Would you rather die, or become a slave to darkness?
NB: This is a continuation of a comic dub I found on youtube. You can find the link here and there. You MUST watch it before reading this, otherwise it won't make any sense haha. Also, I'm yet to come up with a decent description of this so it may change at some point, as will the tags.
This takes place in the same universe as the IDW Comics that featured Rarity turning into Nightmare Rarity.
Dialogue sentences that appear in italic is the conglomerated voice that gets mentioned, so don't get it confused with normal dialogue or words that appear in italic in the middle of other sentences.
Chapters (6)
This could use another editor, or perhaps a more thorough editing process, but overall, I liked it. The pacing was good, the characters were in character, and I liked the premise. Good work.
I really like the idea behind this story. It needs some editing, but you still got my like and fav!
i really like this, but can she fall in love with sombra if her mind slowly turns to darkness? because that would be....cute in a..way
Either you die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
3630576
I'm pretty sure that line is from Doctor Who but I might be mistaken XD
3630112
Yeah, sorry about the poor editing job :(
My usual editor has been AWOL, and his editing skills are the bomb so I've had to turn to other people to help edit, and I can't say for certain how good their editing skills are.
3631398 The Dark Knight. This is the movie that it appeared in.
3630333
Hmmm, I think the words you're looking for would be "disturbingly cute"? XD
3634974
yep disturbingly cute it is
but i really hope that actually does happen....
3630249 Nyan cat is a pop tart...
"Well we're fucked." - PONY.MOV Spike
that... was... Awesome!!! You just got 1+ Favorite and like
lol pinkie pie "im pinkiaminea bitch" best line ever
"we are, LEGION!"
A mass effect reference!
3712032
I haven't played that game so it behooves me to tell you that's not where I got it from, sorry XD
You might want to consider getting a second editor. There are far too many errors and tense confusions. Other than that, keep it up.
If there are errors then it would be helpful if you pointed them out. Having said that some words are spelt differently from one country to another. The tense confusion is my fault, I need to teach myself to use them correctly.
The stories fine to add to the group but it's more badass nightmare then twilight
I just knew Pinkie would break the laws of physics.
I really like this story by the way. Keep it up! (Malevolent Spell is awesome, too)
Wait I havent started this story yet
well now I have another reason to put off reading it
3787640
Did you want to wait until I had finished it before reading?
Well... good luck finding a job
3787669 Yeah on authors that I'm not sure if their going to finish a story I usually wait for them to finish the story before I will read it
3788155
I have every intention to finish it, just now's not a good time because personal life is catching up
NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! My favourite character has been taken from me
Why didn't she just convert them all then and there? Wouldn't that have made more sense?
4682708
This story was a bit of a fail from the get-go. Since this story, I decided not to wing it and write chapters on a weekly deadline like what I did for this. It usually causes undue stress from not being able to keep a schedule from other things going on.
I suppose it would have made more sense to do that, but I didn't put enough thought into this story for it to be remotely good.
Wait, where was Discord during all of this couldn't he have helped
4707050
I never actually thought about him...
4707103 Oh, I only meant it as a joke
I love it when evil wins.
4682708 Predators like to play with their food, and Malevolent seems no different. I like this though, allows for more drama etc
clever way to give Twilight her own nightmare a name. I must ask does this foreshadow something
4813581
Just you keep reading
You should make an alternate universe story where twilight/Melevolent spell succeeded in turning all her friends to the darkness and even turn luna back to nightmare moon and turn Celestia evil and have it so it forces the elements of harmony to find new hosts and have a great battle to turn everyone good. Even include Discord to help the new elements of harmony to over throw the evil mane six and the evil princesses. I t5hink that would be an epic story. I would for sure read THAT story. just an idea
4816182
It's certainly a good idea I'll give you that much.
4816443 So I guess that is a "No" then well that is a shame. Oh well you are the author. But seriously That was the best story I have read
Errors all over the place. I won't be reading further.
4838208
This was literally the second story of my FIMFiction writing career, of course it will still have errors. You could at least do me the favour of pointing them out instead of griping about them; the latter isn't going to do anyone any favours.
I'd rather die, honestly. I refuse to be a slave to anyone or anything. Willing agent, now, that's a different story...
When the voices started saying
I thought of this:
5504851
That is too fucking funny
"Just remember, Twi, don't apply logic to Pinkie."
oops, I do that all the time.
4816443 Plz write that!
7061290 You're the first comment I've had on this piece of trash in over a year XD
3768284
I agree with you
3712032
Or Bible reference which it most likely is.
7061417
This story isn’t trash, *holds up empty popcorn bag* THIS is trash.