• Member Since 8th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 22nd, 2017

Doctor Derpin


T

It was over in a matter of days. They came, destroyed everything, and left. Everypony had taken to calling them, for lack of a better name, destroyers. Gigantic, faceless, twisted abominations of a sickly grey; all these things did was destroy. After Manehattan was reduced to ruin, Celestia gave every member of the army permission to leave. As they closed on canterlot, she left Luna at the castle �Keep the sun and moon moving, dear sister. These things are here because of mistakes I made long ago. I must atone for what I did.� At that, she went and was killed. The great leader of Equestria, Princess Celestia, offered no resistance to her doom. The next day, the destroyers were gone.

Only then did the true extent of the destruction become clear. Much of the once fertile land was left unable to grow any plants at all; there were no cities left undamaged; and everyone had lost a friend to the destroyers.

"Why didn�t the elements of harmony help?!" The townspeople would cry. The sad truth was that, they had tried and failed. Their gems were shattered in a backlash from the attack. Not many ponies were told this, of course. It would be even worse if, not only had their powerful leader been killed, but their �ace in the hole� had been destroyed.

Now, the cities and towns of scattered survivors try to rebuild; acting mostly as independent city-states, without reliable contact with each other. This is the world that our story begins. While this may seem like a story of doom, it is not. This is a story of love. This is not, in any way, the ideal setting for a love story. The thing about that is: Love has a funny way of popping up just about anywhere.

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 34 )

Anything I can do to make this better so far? Just LMK

303801 this is pretty good. The only thing is that the chapters are short, very short. You probably have a reason for that but the length of the chapters doesn't really get me hooked, and don't worry, I had the same problem. Other than that, this is a great premise and I can't wait to see more. You have earned a track.

305630 Yeah, I've been meaning to have longer chapters. The problem is that I'm still in school for now. Spring break starts tommorow, so the chapters will be longer then. Thank you for the advice. This is the first fan fic I've written so all the input I can get.

Another good chapter doc. Just a couple spelling errors here and there, but that can be fixed very easily.

The chapters really do need to be longer. No major spelling and/or grammar mistakes as far as I can see. Good story, but, like I said, the chapters need to be much longer.

364669Yeah, I've been working on that... at leat trying to... but I don't want to force it and kill the story with it. This story will end up having more chapters than normal to make up for the shortness of the chapters. I'm glad that length is the main critisism I've been getting though, I was worried I would end up having it just be a terrible story.

PS
I am more than willing to listen to any ideas as to other things to add into the story so as to increase chapter length.

369189 I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to write long chapters. Have you tried writing several "chapters", and then sticking them all together as one chapter?

They lost Derpy? :derpyderp2: Oh No!

Don't force yourself. However much we may wish otherwise, school is more important than ponies. I know it's sad :pinkiesad2: but it's true. Remember, you're writing on your schedule and no one else's. :twilightsmile:

427044 Thank you for understanding. On the plus side, what I have written is already the longest chapter yet.

Yes, take your time, school should always come first. :twilightsmile:

BTW, I read Pinkie & The Brain, though I originally thought it was going to be a Twilight/Pinkie ship. It was well worth the read as a nice funny joke fic.:pinkiehappy:

Let me guess, Trixie's victory over the princesses was as spectacular as that one time with that ursa major. :trixieshiftright:

459279 You'll just have to see, won't you?:trollestia:

Intriguing sir. I shall follow your endeavors with interest. :eeyup:

680278 Spark don't give a f**k. He does what he wants.

Short chapter is short.

Interesting... but I feel that you've left a lot out here. Again, short chapter is short.

Not Pinkie! No! NO! NONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

:pinkiesad2:

1005888 This was my first attempt at writing a fan fic, so I'm not surprised it's not going well. I'm considering rewriting it later, once I have more experience.

It feels really rushed.

1005899 Yeah, I've been working on making my stories less rushed. That's mostly why I haven't updated in a long time.

Rarity is a whore? Guess it makes sense, although in a world devastated, I would think that clothing would still be very essential.

1005925 They don't normally wear clothes. If anything, clothes were a formality.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! PINKIE!

Still feels very rushed.

1005968 Again, this was my first attempt. It was indeed rushed and will be rewritten and finished at a later date.

Poor AJ. I'd probably be like that if I lost both my sister and my brother...

Oh Trixie. Don't you ever learn...

Okay, I think it's alright. You need to rewrite it before I give it a thumbs up, though.

My biggest bone, actually, is the pace of the story. It's very rushed, feels like you're trying to say too much. There is little to no setting, the scenario is confusing, you don't describe enough of the devastation, or the ponies that are living in this world.

I'll be waiting for that rewrite. So, I'll be watching this.

1006048 Thank you for giving the story a chance. The main problem was that I had so many ideas and was too impatient with them, trying to fix that.

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