I already have an account on Deviantart too so I have fan art there if you wish to see it.
When ponies are born, they are born with different body parts such as Unicorns have horns and Pegasuses have wings but for the Earth ponies they have nothing. Having nothing special about them leads them to cry out for help and it shall be responded.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Somehow the story image reminded me of the Iron Giant
Have a free like, because lobster doesnt give a shit
I like your concept!
If you don't mind, a few tips, always make a new paragraph every time some pony new is talking, and remember to show not tell.
i.e.
While walking away, a large wagon speeds toward Pinkie. Pinkie Pie screams as the wagon is about to hit her. In a split second, Rainbow Dash swoops down and saves Pinkie from the wagon. "Wow thanks Rainbow Dash!" said Pinkie in relief. "No problem!" She then dashs into the sky out of sight. "Wow Rainbow Dash's wings are very useful! If it were not for them I would be a goner!" says Pinkie with a smile on her face.
=== You could write it as====
Pinkie trotted away, humming to herself when a wagon overshadows her. In a panic, she screams, an impact coming from a quick force to the side instead of painful one to the front. Pinkie bounces back to her hooves as a rainbow colored pegasus dusted her off with a wing.
"Wow, thanks, Rainbow Dash!" said Pinkie, sighing in relief.
"No problem!" shouts Rainbow as she dashes back into the sky, disappearing among the clouds.
Pinkie lingered in her spot for a moment. Wow, she thought. Those wings are a lifesaver! Pinkie smiled as she started towards Twilight's house.
=========
It's not perfect, but I hope you get some sort of help from it.
Earth ponies have nothing special about them? You mean nothing besides their strength, endurance, and connections with nature? Ha.
But even that's small potatoes to the story itself. Pinkie Pie is depressed because she can't do anything special. Are you understanding what you're writing? Pinkie Pie. Depressed. For not being able to do anything special. Did you somehow not watch Feeling Pinkie Keen?
379839>>379839 just go along with the story, it will get much better. And yes I admit the beginning is kind of bland but it gets really intense later on. I haven't even write how this story will be a dark genre yet! Right now it's pinkie pies moment to shine in the story, it will become much more bleak when Twilight and Fluttershy join in.
379826 thank you. Words of advice are always great to me as long as they are good.
381888
Another thing just to put out there,
if you're confused on why a character is doing something, just ask Why, and see if it properly justifies it.
I.e.
Rarity was passing by Fluttershy's house when she saw the yellow pegasus covered in mud and dust with a bucket in her mouth while standing near the chicken coop.
Why was Rarity going by Fluttershy's house? She was on the way to Sweet Apple Acres.
)
Why? Rarity was going to pick up apples for her first attempt at baking.
Why couldn't she get apples from the market and why is she baking?
Rarity thought they would be cheaper coming from her friend and she wanted to throw a small birthday bash for her cat (crazy cat lady in the making
and for Fluttershy
Why was she near the chicken coop? She was cleaning it out.
The bucket? It holds water for cleaning.
Why is she letting herself get so muddy? Because apparently, as long as it has to do with animals (minus dragons) Fluttershy can handle anything,( although the claim that Fluttershy would be bothered by a bit of mud is also shaky.)
Although you don't have to reveal all these details in the actual story, it helps me to know why and why my characters are running around everywhere. If it seems to you that Pinkie Pie or any other pony is acting out of place, just backtrack what they did and ask why.
To everyone that reads this, the cover picture I put for the story is not permanent. I just put it for now to show a somewhat representation of the story. I'll being adding the true one soon.