NOTICE: Yes, we are still looking for an Editor and or Beta Readers for this story. Any help will be apreciated!
You ever wondered what it'd be like to be a pony? Yeah, well good for you. Unfortunately thinking about it and actually living it are two entirely different things.
Seven unlucky humans find themselves thrust into the bodies of seven very special ponies. Though they are special, they are not who one would expect. They are:
Twilight the Wish Granter.
Moondancer the Dream Weaver.
Firefly the Dancing Daredevil.
Posey the Gentle Gardener.
Sparkler the Diamond Diva.
Silly 'ol Surprise.
And of course the clumsy but well-meaning Applejack.
Join these seven unlucky souls on their journey as they are thrust into a struggle for survival in a rapidly changing world. Will they manage to survive? Or will the challenges presented be too great for them?
Story by Pinklestia with the collaboration of BreakDown
Not bad, but there's some awkward phrasing, minor typos, and extraneous detail.
It's too bad Moon Dancer didn't have a PTEK.
This is okay so far, but needs a proofreading and editing pass. I'll be watching for future updates, and hoping the quality improves.
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Since this story mostly involves G1 and the characters of Friendship is Magic only get mentioned, I was unable to get a beta reader for this story.
4691511 What editing/proofreading groups have you searched?
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The three editors I use for Fim stuff, and I looked at fanfiction.net beta readers. Is been months and no dice, so the choice was to edit the story myself as best as I could or just never publish it. I really like the story so it was the former.
4691801 And that's completely fine. There are some editing groups on this site that are worth looking into.
Here's an assortment that should cover just about any writer's skill level:
Authors Helping Authors
School For New Writers
The Proofreader Group
Overly Extensive Editors
Writers and Reviewers Institute for Technical Excellence
Hey, you are using the G1 ponies!
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Yes, that was the idea.
Go on
Great man. Gimme moar!
This is a great story, please sir, may I have some more?
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More after the holidays, for now, have a Happy Heart Warming Eve and a Happy New Year!
The diary dialogue was a good way to mix things up.
However, I don't think I'll be able to buy it if your remaining characters also have convenient dialogue partners. If the Moondancer's internal conversations and Eris will be important elements, that's one thing. At the moment though, they just seem like crutches. I notice this because I'm stuck with opposite extreme in my writing: having nothing but monologues.
At any rate, that's my biggest complaint. It's certainly an original concept.
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Moondancer does tends to talk to herself. Eris is Firefly's imaginary friend, she is there because is a way for Firefly to deal with the situation. Posey has her sister because we wanted at least one little girl who loved ponies. Twilight is talking to someone else, but we don't know yet who. I guess we could make it so the next pony doesn't talk to anyone... in fact, we might just do that.
And yes, Moondancer inner monologue and Eris are important characters.
Go figure Firefly is one of those hippy furry new age flower child Tulpamancers.
This story isn't bad so far. Needs more interaction. Not like, outrunning the entire military just yet, but more interaction between ponies, or isolated incidents or something. In particular Moondancer should have been ripped apart by protective dogs at least three times in this chapter. You think your dogs are just big softies who wouldn't hurt a fly until an animal gets in the house and then you start to see just what they'll do to something unfamiliar to them. That'd make for a rather quick ending though, so something like the dogs still recognizing her somehow, or not referring to giant piles of big dogs at all. Or maybe if they're like, rat terriers who can't do more than worry at her hooves. But those would bark up a storm, and then where would she be? Well, to venture a guess I'd say running for her dignity full tilt out of the house without so much as an explanation with the little yappy dogs hot on her heels the whole time. But I really couldn't say where she would be for sure.
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These are are farm dogs, so they are used to the smell of equines. Even if one of them woke up and saw Moondancer, it would not really make much of a fuss. If we where talking about city dogs, then yes, they would react to an unfamiliar smell. But so far, all they had to react was a small horse that due to having a few items from the human Moondancer used to be, also had a faint smell of a human they are familiar with.
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Oh, yeah sorry I had Moondancer confused with that other pony. Didn't remember she grew up on a farm.
Anyway it's not a real nitpick, just trying to give examples of what I mean by "more interaction"
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Firefly was the pony who almost got injured by a dog. That gets mentioned in chapter two. Also, Firefly seems to be the only pony so far who mentions waking up as a pony in a different place that they went to sleep in as human. Twilight might or not have gone to sleep in her bed and woke up in the beach as a pony, but it doesn't get mentioned, just the fact that she was in the beach as a pony.
And there will be more interactions, but I want to introduce all the ponies first. Even if we skip Moon Dancer for the next few chapters. we still have to write about three more ponies.
Heey, that's about the size of a normal Mobian (Sonic the Hedgehog series)! I wonder if there are others changed into something other than ponies...
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The scale might not be accurate, since she did not measure herseft with a ruler or something.
Good and interesting story so far ^^
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Thank you, writing seven ponies plus humans is hard even if is two persons writing the story.
Yaay a update \o/
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Yes, but still no beta reader and or editor -_-
6099139 I can try if you like =o
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Go ahead!
hmmmm......
Moondancer, Sisterhooves Social. That's as eggs as they come.
So Sparkler is sort of cross between Rarity and Sunset Shimmer.
....ok
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We are using G1 ponies, using both the UK comics and the G1 cartoon as reference. But you are have to rememberer there are humans transformed into ponies, so personalities might not match well. Having seven characters means we can have all seven be different and react to the transformation in different ways.
6235328 I take it your favorite food is spam.
Idk if I want to start reading this or not xP
An interesting first chapter. With hope when I read the next chapter, I'll find out how the person stuck in Twilight ended up in that body, and how the heck the poor Moondancer is going to end up in Equestria.
Or, rather, on Earth, or wherever they all are exactly. There are implications that one of them is on Equestria, or somewhere else, while another seems to be on Earth.
Shall read the next one soon. And also, I'd be happy to be a pre-reader.
So so very interesting so far!
Moondancer is giving me a vibe like this thing.
I really hope Surprise knows what she—or he is doing. She gives me the impression of someone who thinks she's being all mysterious and secret planny, but in the end most of it is a front for a pony who's just as lost as anyone else. But... she can fly, so she really might be the key to getting everypony together, just because she can fly from one to the other quickly if she can find them.
Other weird plants from the pony's world:
Witch Weed - addictive herb that grants magic powers to Catrina (a weed that's created with a machine? oh G1 never change)
This Thing - whose sap is an ingredient to making The Smooze.
These... uh... things... that apparantly have the power to suck the lifeforce out of anything
There's the Moochick's mushrooms. Technically not plants, but eh, take what you can.
Really, not many unusual plants in the MLP show. More often strange creatures.
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Well, Surprise is a lot like Pinkie Pie, only focused on surprises and with a lot less reality warping. She basically abuses her talent to be a ninja. As long as she eventually surprises the target, she can be super sneaky.
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None of them are in Equestria.
Yeah...Earth is going to turn into Equestria isn't it?
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Spoilers ahead!
3
2
1
Do you really think these mares will let that happen? Remember one of them can grant wishes. That's all gonna say about it.
Bad touch BAD TOUCH
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Isn't Twiight's "wish granting" ability limited to taking several seconds to psych herself up before managing to teleport about 10 feet?
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You only saw the Midnight Castle movie, right?
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No, I just have a really bad memory. She wasn't the one who made all that angry furniture, was she? Something about Katrina?
She sure couldn't stop the Smooze...
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In the comics she could grant wishes. In the cartoon that would have invalidated a lot of the arcs and taken protagonism out of Megan, so that's why Firefly was used a lot more.
Same reason why Queen Majesty was only used in the comics.
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...there were G1 comics?
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Yes, Hasbro made sure both MLP and Transformers had comics as a way to sell more toys.
I like it. I do not regret losing sleep to read this.
I probably will regret it at school though...
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Thank you. And caffeine helps!
.. oh my.. , have to re-read all story ...