Asside from a few spelling mistakes i see no real problem,...nice story. Read it and favored it

Are you gonna continue? If so i'm curious how it will develope, though i hope Fluttershy won't be hurt to much, maybe a ballgag in the near future?

>>254701254701 Wow I actually feel a bit awful that I wrote this. I think I want to take the whipping out of it at least.

I will continue it after I edit the first 2 chapters to be a bit better written.

Okay, I have re-edited the first chapter. I took some parts out I felt guilty about writing, so that I can live with myself. This is my first time writing a clopfic and I didn't realise it could make my conscience hurt.  

I just edited and extended the second chapter, in order to set up a cliffhanger for what I'm going to write next. I hope you guys will like it.

Added to the Brony Foundation of the Arts to-do list

about to read this and hopefully will enjoy it. if it made you feel bad to write than its ok, but i wished i read the original.

>>272150272150 The original just contained whipping rather then the mostly smacking, then hitting I changed it too now.

Well, I read it all. I can't say that I liked it. But... I guess I have a really high tolerance for this sort of thing.

I'll just back away slowly.

There is a special place in hell for this fucker.

I would usually give most clopfics at least a chance,as messed up as they may be,but there's no way I can read this if it's going to be a serious fic about her being a slave.Seriouslly,why would someone feel the need to write this

>>272599272599

While I agree with you, I do find it ironic that your avatar is the .mov Fluttershy weilding a chainsaw. There's just something comical about it that speaks loads about the human being's desensitization to blood and gore, and yet effed up sex is still a no-no.

Though, again, I do agree with you. Seriously, wtf? O_o

I'm sure that it's possible that the fic could be good, but I was just curious about the comments so... *backs away slowly with Swiper*

>>272641272641 I understand,and I can for sure see how that would seem ironic,but at the same time there is still a bit of a difference.Shed is just a comedy parody and the chainsaw death is around 10 seconds,but from the looks of this story,it's supposed to be serious and non stop Fluttershy being abused.And that's just seriouslly messed up and I don't see how anyone could sit down and write out a story like this,unless they got some wacky things going on in their head

>>272692272692 bro, i cant speak for this person, but i doubt he is pyshco. I for one, write stories like this for the pleasure of yalls reactions(that does sound a bit creepy doesnt it)

>>272481272481 i'll be right there with him

>>272207272207 this stuff doesnt turn me on, but i got to say... i like this!!

I'm seriously messed up, man.  I WANT MOAR!!!  ....p..p..please...I mean, if that's okay with you..

I flutterape

This story just got alot better!

Red blood well we will see if he cam live up to his name.......WHEN I CHOP OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKERS HEAD! This is a ok story I will watch this to see where it goes....

The part with the chicken was just sick, even if it was already dead. Normally I don't like rape stories like this one, but I can live with it. Though, I think you overdid it a bit with the security :P

i like this story which is odd, i hate rape and slaves but this i like, its more fair and kind of comical, like the stupid amount of security haha i hope it has a nice ending like some how they just end up dating and she can go back to her friends and stuff....not like that would ever happen in a story like this tho....

This is so disturbing, yet I want to read it... WHY?! But really, I hope there's a change at the end, like THE TWI TEAM COMES IN AND BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF THAT PONY AND GIVES HIM A TASTE OF HIS OWN DAMNED MEDICINE, or Fluttershy escapes or  something.

>>275522275522

I agree with this. I'm just waiting to see Dashie ripping this pony's hard off!

>>275598275598

No, they cut his dick off and shove it up his ass until he unlocks Fluttershy, then he's tortured with his own dick and strap-ons and shit until he dies of old age.

>>257240257240

Don't hurt her to much please.

I swear if this ends badly.

>>272481272481

Couldn't agree more I hope this story ends "well" as in the fucker dies.

>>277215277215

THIS!

It's okay guys, I would never want to see Fluttershy seriously hurt either. I think my latest chapter 7 Ropes. Should give some of you the direction you have been hoping for.

Not to bad floppy but ok I like were this is going. I can tell you are either really enjoying this process or you love our reactions either way this story has me waiting for updates weither it is out of enjoyment or morbid curiosity even i can't say. Hope to see the next chapter soon.

Go get him, Pinkie Pie.

This is the story me and my friends find gross and terrible but privatly love it really great yet terrible fic

I am not sure if I like it that you went from clop to mystery. I actually liked the BDSM-parts.

God I hope they don't find Fluttershy...I mean Redblood's taking good care of her, the whiny bitch should be gratefull.

>>277846277846

You can never please everypony.

>>278304278304

Clearly. And I would never hold it against you, that you turn away from the more cloppy parts. It is still an intruiging story and it is still well written, so I will keep reading. I just does not "tickle that spot" anymore. It was right there between hot and insane, where it is most fun.

But seeing a kidnapper getting his flank handed to him would be awesome too.

There is both more clop and non clop to come.

>>278328278328

Ahem... HOORAY.

I don't know what saddens me more. The fact that you think a pony's stomach is only slightly more than ten inches down its oesophagus. The fact that you believe ten inches to be large by pony standards (really, that's miniscule, Fluttershy should still have her hymen). The fact that you believe an improperly performed blowjob could tear up someone's throat (because, as we all know, penises are RAZOR SHARP). The fact that you apparently don't know the word 'masturbation' and refer to it as 'giving yourself a hoof-job' ... or the fact that this is not the worst piece of writing on this website.

That said, this is an example of really terrible writing. Really, the frequent spelling grammatical errors are the least of this fic's problems. First of all, ripping off Dexter does not count as constructing an OC. Second, and I say this while fully expecting you to have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about but I'll say it anyway, you are constantly telling where you should be showing. Clopfics are all about conveying tactile sensations in the form of prose, you can't do that when your narrator's descriptive abilities are limited to blandly summing up things like "he sounded angry" or "she became afraid."

Zero points would not read again.

I'm so going to hell, but I love this story.

I am ashamed.

>>278475278475

Ha ha, not the worst piece of writing on this website. thanks.

I have never fucked an actual pony before, nor have I studied anatomy, so I may be a bit wrong on the biological details, jeez.

If this was a rip off of Dexter, I think there would have been more blood and less sex.

I'm disappointed I haven't received more negative comments.

>>279764279764 Then why did you upload it to the carebear hugbox that is fimfiction?

>>280826280826 if this fic is so terrible then why have you read this far? Most anypony can tell if there going to like a fic relatively quickly.

>>281403281403 it isn't exactly long, bro

Apparently somepony is going to read it on youtube, so I did one last proofread.

>>274141274141 You wont be saying he overdid the security when fluttershy turns into a shed.mov fluttershy and breaks the cage with her bare hoofs. And then grabs every single weapon she can find in the basement and then when he opens the door she punches him so hard that he vomits out the key. And then she smashes the keypads and doors and then she kicks the door open and runs back to ponyville. Thats what would really happen.

im actually on Redblood's side HYHAHHUUHAHHHHHAAAAA

Ohh he is on the tip of a knife called your f**ked

Oh, uh... Nice try, I guess. I don't often read clopfics, nor do I often read grimdark fics. This is probably the first serious rapefic I've ever read. Anyway, there's a ton of grammatical errors, and you need to put a lot of work into your punctuation. Make sure to keep punctuation inside the quotations, and use question marks when needed. Also, there are some unnecessary capitalizations of random words. I'll point a few out, there are many more mistakes, but these should be some good examples.

>“Keep doing that, with your tongue!”.

You don't need that period after the quotation, you already used an exclamation mark.

>Fluttershy Trembled.

"Trembled" doesn't need to be capitalized.

>“Um... hello... I seem to be tied up, can somepony untie me, if that is okay with you”. Fluttershy squealed at a barely audible volume.

Very awkward. The period should be inside the quotations, an even then, she's asking a question.

Anyway, good try I guess. I haven't read any other chapters, nor do I plan to, but maybe you've written them better. Not going to criticize you for writing a rapefic or anything, do what you want, but re-write this with proper grammar and punctuation, and it's probably going to be a ton easier to take seriously.

In other news, here's my reaction to the part when Fluttershy started blowing her captor.

I really wonder how this will end.

>>287938287938 Hey thank you for the feedback.

I have gone back over this and edited it multiple times, the next time I do I will take your comments into account. I think I am getting better as I keep writing. I am am only willing to be bothered changing the earlier chapters so much. Please read my newer ones, chapter 7 and 8 do not contain clop and are where I actual try to write some real plot...

as in story. I hope I succeeded.

Needs more rape. And Satanism.

omg i cnt w8 :D

I THIS!

btw hope u read my comment. ;)

Sincerely:

                RedBlood

>>288160288160

Comment read and I look forward to you ideas. I'm writing right now, maybe you can influence me.

>>288167288167Sure.

BTW if you're annoyed by these long paragraphs its because i got a crack on my screen.

But yeah.

Imma pm. If i can

Sincerely

                  RedBlood

>>288089288089 More rape next chapter.

I want to read about fucking Fluttershy, very good stroy after all

Hah, you could practically hear him shouting "oh BALLS" in his head.

Lying to the Element of Honesty... not a good plan there, fella.

So since further clopping is out of the question ( ) we may at least see Redblood getting his flank handed to him ( ).

Looking forward for more, you are doing an excellent job here!

>>288234288234 There is more clopping.

I just finished another clop chapter, enjoy.

I intend to on average have 1/3rd or the story be non-clop. Should I label the chapters for those who don't care?

this thing in the end! I'm sick pervert?

I like the all story not only the clop parts, I can't wait for the continuation Maybe you describe part of this night in the next chapter?

>>288505288505

This:

>>288541288541

It is all good, I just think you are excellent at writing the smut parts ;)

um getting semen in the eye can damage it quite a bit, must hurt like fuck too, this is the only slave and rape story i like, this is the only part i cringed at but its still good...keep it up :D

>>288190288190 YAY!!!

Hmmm..I wonder... Is their enough space in Redblood's basement for the rest of the elements of harmony? And mabye the princesses? and mabye the Cutie mark crusaders? and Derpy? Or... How many mares live in Ponyville again? Any way NEED MORE!

I would have asked to see an anaconda or bear, have it beat the daylights out of that motherfucker but let him live, make him spit out the key, do the code, exc. Until she was free, ant hen either put him in jail or whoop his ass.

It had better end with this fucker dead and Fluttershy free.

But, yeah.

It's official. Redblood needs to die.

"Redblood mounted her and stuck his erect penis in her. He pumped her hard, real hard."

This is almost as pathetic as your attempts at writing Pinkie Pie and Applejack. I see now why you chose to limit your setting to a dingy basement with your shitty OC doing most of the talking. It's because writing Fluttershy takes no effort and you completely fail at representing the rest of the mane 6 (or any believable character for that matter).

Anyone reading this, I suggest you scroll up and search for 'Naked Singularity' instead. Not only is it an example of much better writing, but it is a parody of terrible clopfictions like this one.

Also, why author, are you starting a new chapter every 1500 words? It's stupid.

>>288089288089 dafuq

>On fimfiction

>My little slave

What is this?

>Contains bondage

Ok.

>Non-consensual

HA HA. NO. But I am curious...

>reads everything

Meh.

>reads this chapter

>Angel is comming

LOL. Redblood, you think Pinkie was bad? Angel has no soul.

He WILL notice that everything is wrong and he WILL call for help. And if you try to stop him? Well, lets just say that one does not simply escape's Angel's rage,

But if you do, one week before the royal guard apears on your doorstep. An element bearer cant jus vanish like that.

I am actually interested on how this will end. No pony in town will let Redblood live after this this.

Huh...so I'm not the only guy who favors black coated ponies, however, so far I believe I AM the only guy to make it seem like it a curse, in a nice, almost Hasbro-approved setting. I'm sorry, I rambled, I will now commence my thoughts to very gory and very agonizing murderous ones directed to our anagonist here. I do so ever despise sex slavery, and have constant murder fantasies that would drive one up the wall...but I guess that feeling of hate is something you intended on creating, otherwise, why make such a character? I failed to like the content, but I do enjoy the anger and vengeance that this fills my very soul with (no, I'm not being sarcastic). Thank you, sir.

I've been waiting since the start for an explanation as to why Fluttershy wasn't just using 'the stare'  to help her escape. Yay!

I don't know why I read this, because I usually can't stomach this stuff and it makes me sick, but I have to ask, what is it in this story that compels me to stick and finish this to the very end? What I ask? WHAT?

I hope Redblood will get his in the end for treating Fluttershy like this.

>>294392294392 Why? Fluttershy get's free room, board and all the sex she could ever want. That spoiled bitch should be gratfull. And even the way she tryed to escape? Redblood should have fucking killed that rabbit and force-fed it to her. I hope Redblood gets away with this scott-fucking-free and Fluttershy never leaves.

Great story!

I see your still getting that!

Well now, this is a very enticing story, I love the plot behind it all and the entire idea of it, I am a fan of clop fics, for the sole purpose of the amount of detail which the writers usez, I can imagine it all so vividly, the way that you describe everything is amazing, please do keep writing these, as they are fantastic reads, I am sure some people don't like it because it's a clop fic, but I doubt they actually read it, this is amazing.

One thing though, this is seeming like a story that SHOULD have a bad ending, either she gets rescued but he then locks them all in a cage, or she is rescued but wants to stay with him. Maybe even she never gets caught, that's the way it seems to be going for me, I will love it no matter what you do, but that's all I wanted to say, again however, please keep writting these and well done, brilliant read, I put them all on my Kindle and read them on the bus today :D

>>294449294449 just why? What could compel you to say this even redblood is more noble then the filth and bile you are spouting forth. Yes I know that this means nothing to you and I swear if you never answer we can leave it at this but just stop to think what if you ,for example, had someone you cared for beyond what you thought was possible and she/or he suddenly vanished and was subjected to what you are wanting? Would you take what she's taking right now? Yet think before you speak if nothing else the internet is for free expression but that doesn't mean that you should try to be as insensibly obscene as possible.

you sir are slowly twisting my heart apart. I hope to god you have a good ending or I will die from depression... RIGHT AFTER I RIP OUT AND EAT YOUR PANCREAS AND PISS ON YOUR INTES- sorry I don't know what came over me there...

>>294449294449 Dude, I only have this to say... You make me sick

If nothing else, the frequency at which you pour out these chapters is amazing, if not outright astonishing. It really makes this fic something to look forward to when I get home from university. Still, it would make for a much more interesting read if you wrote longer chapters, say, in the realm of 4k words. This way, you could get more development going and would not need to focus on just one event, creating a more fluent transition instead of the rather jarring ones you have now, where each chapter is clearly seperated from the next. If they were a bit longer, it would not matter so much.

Just a recommendation, I will keep reading nonetheless, of course

>>294836294836  I would not feel bad in the slightest, Redblood is a saint who is doing a most noble and holy deed that Lord Satan is shurly smiling upon. And Fluttershy is a filthy heretic to the holyness that is Satan so she desearves this. Redblood was even giving her her choice of meals untill she had to e a spoiled little whore and try to get him in trouble. The only thing i'm mad at Redblood for doing is not sharing Fluttershy with me.

CANT...GET...ENOUGH.....

>>mrhappyface You might want to reconsider who you worship, for your own sake. Satan does not care about you or anyone, only himself. Sure, he'll give you whatever earthly desire you could possibly want, but in the end he'll take something much, much greater. Be it some earthly pleasure you would not want to see lost, or your very soul. But once your blood has soaked his contract, you're his bitch, a slave...just like in this scenario. If our cold-blooded antagonist really is a spawn of the Devil's work, then 'tis only natural that his very soul will be crushed along with his very flesh. I know...Satan gave me the ability to exact dark justice on all that I hate...in return I gave him my very humanity. My friend...you know nothing of Satan...

what the fuck bag shit lemon orange flag spaghetti meatball mango tango sauce?!?!?!

>>294960294960 then we need a paladin here. I'd recomend Big Macintosh.

>>296420296420 greatest. Response. EVAR!

I can't wait to read this new chapter when I get home, I adore this story :D

>>298076298076

Thank you, that means a lot I hope you enjoy it.

>>294449294449 Lol. Fluttershy already has room and board and her choice of stallions in Ponyville. Dummy.

Angel gets a boner... *walks away slowly* good story though just got one question. In the future of this fic will fluttershy ever get saved?

Okay, time for some constructive criticism! Though your storytelling improved since the first chapter, you made more grammar errors this time around. I suggest getting a pre-reader for this thing, I bet it would not be too much of a hassle given how short the chapters are.

As for the development of the story itself... you do have a very depraved mind. Angel was actually quite disturbing. Still, I liked it. Can't wait to see what other ideas that weitd brain of yours can produce

I would think that shy might turn angel's cage around so he couldn't see out of embarrassment.

OMG  I CAN'T STOP FUCKING LAUGHING OMFG!

>>298111298111 I hope she dosn't get saved, that would suck.

For those of you wondering what you could possibly do to make this antagonist here suffer, here's an idea:

What'cha gonna need is: a knife, a machete, a pistol, a slice of pizza, and...one of his dildos and restraints.

What'cha gotta do is: Take your pistol, and shoot three bullets into his dick. Then, take your slice of pizza(take a bite if you must) and shove wwaaaayy up his ass. And then, go to his slave and start feeling her up. It will arouse him, but it will hurt like hell(to add some irony, tell him that it's ironic that something that made him feel good now puts him through agony). Do not stop until he reaches his climax and if you did the pizza thing right, not only will semen and blood start spewing, but pizza sauce as well. AND 'DEN, take your knife and slit his flank, grab one of his dildos(your choice) and start pumping it in the wound. Keep it up until you can't take anymore of his screaming. Take the dildo out(or leave it in, your choice) grab your machete, lop off his dick, and shove it base-first into his mouth. Take some restraints and keep it in is mouth, then head back to the slave, arouse him again...with nothing but a shaftless blood sprinkler to arouse, and that gets you more agony points. Finally, take your pistol, stick the barrel in his ass and fire! If your calculations are correct, it should go through him, ripping everything in it's path, come out the end of the disbowel cock, richochet of the wall, and hit him in the skull(make sure you are away enough from the slave and duck so you don't get hit, to increase chances of the perfect kill, hold the bastards head up immediately after you see the bullet fly out, tricky but effective). Even if you don't get the bullet in his head, the internal damage will make him suffer 'til the bitter end, and you will still have the one of the most satisfying kills you could imagine. Thank you reading a section of EBecK's Vengeance Guide!

>>298968298968 Can't tell if brilliant or creepy

>>298968298968

I was wondering are you "enjoying" this story or just reading it to find out whether Fluttershy gets saved or not and how he sufferes like me?

I hope this doesn't turn out to be some "Oh I forgive you readblood, I can't even remember that you raped me lets be a couple." Type shit.

Otherwise the plot, story, and writing is very good.

Well the story part is debatable but that's just my opinion.

>>300071300071 I am not really "enjoying" the story. I am enjoying the feeling of anger and vengeance it gives me. It makes me feel powerful, dark, and someone not to mess with. How the story does end matters not to me, though I will admit that payback is something we'd all like to see here, I just come for what new hateful feeling this injects me with. Fluttershy isn't the only tormented one here, this waiting for what possible way could I hate this guy is makes me want to rip the flesh off my very bones and smother my face with the bloody remenants. 'Tis all I can do to arouse my raw hatred; I must hate myself to satisfy my wicked desire...

Also, creepy or brilliant...I'd like to think both...

But I exaggerate...keep up the writing, sir.

>>300225300225

Now that you mention it, we have that in common.