The Dragon Tree. Supposedly the birth place of dragonkind, the tree's sap is known in dragon lore as being a magical cure for just about any ailment or malady one could have.
When Rarity falls ill with a terminal virus to which there is no cure, Spike will have to brave the unknown reaches of the dragon homeland to search for the fabled lost tree in the hope that its sap can cure her.
Along with Zecora, he must battle foes he never imagined and prove his worth to the legendary guardians of the tree. Only then will he have a chance to save the one he loves.
Rated teen for some mature themes and occasional language.
Chapters (6)
Nice beginning, looking forwards to seeing where you go with this!
...more? soon? please?
3161365 Soon.
3161381
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whoops, sorry, wrong image. I meant:
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I like this chapter... ANOTHER!
Quite the promising start, and always good to have another Spike adventure/Sparity fic to follow! I look forward to more updates!
I'm looking forward to see your Zecora impressions!
I'll have to say though that I think you're telling to much of what is to happen in the description.
And one tiny thing:
One 'had' too much.
Might I ask what kind of scale (wordwise) you're aiming at with the story?
3161660 Zecora is one of those characters that it is hard but satisfying to write for. She makes her appearance in the next chapter and has plenty of lines.
Story is going to be a minimum of 30,000 words at a guess over no less than 6 chapters. I've got the second chapter almost finished and I know exactly how I'm going to end it. The scene in which Spike actually finds the tree is also fully written in my head.
I know where I'm going with this story. I just need to sit down and write it.
3161814
I know that feeling, but the blank page sometimes refuses to bow to what I had planned. It's good to know though that you're done with the planning.
Good job so far, it's not surprising that this story is so high on the hot stories list so fast. Congrats on the great work, I can't wait for the next chapter.
This story is great already the suspense is killing me what happened to rarity I must know
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Spike and the Dragon Tree
Grammar score: 9 / 10. Flawless for the most part, but remember that when you have two independent clauses joined by a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or or,) then you need a comma. Example
Pros
-Very suspenseful end to the chapter.
-You do a good job writing both Spike and Rarity, and both sound like they do on the show.
-Good job pacing the introduction of the problem; it was just right, not too fast, not too slow.
Cons
I know I'm supposed to give three as per the rules of the Authors Helping Authors group, but I didn't see anything beyond minor nitpicking. I can only find two things to recommend.
-Shorten your long description a little bit, because it's a tad long and it might make some people not want to read the story. I'd take out the questions "Will Spike" because it's redundant and most people would probably wonder that without you posing it as a question
-Maybe add the title to your cover art, because right now there is a lot of white space both below and above the tree that is just begging to either be filled or trimmed.
Notes Section
-Ever read It's A Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door? The plot of this reminds me a lot of that, in a good way.
-
Should be "flipped the sign."
-Overall, a great beginning to a promising story. I look forward to more. Liked and faved as per the rules of the group, but I would have anyway
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story:
Sufficient Unto the Day
Wow, how do you write so well? I am seriously impressed by this story, I look forward to both future chapters and stories.
Twilight was shockingly frank with Rarity about her condition. I know you needed to inform the readers about the disease and set the stakes for the story but it makes Twilight seems completely unphased by Rarity's sickness.
3178270 Twilight has always struck me as a fairly direct character, similar to Applejack. She would want to be honest with Rarity, as lying to her now will get her nowhere later. She had to be strong for the sake of the others. She is going to have a more private breakdown in the next chapter.
I always love your stories they always go into great detail and now I cant wait for the next chapter
3214883 The next chapter is going to delve more into Zecora's character before she comes to Ponyville. Expect an origins story that reflects my headcanon.
Hey there Fimbulvinter. You didn't ask for any reviewing, but reading this chapter I noticed a thing: You tell far too much what could (or should) be shown. Example:
You could have painted a far more powerfull picture here: Rainbowdash pawing the ground, her head lowered, ready to attack. Fluttershy's previously anxious face taking on a stern, determined expression. I noticed you're going for an omniscient narrator here, but just telling us that all are focused on their individual tasks and nopony had any questions is kinda cheap.
Another example:
This is the first time in the chapter you switch to Twilights POV, and it is to avoid telling us what happens to Rarity's facial expression in favour of telling us Twilight's interpretation.
This sounds incredibly weak. I admit that I have a disdain for adverbs, but this is also just telling in the way that you don't show us what she does, but rather tell us the way we are to interpret it.
Again, Twilight's POV to camouflage telling. How does conceiled fear sound like? We don't know, you never showed us, just told us that Twilight heard it.
My critique notwithstanding, I'm curious where you'll take that story. I'll have to shelve the most recently published chapter in favour of sleep, though. I'm also curious if you'll clear up how Rarity contracted that extreme disease. I must admit that I don't think a highly contagious, almost 100% lethal disease is something that could just float around Equestria without causing widespread epidemics. Of course for a propper assessment you'd need information regarding trade routes, population densities yadda yadda, but to set things into perspective, I think the Black Death had a mortality rate of "just" 70% - 90%.
Missed a quotation mark.
Aside from the accidental possessive noun, you should also insert a line break before that sentence. The scene up until that point was from Rarity's point of view. But when her friend steps outside the bubble shield, there's no line break to indicate the sudden transition to Twilight's point of view.
That's all I can find serious fault with. Excellent work on Zecora's rhyming!
Everything since the somewhat lackluster prologue has been a heck of a lot more enjoyable to read. It's moving along at a nice even pace, the journey ahead just got much more exciting with a look at the map, you're doing an above-average job with Zecora's rhyming, and even the prose is made a little more colorful with nifty words like "scuttled", "dicey", and "kitted". And major points to you for typing "fool" instead of "foal".
I wasn't sure about favoriting this after the first two chapters, but this one clinched it for me. This is one for Equestria Daily, no doubt about it.
Oops.
3255210 Thanks for sticking with it.
I'm not planning to submit to EQD. They are notorious for being elitists regarding fic quality, and with less than thirty up votes, I don't think this has a chance.
3255643 Do it anyway. If my stuff can get featured, this sure can!
This chapter is brilliantly amazing I can't wait for the next chapter
Poor Sweetie Belle.
Poor Opal.
Too bad Pee Wee isn't here.
It sure is disheartening to read such a great chapter only to reach the bottom and see a grand total of two comments. This fic deserves so much more.
I love the fact that this adventure is exclusively for the Element Bearers' two closest non-pony friends. They're another pair of characters who are both closely associated with Twilight but scarcely get any interaction whatsoever (much like Spike and Trixie).
Using a different rhyme scheme for a different zebra character was also a pretty unique idea. Though it must suck, since the poor guy's only options are speaking in full stanzas or keeping his trap shut.
And then there's this:
I don't know whether to applaud you or facepalm.
3367584 For a while, I was going to use haiku style for Zecara, but decided that Limerick form had the potential for more laughs.
Feel free to faceplam at will. I never really liked that line, but couldn't think of anything else to add in that would work as a goodnight.
No Spike mentioned in Rarity's last words and gets a backhanded compliment by having the leftover gems no one wants to buy. Sheesh, that's harsh
:"It ain't easy being a support character."
3551410
For the one who's making the journey to a mythical place to find a cure that may or may not exist for who he believes to be his true love, Spike's getting jack squat.
Spike wasn't included in that could be supposedly Last Will of Generosity.
3551410>>3551477>>3551714 Remember, Rarity doesn't know that Spike is gone yet. Nopony has told her about the supposed cure, so she is expecting to be able to bequeath something to him now while she is still alive, rather than after she is dead.
That made me cry. it was so sad. Why did it have to be rarity that got gravely ill
3554271 Because reasons. The way this is going to end, it couldn't have been anypony else
They can't afford to waste even a second when it comes to a life in danger.
Wow. Rarity's will was genuinely painful to read. Were Spike to hear it - whether he went on that quest or not - he would be deeply, deeply, wounded. And if this story wasn't already about Spike, I would've stopped reading and downvoted at that point. No doubt this is going to cycle around to something? Some emotional devastation after he gets back and sees what she wrote?
The reason for Cheerilee's presence was a nice surprise. You let us believe for a duration that she was only meant to suit the logistics of the story, and when Rarity's Element came up I thought it was just going back to Celestia. Then the two issues clanked together and dismissed each other while cracking open a new development.
3553400 Regardless, it's still pretty cold that she didn't list him among her closest friends.