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David never did have an exciting life. He had a somewhat stable one, along with his roommate, which he considered to be his best friend.
He had a lot of expectations for his future, most were... Far reaching, so to speak. But nothing too crazy.
At least, that's what he thought.
And let me tell you, turning into a blue horse was not something within his expectations.
Disclaimer; Earlier chapters were written when I was still inexperienced. Newer ones are better in quality overall.
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Alright, quick thing to post before I finish the chapter. When a character refers to themselves with the letter 'i' it's capitalized, this also applies to contractions like; I'll, I'm, I'd, and I've. examples of such are as follows.
And my personal favorite
Other than this I have yet to find anything wrong grammatically.
Never mind, you spelled started, starded. Right near the top of the page.
Hey, would you be opposed to me just taking this story, editing the hell out of it, and giving it it back later?
Not the best but interesting enough for me to keep an eye on it.
I'm not that bothered by occasional grammar or spelling mistakes as long as I can read the story and have my curiosity latch on to it.
My biggest peeve is the big block of text and mostly only on FanFiction.net as you cannot highlight on that website.
5611233
Yeah, FanFiction.net stories tend to have walls of text that make it next to impossible to read, I don't really try to bother with stories that have walls of text, hell, I've read chapters that ARE a wall of text, literally, the hole chapter looks like a badly put together jigsaw puzzle.
5611342 If you could highlight the text it would make stories like that so much easier to read, but you can't so I don't even bother with those types of stories.
5611382
I usually read the first two or three chapters to see if the story improves, most of them don't though.
It must suck to get infected by nightmares miasma
Odd its this story has been posted in the updated section but i bont see the update....
6551897 Yeah, that was my mistake, I hit the publish button by accident
Might I recommend getting some help from The Proofreader Group? They have many proofreaders/editors that will help you for free.
6552023 I haven't gotten around to editing some of the older chapters, since I posted them 1 year ago
but grammar improves greatly in chapter 3 and 4, any grammar mistakes there are mainly autocorrect fails or typos, thanks for the suggestion though!
I smiled at that last part.
Dale these are fake game tickets they say Texas v.s Nebrasky
Show me someone that says they expected that and I'll show you a liar
you would be jealous of yourself?
...also, if he say you?
6562254 Wonder how the hell I didn't notice that, I blame sleep
the spelling errors are real
don't use your flip phone you dingus
6569154 The thing is, I used my computer to write the first 3 chapters 1 year ago, the other three I did with my phone.
I work in mysterious ways.
Alright, this is fun so far^^ I hope to read more!
Poor Sparkle ...
6562254 Hey Radio. I was checking out random stories and saw you chilling down here. So I figure you can save me the trouble and tell me if reading this story is worth it.
As for you mr/ms. author, I don't mean to sound rude in this comment if that is how you take it. I just come down to the comments to see if any point out significant flaws that would break a story for me. Finding someone that I know makes things easier so I hope you understand. Have a nice day.
6575170 Don't worry, I don't get offended easily. I blame my internet experience
6575170
it's pretty much what you'd expect out of a human turned into Luna story
some points to be made
-starts of on earth. by chapter 3 he's in Equestria
-REAL Luna is still around. now there's two at least that's what's implied
-main character is a "deal with things as best you can... until you reach a certain point, after that its fuck-this-shit o'clock" kind of character.
you know, the kind of character that freaks out if the toilet starts to over flow and after an hour of work trying to fix it accidentaly breaks a pipe and gets sprayed with water just stands of and says "ok, screw this. i'm going to get a drink and deal with the consequences later".
that kind of character.
all in all it's a short, shenanigans driven story.
seriously. under 11,000 words as of writing this. it's all shenanigans, (so far). there isn't a lot of room for much else at this point
oh. and this is also true
they really are getting better
for a first writing attempt, well, I've seen worse
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
that's my take on it.
i'm probably gonna do what I usually do
stick around a while later. maybe make a helpful comment or two, who knows
I can see the writing getting better and there's a good possibility of a real story, maybe, being made here
waiting till this baby hits 15,000 words to make a real comment on it.
6575786 Looks like it's a story I'm going to try then. Thank you for your input Radio, and before I go...
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSFvbYOPeZa6fyFfzOYaXsJby6fTdqdMq_ZRBpDZgRu3kgT8Q-o
I found this and thought that you'd love to see it.
6575281 I'm glad I didn't offend you. Also I am going to give your story a read so yay. As for the internet making it so you can't get offended, was the first thing you were told when you got on here anything like this?
pmslweb.com/the-blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/11-your-opinion-on-internet-meme.png
6576197 Seems like an accurate representation of everyone's first time on the internet.
6576190
aawww
found this as thanks
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/6/20/10875.gif
Why the Hank Hill... just, why?
6562547 Sleep is for the people with out internet.
So he was able to use keys with hooves?
Also another thing. It's probably a little late for that, but how come that after the accident noone was calling an ambulance or looking if he was alright? Or were his car that far off the street that nobody noticed him?
6617556
I figured since ponies could bend their hooves to pick up cups and such, them they would be able to use keys without direct magic.
He was driving in a forest area, at night. anyone passing by would have not noticed it.
Waiting for next Chapter.........
he was so blase near the end of the chapter
last sentence left me with a palm shaped bruise on my forehead (hint hint)
1.bp.blogspot.com/-OI7DYwGTjXI/U6tupz_lLFI/AAAAAAAAAvc/E4DpJ1nVrWU/s1600/Triple-facepalm-picard-812.jpg
Too short!
6678571
>[Insert dick joke.]
I'm sorry.
Please make the next chapter longer
6678598 And so you should be.
fallout 4. i know that feel
game or fic .. game or fic ... mm... dificil opcion -.-
LET ME EDIT FOR YOU. THESE WORDS WOUND ME.
6678859 Calm thy tits Dayne, those where written 1 year ago, back when I was still a scrub.
You put out 2 chapters in about 28h, if you update often even if they are short that is ok in my book. And yes fallout eats time like its candy.
you mispelled heard with head
6692808 Thanks! fixed.
"Have any if you head that the bird is the word?"
I like this story
don't get the copy part at all.
6693223 Tried fixing it to make it more understandable.