A 19 year old hacker has a troubled past. Will he find himself at peace in this new world? Or will he bring it all crashing down? Will his technologically superior mind keep him from getting killed? Will he ever find out why he's there, and who brought him there? How hard must he fight to keep going forward, to find the truth? Will he even want to know the truth once he finds out? Some truths are better left unknown.
This is an action/sci-fi/mystery/comedy story.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Looks awesome, tracking and thumbing.
Okay... So far, I've noticed two problems, the first being that you tend to run your sentences on without commas. The second is a pacing issue. The flow is just a bit too quick, in my opinion. Other than that, your doing pretty well.
Troubled pasts or depression.
:Human fics:
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
280752
Thank you for giving creative criticism. OK, I'll do better with commas and the pacing is suppose to be quick.
"shuffle though he's hard drive" - his, not he's
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT "he's" MEANS "his"
"I reached out for he's hand" -
"I could see hes face" -
"Than my vision started spinning" - then, dammit!
rlv.zcache.com/i_am_disappointed_in_your_grammar_shirt_magnet-p147674546733257852qjy4_400.jpg
282808
Eh.. sorry 'bout that. Has to do with my Texan accent. I'll fix those and not make the same mistake. Thanks for reading!
nice
I love that story so much!!!
twist
Hey, at least his love for Vinyl is true. Can't wait to read next chapter. As Rainbow Dash once said, "It. Is. On."
291102
Wasn't it rarity who said that
291743
It was Rarity!
Interesting. You really should slow down though. Its mostly hard to follow and a difficult read. Also go into more detail. The grammar is very good though.
I could use some more
...
This is.. VERY good
I hope we get so see all grenades
310270
Don't worry, you will. You will.
5-gallon hats on, because we’re going to Texas........................
i liek texazzz..
Grenade that destroys FBI... "It reminded me of Vinyl's alarm clock."
Are you ready for the roughneck bass!?
WHAT?!
END!?
So suddenly...
But.. I don't want it to end
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo *cough* oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! this was awesome. more. epilouge. sequel. i dont give two flying bucks. i.NEED.more.
I'm glad you like it, but there's little reason in making more without Zaresto making Pony Swagger.
Hey, after following your story and saw how it ended i went out of my way to make a yahoo account to activate my fim account al in the middle of the night to tell you this : PLEASE DONT STOP THE STORY PLEASE. Its witty,funny and very interesting and the ending was bull. I would hate it to end like pony swagger did. Just PLEASE pinkie promise that u will make moar please?
359654
Maybe, but I need to finish a few programming projects and other stories I've been working on. Once those are done, I may continue this.
Actually, you know what? I will continue this. I've been getting a lot of Pm's that ask me to continue the story, hell, I'll even make a trailer for it. Maybe even some voice-overs. Stay tuned. It. Will. Be. Epic.
Next chapter will have a lot of pictures, music, jokes, everything to make it more interactive! IT SHALL BE THE BEST FANFIC OF ALL TIME!
358188*Grabs by shirt*YOU*slaps*WILL*slaps*MAKE*slaps*MOAR!*pimp slaps*
362872
*Rubs cheek* Ow... Okay... I will....
yay im so glad i knew this was coming out before it did! i feel special!
OMG so many game references...I love u man
374960
Yep, now for a Necromorph vs Cheal. Or Reapers vs GLaDoS.
Huzzar..more please
375137
Dude BTW i think you should add a chapter where Bentley has to kill the companion cube. also which mass effect is Cortez Trapped In 1,2 or 3 ???
382644
What Bentley will do with the cube, you will find out soon. Cortez is in mass effect 2.
what is wrong? WHY WONT YOU MAKE MOAR????
418654
Well, the reason why the next chapter is slow is because it's special. Something new, that I can't disclose quite yet. And, it's not my fault either.
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/dylansl
seems legit
I HOLD THE ALMIGHTY SWORD OF FIRST
425779
Yep, yep you do. Hey look, A delete button.
THE SWORD OF FIRST IS MINE!
sorry but, this is toooooo confusing.
also why is Bentley mating with the companion cube 
426660
Because, he just wants too. And it's funny. It's also an inside joke about how Chell would have sex with the Companion Cube. Not only that, he will have to kill it, and it will be much harder for him now. And, I usually explain things after they happen, so just wait.
426676 ok, just wondering
I would let her be naked just for the lulz!
SECOND
THIRD!!
Wait... No one ever said first...
So...
FIRST!!
437617
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-you-must-be-new-here.jpg
All hail emperor shao Kahn of the first worlds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He turned down sex for PROGRAMING!!!!
whats wrong with him???
FIRST AND CULE CHAPTER
FORGOT TEH CUTIE MARK AND MADE PINKIE DARKER