Spike grows too big for the town of Ponyville. He decides to leave, leaving a heartbroken Rarity with an unconfessed secret behind.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 6th Apr, 2014
- offline last seen May 7th, 2014
loveismagic99
Just a rookie writer, dont hate too much.
loveismagic99
Joined 6th Apr, 2014 ·
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Not a bad concept if a little short, but the writing has a lot of problems, particularly in the second part.
though it has a few repetition problems, and that Spike's refereed to as "Princess Twilight's companion"... it is interesting and makes me want to know what happens next
We're you making a joke by intentionally writing bad fan fiction, or a serious attempt at writing? I actually started laughing at this. Practice a bit more man. If you really want to write, then just practice. However, if this was a joke and you were intentionally writing a bad fic on purpose, excellent job! I laughed so hard!
Oh my god dude, you were serious. I feel kind of bad now but you need a proof reader, there are a lot of grammatical errors and there wasn't a lot of content at all. I think you should continue writing like this and just pass it off as a parody of sorts because I just cannot stop laughing at this.
Too much exposition. Reveal backstory and character motivation through character actions and dialogue.
had some issues, but you had a great idea
4237928 kay that is a bit harsh. and trust me I know harsh. albeit I try to be analytical and riping a bad fanfic's asshole open.
3rushed9me
Great concept, decent work.
I enjoyed the story as a simple little tale, but it requires more substance to be truly good.
However, I do hope to see more from you in the future. Remember, practice makes perfect!
I was going for a short story with little substance anyways, it was meant as general concept of the love between Spike and Rarity. Though I admit it was a bit bad, but I feel I could stretch it into a huge chapter story if I wished but I just wanted a short, sweet story. Maybe my next story will be longer, have substance, and might be better. Not the best writer, that I admit but I can be decent when I try. Didn't try too hard on this one.=
Concept is good, but anyone could have come up with such easy yet effective premise. Badly written, grammatical errors and way too fast paced.
This is great! So much criticism! I need these thoughts so i may improve myself.
... Way to be a dick Twilight.
Spike just left and now you are throwing it in Rarity's face with the "I have to help Spike arrange the library this week." comment...
Appledash. . .
That ship. . .I feel like skinning my dog right now. 
4272922
My bad, I didn't realise that mistake. cx
Seeing how this is your first story,i have a feeling you are going to be a great writer
Oh ok.
Wait what?