When Twilight had settled into her home/workplace at the Golden Oaks Library, she noticed something absolutely dreadful—almost no one came in for a book. As a matter of fact, ponies only seemed to enter the tree when there was an event or some mandatory meeting.
The only ponies she could remember actually borrowing a book were her five close friends and Cheerilee. Not to say that Cheerilee wasn't a friend, but she was legally required to do so as a teacher and thus didn't count.
But after Pinkie inadvertently plants a certain seed in her head, Twilight thinks she knows exactly what will get these ponies' attention.
A party.
Big thanks to those who took their time to help me polish this thing.
Neko Majin C
Unimpressive Vagaries - This guy has one story. But it is also awesome. Read it. Seriously, you should. It'll put a smile on your face.
PropdowPony
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1235_Discord_go_on.gif
("Let the games begin...")
Well.......hey shit!
Yes?
You're about to go down.
Aaahhh Pinkie, your utter lack of social skills is as evident as ever. This is probably not going to end well, but as long as someone reads something, then mission accomplished.
Will this be like Spongebob's House Party, or a total train wreck? Either way I foresee shenanigans.
Spongebob esk freakout about the time, CHECK!
Introductions to your close friends, CHECK!
Up next: reading the newspaper comics! WOOO!
3298765 Do you seriously think Twilight would read from the newspaper comics? Of course not, she'd read an excerpt from 'The Extended Encyclopedia of Endless Enumerations of Ennui.'
3298953 Actually I was expecting the party to fall apart by now, so I really don't know what to expect
I'm going through chapter two... and its a good thing I chose this story to begin with. basic, intermediate, or advanced. It raises a good example of character development, and I should really work on that through and through with story I'm writing. Plus I should focus on a little more humor in my own. But I'm thoroughly enjoying this.
Grand Work, I applaud. It's good inspiration for me :3
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I inspired someone?!
And thanks for that by the way.
Oh, and welcome to FiMFiction!
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Thanks, I appreciate the welcome.
All was well in the end ^^ Even if that Wall of Text put everyone to sleep.
And by the by, My goodness when I reached that Wall of Text... or not even-When Twilight whipped out the STACK of cards I was at first going "D: No... No no not now!~" And that this couldn't happening. But thanks to --->
Also. Yes I know what you mean, folding a softcover book until both covers touch IS a crime against humanity. I think there was a time I saw someone doing so at the school library, and even the librarian did little to stop him. So I walked up and gently got my hands on both covers and opened it to a proper 180*. And wagged my finger in his face.
Gave him a pat on the shoulder and plopped down in the seat next to him to make sure he didn't do it again. Good thing he was a buddy of mine. That might have been creepy otherwise.
This might actually work out like Twilight planned - everypony reading. As long as she doesn't stop them because it's not happening exactly the way she planned that is...
Twilight STPA! Let your friends have fun with the reading.
As I've said before, its a great story. And I'm thoroughly enjoying it every trot of the way.
I await the next chapter.
Silence, after being overthrown, led a successful revolution and established a democratic government that watched over the party (Twilight’s party that is). Not long after though, the Quiet government was subsequently impeached due to citizen dissatisfaction.- Okay, that line was just pure gold my friend, like something out of a Diskworld or Hitchhiker's Guide novel. Also have to commend you on making the relatively shortness of the chapters work in your favor, most of the time 1000 or so word per chap works tend to be... well, shit. But this, this is not shit. Having not read the whole story yet, I can only give one pinkie smile so far, but I'm enjoying the ride never the less.
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That is really good to hear. Thank you for that.
If you like Pratchett's style of comedy, then it's a good thing you watched because I am also working on another story that I think you would like.
Chapter One: Why a Part?:
The comma after home should be a semicolon; and the comma after the "the" looks odd.
You may want to watch out for that "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome." Resort to it only once; any other time refer to the character by name, especially around dialogue.
A word is missing here.
I would like to take a look inside that book.
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In regards to the first: Ugh... Sometimes I get really confused about when I'm supposed to whip out the ol' semicolon.
In regards to the second: I am aware of LUS, that part was done purposefully like that. Seriously, read ahead and you'll see I don't have that problem. To elaborate, notice that I stopped calling her unicorn once her name was spoken in active dialogue. It was a sort of method of introducing you to the two ponies.
Third: I knew I was blind to simple errors like that at this point.
Fourth: You would, wouldn't you?
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I found one more in the google docs that I missed here:
It may look better if the apostrophe s after town was replaced with a "has."
Chapter two: The Twilight Party List:
These quotation marks should be double, not single.
A comma may be nice here.
The "effectively" seems to be in the wrong place.
This sentence may be pregnant because it has not yet gotten its period.
A comma might be nice here.
This story, so far, is an enjoyable bit of light reading that is worthy enough to be added to my favorite list. I shall continue reading later, while my boss is not over my shoulder.
Still reading. ^^ Still enjoying it.
That little smidget at the end with Caramel and Wind Whistler was pretty amusing.
Not to mention the Spike Dilema, which I found VERY much in his character x3
Just so much to like about this.
So, I did a bit of reading into what exactly Lavender Unicorn Syndrome is and how you can combat it (as you've seemed to have problems with it before. Here's what I've come up with: if the stating of a color or attribute of a character adds nothing to the scene, omit it and instead use the characters name, or simply a "he/she/it."
Here are some examples. Red is dead, green is... good? Ugh, rhymes...
"I love books!" the lavender unicorn exclaimed.
"I love books!" she exclaimed, her lavender coat shimmering in the moonlight.
"Apples are my specialty," the pony with the apple cutie mark said.
"Apples are my specialty," Applejack said, displaying her apple cutie mark.
Notice that the green examples contribute to the scene. We already know that Twilight is lavender colored and that AJ has an apple cutie mark, what we didn't know was that Twilight's coat was shimmering in the moonlight and that Applejack turned slightly to show her customer her cutie mark.
Get it? =)
Oh, also, have a like, courtesy of your proofreader. Yay!
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