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Rarity has no idea what to make of this dress for her newest client. This client is an important one, and Rarity is really stress out. She's close to giving up on the whole thing, when Twilight and Spike come in unexpectedly and shower her with praise, hoping to get her creative juices flowing again.
The cover art is by mistix on devaintart.com ^^ (isn't she gorgeous!?)
This story isn't a rant... not at all (sarcasm)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good job! I liked this one. Keep up the good work!
I… feel like I'm missing something, here. I don't even know exactly what, but it's like the story skipped from set-up to conclusion with no actual… meat in the middle where actual things happen.
3481453 This is pretty accurate. Actually working on the dress and helping were the idea but it all got skipped over. Equally true, its hard to imagine any of the characters because no descriptions were ever given for them. There was some small redundancy as well.
3482141 which characters do you think need describing? Also this is kinda like a joke one-shot mostly to get out some emotions I'm having right now, try not to take it too seriously.
3481453 Yeah... I thought it was stated that they worked on the dress for like two whole hours. Together..
3480986 Aw, thank you!
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Rarity's Inspiration
Grammar score out of ten: 7. Your spelling and grammar need a bit of work, and I've spotted commas where they shouldn't be, and no commas where they should.
Pros:
Twilight, Spike, and Rarity weren't out of character
The story was realistic to the show.
The words flowed smoothly, not to complex, not too simple.
Cons:
The pacing was off, it seemed you rushed this out,
The client seemed too weak in conviction to stand out as a character. She goes from being pompous and annoying to apologizing and happy just like that.
The moral at the end was relatively flat. Besides, wasn't this already the moral of "Applebuck Season"?
Notes: For the most part, this was a good read. Some spelling, grammar, and pacing issues tripped me up a bit, but otherwise it flowed rather smoothly. Just keep that in mind. I think your story shows promise for your writing career.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Far From Home
EDIT: I noticed you placed this in the Authors Helping Authors folder, but haven't joined the group. It was make things easier if you could do that, please.
3484690 Let me just start by saying this was mostly a way for me to get out some stress and it shouldn't be taken too seriously. Also I didn't get an editor for this because mine is busy atm and I also have a disability, but I can read and write things coherently. See I just used that word in the proper setting.
The reason why it's rushed and the goth: I had no idea what to do for that character and she was mostly a rip on peopl's expectations on me. o.o sorry guys.
The rushing is do to the fact that I had no idea where to go really, and isn't the show rushed sometimes?
Also I forgotten about AppleBuck season. I thought that lesson was don't take off more than you can chew and not get help from friends when you're stressed out. wait that's the same thing... nevermind.
3484721
Well you added it to the folder so I just assumed, sorry.
As for the editor, if yours is busy, you might want to check this out.
People's expectations of you? Man, sorry to hear that. Some people who never bother to talk to you come up with some mighty stupid ideas about others.
And yes, you bring up a very good point. The show doesn't always have the best pacing. But I was just trying to be of assistance.
3484753 lol, it's okay! Thanks for giving me an okay rating anyways :)
As for the editing: I'd rather leave it as it is. It's more kind of a joke story.
3484762
Pleasure doing business with ya.
3483590
Well, yeah, but it's not much different than simply skipping to the next scene, narratively, with a "Two Hours Later..." card read in a French dude's voice. Knowing they worked on it for a couple hours gives me no idea of how difficult it was or what they did or anything. It's like Applebuck season if you'd cut out the scenes between Applejack claiming she could buck all those apples and when she finally asks for help. There's no actual sense that anything actually happened worth knowing about. That's what I mean when I say it's all set up and conclusion.