After a tiring day at work, Carrot Top trudges home. As usual, her cross-eyed roommate, Derpy Hooves, has emptied the fridge. Nothing out of the ordinary.
However, when Derpy comes down with a case of incessant itching and what's colloquially known as "the herp walk," Carrot's day is about to become... not so ordinary.
Inspired by an episode of "2 Broke Girls". (Accordingly, Derpy is analogous to Caroline. Go figure.)
Thanks to Sage Runner, ValorlordV5, RoboRed, and MarineMarksman for editing.
Rated Teen for some language and raunchy humor. Sex tag is for sexual references in dialogue. Also, herpes.
Chapters (3)
My muffin died from writing this.
3479565
Not the muffin!
Derpy got herpes.
Why the hell hasn't that been written before?! The rhyme... It's just perfect!!!
Sequel: Dash Gets A Rash
3479695
So tragic!
3479706 3479711
No idea why I'm the first to jump on this bandwagon...
And I just might have to use that story idea sometime!
Oh yeah.. I remember that episode
Hilarious
Fine then, if we can't have buts, then we shall have BUTTS!
3479716
Hmm... Applejack Gets The Clap?
Twi Gets Fried?
I'm sure I got a few more in me...
Suuuuuure you did, bub.
This bit still fuckin' gets me.
This story made me giggle way too much in a public place. Well done!
And thereafter, Carrot Top and Berry Punch were unable to look at a muffin again without becoming slightly nauseated, which caused Pinkie Pie to be confused and disgruntled. The end.
Well, this is how I like my comedy stories, nothing too over the top to the point where it becomes ridiculous. Perfect thing to wash away the blues.
Later, at the Apple residence.
Apple Bloom: I have to pay what now?
I don't watch Two Broke Girls a lot. I've seen it a couple of times. I know Carrot Top has spoken on the show in the past, but I can't help imagining Kat Dennings' voice coming out of her mouth. And Derpy's voice when the re-edited "The Last Roundup" lends itself to her being Caroline in this instance. This is pretty funny so far. I'm really enjoying it.
Best. Euphemism. Ever.
So, what exactly are A. scopes, if you don't mind me asking?
3479716 Its always sad when the muffin gets it. Let us now have a moment of silence for all of the muffins that died writing this story.
I just knew that Derpy didn't actually have herpes and was sleepy around with all the ponies in Ponyville.
I'm going to be thinking about this the next time I eat a muffin. And I love muffins! All soft and moist... 
Yes, I mean actual muffins! The baked kind! Anyway, keep up the good work.
Herpes is never fun, but Derpy having it is hilarious.
3479732
I thought it was.
3479738
Butts for everyone!
3479743
3479751
Would you like us to assign someone to butter your moist muffin?
3479762
3479770
One of my favorite parts too!
3479781
Haha, thanks! Glad you liked it!
3479794
Poor Pinkie...
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
3479829
Oh geez....
Poor Apple Bloom... 
"Rent? But Ah don't even like musicals!"
3479841
It's not one of my favorite shows, but I do watch it occasionally. Now that I think about it... yes, Kat Denning as Carrot is perfect! And I always thought of Caroline as sort of a Derpy-esque character....
3479908
I thought so!
"A. scopes" rhymes with "banal scopes"...
3479975
3479981
Muffins, huh?
Glad you liked the story!
3480057
Indeed!
3480058
Right?!
3480132 Yes. Muffins.
Just love them.
3479738 so i cant think of any kind of pie that uses peas in them.....unless.....she meant PeaPie? *ba dum tss* If so then idk why she would want to toss them they're still good
3479908 Yes that is the best euphemism ever! I always butter muffins before I eat them. I love buttered muffins. They're the best kind. So lovely.
3480132 Thanks. It was a term I wasn't familiar with.
God this is really good!
Ahaha! My brother and I watch this show, perfect Ponyville version of it. And great use of making it a similar story but not the same word for word (which I have issues with).
Your writing is amazing! Just the perfect amount of comedy and drama. You my friend have earned a like, favorite, and a follower.
3480165
Vegetarian pot pie.
3480150
They are amazing.
3480161
Nope, you just need to cheerfully greet your butterer.
Preferably down low.
3480165
This guy had it right! 3480385
3480228
You're welcome! I saw this on my doctor's cabinets and thought of it while I was writing this...
3480258
Aww, thanks!
3480300
Haha, thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
(I thought Berry Punch as Sophie was a good idea. But who's her Oleg?)
3480305
Wow, thanks!
I'm glad you enjoyed my work! 
Damn you, Derpy...
Damn you and your herpes...
3480737
Because I can.
3481288
3481376> IKR?
3481380
Not anymore!
3479908
lets just say that its the camera that doctors use to look up your backside if you get my meaning
3480165
Might have been Shepard's Pie. That normally has peas and corn in it, though typical Sherpard's Pie also has meat in it. Typically the meat type would be lamb, or goat, or cow. It would also, in this modern era, covered by mashed potatoes.
My immediatly thought out response: "I tend to not sleep with random mares who accuse me of giving out the eternal itch"
3481553 Thanks. Its one of those things that (thankfully) I haven't had to deal with yet.
The noodles and the rolls? Oh Derpy...
The worst part is, I can guess already that Derpy is just that innocent and has NO CLUE what the other three are implying.
Derpy Herpy?
Yeast Infection?
3481537
Yes. You are now Scrotie McBoogerBalls.
3481553
Haha, thanks!
And yup, you got it!
3481563
Now I want Shepherd's Pie...
3481573
Good response!
3481616
Oh, that Derpy!
3481638
Poor Derpy, huh?
3481683
Or... herpy Derpy?
3481709
Oh geez my sides!
3481563 3480385
Hmm that sounds about right
3481563the pony derpy was with was me!
I laughed waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much reading this!
3485162
Glad you liked it!
I knew derpy fucking loved muffins, but I didn't know she loved fucking muffins. But yeah, this was hilarious!
3488465
3483721
>
<obital ion cannon solar charge 80%>
<90%>
<100%>
<enter pass code and co-ordinates>
<***** ** *** *******>
<pass code confirmed, co-ordates set, LAUNCH in 20 rels>
<10>
<0>
<orbital ion cannon primed for launch...>
<operation code name: GOLDEN STATIC FORCE!
<TARGET ELIMINATED>
you have just been killed by my orbital ion cannon, that is for ruining a goddess vessel, hope your gods have no mercy on your twisted soul.
ditzy... so literal...
i... can't BWAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~ (BWARG!!!!!!!!)!!!