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I am now Princess Luna, and it’s not as fun as you might think. I don’t know what’s going on, how I got here, or what I’m going to do. Princess Celestia thinks I’m crazy, that I’ve lost my mind…
But something tells me I’m stuck here… so one way or another, I’m going to have to get used to this new life. Now if only I could figure out this stupid Magic stuff...
Story by Pinklestia with the collaboration of Rainbow Sparkle for the first three chapters.
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It seems like an okay story, but the entire chapter being one giant narration is kind of throwing me off.
Are all the chapters going to be narrated?
A collection of lie's that is all I am, stolen thought's and memories.
This is intresting tracking
All the chapter going to be narrated?
Oh PLZ DON'T DO THAT.
6723019 Since I can't help myself.
What is a man?
This choice of writing style was awful and it read like a 100m sprint, delete it and try again.
I'm sure the basic idea can work really well, but as is it feels more like a rushed chore.
the rushing prologue is okay only if you have much more things to say afterward. You could totally describe that breakfast fight better than this but you just swift the part. If every incident will be described like this, it will be a waste fora decent concept.
You might want to slow down a bit. For a girl to suddenly take over a equine body, it didn't take her long to adapt.
I'm with the others. You need to spice it up a bit. Not just narration.
6723971
If you call just going with the flow and then locking herself away for a day and a half adapting, then yes.
Remember that the Fake Luna could simply not do the common stages of "OMG I woke as a pony!" due to the fact that she replaced Luna during the second episode of the show. She was basically terrified of being vanished or killed by Celestia if she admitted the truth.
She also has been reacting more than by instinct than anything. And was basically two days and a half thinking if she should spill the beans or not.
And remember that she was lucid dreaming, meaning that she even thought about her problem while sleeping.
The reason why the Fake Luna didn't go over too many details was because from her point of view what's really important is the choice she had to do.
And yes,next chapter won't be narrated and it will be from Celestia point of view.
An interesting story so far, and I would be willing to assist with beta reading if you wish.
6724305 Not much of a psychologist to have anything against that. Just do what you got in mind, I'm not here to impose.
6722805
I'll leave that up to Pinklestia, but I don't think that's the plan for this.
6724884 Tsk.
A miserable little pile of secrets!
6725832 But it's so gloriously hammy!
Beta reader? That would certainly be interesting
6724415
Pm me then.
Huh, that's pretty neat. I came out with an idea like this... man, it feels like ages ago. That was back during the big "Alicorn OC" craze and, well, I got a little gun-shy. That said, mine wasn't nearly as cut and dry, the SI occurring literally right after the defeat of Nightmare Moon with the protagonist all jumbled from the Elements. Far from thinking her "sister" was crazy, Celestia is convinced that Luna forged a massive dreamworld to keep her consciousness busy over the many centuries till her return, and that she's mixed up fantasy with reality.
Speaking modern Equestrian and insider knowledge? She's been keeping a watchful eye on her subject's dreams since her banishment.
Seeming future knowledge? Elder Alicorns are prescient anyway, Luna just came into her power a bit late.
And so on, and so forth. So much that even the SI begins to question if he isn't really Luna, or if he's just deluding himself with memories of a life that never was. The truth... well, that was supposed to be ambiguous from the very start. Not all stories have neat little answers for everything, and sometimes you have to come to your own conclusions about what "really" happened.
Still might actually write that story at some point, a few of my friends seemed to really like the idea. That said, I don't really know if I'm ready to get started yet. I'd like to polish my writing a bit more first. Not to mention another project that I really need to flesh out more.
6732205 And you just let it go? NO!
6739113
Oh, I haven't let it go. It's just on the backburner for now.
Will you be focusing on this story, for now on?
6811430
Thank you, I am working in the second chapter but I have no clue when it will be finished.
ok you have me intrigued tell you what if you make five good chapters I will fave this story.
Okay, you've got my attention. I really, really hope this story can hold it, because I'm enjoying the premise ^^'
I like this!^_^
It's very good!^_^
Really great fanfic!^_^
Moarrrrr!!!!!!!
so she knows all the magic luna knew? somehow?
Another fine chapter.
liked and tracked
Continuing to like this story
This sounds promising!
Does this mean that she somehow can remember things in a passive way? I mean her knowing that Celestia has snack spots could be a hint, as well as the magic she can do without really thinking about it.
I would love to see more, thanks
Can I nitpick? Because I really like this story so far and I really like where this chapter is going and there is a few thing that bothered me.
First announcing the point of view. Don't. We will see for ourself, it is part of the fun of doing a chapter with another point of view.
Also, when you shifted from 3rd person narrative to first person narrative, back and forth a few time; I get it was meant to show us Celestia's thinking, but in that case it should be italicised, like you did later in the chapter.
And here:
since the following paragraphe is still not!Luna's talking, you should not place the second quotation mark.
And there was something about not!Luna's behavior that felt not rigth. Something in how the word were choosed, and how fast they were choosed despite the character not really being used to the situation yet.
I like where your going with this, Thanks for Writing!
7066943
Nope, she is just going by muscle memory and habits. Like when a person is so used to do something in certain situation it does it without thinking.
One of the reasons our Luna Replacement wants to tutor Twilight is to use it as an excuse to read a ton of magic books without Celestia there to find strange her sister is rwafing beginners book. While Twilight herself would not find strange if a teacher wanted to read all the magic books Twilight read as a child to see what modern magic teaching is like.
7067379
Spoilers!
7067646
We did had the whole previous chapter with Not Luna locking herself away for a day and a half just to think what the hay to do about her situation.
This is two days after Nightmare Moon defeat. So she had time to make a plan and sticked with it.
The whole moving the moon by instinct caught her by surprise, so did the heart song.
No she doesn't have Luna memories, but she has muscle memory and instincts and a lot of guilt and Celestia WANTS her to be the real Luna.
A faker could not have moved the moon so easily or made the stars so brilliant. Remember Celestia had a thousand years of practice she could not even make the moon not be full.
And yes the chapter needs an editor, see the author notes.
About the use of ", is clearer to read if I uae it every time the character talks.
And yes this chapter was suposed to have Celestia thoughts italicized. But I posted this using a cell phone and fimfiction is a Gilda to edit using cell.
Not to mention that Android cannot do copy paste of huge amounts of texf so yeah this chapter was a Gilda to get ready.
After hours of fighting with thecdarn auto scrolling to the botton to sp some edits I got tired and just posted it aa it was.
.
7067938 I do not know a lot of site that are android (or any other phone) friendly. From experience, it is always a big pain.
Yes, but it is still bad grammar
7067962
And if I don't, then people will conplain thats not clear when a character is talking.
Granted a work around is to add some action in the middle of the pause so is both clearer to read and correct to use the " again.
Guys, I wrote and edited most of this whole chapter using a dang cell phone. And granted I have a co author but it was still hard.
Of course there will be mistakes.
Granted I could use a computer to edit the chapter in raw text format then sent it to the cellphone using a cable usb cable and then post it using the cell, but I was tired.
7068032 Hey don't worry!
Even some of the best author (professional, not fanfiction), with plural editor and proper tool often overlook mistakes in their book. It's no big deal!
It is just a detail, but I have this awfull habbit of nitpicking things.
I don't know the perspective change i really don't know.
7069085
Well, the second chapter had Celestia's point of view to cover things that the Luna's SI can't.
Don't worry, I won't do this all the time.
This chapter is even better that the first one. Mount this story from track to favs.
I'll see where this goes.
This story is amazing, I know one day out there the author will be so very bored that they shall come back and write another chapter.
7213577
Heh, it has only been 7 weeks, the author might still be writing the next chapter (unlike other stories whose last part has been uploaded over 147 weeks ago... -_- ).
7226124 true
Well, interesting. That's just like the Luna or Who knew teleportation, if there is no concept of magic?
Interesting, read this in the weekend, pinklestia promised me moonbutt to arise over the sun!
i290.photobucket.com/albums/ll261/ARCThunder/Comedy/6IjYKvr_zps1e699111.gif
Love it keep going!!
I keep coming here hoping beyond hope that something is different, yet nothing ever changes. am i insane, i mean the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting a different result.
7341978
I am working on the third chapter and trust me, is better to wait until I get it fixed and cleaned up.