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  • E A Hard Bargain

    Lunaverse. Ditzy is approached by some ponies from Manehatten with an offer they doubt she'll refuse
    21,174 words · 2,710 views  ·  200  ·  8
  • E Up and Automaton

    A friend of Cheerilee from detrot comes to Ponyville with a new invention that unfortunately goes haywire. Lunaverse story
    16,825 words · 1,036 views  ·  81  ·  3
  • T Make Wubs not War

    The story of how Rarity met Vinyl Scratch for the first time.
    1,684 words · 405 views  ·  34  ·  2

Blog Posts4

  • 34w, 6d
    Story Update and Preview for future story.

    Hi All

    Just to give a project update, I am working on getting the next chapter of "Title Match" finished. Just dealing with a bit of writer's block on getting the chapter to feel right. I will tell you that things are about to get a lot more interesting for Trixie and the rest of Ponyville.

    Whilst dealing with this block I'd thought I'd give preview of my next project once I complete "Title Match".

    Currently I make it a point to do one story at a time so don't worry about "Title Match" getting sidelined. Think of this as a taste of what is to come, as well as an incentive to myself to get through this rut and get Title Match finished.

    Please note that while my other work have all been set in the Lunaverse, this one will be more open to interpretation regard which universe it is set in.

    Mechanical Advantage

    Working Title

    Heavy Roller is stallion that is satisfied with his life. While being a single earth pony father to one of the most energetic pegasus fillies in Ponyville has its challenges and the lose of his wife still hurts, he has managed to create a good home for him and his daughter. That life is threatened when Stonewall, head of a Private security company with dreams of greater things, comes to Heavy's wagon repair shop with a ultimatum. Either Heavy helps falsify evidence that will irrevocably tarnish he's wife's name and reputation or he will deemed an unfit parent and have Scootaloo taken away from him.

    Distraught and feeling the pressure coming down on him, Heavy turns to Cheerilee, Scootaloo's teacher and mare he trusts, for advice. Cheerilee, having some experience as a retrieval expert before she committed to becoming teacher and not about to let one of her students be taken away from their father, offers Heavy a third option.

    Firstly, assemble a team of old friends to help:

    Big Macintosh - Full-time farmer, part-time bounty hunter and combat specialist.

    Filty Rich - Prominent Ponyville business stallion skilled in negotiation and manipulation.

    Notary - Former personal assistant to a corrupt canterlot noble and unparalleled information broker.

    Secondly, head down to Manehatten. Figure out what Stonewall is up to and use that to gain some much needed...

    Leverage

    1 comments · 69 views
  • 65w, 4d
    New Lunaverse Story almost ready to post.

    Hi all. My first submission into the second season of the Lunaverse is almost ready to be posted.

    It is called "Up and Automaton" and will base around Cheerilee, Trixie and Co trying to deal with an inventor with a lot of skill but little common sense and his hair brained invention as both are unleashed upon Ponyville.

    Now I have finished the first chapter but I decided to take a day or so away from just to come back with a fresh mind when I do a last check before submitting it. Hopefully, all going to well, I will submit it sometime Tuesday.

    Anyone interested in having a look and/or giving me your thought before I submit it,  it is or here (the password is Automaton) . All feed back is welcome.

    In any case, see you soon.

    0 comments · 96 views
  • 96w, 2d
    A hard Bargain Revisions posted

    The changes I decided to go with have been.

    Hope every one had an excellent chistmas.

    0 comments · 85 views
  • 99w, 2d
    Potential Revisions and additions to A Hard Bargain

    After talking to some of trhe people at the Lunaverse group. Here are some additions and revisions I'm thinking of doing to "A Hard Bargain". I wanted to get some feedback before finalising it so please let me know what you think..

    Chapter 1

    When he was sure they weren’t paying him any more attention, Big Mac stopped what he was doing again and looked back at the two unicorns that were walking away, Pokey suddenly having developed a bit of a limp. He didn’t react when he joined by Granny Smith.

    “So that’s the Element of Magic?” the Granny asked.

    “Eeyup.” Big Mac replied dryly.

    “And isn’t that Cutie mark she has the same one as...?”

    “Eeyup.”

    “You think there may be a connection?”

    “Maybe.”

    “Still makes ya curious, Don’t it?”

    “Eeyup.”

    Granny Smith raised an eyebrow. “Yer mighty wordy today, aint ya?”

    Big Mac didn’t reply and instead looked at the big clock. “Almost lunch time.”

    Chapter 5

    Big Mac and Caramel, having seen the smoke as well, had instantly changed their route and arrived at the school shortly after Ditzy had. Big Mac scanned the area and found nurse Redheart tending to some students, including Applebloom who came racing towards him when she saw her brother.

    "Big Mac! It was terrible." She wailled. "Ms Cheerilee was teaching us about griffons but then a strange tube flew in to the class and then it filled with smoke and then..." the rest drowned out into incomprehensible sobbing as Big Mac held her close.

    "It's okay." Big Mac stroked Applebloom's mane, trying to console her.

    The two siblings stayed liked this for a couple of minutes before Applebloom forced herself to back away slightly from her brother. "I think Dinky is in trouble."

    "What?"

    "After the smoke started and I was trying to get out, I heard her suddenly scream and then something big and grey ran past me and I haven't seen her since."

    Big Mac and Caramel looked at each other and then quickly rescanned the surroundings and couldn't see the young unicorn filly anywhere either. Caramel cursed under his breath while Big Mac tried to formulate a plan. Every instinct was telling him to stay and take care of his sister but he knew that there was a small window of opportunity to find Dinky that was rapidly closing.

    "Applebloom...I..." He was cut off by Applebloom starring up at him with her big pleading eyes.

    "Please Big Mac, you've got to help her."

    Big Mac scooped Applebloom up into another quick hug. "Love ya sis." He then turned to Caramel. "Home. Now."

    "You got it boss." Caramel replied as he stood beside Applebloom. "I'll catch up after I get her home."

    At that reassurance Big Mac turn to run off, hoping to pick up the trail before it was too late. Instead he ran straight in to Cheerilee.

    “I'm coming with you.” The teacher said firmly. “And don't you dare argue.”

    “No time.” Big Mac replied as he hurried to find a trail. Cheerilee followed only stopping briefly to get some of the parents to watch over the remaining students.


    Plomo watched from the shadows as Ditzy walked away from the motel with Trixie chasing after her. He was about to continue following them and make sure Trixie didn’t interfere but found himself flung against a wall. Before the grey stallion had a chance to retaliate, Big Mac pinned him down and started to twist one of Plomo's fore legs in a way it wasn't supposed to twist.

    "Listen closely.” Cheerilee said to the pinned stallion. “We will ask questions. You will give answers. Understand?"

    "¿Que?"

    Big Mac twisted the foreleg further before he spoke. "Escuche atentamente , voy a hacer preguntas y usted contestara ¿Entiende?"

    Chapter 7

    Author's note. Instead of posting the whole chapter, assume that in the first part, Cheerilee's part was replaced by Raindrops.

    "Don't worry, Big Mac isn't doing it alone," Caramel replied. "Cheerilee with him."

    "Cheerilee?" Silver Script asked in dismay. "You really think a school teacher is gonna make a difference?"


    The midday sun beat down on Plata as he waited in the clearing. Dinky was still in the bag that she had been caught in, struggling and shouting.

    “Quiet you.” Plata hissed. “Kids these days.” He then saw three shadows being cast. Looking up he saw a mail wagon (or at least what was supposed to look like a mail wagon) being pulled by four  Pegasi descending. “You took your sweet time getting here.”

    “It’s not like you gave us a lot of notice.” The driver hoped off the wagon and approached Plata. “Considering that we took a major detour getting here I’d appreciate a little less lip.”

    “Quit your whining. You’re getting paid double for this.” Plata turned attention back to the bag. “Now my friends are going to fly you first class to Manehatten. I suggest you stop struggling otherwise they may drop you.” At that moment Dinky’s horn stabbed through the bag. “What the..?”

    The clearing was suddenly filled with a bright light. As the  adults were blinded, Dinky used her magic to tear the bag open. Once she was free, she ran for it as fast as she could.

    Dinky didn't know where she was but she knew that anywhere was better than here. Despite running as fast as she could, Plata, having recovered, soon caught up with her.

    The filly came to an abrupt stop when Plata stomped down on her tail, preventing her from running any further. "Listen you little bruja, give me one good reason why I shouldn't snap that horn off."

    "Ahem."

    Plata looked up from Dinky and came face to face with an extremely angry Big Macintosh.

    "I got one."

    Any reply Plata was going to give was stopped by a hoof straight to his face.

    At that moment the Pegasi had finally gotten over their temporary blindness and had caught up to the scene. Seeing their current employer laying on the ground in a daze and their meal ticket was currently being blocked by the red new comer, they decided to leap into action.

    The driver and  tried to charge Big Mac at the same time. The red stallion used his front hooves to swat two of them away as if they were flies and head butted the third. After taking what could be compared to a wrecking ball to the face, the third Pegasus went down and stayed there.

    The first of the two remaining flew in and bucked Big Mac in the side of the head. Big Mac, only slightly fazed by the attack, put up his foreleg to block the on coming onslaught. When he saw an  opening, Big Mac struck out at an incoming hoof. The Pegasus fell to ground and held his hoof  in pain, only to be silenced by an upper cut.

    Cheerilee raced up to Dinky. “Are you alright?” She asked the young filly.

    Before Dinky could reply a Pegasus tried to attack the school teacher. As he stood up on his hind legs, Cheerilee raced in, driving her shoulder into the attacker's chest and unleashing a devasting series of gut punches. When she finally relented the stallion took a couple steps back and doubled over in pain. Cheerilee then finished him off with two hooves to the top of the head.

    As she finished that, another stallion flew in, hoping to tackle her. Instead of dodging, Cheerilee stood her ground. When he was close enough, she jumped up, caught him in a reverse headlock and, using the weight change and the stallion's own momentum, drove him head first into the ground.

    When Cheerilee stood back up, dusting herself off, the pegasus remained motionless.

    “Alright!” The two earth ponies turned to see the driver was back up and was holding a crossbow that he had probably recovered from his wagon. “Don't move!”

    “Hey genius, you've got one shot and two angry ponies,” Cheerilee replied. “Do the math.”

    When realisation struck, the driver dropped the crossbow and took flight. As the pegasus tried to fly  straight up and away, the two earth ponies shared a look. After a nod from Cheerilee, Big Mac held out his hooves. The school teacher jumped into them and as she did, the red farmer threw her skywards.

    As she flew through the sky, Cheerilee let out a sharp whistle to get the driver's attention. The pegasus looked down in time to get a magenta hoof straight to the face.

    When gravity finally caught up with Cheerilee and the now unconscious driver, she remaining calm descended, right into the waiting hooves of Big Mac while the pegasus had a destiny with hard ground.

    Cheerilee chuckled as she looked up at Big Mac. “You haven't thrown me like that since that job you had in Hoofington.”

    Big Mac let out a chuckle of his own. “Good times.”

    The red bounty hunter then turned his head and saw the remaining Pegasus trying sneak up on him, wielding a large piece of wood as a club. When the Pegasus saw that he had been caught out and the annoyed looks Big Mac and Cheerilee were giving him, he let out a nervous chuckle. He then promptly used the piece of wood to knock himself out.

    Big Mac rolled his eyes as he put Cheerilee down but then saw that Plata was trying to crawl away. The farmer stopped Plata’s retreat by stepping on the grey stallion’s tail. When the Manehattenite looked up at Big Mac in fear, the farmer offered eight words of explanation for his actions.

    “You attacked a school and foalnapped a filly.”

    Next thing Plata knew, he was being held by the Big Mac. He wondered what the point of this was  until he saw Cheerilee approach, fire burning in her eyes.

    “I'm going to make you regret being anywhere near my students.”

    With no means of escape, Plata could only look on in horror as Cheerilee readied her hooves to deliver harsh justice, repeatedly. She then stopped when both she and Big Mac remembered that Dinky was busy watching this. Though not releasing Plata, the two earth ponies turned to Dinky. For a brief moment the three just looked at each other

    "Violence is bad." Cheerilee said in a weak attempt not to be a bad example for the young filly.

    "Yes, I know." Dinky replied before turning her back to him and covering her ears with her hooves. “Let me know when you’re finished.”

    Chapter 7

    Things were quiet at the representative house as the group waited for Big Mac’s return. They were in the lounge. Trixie on the couch, practising card tricks to calm herself whilst levitating an ice pack against the side of her face. Silver Script and Raindrops were busy finding a good place to leave the gagged and restrained Parley. Caramel was watching the door while Ditzy was pacing back and forth.

    “It’s taking too long.” The grey mare said. “They should have been back by now.”

    “It hasn’t been that long.” Caramel said. “Trust me, Big Mac has everything under control. Most likely he’s already on his way back.”

    “How can you be so sure?” Ditzy demanded.

    “Because I know Big Mac, that stallion is unstoppable even when he’s in good mood but these thugs have managed to get on his bad side.” Caramel said reassuringly. “The only thing we need to worry about is Big Mac leaving enough of those scum bags for questioning.”

    *THACK*

    “HRMP!!”

    Everypony turned to see the restrained Parley dangling from the ceiling like a piñata while Silver Script stood there with the L&T Bat. Realising that he was being watched he quickly hid the bat behind his back and pointed towards Raindrops in an attempt to shift blame.

    Trixie stood up from the couch and went to stand beside Ditzy as a form of comfort. “Wait 10 more minutes and if they’re not here by then we’ll go looking.”

    *THACK*

    “HRMP!!”

    “Enough, Silver!” Trixie scolded.

    Before any more could be said there was a knock at the door. Ditzy bolted straight for it and swung it open in time for a small filly to tackle her which turned into a big hug.

    “Mommy!” Dinky said happily.

    Ditzy responded with the hug and returned it with gusto. “Oh Dinky, are you okay? I was so worried?"

    "I'm alright, Big Mac saved me."

    "I love you so much, Dinky.”

    “I love you too, Mommy.”

    The two stayed like that, just hugging each other and being so happy to be back together. Single tear feel down Ditzy's cheek as tried to recommit every sound, touch and smell to memory. Her daughter was back and most important, safe. No more words needed said, their world had been made whole again.

    Big Mac and Cheerilee then walked through the doorway, smiling at the scene in front of them. Caramel smirked as he went to stand by the crimson stallion.

    “Times like these are what make this job so worthwhile.”

    “Eeyup.”

    Big Mac then got pulled into surprise hug with Ditzy and Cheerilee. “Thank you.”

    The big stallion looked like he might have been blushing under his red as he shrugged off the hug. “No problem.”

    After all the adults present had taken the time shower the returned foal in boat loads of affection. Trixie approached the farmer.

    “Look, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, cause I am really grateful, but as a Night Court Representative I have to ask: What did you do with the thugs that had foalnapped Dinky?”

    Big Mac gestured towards to the door.

    Everypony headed outside and found what appeared to be a mail wagon.

    “A mail wagon?” Trixie asked in disbelief.

    “Not a real one.” Silver Script remarked. “The wagon's an outdated model and the paint job is too shoddy to be government issue.”

    Big Mac open the back to reveal seven restrained and unconscious stallions. Trixie and Ditzy edged closer to examine them.

    “Recognise them?” Trixie asked.

    Ditzy pointed to Plata and Plomo. “Those two were working with Parley. I don’t know about the other five.”

    “Ahem.”

    Trixie turned to see Big Mac holding out a note. The Representative took it and examined it. It was hastily written but still legible and at the top was Big Mac’s name and Bounty Hunting ID number.

    These seven individuals that have been captured and detained were in the process of foal napping a young filly.

    The two earth ponies should be charged for attacking the school and for foal napping.

    The five  pegasi, while not involved in the attack on the school, were intending to transport the foal napped individual, known as Dinky Doo, against her will to Manehattan and as such should be charged for being accessories to a foalnapping as well as impersonating mail carriers and carrying stolen and/or illegal items.

    Though these are the only charges I am aware of, all seven appear to be career criminals and will most likely have other crimes they can be charged with.

    As the one with bounty hunting authority, I take full responsibility for the actions taken to apprehend these criminals.

    Any and all actions I have done in the process of capturing these five ponies were done with the safety of Miss Doo as my chief concern as well as ensuring that she was returned to her mother as soon as possible.

    I request that this be taken into consideration if charges are brought against me for actions not covered under the Bounty Hunting Act or the Civilian Arrest Act.

    Trixie looked up from the note and stared at Big Mac who just shrugged in return.

    “He's a writer.” Caramal replied

    Chapter 8

    Big Mac was manning the stall. It was a slow day so it was just him.

    “Um hi.” Big Mac turned to see Trixie standing there. “Are you free to talk?”

    Big Mac looked left and right to check for potential customers, when he saw none he replied with an “Eeyup.”

    The representative pulled out a cheque. “I wanted to give you this.”

    Big Mac took the cheque and inspected it, it was the usual government approved cheque that Bounty hunters received when they brought in a bounty.

    “Turns out the leader of the pegusi you took down had a bounty on his head over some smuggling charges.” Trixie explained. “The government decided to give a retroactive bounties for Plata and Plomo due the serious nature of their crimes.”

    Big Mac looked down at the figure again. While it wasn't the biggest payout he had received for a hunt, it certainly was more than what he was expecting. When he looked back up he saw Trixie pull out a big bag of bits.

    “There also was a retroactive bounty for Parley,” Trixie explained. “Now I know you didn't catch Parley but civilians can't collect bounties so I sort of told the authorities that you caught him.” Big Mac raised an eyebrow, wondering where she was going with this. “Though that means that this money technically belongs to you I was hoping to give it to Ditzy since she was the one who caught him.”

    Big Mac nodded in understanding. “Sure.”

    Gratefully Trixie put the money away. She was about to say goodbye and walk away when something stopped her. She turned back to the farmer and prepared herself to do something that was never fun to do.

    “Big Macintosh. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for accusing you.” Trixie in a deep breath. “It wasn't right of me to assume that you were up to something and maybe if I hadn't been so focused on trying to prove that you were trouble I might have been able to stop those mobsters before they took Dinky.”

    Big Mac personally doubted that but didn't know the situation well enough to judge. “Apology accepted.”

    Trixie smiled gratefully, happy that, for once, an apology was enough. Still something

    “Look, I know this might seem like I'm taking a step backwards but I'm still curious, why let Cheerilee know about a job offer that could potentially leave your sister's school in the lurch?

    Big Mac shrugged. “She's my friend.”

    “So that's all it ever was?” Trixie asked. “You letting a friend know about a great career opportunity?”

    “Eeyup.” He then gave a kind smile to the look of disbelief Trixie was giving him. “Not everything's a conspiracy.”

    Trixie sighed. “Guess not, but when you deal with the Night Court as much as I do, it starts to feel that way.”

    “Buck that.” Big Mac said plainly.

    “Hey! we're not all that bad.”

    The stallion shrugged. “Maybe not.” He then smiled again and placed a juicy red apple on the counter in front of Trixie. “On the house.”

    "Thanks." Trixie said gratefully as she took the apple.

    As Trixie turned and start to walk off she ran into Applebloom.

    "Did you pay fer that apple?"

    9 comments · 178 views
  • ...
 196
 679

It's no secret that Trixie hasn't had the best track record with friends. So she is the last pony to be surprised that a former friend would track her down to settle a score. But when that former friend is Galeb, a Zebrony skilled in the art of Neigh Orleans Voodoo, things start to get a little tricky.

When that same former friend is trying to force Trixie into a duel with her very Knighthood on the line, that's when things start to get down right difficult.

Season two Lunaverse Story. Set in Spring.

A big thank you goes out to my two wonderful editors Lemielan and Wolfstorm56 as well as to Dmgtitan for his help in creating the Zebrony culture.

First Published
10th Jan 2014
Last Modified
25th Sep 2014
#1 · 42w, 3d ago · 2 · · Abracadabra ·

Damn it Pinkie! Stop sneaking into my stories!

:pinkiesad2:

Oh Alright. But keep it brief this time.

:pinkiehappy:

#2 · 42w, 13h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

You need to fix your italics tag. Anyway I'm liking it so far!

Still there is the matter that Zecora once tol the Luna6 that Zebras don't get cutie marks, and Trixie didn't correct her... so maybe you should make a note that Galeb has one because he's part Earth Pony, but that it's been enhanced by Zebra tatoo art or something?

I'll be looking forward to the rest!

Also in the list of nemesis you should add 'whoever keeps subscribing me to dirty magazines like Erotic Knitting Monthly' because it's something I decided Zizanie does to spite Trixie :derpytongue2:

#3 · 42w, 12h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

>>3764337

Thanks for the comment :twilightsmile:

I've fixed the italics issue.

Zebronies don't get cutie marks either. The mark on Galeb's flank is called a Beacon (working title) and is based on the Veve . It is call a Beacon because it is believed to help open a Zebrony's connection to greater spiritual powers. When a Zebrony comes of age they are given their Beacon from one of their elders. Though most beacons incorporate the Crossroads in some way (a symbol of great mystical importance in Neigh Orleans Voodoo) each Beacon is unique. In Zebrony art, the beacons are often the easiest way to identify the individuals being depicted.

And I added the part about Erotic Knitting Monthly because it is brilliant :rainbowlaugh:

Oh baby! Darn that sock! Darn it now! :rainbowwild:

#4 · 42w, 10h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

Zebrony is a cleaver portmanteau on zebra and brony with the double constants of B and R merging.  It has 1 more syllable than zony or zorse, but that is okay.

#5 · 42w, 10h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

>>3764495

Personally I'm of the opinion that zebra/pony hybrids have a 50/50 shot of getting an actual cutie mark.  Still, that's not really relevant here as either way it can be fact that Galeb doesn't have one.  Oh, and according to wikipedia the official term for such hybrids is a [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zebroid]"zony"[/url] and personally I prefer it, if only because "zebrony" sounds too much like "brony".  Although it could perhaps be amusing if the characters themselves had an argument over the proper term.

Anyway, I'm already REALLY enjoying this fic; keep up the good work.  On a note of minor concern though, Trixie doesn't actually hold a title of knighthood.  Luna's decree was that whomever bears an Element of Harmony, should they be worthy, is a knight of the realm.  As such, that title is really hers to wager even if she wanted to, though her position as Ponyville Representative could still be fair game.

#6 · 42w, 8h ago · 4 · · Abracadabra ·

....whoever keeps ordering the last Lemon Muffin Surprise at Sugar Cube Corner before I can get to it...

So.....Ditzy is ALSO one of her nemeses? Cool.

#7 · 42w, 7h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

Broken italics tag. Other than that, this is a good start, and I can't wait to see where it's going.

#8 · 42w, 6h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

>>3764639  Actually, does he even know that? He wasn't there for the ceremony, so all he knows is that she's a knight. Heck, I could see that as a genera savy loophole to abuse, especially if you throw in exact words.

>>3749913  Yeowch, that is a really long list. You forgot "chaos empowered shape shifting spies" and "bungling translators" on the list though.

#9 · 42w, 6h ago · 3 · · Abracadabra ·

New Orlenes voodoo?

#10 · 42w, 3h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

>>3764495 Oh I see! If it's not a Cutie Mark then you shouldn't use the term to describe it tough, just to make it clear. Also you describe his hat as being 'under' his mane instead of over it :derpytongue2:.

As an aside I love the way you write Pokey and Trixie's dialogue, it's pitch perfect!

#11 · 42w, 3h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

"What?" Galeb scoffed. "You think that because you are 'The Element of Magic' you think you won't lose?"

You have "you think" in their twice.

#12 · 42w, 2h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

>>3765175

Actually, does he even know that? He wasn't there for the ceremony, so all he knows is that she's a knight.
True; I was more so making sure Zap remembered though.

#13 · 42w, 1h ago · · · Abracadabra ·

You know I don't think Pinkie knows that Nemesis actually means

Plus

The mouth on those two . :pinkiegasp:

#14 · 41w, 6d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

>>3764639

Thanks for the feedback, glad your enjoying it so far.

I’m open to suggestion on whether or not Zebronies can get cutie marks but I still think that regardless of whether a Zebrony has a cutie mark they still get given a beacon when they come of age.

You are right, Zony is the correct term for a Zebra pony cross. The thing about the term Zebrony is that it isn’t just genetic but also geographic. The Zebra/pony hybrids that were born in the Neigh Orleans identify themselves as Zebronies as point of difference and as a result most residents from Niegh Orleans call Zebra/pony hybrids Zebronies.

Even if her Knighthood was a legitimate title, Galebs plan falls apart on the basis that both of Trixie’s titles were Luna appointed. This means that even she holds them, they are not Trixie’s to hand over to anybody. At best he can get Trixie to resign her post in Ponyville, which he would still consider a win.

Though just for my own clarification, if her knighthood isn’t official, why is she allowed to introduce herself as Dame Trixie Lulamoon?

#15 · 41w, 6d ago · 1 · · Abracadabra ·

>>3766792

Fair enough about the zebrony thing, though now I'm more convinced than ever that someone should get into an argument with Galeb about it.  Maybe Cheerilee, though that's entirely up to you.

Even if her Knighthood was a legitimate title, Galebs plan falls apart on the basis that both of Trixie’s titles were Luna appointed. This means that even she holds them, they are not Trixie’s to hand over to anybody.
Actually, with the president established by the historical accounts Trixie could probably wager such things regardless of who appointed them to her in the first place.  It might seem silly by modern legal standards, but I think it works with in the context of the Lunaverse's semi-feudal system as part archaic codes of honor and challenge.  These are rules aren't really employed much in Equestria in more, but at the same time no one has ever bother taking them off the books so the can technically still be invoked.

Though just for my own clarification, if her knighthood isn’t official, why is she allowed to introduce herself as Dame Trixie Lulamoon?
Trixie's knighthood is entirely 100% official, it's just that the title is actually conferred upon the Element of Magic and thus only conferred upon Trixie by proxy by virtue of bearing it.  Trixie can't wager the title because it isn't really hers, although were she completely daft she could conceivably wager the "big-crown-thingy" itself, however, even if Galeb won such a wager it would not confer upon him the corresponding title of knighthood unless the artifact itself acknowledged his worthiness to bear it (as that was a further conditional clause when Luna first attached the knightly titles to the Elements of Hamrony).

#16 · 41w, 6d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

So far this is looking to be pretty amusing. I hope Pinkie sneaks in here a few more times, she does a marvelous job aggravating Galeb. Wonder what a Neigh Orleans Voodoo... do-er can do? Guess he'll figure out some way to get her into that duel, one way or another.

#17 · 41w, 6d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

>>3765175

Yeah, if Trixie was to list all of her potential nemesises we would be here all day so she had to trim it down to just a small sample :raritywink:. Other notable candidates include the Everfree Sirens, The Ursa Major and Minor, the Manehattan Mobsters and the purposely obstructive guards in Canterlot.  

>>3765105

Thanks for the heads up. Glad your liking it so far.

>>3765741

Thank you. Yeah, those two are always great together, their dialogue almost writes itself. One of these days I should really do a story focusing on them.

>>3766073

Well probably not, but then again she wanted to take up beat poetry because you get to wear a beret and play the bongos :pinkiehappy:

>>3769030

Yes, Pinkie does always know how to bring the fun.

#18 · 41w, 5d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

Can't wait to see how this story goes

#19 · 41w, 3d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

Okay, not too shabby. The window gag... no comment. Just... no... *Grumbles*

Besides that, nice to see Trixie putting this idiot in his place. At least for now. He will get owned, I assume?

#20 · 41w, 2d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

*Grins* Oh, this should be fun...

#21 · 41w, 2d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

>>3783190

Yeah I knew you wouldn't be too pleased about that. I originally planned to make him smash someone else's window by mistake but then I realised that was making him look just a tad too stupid.

Don't worry I'm done with her window now.

Well not to give too much away, he's gonna poke the beehive a bit more and then we see what happens. :raritywink:

>>3787846

Indeed :twilightsmile:

#22 · 41w, 1d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

I almost feel a little sorry for Galeb. He's trying so hard to be Captain Hammer, but so far he's Johnny Snow at best.

#23 · 40w, 5d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

Sorry, forgot to ask - as this is being canonized...where would you like it placed? Autumn, Winter, Spring, or Summer?

#24 · 40w, 5d ago · · · Abracadabra ·

>>3810589

I'm aiming for this to be set in Spring. Early enough the World Tour or other of the major Springtime stuff probably hasn't happened yet but still with more of a slant towards what we're intending to happen in Spring and Summer.

Comment posted by Zap Apple Smash deleted at 9:43am on the 30th of January, 2014

Oh, joy. Even when she does the right thing, she takes it up the plot. Hmmm. I wonder if Galeb likes the idea of the Apple Trust raining down on him en masse.......

Heh, "Big Marecintosh."

I'd wager that Rarity gets "her" into at least one dress. "She's," sadly, a bit too much of a gentleman to turn down a lady.

And then, in righteous fury, all the hetero/bisexual mares in Ponyville linched the crap of Galeb. The end.:flutterrage:

P.E: Shouldn´t voodoo magic include summoning and bargains with friends other side loas? :trixieshiftright:

"Steal forty cakes from Sugar Cube Corner?"

That would be terrible

And then, in righteous fury, all the hetero/bisexual mares in Ponyville linched the crap of Galeb

Well it does look like Cheerilee felt the disturbance in the oestrogen.

Fun so far, although I want Pokey to get joked.

hmm actually wouldn't just the threats against trixie and vandalism be enough to toss galeb in jail?

I'm really hoping Galeb gets kicked in the face. On the page, spelled out. No cut scene or anything.

>>3870938 This. It would make for a nice subversion of the usual way this kind of thing goes.

>>3871057 wouldn't it be a little anticlimactic to build up to a big duel scene just to have the main antagonist get jailed right before though? Though it would be a funny subversion.

Two great set piece references to "Magical Duel!"  So will this be a series of Galeb failing to get anything to work according to plan?  Because if you are going the serious route, he's already done enough to justify calling the cops on him.

>>3869139

I've come to the conclusion that the universe has decided that Trixie is allowed to succeed and find happiness but that she darn well has to have earned it. :raritywink:

>>3870408

And then, in righteous fury, all the hetero/bisexual mares in Ponyville linched the crap of Galeb. The end

:rainbowderp:

That would certainly end things a lot quicker, I almost want to resolve the story that way in stead. :rainbowlaugh:. Though wouldn't the bisexual mares be torn considering that now he is a sexy mare?

P.E: Shouldn´t voodoo magic include summoning and bargains with friends other side loas?

Well it includes that as well but that always comes at a cost so a good part of the Niegh Orleans voodoo play book also involves alternate means of getting the job done. Why get in debt with a Ioa when you can get the same result with parlour tricks and misdirection.

>>3870938 >>3871057 >>3875097

While it would definitely be a nice subversion of how this usually works, I don't really think Galeb has actually enough to get thrown in jail. Trixie's already sending him the bill for the smashed window and she cut him off before he could actually make a threat against her.

They can't prove that Galeb is responsible for Pinkie and Big Mac being joked, especially since the more rational explanation would be that the two came in contact with poison joke with out realising it. What they have on him is substantial.

Even if they could prove that Galeb was the one that left the message on the wall, that still isn't an an arrestable offence in and of it self.

I mean, Gilda did more when she was in town and she got off scot free

>>3870692

Well it does look like Cheerilee felt the disturbance in the oestrogen.

As if millions of mares suddenly cried out in frustration and were not sure why.

:derpytongue2:

>>3871057

This is the Lunaverse, he has to teleport away before he learns his lesson, didn't you read the memo?

>>3875779

Really?  Poisonous material being placed on an article of clothing wouldn't be seen as a purposeful threat?  With Pinkie giving testimony against Galeb?

......

Okay, it is Pinkie Pie, so maybe there's room for doubt.

But I'm not even making an argument for the cops being especially competent or virtuous.  At this point, wouldn't the Ponyvillians just be sick to death of magical mishaps befalling their town from freaks and would-be super villains?  The anti-government sentiment, for example, has been apparent since the conspiracy against them from the end of season 1.  And at this point, Trixie and the Elements have enough pull to cast suspicion on Gabel to the point of keeping eyes on him.  From that point, he would either have to keep all his stunts to being mostly harmless, or be in actual trouble with the law quickly after playing his hoof.  I'm not trying to end this story early; once he's exposed for say, illegal dark magic, he could beat feet from Ponyville and bide his time (which would be another good callback).  There just needs to be the logic of legality and authority in order for this to be relateable, and therefore readable.  

Still, perhaps you could go somewhere with a tedious premise.  Perhaps Trixie will throw her hat in the ring just from getting panicked/irritated waiting for Gabel to pull something truly dangerous.  

Or maybe you could up the danger factor with Gabel being kept under observation, moving to captivity, but with unfortunate and clearly-purposeful incidents still occurring against the citizenry, in a direction similar to Law Abiding Citizen.

(Cool premise, bloody fantastic start, but towards the end it looses sight of wanted to be and will leave you unsatisfied).  

"So Lemon Hearts told me she saw a blue zebra making a scene in front of the Residency." Lyra said in attempts to change the subject. "What was that about?"
I'm sort of already using her as a character over in Elements of Insanity, and not only does she not live in Ponyville, but she's also not the kind of pony who'd ever end up as any kind of friendly acquaintance to any of the L6.

>>3878981

You might be taking things a tad to seriously. The Lunaverse isn't really supposed to be so overly realistic most of the tiem and needs to still be able to indulge in some of the same whimsical fantasy that the show does.

>>3887721

Whoops, sorry about that, I was trying to think of some non important back ground pony so that was a fail on my part. I've changed it to Sweet Éclair.

Thanks for letting me know.

You might be taking things a tad to seriously. The Lunaverse isn't really supposed to be so overly realistic most of the tiem and needs to still be able to indulge in some of the same whimsical fantasy that the show does.

Thank you. I didn't want to say anything for risk of sounding defensive. That said, this discussion has given me some ideas on how to tweak the next few chapters and hopefully improve the story.

This is a good story, but Pinkamena Diane Pie is out of character:

Pinkamena Diane Pie is a genius.  She knows the face, name, address, and date of birth of every resident of Ponyville.  She can do day-number arithmetic for figuring out how many days are to and from every birthday in her head.  I shall list the best Pinkie episodes of each season for reference:

* S01E25 “Party Of 1”

* S02E18 “A Friend Indeed”

* S04E12 “Pinkie Pride”

The only Pinkie Episode in Season # 3 is the genocidal S03E03 “Too Many Pinkies”, which is not just a bad Pinkie Episode, but the worst episode of MLP:FIM.  Genocide is not funny.

Despite having an eidetic memory, Pinkamena Diane Pie forgot the name CheeseSandwich in S04E12 “Pinkie Pride”.  That is okay because it was part of a joke with a 22-minute setup.  If any ponies can appreciate the RuleOfFuny, it is CheeseSandwich and Pinkamena Diane Pie.

Pinkamena Diane Pie is not a drooling moron with 2/3rds the intelligence of the average pony, but a genius with 4/3rds the intelligence of the average pony.

>>3913573

Firstly I'd just like to say that I agree. I think that Pinkie Pie is a highly intelligent pony (not to mention my favourite of the mane6) that just happens to march to her own drummer. That's why she can remember the exact birth dates of ponies she runs into on the street but fail to realise that Rainbow Dash was being sarcastic when she called Fluttershy a tree.

Coupled with her randomness is the fact of her commitment to a joke/game, like when she pretended to be scared of Luna despite knowing full well the princess wouldn't her or when she went into full on spy mode when the mane6 were trying gather information in the Crystal Empire.

Now with this in mind, could you please clarify how and where I portrayed Pinkie as a drooling moron because that certainly wasn't my intent.

>>3913923

Pinkamena Diane Pie is busy trying to make Big MacIntosh into her nemesis when a vengeful zebrony threatens Ponyville.  She should see the eminent danger and focus on the threat.  Her personality should impose, so she should still go all Pinkamena Diane Pie as s spy in the Crystal Empire, but she should focus on the threat.  She is too smart to play with Big MacIntosh in such dire circumstances, although since Big MacIntosh is a bounty-hunter, it makes since that she would seek assistance from him.

Personally, I suspect that Pinkamena Diane Pi is as intelligent as Princess Twilight Sparkle.  In battle, I would rather have her as an ally than enemy.

>>3913982

While this does ultimately come to personal opinion, I'm going to have to disagree.

The only pony that at the time knew that Galeb was a threat was Trixie. All any pony else saw (Pinkie included) was a big talking zebra-thing that was promptly put in his place by Trixie.

Ignoring this Pinkie Pie habitually doesn't take things seriously. Her solution to the dragon problem involved balloons plus a rubber chicken, her reaction to a ground shaking stampede was how it made her voice sound funny and her counter argument to stopping Discord was that chaos came with chocolate rain. This doesn't mean she's an idiot, her world is just governed by fun instead of logic. :pinkiehappy:

Also, this is the Lunaverse, where she hasn't needed to take things as seriously as she needed to in the Maneverse.

But as I said, this does come down to person opinion and I'm sorry if you felt I made Pinkie come across as an idiot, that wasn't my intent.

>>3914129

Come to think about it, you are write:

I forgot that Pinkamena Diane Pie knows less than I know.  Although she knows that Galeb is a self-proclaimed nemesis, that is all she knows.  Still:

Since Galab poinoed both her and Big MacIntosh with PoisonJoke, and Galeb painted a threat onto the Residency.  It would not surprise me, if from this point onward, both Bounty-Hunter Big MacIntosh and Pinkamena Diane Pie will ally with the Luna 6 against Galeb.  ¡Galeb is in trouble now!

#44 · 37w, 6d ago · · · Alakazam ·

Well, this is an interesting case of Bothering By The Book.....

#45 · 37w, 6d ago · 3 · · Alakazam ·

Well this has gotten... wild.

The mayor then promptly decked the zebrony with an uppercut to the jaw, knocking him off his hooves and over the boundary line.

I did not see that coming, Ivory Scroll's is Badass.

Just to be clear. Galeb was only able to be issued with a trespass notice because he didn't live or work within Ponyville or the area around it.

So what you're saying is that he was thrown out for being a hobo?

#46 · 37w, 6d ago · 3 · · Alakazam ·

>>3914239

So what you're saying is that he was thrown out for being a hobo?

More that he was a tourist (ie an individual that was visiting the town with no intent of working or moving there) that had his right to enter Ponyville revoked due to suspicious circumstances.

Though the fact that he was being a hobo wouldn't help his case. :derpytongue2:

#47 · 37w, 6d ago · 2 · · Alakazam ·

A bat named "Love & Tolerance"? :rainbowlaugh:

Also, shouldn´t giving a member of the CMC a bunch of alchemic materials be legally considered an act of terrorism?:scootangel:

#48 · 37w, 6d ago · · · Alakazam ·

Hmm, kicked out of Ponyville? Wonder how he'll get back in...

#49 · 37w, 6d ago · 2 · · Alakazam ·

Trixie is going to be the least of his problems once Applejack finds out he endangered Apple Bloom.

:applecry::ajbemused:

#50 · 37w, 6d ago · · · Alakazam ·

>>3914797 ...I am so looking forward to that.

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