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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Go get him, Pinkie Pie.
This is the story me and my friends find gross and terrible but privatly love it really great yet terrible fic
I am not sure if I like it that you went from clop to mystery. I actually liked the BDSM-parts.
God I hope they don't find Fluttershy...I mean Redblood's taking good care of her, the whiny bitch should be gratefull.
277846
You can never please everypony.
278304
Clearly. And I would never hold it against you, that you turn away from the more cloppy parts. It is still an intruiging story and it is still well written, so I will keep reading. I just does not "tickle that spot" anymore. It was right there between hot and insane, where it is most fun.
But seeing a kidnapper getting his flank handed to him would be awesome too.
There is both more clop and non clop to come.
278328
Ahem... HOORAY.
I don't know what saddens me more. The fact that you think a pony's stomach is only slightly more than ten inches down its oesophagus. The fact that you believe ten inches to be large by pony standards (really, that's miniscule, Fluttershy should still have her hymen). The fact that you believe an improperly performed blowjob could tear up someone's throat (because, as we all know, penises are RAZOR SHARP). The fact that you apparently don't know the word 'masturbation' and refer to it as 'giving yourself a hoof-job' ... or the fact that this is not the worst piece of writing on this website.
That said, this is an example of really terrible writing. Really, the frequent spelling grammatical errors are the least of this fic's problems. First of all, ripping off Dexter does not count as constructing an OC. Second, and I say this while fully expecting you to have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about but I'll say it anyway, you are constantly telling where you should be showing. Clopfics are all about conveying tactile sensations in the form of prose, you can't do that when your narrator's descriptive abilities are limited to blandly summing up things like "he sounded angry" or "she became afraid."
Zero points would not read again.
I'm so going to hell, but I love this story.
I am ashamed.
278475
Ha ha, not the worst piece of writing on this website. thanks.
I have never fucked an actual pony before, nor have I studied anatomy, so I may be a bit wrong on the biological details, jeez.
If this was a rip off of Dexter, I think there would have been more blood and less sex.
I'm disappointed I haven't received more negative comments.
279764 Then why did you upload it to the carebear hugbox that is fimfiction?
280826 if this fic is so terrible then why have you read this far? Most anypony can tell if there going to like a fic relatively quickly.
281403 it isn't exactly long, bro
Apparently somepony is going to read it on youtube, so I did one last proofread.
274141 You wont be saying he overdid the security when fluttershy turns into a shed.mov fluttershy and breaks the cage with her bare hoofs. And then grabs every single weapon she can find in the basement and then when he opens the door she punches him so hard that he vomits out the key. And then she smashes the keypads and doors and then she kicks the door open and runs back to ponyville. Thats what would really happen.
im actually on Redblood's side HYHAHHUUHAHHHHHAAAAA
"Oh oh, I know I should organise a wake for you, there will be cake and muffins and...".
I LMFAO!
I find myself reading more despite downvoting and agreeing with 278475 about the quality.
I don't know what to think anymore.
I'd work on trying to make your dialogue flow a bit better and feel more natural. Certain things just seem off about this whole chapter. I like that Pinkie follows him as we all know how she is with new ponies, but I can't imagine her being so obliviously bubbly when one of her best friends is missing, I'd try to dial her zaniness back, given the circumstances. She just seems manic-depressive in this chapter.
Nice work so far, but I will continue to agree with Starbeard that you are definitely telling more than showing.
Normally, all my girl friends would find this gross. But with the guys... different story. This is a story worth sharing with them
"'food'. Redblood Lied"
"Lied" doesn't need to be capitalised.
"'please.' Redblood Replied"
"Replied" isn't capitalised here
"'There for my dead grandmother'..."
"They're" not "There"
"PARTY! tomorrow..."
Drop the exclamation point, the capitalization gets the message across.
"there for my dead"
They're
When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade
2749798 no, YOU BURN A HOUSE DOWN WITH THEM
3130009or you can use a plane filled with c4, or gasoline or nukes or any thing combustible...
Man even I was annoyed by reading Pinkie Pie's part...hope she follows him in
ummm he did not know she was a element of harmony? ok he REALLY needs to learn his facts
and i 2 was anoyed with pinkie pie
1277901 ikr