• Member Since 14th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 3rd, 2022

Cytotoxin


I`m Russian, I`m female, I`m blunter then a bag of hammers and I write pony staff occassionally. That`s about it.

T

Twilight feels herself lonely in generic fashion, when she spends the Hearts and Hooves Day dateless. And that in spite of the fact she did something about it, too.

Thankfully, some sage advice from Applejack amends the situation.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 27 )

great story!

And FIRST!

Very eloquently written. At times, it seems just a tiny bit verbose, but that's probably me. I love the transition from insane Pinkie to serious Pinkie, too.

Gaah! What have you done with this formatting? Separate paragraphs for each speaker and quotation marks around speech, please!

It could be a nice story, but it doesn't make for easy reading at 1.30 in the morning.

A very good story, but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that English isn't your first language. I enjoyed it a lot, but your punctuation and paragraph structure are very different from what most of us are used to. I say this because, while I don't let these kind of things bother me too much, I'm sure some grammar Nazi is going to consider it unreadable and vote it down.

First, the nitpicks: You seem to have missed a lot of articles, specifically, 'the.' You also seem to have trouble deciding on your dialogue formats, and cramming multiple speakers into one paragraph. And Applejack seems to vacillate between a Southern accent and a Scottish one, of all things.

But besides that... yay! Twinkie story! We need more of this sort of thing. :pinkiehappy::heart::twilightsmile:

325048>>325125

Both of these. I would have liked to see more description, myself, particularly where emotion is concerned, and the pacing could have been a tad slower. I felt like the whole Pinkie Pie thing came out of left field. It was a sweet story, but I think it needs work.

I think everybody else has covered any nitpicks I have with the story so I am just going to say I loved it. It was very cute and was a good story to read and relax to.

Ha, you actually went off the page to the right! How is this possible? Anyway, great story, remember to use 'the' more often

325234
it is Pinkie Speech

Its actually a bug with the site, if you make too long of a word, it goes off page.
But it is fitting for Pinkie Pie.

324953

A little experiment that apparently wasn`t so good. One of the commenters in previous story suggested using dialogue formatting. Apparently, it does not bode well.

325048

Uh... Guess? My profile says so, flat-out. Why would anyone need to guess what could be easily verified?

325125

Yes... articles are a big issue for me. We don`t have anything like articles in Russian.
I guess I went a bit overboard with accent, too. Texan twang is hard to replicate when you`ve never heard it for real.

325189

Yes, that was the whole point. Things like those always come out of the left field. To sock you in the eye and go away with your icecream while you`re trying to figure out what the hell it was.

325968

No trouble, good sir. I rather suspected you were a very well-versed non-English speaker. I've gotta commend you. You speak English better than I speak Spanish, a language that my family speaks fairly well and which is prevalent around me. And English is less like Russian than English is like Spanish (The overlap is moderate for them, but almost nil for the other.)

I'm actually fascinated by how this is written. I am an autodidact and like learning new little tidbits about things. Is this story formatted like it would be in Russian syntax and grammatical construction? I've never seen how quotations and dialogue are done in non-Romance languages.

Incidentally, Cornish also lacks an indefinite article, though it has a definite article. So I can see how a a language can do without certain grammatical constructions common in other places. Context seems to do a lot of the heavy lifting in a lot of the languages I've seen (English included, otherwise you'd never get things like "Morning" as a greeting or "Gimmee" as a request for something.)

327177

I`m not a sir. :facehoof:

___

As for language... no, not quite. Around here, it`s mandatory that we study at least one foreign language at school. Usually, it`s english. Sometimes, french or german. I`ve studied english, and as you can guess, took to it quite well. Now, I`m not going to win any prises for most grammatically correct language ever, but I can certainly make myself comprehensible to english-speaker.

Russian puts a lot of reliance on prefixes and suffixes to convey the subtleties of the context. Often enough, swapping a prefix can alter the meaning of whole sentence. For example, "Prilojit` ruki" would mean someone being involved or making an effort with something, whereas "nalojit ruki" would mean someone making an attempt on their own life. In the same time, in both cases the generic meaning is "to apply hands".

:derpyderp2: Another good job my Russian friend, TwiPie is always appreciated. Apart from the normal quirks I expect from your writing, you seem to have added a new one; using the grave mark instead of apostrophes.

327382

Uh... I always used ` instead of '. For me, ' is single quote, and using it as apostrophe is... unpleasant.

327389

Huh, I guess you have, somehow I didn't notice that before. Don't quite understand why you say it's unpleasant to use an apostrophe, but whatever.

327798

Keyboard layout is a bit different on keyboard accommodated for cyrillics. Russian has 33 letters as opposed to english`s 26, so some keys that hold auxiliary symbols in english are occupied with those extra letters in russian. Therefore, a habit forms to use ` when apostrophe is needed, because it`s in the same place in both layouts.

327845

Okay, thought it would be something like that.

I loved it. Great job!

A good story but I have the feeling sometimes words are missing and maybe you could tone down the accent AJ has because it's not like I realy mind but it does read quite strange

466051

If you're reffering to articles, that has been covered :twilightsmile:

I have no qualms with how you portray AJ's accent. They are difucult to replicate as it is, but for those who are not familiar with them...I would compliment you.
Besides, most authors tend to mimic certain aspects and styles from works they like, especialy when dealing with unfamiliarities such as accents.

I've never read a Twilight+Pinkie story before, I love it!

957321

Golly, how? There`s a whole group dedicated to Twinkie pairing. Go, go, go, go, check IT post-haste!

957330

Heh, my appologies. I'm still relatively new to the site a this moment in time, still trying to find my footing.
However, I'll follow your advice nao! :twilightsmile:

957355

I`m joking. But seriously, do check it. It`s full of fluff and fuzz and puns. Oh and occasionally the psychotic horror that breaks the minds of unprepared.

This time I really did click on the wrong story. Wanted Blueblooded Torture ( I like him as a character, everyone sees him different shades of jerk). Instead, got a story that I am going to show someone. It will help her be a better writer (she has been looking for the "next level") and help her start a relationship other than piss off editors and prereaders then get stuck with the insane person.
Which I am not.
I am crazy.

1561361

Good luck with that.

1561389
I thank you.

Login or register to comment