You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on! If this message goes away after a few seconds, ignore it, javascript support sometimes takes a few seconds to detect.

Featured In3

More Stories3

  • E A Hard Bargain

    Lunaverse. Ditzy is approached by some ponies from Manehatten with an offer they doubt she'll refuse
    21,174 words · 2,744 views  ·  200  ·  8
  • E Title Match

    Trouble strikes Ponyville as a Voodoo practising Zebrony (and former friend of Trixie's) comes to town to settle a score. Lunaverse story.
    30,293 words · 719 views  ·  60  ·  4
  • T Make Wubs not War

    The story of how Rarity met Vinyl Scratch for the first time.
    1,684 words · 413 views  ·  34  ·  2

Blog Posts4

  • 38w, 6d
    Story Update and Preview for future story.

    Hi All

    Just to give a project update, I am working on getting the next chapter of "Title Match" finished. Just dealing with a bit of writer's block on getting the chapter to feel right. I will tell you that things are about to get a lot more interesting for Trixie and the rest of Ponyville.

    Whilst dealing with this block I'd thought I'd give preview of my next project once I complete "Title Match".

    Currently I make it a point to do one story at a time so don't worry about "Title Match" getting sidelined. Think of this as a taste of what is to come, as well as an incentive to myself to get through this rut and get Title Match finished.

    Please note that while my other work have all been set in the Lunaverse, this one will be more open to interpretation regard which universe it is set in.

    Mechanical Advantage

    Working Title

    Heavy Roller is stallion that is satisfied with his life. While being a single earth pony father to one of the most energetic pegasus fillies in Ponyville has its challenges and the lose of his wife still hurts, he has managed to create a good home for him and his daughter. That life is threatened when Stonewall, head of a Private security company with dreams of greater things, comes to Heavy's wagon repair shop with a ultimatum. Either Heavy helps falsify evidence that will irrevocably tarnish he's wife's name and reputation or he will deemed an unfit parent and have Scootaloo taken away from him.

    Distraught and feeling the pressure coming down on him, Heavy turns to Cheerilee, Scootaloo's teacher and mare he trusts, for advice. Cheerilee, having some experience as a retrieval expert before she committed to becoming teacher and not about to let one of her students be taken away from their father, offers Heavy a third option.

    Firstly, assemble a team of old friends to help:

    Big Macintosh - Full-time farmer, part-time bounty hunter and combat specialist.

    Filty Rich - Prominent Ponyville business stallion skilled in negotiation and manipulation.

    Notary - Former personal assistant to a corrupt canterlot noble and unparalleled information broker.

    Secondly, head down to Manehatten. Figure out what Stonewall is up to and use that to gain some much needed...


    1 comments · 74 views
  • 69w, 4d
    New Lunaverse Story almost ready to post.

    Hi all. My first submission into the second season of the Lunaverse is almost ready to be posted.

    It is called "Up and Automaton" and will base around Cheerilee, Trixie and Co trying to deal with an inventor with a lot of skill but little common sense and his hair brained invention as both are unleashed upon Ponyville.

    Now I have finished the first chapter but I decided to take a day or so away from just to come back with a fresh mind when I do a last check before submitting it. Hopefully, all going to well, I will submit it sometime Tuesday.

    Anyone interested in having a look and/or giving me your thought before I submit it,  it is or here (the password is Automaton) . All feed back is welcome.

    In any case, see you soon.

    0 comments · 108 views
  • 100w, 2d
    A hard Bargain Revisions posted

    The changes I decided to go with have been.

    Hope every one had an excellent chistmas.

    0 comments · 90 views
  • 103w, 3d
    Potential Revisions and additions to A Hard Bargain

    After talking to some of trhe people at the Lunaverse group. Here are some additions and revisions I'm thinking of doing to "A Hard Bargain". I wanted to get some feedback before finalising it so please let me know what you think..

    Chapter 1

    When he was sure they weren’t paying him any more attention, Big Mac stopped what he was doing again and looked back at the two unicorns that were walking away, Pokey suddenly having developed a bit of a limp. He didn’t react when he joined by Granny Smith.

    “So that’s the Element of Magic?” the Granny asked.

    “Eeyup.” Big Mac replied dryly.

    “And isn’t that Cutie mark she has the same one as...?”


    “You think there may be a connection?”


    “Still makes ya curious, Don’t it?”


    Granny Smith raised an eyebrow. “Yer mighty wordy today, aint ya?”

    Big Mac didn’t reply and instead looked at the big clock. “Almost lunch time.”

    Chapter 5

    Big Mac and Caramel, having seen the smoke as well, had instantly changed their route and arrived at the school shortly after Ditzy had. Big Mac scanned the area and found nurse Redheart tending to some students, including Applebloom who came racing towards him when she saw her brother.

    "Big Mac! It was terrible." She wailled. "Ms Cheerilee was teaching us about griffons but then a strange tube flew in to the class and then it filled with smoke and then..." the rest drowned out into incomprehensible sobbing as Big Mac held her close.

    "It's okay." Big Mac stroked Applebloom's mane, trying to console her.

    The two siblings stayed liked this for a couple of minutes before Applebloom forced herself to back away slightly from her brother. "I think Dinky is in trouble."


    "After the smoke started and I was trying to get out, I heard her suddenly scream and then something big and grey ran past me and I haven't seen her since."

    Big Mac and Caramel looked at each other and then quickly rescanned the surroundings and couldn't see the young unicorn filly anywhere either. Caramel cursed under his breath while Big Mac tried to formulate a plan. Every instinct was telling him to stay and take care of his sister but he knew that there was a small window of opportunity to find Dinky that was rapidly closing.

    "Applebloom...I..." He was cut off by Applebloom starring up at him with her big pleading eyes.

    "Please Big Mac, you've got to help her."

    Big Mac scooped Applebloom up into another quick hug. "Love ya sis." He then turned to Caramel. "Home. Now."

    "You got it boss." Caramel replied as he stood beside Applebloom. "I'll catch up after I get her home."

    At that reassurance Big Mac turn to run off, hoping to pick up the trail before it was too late. Instead he ran straight in to Cheerilee.

    “I'm coming with you.” The teacher said firmly. “And don't you dare argue.”

    “No time.” Big Mac replied as he hurried to find a trail. Cheerilee followed only stopping briefly to get some of the parents to watch over the remaining students.

    Plomo watched from the shadows as Ditzy walked away from the motel with Trixie chasing after her. He was about to continue following them and make sure Trixie didn’t interfere but found himself flung against a wall. Before the grey stallion had a chance to retaliate, Big Mac pinned him down and started to twist one of Plomo's fore legs in a way it wasn't supposed to twist.

    "Listen closely.” Cheerilee said to the pinned stallion. “We will ask questions. You will give answers. Understand?"


    Big Mac twisted the foreleg further before he spoke. "Escuche atentamente , voy a hacer preguntas y usted contestara ¿Entiende?"

    Chapter 7

    Author's note. Instead of posting the whole chapter, assume that in the first part, Cheerilee's part was replaced by Raindrops.

    "Don't worry, Big Mac isn't doing it alone," Caramel replied. "Cheerilee with him."

    "Cheerilee?" Silver Script asked in dismay. "You really think a school teacher is gonna make a difference?"

    The midday sun beat down on Plata as he waited in the clearing. Dinky was still in the bag that she had been caught in, struggling and shouting.

    “Quiet you.” Plata hissed. “Kids these days.” He then saw three shadows being cast. Looking up he saw a mail wagon (or at least what was supposed to look like a mail wagon) being pulled by four  Pegasi descending. “You took your sweet time getting here.”

    “It’s not like you gave us a lot of notice.” The driver hoped off the wagon and approached Plata. “Considering that we took a major detour getting here I’d appreciate a little less lip.”

    “Quit your whining. You’re getting paid double for this.” Plata turned attention back to the bag. “Now my friends are going to fly you first class to Manehatten. I suggest you stop struggling otherwise they may drop you.” At that moment Dinky’s horn stabbed through the bag. “What the..?”

    The clearing was suddenly filled with a bright light. As the  adults were blinded, Dinky used her magic to tear the bag open. Once she was free, she ran for it as fast as she could.

    Dinky didn't know where she was but she knew that anywhere was better than here. Despite running as fast as she could, Plata, having recovered, soon caught up with her.

    The filly came to an abrupt stop when Plata stomped down on her tail, preventing her from running any further. "Listen you little bruja, give me one good reason why I shouldn't snap that horn off."


    Plata looked up from Dinky and came face to face with an extremely angry Big Macintosh.

    "I got one."

    Any reply Plata was going to give was stopped by a hoof straight to his face.

    At that moment the Pegasi had finally gotten over their temporary blindness and had caught up to the scene. Seeing their current employer laying on the ground in a daze and their meal ticket was currently being blocked by the red new comer, they decided to leap into action.

    The driver and  tried to charge Big Mac at the same time. The red stallion used his front hooves to swat two of them away as if they were flies and head butted the third. After taking what could be compared to a wrecking ball to the face, the third Pegasus went down and stayed there.

    The first of the two remaining flew in and bucked Big Mac in the side of the head. Big Mac, only slightly fazed by the attack, put up his foreleg to block the on coming onslaught. When he saw an  opening, Big Mac struck out at an incoming hoof. The Pegasus fell to ground and held his hoof  in pain, only to be silenced by an upper cut.

    Cheerilee raced up to Dinky. “Are you alright?” She asked the young filly.

    Before Dinky could reply a Pegasus tried to attack the school teacher. As he stood up on his hind legs, Cheerilee raced in, driving her shoulder into the attacker's chest and unleashing a devasting series of gut punches. When she finally relented the stallion took a couple steps back and doubled over in pain. Cheerilee then finished him off with two hooves to the top of the head.

    As she finished that, another stallion flew in, hoping to tackle her. Instead of dodging, Cheerilee stood her ground. When he was close enough, she jumped up, caught him in a reverse headlock and, using the weight change and the stallion's own momentum, drove him head first into the ground.

    When Cheerilee stood back up, dusting herself off, the pegasus remained motionless.

    “Alright!” The two earth ponies turned to see the driver was back up and was holding a crossbow that he had probably recovered from his wagon. “Don't move!”

    “Hey genius, you've got one shot and two angry ponies,” Cheerilee replied. “Do the math.”

    When realisation struck, the driver dropped the crossbow and took flight. As the pegasus tried to fly  straight up and away, the two earth ponies shared a look. After a nod from Cheerilee, Big Mac held out his hooves. The school teacher jumped into them and as she did, the red farmer threw her skywards.

    As she flew through the sky, Cheerilee let out a sharp whistle to get the driver's attention. The pegasus looked down in time to get a magenta hoof straight to the face.

    When gravity finally caught up with Cheerilee and the now unconscious driver, she remaining calm descended, right into the waiting hooves of Big Mac while the pegasus had a destiny with hard ground.

    Cheerilee chuckled as she looked up at Big Mac. “You haven't thrown me like that since that job you had in Hoofington.”

    Big Mac let out a chuckle of his own. “Good times.”

    The red bounty hunter then turned his head and saw the remaining Pegasus trying sneak up on him, wielding a large piece of wood as a club. When the Pegasus saw that he had been caught out and the annoyed looks Big Mac and Cheerilee were giving him, he let out a nervous chuckle. He then promptly used the piece of wood to knock himself out.

    Big Mac rolled his eyes as he put Cheerilee down but then saw that Plata was trying to crawl away. The farmer stopped Plata’s retreat by stepping on the grey stallion’s tail. When the Manehattenite looked up at Big Mac in fear, the farmer offered eight words of explanation for his actions.

    “You attacked a school and foalnapped a filly.”

    Next thing Plata knew, he was being held by the Big Mac. He wondered what the point of this was  until he saw Cheerilee approach, fire burning in her eyes.

    “I'm going to make you regret being anywhere near my students.”

    With no means of escape, Plata could only look on in horror as Cheerilee readied her hooves to deliver harsh justice, repeatedly. She then stopped when both she and Big Mac remembered that Dinky was busy watching this. Though not releasing Plata, the two earth ponies turned to Dinky. For a brief moment the three just looked at each other

    "Violence is bad." Cheerilee said in a weak attempt not to be a bad example for the young filly.

    "Yes, I know." Dinky replied before turning her back to him and covering her ears with her hooves. “Let me know when you’re finished.”

    Chapter 7

    Things were quiet at the representative house as the group waited for Big Mac’s return. They were in the lounge. Trixie on the couch, practising card tricks to calm herself whilst levitating an ice pack against the side of her face. Silver Script and Raindrops were busy finding a good place to leave the gagged and restrained Parley. Caramel was watching the door while Ditzy was pacing back and forth.

    “It’s taking too long.” The grey mare said. “They should have been back by now.”

    “It hasn’t been that long.” Caramel said. “Trust me, Big Mac has everything under control. Most likely he’s already on his way back.”

    “How can you be so sure?” Ditzy demanded.

    “Because I know Big Mac, that stallion is unstoppable even when he’s in good mood but these thugs have managed to get on his bad side.” Caramel said reassuringly. “The only thing we need to worry about is Big Mac leaving enough of those scum bags for questioning.”



    Everypony turned to see the restrained Parley dangling from the ceiling like a piñata while Silver Script stood there with the L&T Bat. Realising that he was being watched he quickly hid the bat behind his back and pointed towards Raindrops in an attempt to shift blame.

    Trixie stood up from the couch and went to stand beside Ditzy as a form of comfort. “Wait 10 more minutes and if they’re not here by then we’ll go looking.”



    “Enough, Silver!” Trixie scolded.

    Before any more could be said there was a knock at the door. Ditzy bolted straight for it and swung it open in time for a small filly to tackle her which turned into a big hug.

    “Mommy!” Dinky said happily.

    Ditzy responded with the hug and returned it with gusto. “Oh Dinky, are you okay? I was so worried?"

    "I'm alright, Big Mac saved me."

    "I love you so much, Dinky.”

    “I love you too, Mommy.”

    The two stayed like that, just hugging each other and being so happy to be back together. Single tear feel down Ditzy's cheek as tried to recommit every sound, touch and smell to memory. Her daughter was back and most important, safe. No more words needed said, their world had been made whole again.

    Big Mac and Cheerilee then walked through the doorway, smiling at the scene in front of them. Caramel smirked as he went to stand by the crimson stallion.

    “Times like these are what make this job so worthwhile.”


    Big Mac then got pulled into surprise hug with Ditzy and Cheerilee. “Thank you.”

    The big stallion looked like he might have been blushing under his red as he shrugged off the hug. “No problem.”

    After all the adults present had taken the time shower the returned foal in boat loads of affection. Trixie approached the farmer.

    “Look, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, cause I am really grateful, but as a Night Court Representative I have to ask: What did you do with the thugs that had foalnapped Dinky?”

    Big Mac gestured towards to the door.

    Everypony headed outside and found what appeared to be a mail wagon.

    “A mail wagon?” Trixie asked in disbelief.

    “Not a real one.” Silver Script remarked. “The wagon's an outdated model and the paint job is too shoddy to be government issue.”

    Big Mac open the back to reveal seven restrained and unconscious stallions. Trixie and Ditzy edged closer to examine them.

    “Recognise them?” Trixie asked.

    Ditzy pointed to Plata and Plomo. “Those two were working with Parley. I don’t know about the other five.”


    Trixie turned to see Big Mac holding out a note. The Representative took it and examined it. It was hastily written but still legible and at the top was Big Mac’s name and Bounty Hunting ID number.

    These seven individuals that have been captured and detained were in the process of foal napping a young filly.

    The two earth ponies should be charged for attacking the school and for foal napping.

    The five  pegasi, while not involved in the attack on the school, were intending to transport the foal napped individual, known as Dinky Doo, against her will to Manehattan and as such should be charged for being accessories to a foalnapping as well as impersonating mail carriers and carrying stolen and/or illegal items.

    Though these are the only charges I am aware of, all seven appear to be career criminals and will most likely have other crimes they can be charged with.

    As the one with bounty hunting authority, I take full responsibility for the actions taken to apprehend these criminals.

    Any and all actions I have done in the process of capturing these five ponies were done with the safety of Miss Doo as my chief concern as well as ensuring that she was returned to her mother as soon as possible.

    I request that this be taken into consideration if charges are brought against me for actions not covered under the Bounty Hunting Act or the Civilian Arrest Act.

    Trixie looked up from the note and stared at Big Mac who just shrugged in return.

    “He's a writer.” Caramal replied

    Chapter 8

    Big Mac was manning the stall. It was a slow day so it was just him.

    “Um hi.” Big Mac turned to see Trixie standing there. “Are you free to talk?”

    Big Mac looked left and right to check for potential customers, when he saw none he replied with an “Eeyup.”

    The representative pulled out a cheque. “I wanted to give you this.”

    Big Mac took the cheque and inspected it, it was the usual government approved cheque that Bounty hunters received when they brought in a bounty.

    “Turns out the leader of the pegusi you took down had a bounty on his head over some smuggling charges.” Trixie explained. “The government decided to give a retroactive bounties for Plata and Plomo due the serious nature of their crimes.”

    Big Mac looked down at the figure again. While it wasn't the biggest payout he had received for a hunt, it certainly was more than what he was expecting. When he looked back up he saw Trixie pull out a big bag of bits.

    “There also was a retroactive bounty for Parley,” Trixie explained. “Now I know you didn't catch Parley but civilians can't collect bounties so I sort of told the authorities that you caught him.” Big Mac raised an eyebrow, wondering where she was going with this. “Though that means that this money technically belongs to you I was hoping to give it to Ditzy since she was the one who caught him.”

    Big Mac nodded in understanding. “Sure.”

    Gratefully Trixie put the money away. She was about to say goodbye and walk away when something stopped her. She turned back to the farmer and prepared herself to do something that was never fun to do.

    “Big Macintosh. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for accusing you.” Trixie in a deep breath. “It wasn't right of me to assume that you were up to something and maybe if I hadn't been so focused on trying to prove that you were trouble I might have been able to stop those mobsters before they took Dinky.”

    Big Mac personally doubted that but didn't know the situation well enough to judge. “Apology accepted.”

    Trixie smiled gratefully, happy that, for once, an apology was enough. Still something

    “Look, I know this might seem like I'm taking a step backwards but I'm still curious, why let Cheerilee know about a job offer that could potentially leave your sister's school in the lurch?

    Big Mac shrugged. “She's my friend.”

    “So that's all it ever was?” Trixie asked. “You letting a friend know about a great career opportunity?”

    “Eeyup.” He then gave a kind smile to the look of disbelief Trixie was giving him. “Not everything's a conspiracy.”

    Trixie sighed. “Guess not, but when you deal with the Night Court as much as I do, it starts to feel that way.”

    “Buck that.” Big Mac said plainly.

    “Hey! we're not all that bad.”

    The stallion shrugged. “Maybe not.” He then smiled again and placed a juicy red apple on the counter in front of Trixie. “On the house.”

    "Thanks." Trixie said gratefully as she took the apple.

    As Trixie turned and start to walk off she ran into Applebloom.

    "Did you pay fer that apple?"

    9 comments · 188 views
  • ...

Its winter in Ponyville and for the most part everything seems to be going well. That changes when Grinding Gears, a friend of Cheerilee's from Detrot with more engineering skill than common sense, comes to town hoping to get endorsement for his latest invention.

The Automaton, a fully mechanical creation powered by magic.

He's researched extensively, planned out thoroughly and has brought his first working prototype for inspection.

What could possibly go wrong?

A Season Two Lunaverse Story

First Published
30th Jul 2013
Last Modified
30th Oct 2013

I love how Trixie assumes sight-unseen that the whole thing will turn into "Clank-clank-AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!-There-were-some-things-ponies-were-not-meant-to-know!!!!"

It's like you've reversed polarity on the Trixie in Contraptionology.


I think Trixie would be a lot more open to the idea (especially if it meant getting her name added to something that could revolutionise magic/technology) if she wasn't so aware of the less than stellar track record that golems posses.

And if you were to ask The Doctor, reversing the polarity is the solution to everything :derpytongue2:


As it stands, all she sees getting her name attached to is "Idiot who let everypony in her town get killed by clockwork-golem-thingy.":rainbowlaugh:

:moustache:My Snails radar is beeping-SWEET CHRYSALIS, A SNAILS STORY!!! :pinkiegasp:  WITH THE G&PT!!!! IN THE LUNAVERSE!!!!!!:yay:


Wouldn't it make more sense to use a ''chem'', that is a piece of paper or parchment stored inside the golems head with their instructions on it? It would mean it doesn't have to walk around with writing on its head all day.

Good opening, lets see is Gears can make good with his demonstration.

Could maybe have used a run through an editor, but otherwise, this is looking like an interesting start!

Trixie stopped and stared at the teacher. "Then how did Scootaloo know what 'waterboarding' is?"

Bring your daughter to work day?

Oh, and I *did* get the Bedknobs and Broomsticks reference in there, I'm sure you'll be happy to hear.

I really love this idea. I'm very excited to see how these wild shenanigans unfold. If you want someone to look over these for punctuation errors, I would be glad to help.

This was a really funny start, eagerly looking forward to more!


Glad you liked it.

I hadn't originally intended to make a Bedknobs and Broomsticks reference (though I do love that movie :pinkiehappy:) but "Substitutiary Locomotion" has got to be the best pseudo scientific term for the act of bringing inanimate objects to life that I have ever heard so I couldn't resist using it :rainbowwild:

Bring your daughter to work day?

:rainbowlaugh: Oh the havoc Scootaloo could wrought if given the chance


Well idea behind the traditional golems were that they were most made of solid clay or rock so there wasn't space to stick a scroll inside it. Now I think most ponies do the writting on the forehead because that's how it's always been done and it also means that it gave the creator's an emergency kill switch, if they could get close enough to wipe off the writting.

Though I could imagine some ponies going more the chem route.


I really glad you're enjoying it so far.

If you were willing to look over my work before I posted it, I would be really grateful. I tried to be extra thorough this time round but as you can tell this :twilightblush:

If you're interested please PM me to let me know which way you'd prefer me to send my drafts to for checking. Thank you :twilightsmile:


I sent you a PM. Hope this isn't too redundant.

OK just finished the chapter, overall I felt everyone was very in character, and the dialogue was quite well executed and amusing or otherwise appropriate. The cheerilee Trixie discussion and Pinkie gag were very well executed and I liked the "history of golems. At first I was a bit worried about how they were being described but I can very much get behind this interpretation of them. I feel Grinding Gears manages to convey that sense of slightly off inventor who just doesn't grasp why certain things are bad ideas or social situations very well. Also I really liked the love potions discussion, that makes a good deal of sense and is good world building.

The tribalism scene was sort of amusing, though Trixie did come across a bit like that at the start which felt slightly off but not overly so)  Also the stealth hug thing was very amusing, I sort of have trouble seeing Trixie go for it, but boredom and a lack of interest can cause anyone to make a slightly mad decision and overall it was well comically times (PinkiePie's cupcake stealth attack) made me crack up.

But, I do feel the start was a bit sudden/jarring we just sort of fell right into it and while in media res can be good this still felt a bit to fast with a not quite enough context and I noticed some missing words of incorrect punctuation throughout the piece. Overall very solid first chapter, i'll be eagerly awaiting more. I have slightly mixed feeling about the bourbon, as I was worried that Trixie was made "stupid/foolish" in the first season and that, that was partially tied to it. But I also do like the idea of her being from a place where a single small drink everyday is very common, so as it stands I feel it's usage here was well done and the cliffhanger was well executed. Can't wait to see more!

I can't wait to see what terrible things the Automaton does to Ponyville.

Also, if you want more help proofreading I'd be willing to lend a hand.

>>2966098 Ah, I didn't think of it as a kill switch. Good idea, a chem would be harder to get at in an emergency.


Thank you so much for the thorough review :twilightsmile:

Looking back I do see your point about the opening. I'm getting help now with the proofreading but I may come back to the opening to see if I can make it not seem quite so jarring.

I can also see your concern about the bourbon thing and I do agree that gags like Drunk Lulamon is something that should be used sparingly.

Like I jokingly said in the chapter, when stuff goes wrong Trixie's first impulse does seem to be to go for the bourbon, much in the same way Twilight's first impulse is to go for a book. I think that as she grows she should be using that impulse less but I do think it's still going to be there and to me that's where the comedy lies, not with her being drunk or stupid but with her dealing with what had ultimately been her go to solution for the longest time.

Though that might just be the part of me that likes bourbon jokes talking :pinkiehappy:

Thanks again for the long review


I'm never one to say no when help is offered. :twilightsmile: Thank you.


I'm glad you liked my review and that it was of some use to you; in regards to drink Trixie I agree such a joke should be used very sparingly. Though there was one statement there that sort of confused me, you said Trixie had been going to alcohol for the longest time, but form my understanding alcohol is a rather new development for her having only started drinking upon her arrival in Ponyville. Sorry if I misunderstood; good luck with the next chapter and thanks for the response!


Well saying for the longest time was probably an exaggeration but going by the flashbacks in Hero of Oaten, Trixie had already discovered the joys of hard liquor well before Ponyville. Though I could be wrong.


I think Oaton was a singular exception; from my understanding Luna is very much against drinking (due to her twelve year bender) and made it a point to not allow her student drink. But I could be wrong but I think that's the case; though it's probably not that important. Besides, swirling a glass of liquor can look classy and dignified! :scootangel:


This was going be the time where I did a multi-chapter story that didn't involve a certain red stallion making an appearance. But then writing this I realised that to do that I would have to give up the chance to write him fighting a huge metal minotaur. Frankly, MY WILL ISN'T THAT STRONG!!! :raritydespair:

Oh well maybe next story :raritywink:

Awesome! Strongpony vs Mecha Minotaur has begun!


who says I'm not planning to use her?


Objection withdrawn? EEEEEEYUP!!!!!!:eeyup:

Anyways, she does seem to be getting better at focusing on what others are saying. (Or at least better than M!Pinkie is.)


Raindrops and Big Mac tag-team a golem?


...Uh...just remember to keep it rated "teen"...:raritywink:

First there's oohing and ahhing, later there's running and screaming.

Ah yes, "laser-guided stupidity". When a stupid character not just does something basically stupid, but does something so disastrously stupid that they'd actually have to be very clever to maximise the disaster to such a degree. The sort of mind that not only decides that going into the wilderness and living with a group of wild bears is a good idea, but also drags along their spouse or best friend to enjoy the event, possibly neglecting to tell their plans so as not to "spoil the surprise". Or maybe just having the wild bears shipped covertly to their home in the suburbs.

I sympathise with Trixie, I really do.


When the dealing with characters like Grinding Gears, it goes beyond that into a special sub group which I like to call "Inventors Impulse Control Deficiency". It means that even though they can have a high intellect their minds unfortunately are stuck asking 'can?' instead of 'should?'. So they'll wonder 'can you attach a jet engine to a go-kart' instead of 'should you attach a jet engine to a go-kart'.

Having actually worked with Robotics... "Live" is about the worst word that you can animate an automaton with, especially if it can passively learn behaviors throughout it's construction. I guess "Kill" might be worse, but unless "Live" is an implied condition, it would probably just self destruct when someone was in the blast radius.

Now, if you were to animate a suit of armor on a exoskeleton with "Obediance," and have it killswitched to your instructions to the letter, we could talk.  Or just use a chem to specify exactly what you want to do, and no more. Bonus points if you can just use a punchcard for instructions and use the chem as an interpreter, that should be sufficiently mad science to be able to satiate Gears.

Not so much for Big Macs involvement, especially not him being strong enough to take on a golem like that himself, he's strong but still a farmer. Besides that this was a good chapter, the rams were random but highly entertaining and the dialogue was excellent. I feel it started a bit jarringly, and some of the descriptions were a bit more tell as opposed to show. But overall a good chapter.

>>3042490 Big Mac can tow a house. That's strong enough for me.


A golem is a magical, metallic creature though, that and he's not a main cast member, so his involvement and more his competence in fighting just feels off to me.

>>3084965 I get the feeling he won't be saving the day though.


Possibly, if he's introduced this early maybe not, but still, it's a concern for me. Sorry Zap Apple Smash and to you Fizzy if I was rude.


Thanks for the comments

At the risk of spoiling the next chapter. I'm gonna hold off commenting on Big Mac until I get it posted. once that happens I promise I'll give a proper reply


I don't think you were being, you were just giving your honest opinion which I really appreciate. Thorough feedback is how I improve :pinkiehappy:



It's your story so your call, still any and all issues/concerns aside, I'm glad I didn't offend you.

>>3084965 He's also a highly ranked veteran bounty hunter.


I was under the impression that his bounty hunting was mostly just something to help keep burglars away as he seems to spend all his time on the farm; i'm not really for making BC into an action hero type character. That's just my view though, I could be misinformed. any chance did you play and or read the book for Genius: the Transgression before writing this story? Cause this seems a lot like a Stafnungh Artifacer experiencing Havok with a Wonder of Automata. It's like I was telling my Igor the other day, "Before you make super Automata, have a good handle on Episki so you can control it; otherwise it'll probably turn on you. Now hand me another monkey heart, I think I've figured out how to fix the circulatory system on my super predator. The problem isn't getting a strong enough heart, it's getting enough hearts! Soon, I will show them all the true genius of hyper biology!" And then I dissolved into mad cackling for a while.

And that's why you don't make golems!  Anyway, love the story, great humor and suspense and can't wait for more.


Sorry I can't say that I have though it sounds like my kinda thing :pinkiehappy:


The thing about Big Mac is that as it stands, he is the closest thing that Ponyville has to a combat benchmark, especially in terms of raw physical power, that isn't a main character. Using him in this role meant that I was able to have a decent action scene, showcasing what the Automaton was capable of, without having to sacrifice one of the L6.

If I were to use another pony to fill Big Mac's role it probably would have been Raindrops but I have plans for her and frankly I think more people would have been annoyed if she was the one who ended up quoting the bard :derpytongue2:

Too bad that the character who actually LIKES to rhyme is Number Twoing the local supervillain.......

Good chapter overall, though the fight seemed a bit off, mostly because, given the golems size, it feels like BC should have had a harder time making some of those hits. I wasn't so much for the initial song, but once it was revealed t be the rams and they made underdog for Trixie, it was awesome. Seriously I love those guys. :pinkiehappy:

Loved the ending!


It is true that BC is incredibly strong, as we saw in the show, though how much of that could be tied to the potion and or be done by AJ/Dash is as of yet unknown. BC himself, to me at least, really shouldn't be a skilled fighter. Regardless BC seems out of commission for now so I shall stop my whining. :twilightblush:


Well, this should play out interestingly...

Oooh, Round two


We got to get Raindrops a theme tune now.

:trixieshiftleft: "Okay once Big Mac's recovered we'll team him up with Raindrops and..."


:trixieshiftright: "...Okay once Big Mac and Raindrops have recovered we team them up..."

Allright Raindrops! :pinkiehappy:

This story is so silly, I love it.

Cue epic battle music.

Mac is ultimate horse.

Login or register to comment