• Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 3rd, 2022

Cytotoxin


I`m Russian, I`m female, I`m blunter then a bag of hammers and I write pony staff occassionally. That`s about it.

T

What if Mane 6 were all serial killers? Who had their own club?

Do not take this one seriously. It was written on a whim, within twenty minutes, and with no intention of ever making anything out of it other then maybe a chuckle or two of the gallows humor type.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 21 )

I smirked menacingly for the entire time reading this! >:D

I really hope you do a continuation sometime in the future, this would be an excellent lead-in to an excellent fic! :moustache:

2823276

Not bloody likely. Anyone willing to take up the idea has my permission and blessing, though.

Awesome. It has the air of a flash-fiction about it, though, but I'm not complaining.

A quick nitpick... each speaker should be separated into its own paragraph. The bit of dialogue where each pony explained her MO was a good read, but I had to keep going back to figure out who was talking.

2823531

I don`t like that convention. Separate paragraphs for every single spoken line make text too diluted, in my opinion.

Excellent. Though I wish it was more than this...

Hehe, a short, amusing read. I quite enjoyed it. Although it would seem to me that a lot more could be made from this. Might be worth a shot, should you feel so inclined.

This story is so stupid, that it's actually funny. I have simply no idea what have I just read, so let me give you a like and favourite.

Huh.
That certainly was... interesting...

Lets see here...
Twilight = Ernst Stavro Blofeld from S.P.E.C.T.R.E.
Rarity = Hannibal Lecter (for "works of art", not eating)
Dash + Pinkie = Rainbow Factory and Cupcakes (natch)
Fluttershy = Jack The Ripper/Jason Voorhees
Applejack = Isaac/Seymour Krelborn
(I am probably totally wrong)

"But come, come. I`m sure we all have some tips to share. Today`s topic - "Picking the right ponies to kidnap - do`s and do not`s."."

Heh heh heh.
I can see Twilight preparing a whole series of service announcements and lessons for her fellow killers:
- Picking the Right Ponies to Kidnap - Do`s and Do Not`s
- Maniacal Laughter and Social Etiquette
- Quotable Quotes: A Beginner's Guide to Pithy One-liners and Taunts
- The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Serial Killers
- To Serve A Pony: A Cannibal Cooking Compendium
- Monologuing and You
- Low Cost Techniques, High Impact Terror - Serial Killing on a Budget
- Build Your Own Revenant and Other Fun Projects - A Beginner's Guide to Necromancy

2825251

To be honest, I wasn`t thinking of any prototype characters when I jotted this down. My logic was simply - the crime must match the character.

You`ve got the characteristics pretty accurate, though, for the most part. It`s worth to mention that Twilight is not particularly concerned about ruling the world as S.P.E.C.T.R.E. was - her only goal is to learn more. Fluttershy is closer to the Jack Ripper, I suppose, but not quite. She simply thinks ponies are better off without head, if they don`t use it. As for Applejack - much closer to Seymour then Isaac. She turns to serial killing for purely practical reason. In the rudimentary backstory I thought up, Apples used pigs as fertilizer ingredient for centuries. Alas, for some reason pigs just don`t cut it for Sweet Apple Acres. This is what causes rather lean times for Apples there (Applejack does reference need for money in canon more then once.). Thankfully, Applejack does stumble upon solution, and farm is recovering thanks to her efforts.

My face the whole time. > :trollestia:

Some of the attendees tended to take their hobby just a mite too serious for her liking. Shouldn't that read MIGHT rather than mite?

Rarity chuckled politely. "I do know how do you feel, darling." - she offered soothingly, - "I daresay, I had a hard time believing Fluttershy here is the Headpony of Canterlot." Yellow pegasus smiled vacantly Shouldn't that last part read, "The yellow pegasus smiled vacantly?"

It`s just that... so many ponies out there could be so much better without a head..." Unicorn chuckled and continued Shouldn't that last part read, "The unicorn chuckled and continued?"

"You would make a great stew. Apple stew, mm..." - pink pony offered That last part should read The pink pony offered.

My writing is far from perfect but I would suggest you use the word "the" when it is necessary.

5278273

Mechanic error. Russian does not have articles - hence the sparse usage. As far as I`m concerned it`s a minor issue - primary concern is to make sure the story is not lacking in logical cohesion. A concept sadly overlooked by many aspiring authors.

As for first thing... NO. What would it even mean with "might"? It does not make any sense at all.

5278303 Cytotoxin, actually it matters quite a bit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mite

A mite is a parasite.

Regarding your question with might, it means that they take it too seriously. The statement would have meant the same thing without "just a might" in there but it does make it sound good, so I can understand why you put it in there.

5278321

English is not your first language, is it?

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/mite - "mite" can be used as an adjective as well. In that case, it means "a little".

I do assure you, it is NOT meant to be "might", and I never envisioned that sentence to include the word "might" in it.

...... I feel I've been blue balled.

8379322
You`re entirely welcome to expand on the setting, if you have an idea.

8379624
I don't mean that as in I hate it. Just felt the ending was lacking.

8379626
Again, you`re entirely welcome to expand on it. The whole thing was a dribble written on a whim, I never meant and never envisioned making more of it then an amusing conversation. If you like the characters as they`re (mis)represented, feel free to write an epic horror thriller continuing from this point to give it the finale you desire. No objections from my side. ^_^

8380828
..... nah. I'm doing comedy with this.

I liked that last line. And the story. Specially the story.

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