The Hacker Pwny

by Chetzi

Chapter: 48 Wub to hack

Back at Dylan's house.

"So... much... dubstep," Luna said as she transformed human and and crawled out of Vinyl's bag. "Whatever happened to the days of opera and the lute? Oh well, I can't control society. I think this house is empty, I waited for sir Neon and his friend to leave. And I'm talking aloud. I really should stop doing that, it is a nasty habit I picked up while trapped on the moon. The moon, I wonder what that's like on Earth. I wonder if I can control it. If I can control it, the humans might answer to me. I can imagine all that power, enough to overthrow my sister. Heh. Ha. Muahahaha. Earth shall be mine! No longer will the ponies fear me, they will all be slaves under this new power! They've all spent their whole life learning to hate and fear me, and I've had enough of it." Luna grew a devious grin, and slowly morphed into a human version of Nightmare Moon. Jet black wings formed on her back. Her hair went down to her neck and turned a dark violet. He clothes burnt into medieval body armor reminiscent of the kind the pony Nightmare Moon wore. Luna then fell to the ground, quickly changing back to normal. She breathed heavily as she tried to recover herself. "What, what happened? Where did that sudden urge come from? Nightmare Moon is gone! She's trapped on the moon in Equestria. Could she be channeling her energy to Earth's moon? This hasn't happened before, and I can't let it happen at all."

---

"Neon... Neon... ooooh, Neeeeeooooon," Vinyl said as she waved her hand in front of my face. We were heading toward the clothes shop, when I just felt 'something'. Like some kind of magical pressure. Only now it's gone.

"I'm fine," I replied. Something really powerful and close by was on Earth, then just left.

"Man, it's cold here. It's suppose to be summer, how is it not hot?"

"Large devices that take in air, cool it down, then shoot it back out. Really nice to have. We even have a similar device that makes the air warmer."

"So... no Winter Wrap-up? Yeah, it's work and all, but still, I like the singing and everything just looks amazing."

"What? No, we don't have that. No one randomly bursts out in song. There's still snow, albeit rarely in this part of Earth. You'll have to go farther north for snow."

"Wait, north? Why?"

"Because it's farther from the equator, which means it's colder."

"Uh, there's no such thing as that in Equestria. Temperature doesn't change where you go, dude. You have a strange system here."

"I have a strange system! You're weather system is about as logical as a trampoline that shoots poorly-drawn penguins!"

"Like, dude, your sun and moon move on their own. That's just not normal."

"There's this thing called gravity. Equestria has it because you are all standing on it, and not floating off into space. The Earth orbits the sun, and the moon the Earth. Doesn't that make sense?"

"How does that make any sense? That's like making wubs with a lyre. Do you really think that the giant rock we call the moon would spin around Equestria? That would take a lot of gravity, so much it would crush us all!"

"You have very little mass! The moon has a lot of mass! Of course the moon's going to be revolving Equestria since it's making enough gravity itself."

"Pfft, you and your science. Weight doesn't make gravity. Magic does."

"But! But! I... Our planets are only a few solar systems apart, physics can't be THAT different. They can't be different at all!"

"I have one word for you: Pinkie Pie." As I tried to rebuttal, I realized that my argument was lost. Science can't beat Pinkie Pie.

"In here," I directed Vinyl. We walked into a Macy's store, which was the biggest clothes shop here.

"Man, this is a lot bigger than the carousel boutique." So is my dick... Ha.

"Yeah, just don't talk to anyone else here."

"Hmm? Why?"

"Just... you tend to stand out here. And remember, you need to keep your clothes on at all times, it's literally the law."

"Whatevs."

"There's a simple organization system that makes use of the mathematical law of trichotomy to organize items, and therefore, you should read the signs to find- Vinyl?" I asked when I glanced back at her. She had walked off. And I had no idea where she went. I hate it when she does this. I continued down the pathway, looking for signs of her in each aisle. Currently, I'm in the generic women's clothes section. Vinyl would wear something sporty, maybe? It's hard to tell when ponies don't normally wear clothes. Or maybe she'll pick something more retro, I just don't know. I followed the red carpeted path, until I came across someone's head poking out of the rows of clothes that looked like Vinyl's. I walked up to her, and tapped on her shoulder. She turned her head to me, and said,

"Yo, found something I like." That was quick. She held up a black leather jacket at me.

"You do know those are made from cows, right? They have to skin the cows, then dry the leather." Vinyl's already pale face went even whiter.

"That's... that can't be legal."

"Don't worry, the cows here aren't intelligent. They act like every other animal on Earth. And even then, that's probably not real leather. Pseudo-leather would be close enough and much cheaper to make." A more humanlike color returned to her face.

"Uh, on second thought, I'll get this." Vinyl grabbed and showed me a black and white fleece hoodie. "So, can you buy it?"

"Buy? Uh, right, sure, 'buy'. You can have it."

"Awesome. Now, let's see... pants... pants... pants..." Vinyl looked across the store, until coming across an aisle that had many stylized pairs of jeans. "Oooh, I do like whatever the heck the pants I'm wearing are made of, I could use more of these. Though a bit less plain."

"It's called, 'denim'."

"Do you always have to do that?"

"Yes, it kills me when someone doesn't know something."

"Meh." Vinyl threw the jacket over her back and walked over to the jeans section she had her eyes on. The store was rather empty, maybe thirty or so people on this floor. I followed her, and by the time I caught up with her, she found a thin pair of black jeans.

"Okay, that was quick," I said as I walked up to her. This must be a natural instinct for girls, I could never find clothes that quickly. Vinyl tossed them over her shoulder like the jacket, and walked off again. She expertly made her way to the women's shirts section, and dove into the rows of shirts. How did she find that section so quickly? I jogged over to her, as she shifted through numerous styles of shirts and fabrics. She held one up to me.

"I like this..."

"Outside of that being extremely ironic, that wouldn't really be a good idea to wear your own t-shirt. I can imagine a flashmob of bronies crowding around you, admiring you cosplaying."

"Oh, yeah I guess it would be better to not tell everypony I'm DJ-PON3. Uh, what about this?"

She showed me a white cropped tank top. Based on my estimated measurements, that would show a lot of midriff.

"That's banned in a lot of schools, and not really worn much in public. Most people think it's too revealing."

"And you?"

"My opinion is neutral. Nudity is only considered bad because we live in a christian society. I don't care for society or other people’s opinion."

"I'll just take that as, you like it. I don't like clothes much, but these styles and fabrics are really nice." Considering how most ponies don't wear clothes, I can't judge them by what they wear. "So, where can I try these on? I would guess that I can't just start changing right here." That's probably the most inferencing she's ever done.

"Follow me, we passed a changing station a few minutes back." I started walking back up the aisle, then up the pathway. Vinyl had all of her clothes over her shoulder as she jogged up to me. I stopped as we stood in front of the door to the women's changing rooms. "I'll wait here for you."

"Uh, why can't you come with me?"

"It's not co-ed. I can't go in there."

"I don't how to put these clothes on."

"It's not that hard."

"Dude, I'm not good with fingers. I haven't had my whole life to learn how to use them. Now, stop being such a wuss, there's nopony even in there. This place is pretty much empty..."

"I don't... It won't end well if someone finds me."

"Ugh, I don't feel like talking you into this." Vinyl grabbed my hand, and forcibly dragged me into the vacant changing rooms. I struggled to get out of her killer grip, but to no avail. I thought I was stronger than this. I fell to the floor as Vinyl continued to drag me. This would be awkward if anyone ever saw this. She opened the first room, and dragged me inside. As she closed the door, I brushed off dust on my shorts.

"Not cool. I will remember this."

"You get to see a girl naked, and you say I'll regret giving you the chance?"

"Since the invention of the Internet, seeing girls naked isn't much of an achievement."

"Oh, so pixels on a screen are just as good as a real, warm, alive girl instead?"

"I dunno, HD can be pretty realistic. There's even 3D pornography now. Hard to compete with that," I teased.

"Is that a challenge?" Vinyl put on her iconic smile. My eyes went wide, and a visible blush went across my face.

"Uh... I..." I mumbled, flustered at what she said.

"Heh," Vinyl chuckled because of my reaction. I looked down, trying to avert her gaze. Vinyl, content that she won, started taking off her shirt. I then remembered something, she wasn't wearing a bra nor underwear. I forgot about undergarments.

"Uh, I'll b-be right back. You need under clothes." I then quickly left the changing rooms, and took a deep breath of air. I've taken down entire swat teams with traps I've placed, talked down multiple people from shooting me, and I get nervous when a hot girl says what Vinyl just said. I shook off the feeling, and went over to the women's underwear section, picked up generic white bra and panties, but then put them back. I then grabbed light blue versions of them, they seem more Vinyl like. Oh, they also seemed to glow-in-the-dark, since that's what it says on the box. Why does it feel like Vinyl's going to have fun with these? Whatever, I brought the additional clothing articles back to the changing rooms, and slipped into the one Vinyl was in. She had her shirt off, though seemed to be having trouble getting the button undone on her jeans. Yes, her boobs were showing. Just to be clear. Despite how asexual I am, I had to admit, she was hot. Not sure if curves, or symmetry. Possibly how tone she is around the arms and midriff. Legs also tone, could be the nice harmony created when similar hues of skin and muscle types are in sync with- Wait, am I scientifically analyzing Vinyl as to why she's hot? Man, I'm a nerd.

"Dude, little help," Vinyl commanded me as she stopped trying to undo the pants button. Glad I didn't have a boner. I grabbed the front of her jeans, and undid the button, then the zipper. The pants fell to her feet, and she kicked them off, leaving a completely naked Vinyl standing in front of me. I handed her the box of light blue panties.

"Here, you'll need these."

"Hmm? What are they?"

"Underwear, you're suppose to wear it under your pants, for some reason. I forget which reason, though."

"Eh, okay. At least they're in my color." Vinyl grabbed the box, took out the panties, and slipped them on. So many people would be jealous of me if they ever found out about this.

"Oh, and this bra, also."

"Uh, okay." I handed her the bra, and she just stared at in confusion. "What... is that?"

"You put it over your chest."

"Ooooooh." She then grabbed it, and slid it on herself backwards, and upside down.

"No, like this." I fixed it for her so that she wore it correctly, then I buttoned the straps. "Okay, you can try on either the pants or shirt now."

"Kay." Vinyl picked up the black jeans, and hopped into them. She then pulled them around her waist, and fumbled with the button again. I sighed.

"Let me do it." I zipped up her pants and pushed the button into the button slot. Vinyl reached for the shirt, slipped it on, and pulled her arms out. And lastly, she slid the jacket over her arms and didn't touch the zipper nor the hood on it. Vinyl's eyes looked at herself in the mirror, giving an obvious face of approval.

"Now, this is cool, dude." I rolled my eyes, then grabbed her other clothes, and walked out of the women changing rooms. Vinyl strolled out in a brisk wall. As we walked toward the exit of the store, I took out my phone and turned off the scanner machines at the entrance so they alarms won't go off when Vinyl leaves. We walked through the doors, and as we did, I said,

"I thought that'd be a lot harder."

"Oh no, dude, we got to explore the rest of the mall." I mentally sighed. It really is going to be a long day.

Comments

[VX]

I wonder if they auctually get caught in the mall

[Hawkx1]

Wow Macy's store security sucks nobody watching the cameras (which they probably have) or the fitting rooms

[Chetzi]

880095

Well, the store was pretty empty, it must've been a slow day. It's possible they were on a lunch break. They might not have been paying attention, or some other reason. There are plenty. And even then, Neon could've deleted the footage before anyone saw it.

Or maybe they just thought he was a girl, considering how thin and weak he is.