to this.
4143879 henceforth, i now declare thee, SIR nightwolf289, master of fiction!
4143989
I first came upon this back when it only had one chapter. I liked it, but it seemed a little lacking. These three extra chapters fill in what I felt was missing, and now I really like this story. It goes without saying that it's cute, and the little touches of silliness were great. I had to actually stop reading for a few seconds due to laughter when Baked's Dad's name was mentioned. Awesome work.
4155459
Thanks.
4143879 sequel? And let the stalking begin!
very good:
character ark *check*
pacing *check*
proper representation of ditzy *check*
sequel *x*
you have passed the test with an 80% score
now where the hell is my sequel
nightwolf, that was a truly amazing story you have my commendations
MIdnight Muse
4365554
I'm sorry.
I'm still planning on it, you see. I do have a certain fondness for this story. It just got pushed to the back of my projects list in favor of other stories.
Anyways, glad you enjoyed it.
4370282
Sorry for the long reply: I was a bit busy. Now, I though you made some good points, as well as caught some errors that shouldn't have been there in the first place, so I'll only discuss the two points that I thought weren't as sound.
I don't believe that there would be as much certainty as to the substance the counter is made of if I didn't tell you what it is. It is necessary to give a good, solid mind-picture in that instance. If I just said "a more finished piece," then it could mean wood, but it could also not mean wood, and that could cause a reader to stumble.
So you're telling me that just because a stallion is poetic, he can't notice her sex appeal? That is him noting in a non-vulger way that he not only finds her beautiful, but also sexy. They are two different kinds of beauty, and he is noting that she has both.
Thanks for the review.
4382817
I get what you're saying, maybe re-word it? It just seems like the 'once again made from wood' part of the sentence is trying to be obnoxious.
As for your other point, it just totally broke immersion for me to read the same sentence twice. If you're going to keep that sentence, then I'd suggest losing the one before it.
I hope to make time to read your chapter 2 tomorrow night, so I'll talk to you more then!
4382817 I apologize for coming back to the same thing AGAIN, but I've been giving it a lot of thought.
How about instead,
This takes out the part I didn't like, and still leaves the message you want to get across to the reader. It also feels more like Baked Bread's character, and I don't even mind the sentence being repeated like this.
See, when you are in love, like deeply in love the way that Baked Bread is, that is how you view the person. I'm married to the woman of my dreams. There is no bikini-clad, super model woman out there that I would rather be with, not even for a single night, and yet I have never looked at her before and thought to myself, she's hot. It's always, she's so beautiful, or wonderful, or even perfect.
I think that is the feeling you want to go for to take this story from being good to being amazing. As I said, I'm going to go over chapter 2 tonight, but I would like you to go through it again as well and try to make certain that this is how Baked Bread views and treats Ditzy the rest of the story.
4408325
You state on your userpage that you aren't happy with your stories. I see a way to make this one better, but you obviously disagree.
What would setting add to the story? Everything. It would bring life to the story, and what's more important than that? and how could you insert it? Anyway you want, be creative. When Ditzy opens the door mention that Baked Bread hears the sound of laughter from the joke shop across the street.
Writing a story without setting is like building a house with just walls and a roof, it is missing something vital. It doesn't matter how solid your chapters are, or how charming your dialogue is, and you can fancy it up with all the em dashes and semi-colons that you like. But, it's still going to feel empty.
Maybe other readers don't notice it, but it practically screams at me. And, honestly, I think it screams at you as well, which is why you're not happy with this story.
Anyway, I see now that I cannot help you, and so I will not be finishing this story. Nothing personal, and I'm not angry, just a bit disappointed.
So, farewell. I hope you can find a way to make this story something that you can love, and I wish you the best of luck with all your future endeavors.
Here we go!
Love the father's name by the way.
This should start a new paragraph,
You missed quotation marks here
Ok, I just found my favorite character in the story.
Typically I would complain about the shift in perspective here,
but it actually fits the story very nicely, so well done!
Wow, ok, there were like zero mistakes in this chapter. I've combed through it twice and found nothing. This was beyond a doubt the best chapter of the story, you really had your head in the game when you wrote this.
I rarely favorite stories, the ones that I do I favorite because they moved me in some way. It isn't enough to have good grammar and punctuation, or well flowing chapters and excellent dialogue, you have to have the small feelings behind it. I favorite stories that affect me after I log off and step away from the computer, stories that stick with me through the mundane day to day rituals of my life.
I'm totally favoriting this. Also, I just wanted to say sorry for the whole argument about setting and for not thinking you were passionate about this story. I always admit a mistake when I make one, and I definitely made a mistake with you. So, farewell for now, and happy writing!
4513583
I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks for all your input. I'm honored to have been invited into your exclusive club of favorites.
And no hard feeling about the misunderstanding. It happens. So I return: farewell, and happy writing!
4514467
4542377
Thank you for my review. I shall meditate on this.
4542377
If you don't mind me asking, how long did it take for you to make this review?
4542396
Of course, sir, I hope it helps.
4542459
It took me about four days.
Dooooooooood it was sweet. pweeeeeeese make make a sequal
Adowaworable!
This was nicely done, and dawwww, Ditzy... so adorably clumsy and cute... LOVES HER.
Nice job again!
This was amazing. Just downright great in all aspects. It was exactly what I was looking for in a Derpy Romance fic. I'm really glad that I took the time to read this. It had the cuteness, the clumsiness, and the romance all packed together in one story. Great grammar that didn't detract from the flow, and good pacing all around. Definitely worth a Derpy favorite.
10 out of 10 for Romance
10 out of 10 for Slice of Life
10 out of 10 for Random
9 out of 10 for grammar
10 out of 10 for overall story.
Definitely worth a fave and a like and will be added to the best stories I've read this year folder. Be happy; I know I am.
YES! THANK YOU!, A CHARACTER WITH INTEGRITY!!!
im so sick of the pervert minded shallowness of characters in alot of the romance stories i've read over the years. sex is a serious and meaningful thing, it is to be shared with the one you decide to live the rest of your life with. after fully making a commitment to them thru marriage.
the whole scene with baked bread's father made my day! he is a man er, stallion of integrity and responsibility, we need more of that in romance story characters!.
apart from that bit, the rest of this story was great too.
thanks alot for the good read :3
Adorable.
It was Adorable. (& I like it)