Rarity gets her hooves on some industrial strength sleeping pills to help her get a good nights sleep from countless nights of on-and-off sleep.
Rainbow Dash gets wind of this while on one of her pranking sprees, and decides to prank Rarity while she's asleep by drawing on her face. Things don't go to plan.
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Rated 'Sex' because of a short kissing scene.
Edited and proofread by: thesaviour711, Speedyblupi, Requiem17, and last minute touch-ups by Recon777
Chapters (1)
Just to let you know, you mixed up a word in your short description:
Otherwise, looks pretty interesting. This'll be good.
It doesnt...feelcomplete...
Hmm, am I the only one thinking Rainbow's gonna draw a wiener on Rarity's forehead?
I would not want to be Sweetie right now.
This was hilarious!
5356271
Thank you, fixed!
That was great! Maybe in the future there will be a sequel where we see what happens to Sweetie Belle and Rainbow Dash; it could possibly be a slice of life.
Glad to see this put up. Alcatraz and I worked hard on it (mostly Alcatraz though)
, and I'm pretty glad that it's got good feedback. Bro Hoof-Ally! *Holds out fist*
5356325 To be fair. Rainbow could of just drawn balls under rarity's horn and made it a wiener.
This was a hilarious story. A fun little one shot i'm happy to read.
She protected her sister from vandalism and the likelihood of her raping Dash, being raped by Dash or both and that's what she gets for it?
That silly filly :(
I loved this. Dash gets to draw shit on Rarity's face, then they cuddle, make out and feel each other up, and then when the shit hits the fan, there's no blowback on Dash. Perfect!
5359028
It's always good seeing comments from you, they make me smile knowing high profile people take notice of my work.
5360203
Just like in Lunar Domination, amirite?
I'm glad my first contribution to a creative work in the Brony fandom turned out so well :D
Great story. A few grammatical errors and or style errors here and there, but after finding out what you had to go through for this story, I will limit my feedback concerning them to simply pointing them out in a quick and to the point manner.
I would've excluded the "to:", as it feels a bit distracting
possible Lavender Unicorn Syndrome? Nah, I guess that only applies if the character was previously introduced and the descriptive reference to them unnecessarily draws attention away from what is going on. Having said that, maybe you should check for yourself.
Lavender Unicorn Syndrome
okay, I don't care what you think about the first one, this one is definitely LUS. You interrupted the conversation and rarity had previously identified her as Lotus.
off of*
I think you should probably drop the semicolon.
I think that should either be "and accidentally knock" (without the comma) or "accidentally knocking".
you must have done some serious rewriting on this, because the sentence form is all jumbled.
Generally when you're trying to spite some disrespectful asshole by publishing their commission without their changes, you should make sure to give it one final personal proofreading... Unless for some reason you don't want good grammar and spelling attached to your username.
5573662
Thanks for the criticisms, I changed them all and I think it looks much better.
Also, to address the last couple points.
I don't think it would need rewriting. I think what's throwing you off is the words 'naught' and 'sought' which rhyme and could be why it sounds funny to you.
I had four people go over this. Not everyone that does proofread/edit it is going to notice everything. Different people specialize in different areas in terms of spelling, grammar, punctuation etc etc, so again I thank you for pointing out the last couple cracks which I filled in.
Also, on a side note, the "disrespectful asshole" reported me to the mods regarding this story. What the report said I have no idea, but when Eldorado bought it to my attention he told me to (after I had blocked the commissioner, whom still wanted to negotiate) "Run far far away from that guy, he's trouble." so I did just that.
Err