I`m Russian, I`m female, I`m blunter then a bag of hammers and I write pony staff occassionally. That`s about it.
Unfortunate incident leaves Rarity unable to use magic for a while. Fluttershy volunteers to help, but differences between unicorns and pegasi quickly spiral out of control into a flurry of misunderstanding.
(Apparently, there`s more to be told here... Not sure what, but I guess I`ll see what it`s gonna be first.)
Page generated in 0.096 seconds
Total duration
678 users online
984,697 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Bahah
Interesting concept, and I only have two main complaints. You seem to have a habit of skipping your articles, mostly just with "the," but an occasional "an" or "a" as well. A quick readthrough by an editor would fix that easily. Other than that the onlother thing that bothered me was the ending. You kept a good flow through the rest of the story, but the bits with Pinkie and the others arriving and Rarity and Fluttershy's acceptance of their new relationship seemed a bit rushed and forced. I'd trying writing it out a bit more, give some exposition and let the plotbreathe a bit. Other than that it was well written and paced.
^^ Above comment was me, incase you felt like hitting me up for proofreading duties sometime. My Nook decided I wasn't allowed to be logged in.
This fic!
I like it.
Heh, quite an enjoyable one. Almost seems like it deserves a comedy tag.
However, I do have one nitpick. Whenever a new character starts talking, you need to separate it with a new paragraph. It gets really confusing when the dialogue of three characters is all mushed together in one paragraph.
Hornjob fanfic is best fanfic
very good, i really like this. but, as crossed roads has said the almost complete lack of the word "the" was pretty annoying.
giggity
Outside of the problems that the others brought up, this was very well written I thought. It was kinda fun to read, outside of the glaring lack of the word "The" of course. I do have to give you extra points for going with the Flarity pairing though, that pairing just doesn't get enough love.
Articles always give me problems. I wish there was one good reason to use them other then "that`s the way things are". We don`t have anything like articles in Russian.
___
Rushed ending... Yes, there is a bit of that. I`ve tried to do my best to demonstrate how a problem days in building can flurry down to explosive resolution in a matter of seconds. Guess I`ve overdone that. Not sure how to fix though - I`ve tried padding up the dialogue... but that reads exactly like what it says on the tin - padding.
Le Gasp!
I love it! Needs a little editing due to some of the words are misleading. But in the end I feel short changed. And do you know the solution to that author? Yes, more of these stories! Now go, git wirttin!
131847
It's a semantic reason, really. It tells us whether the speaker is speaking about one specific thing or something in general.
"A cat" means "any cat will do for this discussion."
"The cat" means "this specific cat, not any other."
It's kind of like gender in many languages don't often make sense to English speakers. "Why is coffee masculine? Why is a newspaper feminine?"
Can I assume and hope that the incomplete tag means we will see more of this?
Yes. I`ve bumped it accidentally while messing with second chapter.
wow, i didn't even expect you to do a another chapter, and i must say you are a magnificent writer. the only problem i can see is you seem to leave out a considerable amount of the word "the" when it is needed. other than that, i love this story
190437
To be honest, I didn`t intend to continue initially, but the combination of rush in the end and an boring evening all alone with my overactive imagination and coffee put a good deal of second chapter to virtual paper.
I`m not quite sure how or what will follow this one... but apparently, there will be a third chapter at least, seeing how I`ve left a cliffhanger with meteor just now...
Also, I guess I`ll be renaming the story at some point (as soon as I figure out an overarching name), seeing as Horn Care applies only to first chapter.
P.S. Lack of the is best made peace with and ignored. I`ve tried to add extra ones, and results were awful... As for beta-readers, they tend to get suckered into my style and their suggestions about additional the placements are only slightly less horrific then mine. Think "The cat the jumped the over the book." kinda awful.
It's pretty nice!
and I also think it needs a 'comedy' tag, i laughed out loud during some parts
keep it up sis!
and while the the issue slightly hinders the read, it's still very enjoyable, keep it up!
190437
Yeah, I pointed this out last time, but when English isn't your first language, all the the's are hard to keep track of for Cyto.
Saffron is not a leaf btw, you're are going to drive me to drinking with things like that.
196008
I don`t mean the spice as is. Saffron leaves, as in leaves of Saffron Crocus, the plant from which saffron is made. I figure that consuming the flowers themselves, from which saffron is collected, would be a mite too intense on it`s own, while leaves with their much lower content of alkaloids may be used by ponies as an exotic snack.
While personally haven't tried the leaves of the plant, I do know if they'd be either edible or taste like the spice itself. While there are some plants that can have a partial flavor of the fruits, etc in the leaves, the few I know of are in the berry family.
They`re not nearly as spicy as actual saffron.
Sometimes, unscrupulous vendors grind the leaves/petals and add them to saffron to "make more" of it, but the taste gets much weaker.
___
Frankly speaking, I`m a bit annoyed that pony snacks don`t go further then "hay fries" and "daisy sandviches". I wanted something more exotic - after all, Rarity is all about exotic fineries, and it would serve as a reasonable "guilty pleasure" for Fluttershy.
Wow. And you made a Flarity story too. You're all over my favorite pairings. This needs a favorite and a track.
And Suddenly there's 'duh-duh-duuuuuuh!' grade plot! Keep going!
It's a fantastic story but the language barrier is really killing you here.
I'm trying not to love this story but it is impossible
729094
I can snark off at you if it helps.
You sir just earned a thumbs up for this piece. And seeing as you mentioned being Russian (I assume that's what you meant), I can easily say that you are very good at writing in English. My only two concerns are what Crossed Roads mentioned, the lack of articles, and Kody910's point of making each speaker a new paragraph. Those two things would make this about 150% better, without them it was a little difficult to read. But I do have to say that you did brilliantly on this. I eagerly await its continuation, assuming that it still remains incomplete and not cancelled
1274228
I`M NOT SIR!
As for continuation... I`m not sure about it. I suppose I do have some drafts to next chapter, but I`m not quite sure I want to put them to use as is. It`s been a while and I think I`d like to rethink where this story is going. If it`s going, that is.
1275487
Not a sir? Oops sorry about that
And I think it should be continued. Not intending to pressure you there by the way. Just saying that I think that its going great so far and would definitely enjoy reading how it pans out. Regardless of what happens either way, you did a really good job with it
1296522
The thing is, I`m not sure how I`m going to continue it. I had some drafts to what is to follow, but some of them are pure fluff, and some - nightmare fuel. So I`m just trying to figure out where to go with this, and if I even want to try it. Thing is that drafts diverted from Rarishy and veered into adventure/dark/steampunk/conspiracy direction... And I`m not sure I recall the plot I wanted to use correctly.
1296628
Well whatever you decide to do with it, I'll be happy to read. And if you decide not to continue it, that will be sad, but I'll be happy just knowing that I was able to read this much
1296653
Flatterer. I`ll see what can be done. If anything.
This is a very sexy premise. Will read to see if you can deliver.
6943833
Uh... I don`t think I was going to continue. At least, I don`t have any idea on how to go about it at the moment. It`s been written years ago.
Lovely. Very soft and sweet. The ending was done nicely and it's easy to see how these two would have a lot of misunderstandings about that subject.
Holy crap, it took me three years to review this story.
Sweet of Rarity to find out what might make Fluttershy feel good. Also liked the way she assured Fluttershy that she didn't have to do anything like that if she didn't want to.