Stepping Stones

by yoshiXII

To the Trappings of Glamour

When we are no longer able to change a situation -
We are challenged to change ourselves.
-Viktor E. Frankl

“So you’ve decided to go to where now?”

“Manehatten, where the rich ponies go!”

Rarity turned around to face Applejack with her mouth slightly open. “You’re telling me that you’re going to the Manehatten? The place that only every single fashion designer goes to? The city of dreams and love? Of glamour and style and pizzazz? Why would you want to go?”

“Ah want a change of pace,” Applejack said with a satisfied smile.

Rarity sighed. She turned back to her sewing machine and continued whittling away at her current work. Applejack sat on Rarity’s bed staring vacantly around the room.

“Darling, I just can’t see you living in Manehatten for the rest of your life. What will Granny Smith and Big Mac do without you? Your family loves you way too much to let you go. And where will you stay? What will you do?”

Applejack just grinned even more. “Ah’ve already worked it out with Big Mac and Granny. Ah think they said they’d miss me but believed that Ah needed some change in my life. Ah’ll just stay with my Aunt and Uncle Orange and hopefully Ah can find what my cutie mark will be. An’ Ah know that this is a huge change but Ah really want to see the world for my own eyes. It’s like what you said that day, Ah want some inspiration. Ah’m ready for whatever the world throws at me.”

“But Applejack, Manehatten’s a big place. And the Apple family hasn’t really been know for...well, branching out into the business sector. Even though I want to be a designer, I still think Manehatten is a little too hectic.”

“Sure,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes. “What’re you working on, anyways?”

“The school wants me to make stupid costumes for the next play. I can’t believe they think that they can just squander my abilities with cake and hay costumes. What’s more is that this material is particularly finicky. Anyways, what was I saying? Oh yeah, Manehatten. I can’t believe you’d think this would be a good idea.”

Applejack sighed. “Rares, Ah appreciate all your support but Ah think this is just something Ah’ve gotta do. You know how Ah said that Ah always tell the truth?”

Rarity stopped working on the costume. Applejack gazed sadly at her friend. “Well truth be told Ah’m still sad. Ah’m still tired. Ah’m still torn up. Ah said before that Ah was fine but sometimes Ah feel like Ah’m more lost than I was before. Ah keep thinking things are back to normal. Big Mac and Granny seem to love me all the more and Ah love them too. Ah love Sweet Apple Acres and yet Ah also have a nagging fear that Ah will be stuck like Ma and Pa were. And maybe they were happy. Maybe Ah have nothing to worry about. Maybe Ah’m just being foolish. But Ah can’t see myself taking over the farm...it just doesn’t feel right. Ah don’t think Ah’m the pony who can actually carry the Apple legacy. Ah’m only Applejack. Ah just can’t do it.” Tears sprouted in the corners of Applejack’s eyes.

Rarity paused for a moment before turning to face Applejack again. “Applejack dear, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize your hardship.”

“It’s fine, Rares,” Applejack said as she brushed away the tears brusquely with her hoof. “It’s been something Ah’ve been thinking about for a long time.”

Rarity stared at Applejack for a moment in silence. Rarity got up from her table and trotted to the bed to sit next to Applejack on the bed. “Darling, I think that it’s your decision to make in the end. No matter what I said I’ll still be here to support you. You know what you said to me right? We’re here for each other through thick and thin whether we like it or not.”

Applejack smiled. “Thanks, Rares. Ah don’t think Ah’d know what to do without you.” Applejack reached over to hug Rarity. Rarity returned the hug as Applejack buried her face in Rarity’s soft purple mane. It was that moment again where Rarity relished in the friendship the two shared for each other.

They pulled back and smiled at each other. “Ah’m so sorry, Rares. Ah come in here and Ah just talk about my problems and expect you to help me.” Applejack looked abashedly at her hooves. “It’s just...been frustrating.”

“I know, Applejack. I was in your place too not that long ago. I think that we, as fillies, are too upset and tired to deal with this. We never think that life would be as short as it is and we think the world will stay the same as we know it.”

Rarity solemnly stared at Applejack’s eyes and reflected on how her eyes looked so emerald green and yet so…pale. Averting her gaze, Rarity chose to gaze on the soft velvet blankets underneath her. How could she have wallowed in her blankets all this time with her friend so empty? It seemed like eternities since Applejack comforted her that even the clocks couldn’t record and the world as she knew it was already unraveled entirely.

Rarity glanced hesitantly at Applejack. “So, how’s the farm life been?” she asked in a casual tone.

“Ah...Ah guess it’s alright. Ain’t like Big Mac or Granny are that hard on me these days. Ah just do my work and it’s fine.” Applejack gave a shrug. “Why do you ask?”

Rarity looked closely at Applejack. “Sweetie, I’ve seen you working harder than ever. You’ve been out there from dawn ‘til dusk working like a mad mare. For somepony ready to embrace her dreams in the big city, you seem to be reluctant to leave your home.”

“Yeah well, Ah…you know.” Applejack brushed a stray strand of hair. “It’s like Ah’m trying to find something about myself.” She pursed her lips. “And Ah’ve also thought that maybe Ah wouldn’t have to go alone and you might come with me. You know. To the city.”

Rarity gasped. “M-me? Go to the city with you? Darling, I...I -”

“-Ah know. You don’t want to go with an uncouth pony like me to the place of your dreams. Ah shouldn’t have asked.” Applejack stared sullenly at the wall.

Rarity flushed. “I didn’t mean it that way.” She silently cursed at herself and her oblivious state. How could she have been so naive as to think that she could remain Applejack’s friend when she would be so far away? “I’m sorry. I guess I’m not such a great friend when I can’t even figure out why you were here in the first place. I really just can’t but I’m sure we could be pen pals or...or…” Rarity’s eyes darted away from her friend.

“Or what?”

The question hung there in an awkward silence. “Applejack, I...I don’t know anymore,” Rarity admitted.

“Ah guess I should say that Ah’m sorry too. Ah never wanted to put you in this position. But now Ah gotta take my first steps with or without somepony to help me. Don’t worry about me, sugarcube, Ah’ll just tough it out on my own.” Applejack stood up and gave Rarity a long sad look before heading for the door.

Rarity sat there, dumbfounded, for a few seconds. “AJ, please wait.” Applejack paused at the door and slowly turned around. Rarity looked up at her with tears shining down her face. “You’re the only friend I have now. And I’m so, so sorry but I just can’t come with you. Can’t you just...stay? With me?” Rarity held Applejack’s eyes for a long while.

Applejack lingered. She scanned the room, taking in the subtle smell of tulips, the organized chaos of the workshop with its numerous projects, and the soft snoring of precious little Sweetie Belle downstairs. She looked outside and saw the hundreds of lush acres of the Sweet Apple Acres spread out and thought about Granny Smith’s kind yet troubled nature, Big Mac’s demure attitude following the incident, and young Applebloom’s darling face. She thought of the promise she made to her parents promising that she would take the reins of the household and take care of Applebloom. She thought most of all about Rarity and her gorgeous mane and how she would comfort her in times of need.

Applejack broke into tears again. “Ah’m so sorry,” she whispered before dashing out of the room.

Rarity stared at her friend exit the room. The cold, empty room. She tried breathing but found that the air only constricted her lungs. Suddenly, every corner of the room drew into a claustrophobic state. The walls became mirrors. She gazed at herself in the wall and saw only an old mare. Wrinkles stretched across her white surface like canyons and her eyes were...dead. She could hear Sweetie Belle crying downstairs before those cries were replaced with shrieks. She tried to get up but fell and as she sprawled on the ground, she saw the faces. Those faces of Tremlett and Honeycrisp.
And those words kept ringing in her ears, just saying “Ah’m so sorry” over and over until she could not remember her past, her name, her sister. Accompanied by dull pounding. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum, like a train, a freight train, hoping to go where that orange mare went. A hoof flashed, perhaps her own, attacking the ground, only that was mirror too. A chuckle? No, it couldn’t be. Too fast, too deep, too much, too, too, too. Rain thrums against cheek. One, two, three, five, ten. Drips like drum beats constant rhythm. And on, and on, and on. Stop it. Stop that…that noise. Smoke rises. Red, orange colors lick. All smoke, can’t breathe. Too fast, too deep, too much. See burning. See black edge. Make it stop. And. Only orange. Only green. Only yellow. Only friend now. Here.

Rarity lay motionless on the floor. Sweetie Belle cried softly from the other room.

“Now AJ, are you really sure you wanna go?”

Applejack looked back. Back again at Granny and Big Mac. Back at the seductive acres.

Applejack nodded. “Ah’m sure. Ah’ve got to or else Ah won’t know what Ah’m doing. Y’all need to stop worrying and Ah’ll...Ah’ll be fine.”

“Okay, then,” Granny said worriedly. “Aunt and Uncle Orange are there. Ah told them not to give you all that city mumbo jumbo nonsense so hopefully you’ll think of us at home. Jus’ remember-”

“-Ah know, Ah know. Send a letter to y’all when the rooster crows every week. Don’t worry so much, Granny, Ah know what Ah’m doing. Ah’m an Apple to the core.”

“Ah sure hope so,” Granny muttered. “Seems wrong that Ah gotta say goodbye to another Apple. You take care of yourself now, young’un.”

Applejack felt a twinge of pain resonate through her body. Shrugging it off, she turned around again to face the long winding road in front of her. Heaving a sigh, she shifted her bindle on her shoulder and trudged a few steps.

“AJ?” Big Mac called.

Applejack turned, annoyed. “What is it now?”

“Ah… Ah’ll miss you, little sis.” Tears welled in his eyes.

Applejack bit her lip. “Ah’ll miss you too. Take care of Applebloom for me. Ah’ll...Ah’ll miss y’all. Goodbye. Ah’ll come home for a visit if Ah can.”

Applejack turned around. She couldn’t face the teary faces of Granny and Big Mac any longer. As she trotted slowly down the road, the tears flew down. She buried her head down and tried to rub away the tears but they kept coming like a waterfall. She cursed herself. She picked up her pace until the brisk trot became a gallop. Down the road. Down to the train station. Down where only the eyes of strangers could look twice at her. And she knew deep down that something was wrong. If this were supposed to be a grand adventure, why did she feel so lonely?

Ponies faded in and out of her blurred vision at the station. And there was Rarity. And there were mother and father. And there were Rarity’s parents, her real parents. Applejack called out. The faces in the crowd didn’t respond. Instead, like everything, they slipped away into oblivion, just like the other ponies. And Applejack realized that they were meant to go. As they went, they took away her fear, her doubts, and her despair. All that was left was something better. And redemption for the future. Redemption for...the past.

The whistle hissed violently over the churning of the wheels chugging swiftly into the station. A loud skidding sound reverberated through the entire station as the train flew into view. Applejack watched the windows flying past her slow down abruptly to a stop. The clock’s bell above the train station rang out six times in a melancholic tone. The golden sun peeked over the top of the train, glistening gloriously with the final orange and red rays of sunlight hitting Applejack’s face. Applejack looked straight at the sun and then looked past Canterlot’s mountain. She glanced at the land where the sun didn’t shine quite so bright as Sweet Apple Acres. Rubbing the final tears from her face, she took a deep breath and took in her surroundings. The steam coming from the top of the train. The excited apprehension apparent in the ponies around her. The conductor’s loud voice when he swung out of the train’s cabin and yelled, “All aboard for Manehatten!” The land of Ponyville drenched in the warmth of the sun. The grass behind the station waving goodbye. Was she ready yet? Would she ever be ready?

Applejack waited in line to one of the train’s compartment. After shifting her weight for a few minutes as the line crept forward, she came up to the ticket collector, a brown unicorn stallion with a cap as a cutie mark.

“Well, well, well,” he said, “who do we have here? L’il miss, are you going by yourself? Where are your parents?”

Applejack stared sullenly at the ground before dropping her bindle stick. Rummaging through her pack for a few seconds, she pulled out her golden ticket and stuck it out towards the stallion with her teeth. The stallion’s eyes passed over her angry face for a few seconds before receiving the ticket using his magic. His face melted into one of sympathy.

“Miss, I apologize. The name’s Adon. I just want you to know that I’ve been working in Manehatten for half my life. If you ever want my help around those joints, just holla for me around the Fifth Street. And don’t worry, you’ll find Manehatten is a great place. Also, I work at the post office down at Seventh Street. Drop by there too if you wanna drop a letter. I just hope you don’t feel too mad at me and my big mouth.”

Applejack rubbed her chin. “Adon, huh? Thanks, but Ah think Ah’ll be fine. Ah guess Ah better say that Ah’m sorry too for bothering you so much.”

Adon chuckled in his light tenor tone. “No bother at all. Just pains me to see a pony in trouble. Remember, swing by me if you need help. Oh, and have a good time in Manehatten.”

Applejack smiled. “Ah will. Don’t you worry nothin’.”

Applejack stepped into the compartment and proceeded to the opposite bench where she stared outside. Adon looked wondrously at her for a few seconds before shaking his head and collecting more tickets from the ponies still in the line. By the time all the ponies had settled onto the train, the sun disappeared beneath the horizon. And Applejack was staring right at the inky sky when the first two stars appeared in the night. One by one, the stars began to sprout in the soft night while the moon soon replaced the sun. Applejack barely noticed when the train’s whistle hissed again, when the conductor called out again for any straddlers, when the coal began to fizzle in the engine, and when the wheels began to chug for the long route. All that remained for Applejack were the gloriously brilliant moon and the stars that seemed to tell her something. Like mischievous little sprites, they taunted her. They told her about the long, long, long, long road ahead.