How far would you go to run from a lost love? In this interpretation of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, an unlikely pair has the same answer: a procedure to literally erase each other from their memories.
But they soon learn that love will find them, regardless of whether or not they remember it.
Quick heads-up: This is my first fic, so constructive criticism is appreciated! Shoot me an email at gifsthebrony@gmail.com [gifsthebrony is my old username; changed it to UtterlyLudicrous awhile back.]
Chapters (8)
I will say with pride that I am the one who asked that this would be written.
Just sayin'
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And for that, I thank you.
It probably won't be done for awhile, but I'll update it periodically.
1669355 Welcome
And I'm okay with it being updated rarely. At least it exists now.
Hey man, its Austin Jacobs, from SCV Bronies
So, I like it so far, a few things I could say, though, would be that I found myself a bit confuzzled when reading the "journal" entries...
I'm not entirely sure whether he was writing these things or reading them. And if he was reading them, why are they significant? These are things you should attempt to focus on.
ONE MORE THING! (http://tinyurl.com/alwtfb7)
"It’s such a ridiculous phenomenon... Why do I have to fall in love with every mare I see who shows me the least bit of attention? I don’t even know this crazy-looking rainbow pegasus..."
This read very unnaturally to me, especially because one can assume that "I don't even know this crazy-looking rainbow pegasus" is the most BLATANT foreshadowing I have ever seen lol
Foreshadowing is meant to be noticed only when the prophecy comes true, not when it is prophesied...if that makes sense!
If i could summarize, I would say that this chapter comes across as only slightly...forced...
If you could...put yourself into a mental position where you can VISUALIZE exactly how YOUR thought process would go in situations like this.
It will make the reader become more attached to the character, especially a tragic character, into which Spike (I assume) will soon be developed .
That's all I've got for this chapter...I will happily give more as i read on
Feel free to PM me or Facebook message me if you need me to clarify anything!
When did he start drawing her? I thought he was writing every single thought down in his journal as they come to him. Is he doing both at the same time? How many arms does this guy have? And then he keeps writing down all his reactions during their conversation?
We could use some context here about what's actually going on.
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Gotcha.
Thanks for your feedback, man.
The first two chapters were initially in script format, not story format. I converted them after I read the rules, so there might be some missing information in there.
Yes, the foreshadowing is supposed to sound obvious.. That sentence is supposed to give away that it's Rainbow Dash, because that's who the story's centered around. As for the way it came off, the line was almost directly ripped from the original movie script.
I guess the reason it seems forced is because it was originally a script. I just never wound up actually rewriting the whole thing.
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I had the movie open on my computer as I was writing the intro, and as I said, it was originally a script format..
And I know it can get pretty confusing as to what is a thought and what is a piece of writing.. I was thinking about changing that up myself, maybe making it just a sketch book instead of a journal.
Thanks for your feedback!
Oh my, poor Spike.
Deep, tragic and all around awsome.
This is a keeper.
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It's great when readers have actually seen the movie. They can make all the little connections.
Poor Spike.
At least it will be all over soon.
No this cant happen, nooo!
Gah, I've already hit the end?
A shame, I haven't even seen the original movie, but this is a nice fic. Interesting main character choices, although I'm not complaining (I really can't resist a SpikeDash...)
shame this will never be finished. no read or like from me. :P
Tis a shame This is a dead story