It was only about three months ago that the Department of Unified Protection had been in control in most of America's Largest Cities across the country. But ever since a small town delinquent, A ex-junkie, and a gamer have defeated the head of the DUP, their control has slowly began to fall apart like a house of cards. Even though some DUP soldiers still remain and the entire organization was suppose to be disbanded, the DUP's status was only inactive for the first two months. They're in the process of rebuilding because what happened in Seattle crippled their whole operation.
But if you think that small town delinquent is me, then you're definitely wrong. For one thing, I live in San Diego, not Seattle. I had a vacation their once though, but that was when I was eight and a year before the Empire Event.
My name is Shawn Kingston.
By how I look and dress, you can tell that I'm a Brony. But what most people can't tell is that I'm a Conduit.
Life was beginning to work out for me as my 16th birthday was almost here. But sometimes, I wonder... With the way the world is now, there are no boundaries between what is possible and what isn't. So could that mean that anything that's fictional... Could possibly be real?
I begin to think about this when I encounter a young girl that had her hair resemble the night sky and had a crescent moon on her clothes. It felt familiar... Like I have seen her somewhere else before.
A crossover based on the inFAMOUS games and takes place after the good ending of inFAMOUS Second Son. I've personally been focusing on this idea for quite some time and I felt like it was time to finally release it and see how you guys like it. I plan to be a bit creative with this story because I always liked how a conduit's powers worked. Takes place after season 4, but does not involve the events of Rainbow Rocks.
Credits to everything shown in this story
MLP belongs to Hasbro
inFAMOUS belongs to Sony and Sucker Punch
Gore tag because of the minor details in Chapter 1.
I'll read it later. I actually got really obsessed with the game after seeing the ads a few years ago, but don't own a playstation. The games are still on my wish list (as is a playstation). Great idea.
5705695 Thanks man. Glad you like it
I liked it very much
.
5705928 Glad you do. Thanks
this story is awesome ^_^
Quite an interesting story i like it so far
5706060 Thanks. I'm glad you like it
5706058 Thanks. Glad you like it
What word do u see in my name? That's right and that's what I want to see more of. I love it!
Alright. After reading through what you have so far, I found myself... disappointed. Not put off, not disgusted, just disappointed. I'll fav and follow this thing, but it's mostly because it's a crossover with one of my favorite video games (that I've never played and just watched).
With this one, I've seen about 4 inFamous: SS fics. None of them are anything outstanding, sadly. Either due to (in my opinion) lackluster plot/characters, bad writing, or simply a discouraging ratio of like/dislikes, none of them felt like they deserve my thumbs-up.
That said, I'm not saying this is bad. I'm saying this just isn't my cup of tea. judging from the first few comments, this could be good, and has potential to get better as the story unfolds. But there are some aspects of this story that turns me off, and it's more than just spelling/grammar mistakes (so I won't list them):
-Almost NO relation to MLP in the first 3 chapters. I could LITERALLY (not exaggerating) copy/paste your chapters, change some names and descriptions, and post it to fanfiction.net as my own work. I'm surprised this got past the mods.
-It doesn't get me to suspend my disbelief. If my father was chief of police and I was a conduit, he was STILL send me to the DUP, not sending his 16 year-old son in a friggin' HOSTAGE SITUATION. Hell, with the control and authority the DUP has, the chief of police would be ARRESTED for "housing a bio-TERRORIST". Fetch and Eugene's own parents called the DUP while they were teens. Also, the first thing I learned as a lifeguard was that before you save lives, you make sure YOU are out of harm's way, not get in it just to save someone else or BOTH of you might die
, Oh, and he's also an amateur DETECTIVE from the way he described the crime scene in chapter 3, from the number of conduits, their powers, and their sexes? I know his father's a cop, but come on. Even Delsin, a 20-something man, wasn't that sharp.
. I WILL, however, give credit to a "Gunpowder" conduit. That was pretty creative and something that seems likely to exist. Shame we didn't see more of what he could do.
-Contradictions with the inFamous universe. First off, Second Son begins at 2018, according to the wiki. Yours seem to take place in 2015, according to the construction site for the convention. Also, some inner contradictions:
So one moment, your OC says she's dying, the next, she's just got a few cuts. Now this could be excused due to the fact the "teen"'s a sorta-conduit and has Fast Healing (a legit ability acknowledged in-game), but shouldn't that be noticed? Or maybe it's because the OC's a childish teen (playing baseball against a terrorist, seriously?
) and isn't more aware of his surroundings?
)
Here's another contradiction: the DUP's very existence. The Good Ending implicitly states it was shut down after Augustine's arrest. The law should have cracked down on any remnants of the DUP after what their leader did (torture, human experimentation, etc...
Sorry if this hit too hard for you at once. I'm not doing to bash your fic, just to see it improve and do justice to both MLP and inFamous franchises. That said, I hope to see future chapters and see improvements.
P.S., not enough Delsin. And here's something you did very well: you made him likable and as far as I could see it, MATURE (not that he did much in chapter 2, mind you). A big difference from other Second Son fics. And his and Eugene's behavior (tracking conduits, snooping around the DUP files) seem like something they would do in-game.
5706744 well, sorry about that. I should've made things a bit clearer. Delsin and the others will be in some more of the chapters I got planned out as well as some more mlb characters. I just didn't want to take things too fast for being a story that just started.
5708993 xD
how did you come up with the snow conduit powers? if i were to do one it would be based off of the powers that i would have from taking the "enjoy your power" test, which is masonry. (brick and mortar manipulation) did you get snow as your conduit power or are you just basing it of your "frost the wolf" OC.
5711070 I came up with snow because I was thinking back to an old phrase. When there is smoke, there is fire. For this case, when there is snow, there is ice. That's it for right now though.
I like this. Good start.
5712999 Thank you. I'm glad you do. Thanks for the fave
you have know idea.....RIP Shawn or maybe not???
5716093 You'll have to wait and see
Sweet chapter, dude. Loved the way Rainbow reacted.
5725035 Thanks man
Hey, if you have an Instagram I could draw you a new title cover if you want. If not I could put it onto my deviantart account and you can get it from there.
liked the fight ^_^
5725541 I do have a DA, but not an instagram. Mine is FrostRaven32
5725552 Thanks
5725691 Glad I have your attention
Thanks for the new chapter, Hope to see more soon
Zeke!? Heck yeah!
Noice
ZEKE!!!!!!!!!!!
5749500
5749094 All aboard the Zeke train! *runs around screaming Zeke.*
5749921 Guess I made the right choice with adding him.
Could tell it was zeke as soon as he made the alcohol comment
5749986 xD.
5749983 Yep!
[Zeke Zeke Zeke Zeke Zeke Zeke Zeke
Oh boy, a THIRD storyline to follow, in a completely different state, to boot. Now it just feels like you're adding new characters JUST to make it more crossover-y. Keep it up, and readers are going to get lost, and waste time re-reading chapters. At least it has Zeke, and maybe we'll get to see just how he's been countering the DUP's operations.
SLOW DOWN, AND SHOW, NOT TELL. The whole confession/backstory Vinyl dropped seemed too forced. Twilight and Vinyl seem to be adults. In real life, if someone doesn't want to talk about something, 90% of the time they're not going to talk about it. This exposition's as subtle and smooth as the way Delsin learns of the conduits' own backstories.
Next, why do you keep capitalizing certain words again? A bad habit?
Also, this:
Tautology. Before you ask for pre-readers, read over your own work (preferably aloud) so stuff like this don't happen.
You gonna delete this comment, too?
5750101 Nah. this has some good points. Thanks for the advice
My guess is...there will be war...
Zeke introduced...?
Um, sir, I believe there is a problem with my like button, I can only click it once. Please get me another.
I mean that's awesome!
5753089 lol xD
You know, I enjoy Zeke. He's played off very well. You actually follow Cole's feelings. You love the guy, then when he betrays you, you feel anger, and for the rest of InFamous 1 and the majority of InFamous 2 you are angry at him. Then when he saves you you feel terrible, along with Cole.
Great character.
Great chapter.
5761313 I Know right
5761357 Thanks
i has just listening to this while i read this chapter XD
You know what should totally happen?
pffft... Celestia finds the video... snrk.. Celestia's Bannana Song! Pfft haaa ha ha!
5761722
DARK SOOOOOOOOUUUUUUULS!
5762656 DARK SOULS!!!
5762587 yeah... not the main focus here
5763585
Yeah, but Rainbow and Soarin watched that movie. Maybe by chance, Celestia finds the video on her time off.
5764058
I would sell my soul to see that.
Le shit is going to hit all of the fans.
Awesome chapter.