Link To Sequel
When I first started writing My Little Luna, quite a few of you expressed interest in a sequel. Well, I can confidently tell you that the sequel to my most popular story is finally here, I call it;
(Link in the name)
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Alcatraz · 86k words · 157 19 · 3.3k views
- Alcatraz · 17k words · 53 12 · 1.5k views
- Melancholy Angel · 32k words · 166 26 · 6.3k views
- IAMCHEEZY · 13k words · 82 11 · 2.8k views
- Thefastspark · 25k words · 279 25 · 12k views
- CassyDashie · 2.9k words · 129 41 · 6.3k views
- Cringe Queen · 6.4k words · 34 12 · 4.1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.187 seconds
Total duration
702 users online
904,896 hits today, 1,892,089 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
4429608 There, faved it without reading it, still don't get why it deserves it though?
4509326
Read it and you'll surely discover why
4509334 Nagh, it has those things I hate in it. you know . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . words.
oh, and possible feels. My emotion can't stand them
4511212
[fedora intensifies]
4512252 th04.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2014/020/2/3/steven_universe_ponies_by_umbreongal-d732mma.png
4519548
This story was entirely written and edited by me. I had a couple friends of mine read it through and point out spelling and grammar mistakes, but that's about it. Apart from that, I don't want to change anything else because this was my first ever story, and I believe leaving it as it makes it unique. Going back through and changing things here and there would ruin it to some extent for the people who have already read it.
The thing that I've consistently noticed is that when people say there's a problem with the story, they never actually say what it is.
4519582
I would have deleted his comment, but I find peoples response to him to be rather entertaining.
4519700
Ah, I can understand that feeling. I have done the same to my old and crappy stories.
4519881
For once, I took notice of someone saying the story has issues.
I went back and fixed all that I could find.
I go into detail in this blog post.
I apologize for my earlier comment. I overreacted when I should have just walked away. For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
4520685
It's quite alright, buddy. Did you get around to finishing the rest of the story?
4523400
Chapter 14 is the original ending, the chapter titled 'Alternate Ending' is just something I wanted to do.
4522651 No, I have not.
4523691
...Will you?
4525447 I might. I'll bear the idea in mind.
4537018 probably MLD due to the dramatic reading by Mic the Microphone I mean Anthropology never got its own PIRL mini movie
good story i read the hole thing it made me almost cry
in some places it is a nice story 
4583606
Explain what you mean by 'touch', in this context...
As per the review trade we talked about, I'm here with your review from the group: Authors Helping Authors!
You mentioned that you mainly wanted some technical things, so I'm mostly sticking to the recurring formating and grammatical errors that I spotted throughout the fic. In general, however, I do have a few words: I was a little worried after getting through the first part of the fic that, given how similar the protagonist here was to the guy from My Little Dashie, that it would derivative of that other fic, but as I got deeper into the fic, I realized that this fic was more about exploring Luna's character and her unique reactions to the same situations, I became quite intrigued. It may be a worn premise, but you make it work in a as a piece that comments on the genre. Not many fics are interested in addressing the meta-narrative between tales.
Now, onto the stuff I believe you were really interested in.
The above demonstrates a recurring organizational issue I noticed throughout the fic. It's literary convention to separate to different speaker's dialogue into two different paragraphs in order to avoid confusion and to make things easier on the reader to digest. All it would take is to hit the return button right before " 'Ugh, you gave me a heart attack...' " to fix this detail. It recurs a lot throughout the fic. (Even if your readers can follow who is talking, separating each speaker up by paragraph makes it a whole lot easier).
Such as this instance too, which also is missing a period after "Luna" and and extra space between the paragraphs "My gut drops..." and "Oh, shit" as per the standard formatting you've been following so far. I'd recommend giving the entire fic a once over to catch all those.
The paragraph above, too, could use some breaking up and be reorganized by speaker. Not sure if you want to do that, because you mentioned you want to keep this as is as possible, but here's another one to consider for your future projects: when you have dialogue attribution (the stuff that follows dialogue), your readers have essentially been trained to look for the speaker's name or pronoun immediately following their dialogue. If someone else is the subject of a sentence that immediately follows someone else's dialogue, they assume immediately that it's their dialogue attribution and will usually get confused or at least stop and re-read the paragraph a few times to figure out who is doing the talking.
Here's another one I caught. There's more, but this one demonstrates just how confusing things can get. Here we have multiple speakers and dialogue attribution belonging to two different people all mixed up in the same paragraph. Luckily, if you decide you want to do something about it, the fix is as easy as hitting the return button a few times.
This one needs a period after "fine".
This one can't decide if it wants to end that dialogue line with a period or a comma. Also, there's no period after "Luna."
I couldn't point out all the missing commas, but following an introductory adverbial phrase, such as "Me being me..." a comma is always, always required. It's a grammar thing, but one that's easy to spot once you know what to look for.
I hope that all helps!
4588011
Religion does have a pretty dark history.
4588035
Your review helped greatly, and I went through and edited all of what you pointed out, and even a few others you seemed to have missed. Since you had the snippets from the chapters out of order from the chapters, it took me longer than it should have to find where all the mistakes were so I could fix them. Even the "Ctrl+F" function proved useless if I wasn't on the right chapter.
None the less, thanks for your time!
Maybe think about taking a look at the sequel, hmm? That one should not have any of the problems this did, and I put extensive planning into it.
4588133
Glad I could help, and sure, I could look at the sequel. But that'd be in a few days from now, as I promised a few others I'd take a look at their work and lend them a hand. For now, I'll add you to the queue.
4588254
Thanks for your help. I look forward to hearing from you!
4614262
Who is Conner and what has he got to do with this story?
4617148 A side story by Ceehoff which is the same author
4616370
It's THE most popular story on this site. When it got written, people decided to see how well they could adapt other ponies into the same genre.
4654916
Something like that
4616370 Immitation is the greatest form of flattery, they say.
The Library of Humanity is frankly disgusted by your choice...but it can not do anything about it in this event. You have followed our laws, and we must accept this...till a formal suggestion can be made.
4773813
I posted my story in your group, read the rules, but am still in the dark about what choice I made that you're disgusted by?????
4773850 The particular tag. We don't have a tag that fits this particular story. However, it is your choice, so long as you follow the rules.
4774063
He dead.
4775275
I am always utterly fucking blown away that things I write inspire other people to write their own stories
4793633
That's kind of indeterminate since I never said where exactly the protagonist lives, but the settings I based of several locations I've been to, and I live in New Zealand.
4809514
Thanks for pointing out that error, I fixed it
4841963
It's magic, nobody knows how the fuck it works
4841749 Similar fic, eh. Too right, I myself I'm writing one, but believe me when I say the only thing that makes it look like MLD is the beginning, and maybe not even that. That's not to say this fic isn't good, I liked it
This story was good.
4853889
Thank you
Aw, this story was sorta sweet and really good!! WIsh therewas more, I was like 'Aw, its over already??" ^^
Great job!!
4856129
There is a sequel :3
4856325 I know! ^^
4866986
You're nine months too late in replying to that
5076978 Ha!
5275304
It's a reference to Lion King, I was quoting the movie
5275340
I don't know what that is, so no.
5298609
I just rewatched the first few minutes, and it says on the holoposterythingwhichistotallyaword only "Trust me on this"
Also, nice eye of X.A.N.A.
I want to read this, I really do, but I make it a rule to avoid stories with the 'Tragedy' tag.
Some fics mis-apply the tag to mean merely a story in which there are tragic events or backstories, but others apply it to it's more... intended (I believe) meaning... namely, a Tragedy is a story in which the protagonist goes through the thick, the thin, the highs and the lows, only to fail in the end, and come up short.
It's a tag delineating a 'Bad End' as a warning to those who intend to read it.
Considering there's a sequel I'm assuming that this is not the case, but I'd like to know for sure before I start.
5796106 I guess you're right, but I'm on the wall about it. Have a read of however you much deem necessary then get back to me on whether you think it needs the tag or not and if I agree then I'll remove it
5796126
After reading through the story with both original and alternate endings, I've come to the conclusion that the Tragedy tag is altogether unnecessary. The mid-chapters are sad certainly, but do not a tragedy make.
If the ending was, however a failure of the overall conflict of the story rather than a culmination and reoslution (IE Luna was killed, or her father was, or their memories were wiped, etc.) THEN it would warrant use of the Tragedy tag.