I`m Russian, I`m female, I`m blunter then a bag of hammers and I write pony staff occassionally. That`s about it.
On a Shoe Day, farriers set all their other business aside and devote the whole day to fitting ponies with shoes for the upcoming season.
Big Mac is certainly up to the task this Sunday. However, something about meeting pretty much everyone he`s on amiable terms with in one day proves to be... interesting.
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Wonderful story, 10/10.
However, I see plenty of grammar mistakes.
Still, Bravo!
219735
I`d quite appreciate if you pointed out the most glaring ones. Aside from blatant misuse of articles - it`s too pervasive to correct properly, I`m afraid.
A sweet story. Fairly well written and an interesting bit of character analysis.
I approve.
219770
Nothing too major. You just sometimes forget to add in adjectives (The, an, a etc.), and there are some sentences that could be worded better.
219811
Articles, you mean? Adjective is... uh, something entirely else, unless I`m having a memory slippage episode.
I Do Like.
Three Issues, Two with your Grammar:
Issue Prime: The Lack of "The"s You get used to it, but it's Jarring
Issue Secondus: Your Tenses could use Straightening. This is a coomon as dirt issue though, so I've learned to read around it. Fixing it up would be nice though.
Issue Tertiartis is my Biggest issue so far; There isn't Moooooooooore. I demand you get on your magical word box and write a continuation. Or Fifty! That is... If... Y'know, you WANT to...
219822
I don`t know if I can continue this particular one.
Sorry. I`m mostly known for writing one-shots. It might so happen I write a chaptered story, but that`s pretty rare kind of thing to happen. Has a lot to do with the fact that I rarely post anything that I don`t consider finished. Sometimes, I reconsider, when I have a good idea for a plot to continue, but generally, once I post something, that`s it.
Though, if you feel like making a sequel to it, or even just have a plot idea, feel free to have at it.
219813
Umm. I'm pretty sure articles were what you found in newspapers.
219836
Well, I`ve googled it.
That`s article.
That`s adjective.
I`m very certain that I`m missing articles and not adjectives. Sorry if I seem nitpicky, but figuring out the exact problem had always been a big priority to me.
219827 Heh, I wish I had the ability to write this sorta stuff. My own writing is almost always Grimdark, Bizarre, and/or Cynical. Some of my short stories have been described as Lovecraftian. That is certainly not something I want to bring into the fandom, and most definitely not by tainting someone else's excellent Idea.
219857
Cynical outlook is often appreciated, actually. Quite less of a chance to miscommunicate or assume something that just ain`t there.
this is the second fic I've run into involving Mac, ditzy and Horseshoes (usually the topic's not covered). the unusual types covered makes me wanna go look em up to see if their real (with the exception of Twi's lust suppresors, of course) I mean, dash sporting aluminum and the mayor with office stamp specials, yes, I can see that (you even covered the fact that official stamps have to be destroyed when worn out), even fluttershy going for ancient bronze types makes some sense.
220018
Real enough.
Horseshoes are attached both by nails and by glue, commonly, and are usually made either from steel or aliminium. Aluminium and glue are more common on racing horses, while steel and nails are more widespread as a generic go-to and for farm animals.
Bronze horseshoes are just a figment of my imagination, however, and so are Rarity`s wooden shoes. I mean, it`s possible that bronze or wood were sometimes used as horseshoe material, but neither saw any kind of widespread use. Possibly, bronze was the prime choice for hipposandals, but as for wood... I dunno. It seems that predecessor of metallic shoe was leather one.
P.S. I think I read the other fic, by the way. Is that the one where Ditzy splits her hoof by kicking a rock?
220042
yup. btw, nice little twist at the end, there...but I bet AJ'd freak if she found out there's a Unicorn somewhere in the bloodline :P
i wouldn't be surprised a drop, though, if the Chinese made layered Bamboo shoes.
220047
Japanese, maybe. China always had plenty of metals to go by.
As for unicorn, I don`t think it would be all that much of surprise for Applejack. I mean, Cakes are both earth ponies, yet they had pegasus and unicorn for babies. I think the bigger part of surprise would be suddenly finding out she`s an aunt.
The story its self is really good, and your ideas on specific characterization or also very well thought out. But, there are so many grammatical errors that it kinda distracted me from the story. If it weren't for those i would give it 5/5 or close too it, but with the errors in mind its a 4.0/5.
219842
Well that's ok. Go with whatever you think is best
Wheee! Loved this story. The look at Mac's emotions and thoughts was great, including the final twist, but the best part was all the talk about shoeing. From the mechanics of shoeing someone without the use of hands, to all the details of hoof care and the wide variety of shoes, it was excellent.
The part about Twilight's special shoes, and the reason for them, managed to surprise me. The idea of Twilight as someone who needs to keep a metaphorical bucket on every hoof, just to keep her blood from boiling, is not something I've seen before.
Just a suggestion: you might want to make sure that you start a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks. It's the standard, and makes it easier to follow the dialog. This way, it can get hard to keep in mind who's turn it is to speak?
287875
I`ve tried that, but this way people get confused about who is speaking. I`ve thought about starting with name and paragraph, but it results in such an eyesore I`ve opted for the approach you see above.
As for shoes... Yes, I believe that details make or break a story. So I try to keep my attention on details... but not too much attention. ^_^
It took me a while but I finally got back to this and as usual I am quite glad I did.
I wanted to read it, and made it a few paragraphs in, but the sheer amount of grammatical errors made it impossible.
367225
I`d appreciate some concrete examples. (Do omit "the" issue, if you do. I`m already well aware I miss it a lot.)
A wonderful, sweet story here
. Even past the some typos, the flow of it is perfect. If the star system still existed here, I would give you a 5.5 over 5 
very nice. some typos, but they've been pointed out already. keep up the good work!
Fuckin' hell, mate.
Okay, firsters, ya went overboard wit' the Apples' southern US accent. Not exactly a bad thin' since it shows ya know how to write decent dialogue with accented characters, but ya laid it on way too thick. In the show (yeah, yeah, pullin' the canon card is bullshit, but ya need to keep thin's in perspective), none of the Apples' have as thick an accent as the one ya gave 'em here. It's there, in the show, but tis a light touch, not a heavy-handed punch to the jaw. Accents can add loads to a story and characters if'n ya do 'em right, but I feel like ya tried a bit hard. Not only, but I could swear I saw Big Mac speakin' wit' a mild Scottish accent a coupl'a times, too. "Donnae" in't a part o' southern vocabulary, even in the sticks, mate. Tha's Scottish.
So. Accents. Ya have to be careful wit' 'em, and reasonable in their application. Ya either succeeded spectacularly, or tried too hard, in this respect.
Seconds, yer characterization o' Big Mac was, in my not-humble-in-the-leastwise opinion, lacking. He in't a bleedin' chatterbox, mate, if'n we're goin' by public opinion and. loosely, canon. Yer version o' the big red lug is a tad on the talkative side, ya know? Mebbe ya were goin' for some sorta different spin, but it didn't sit too well wit' me. *shrugs* Don't even get me started on his apparent tryst wit' Derpy. Bein' impulsive jus' doesn't strike me as a Big Mac sort o' thin', and e'en though yer rationalization of the two bein' young and impulsive works, it doesn't feel like you put too much effort inuit. Same goes for the whole "circus" deal. Anywho, the actual characterization wasn't too shabby, though ya tended to tell a bit more than ya showed (it was, however, a close-run thin').
Just to extend this out a bit, there're a coupl'a other thin's I found kinda off. The reason behind Twi's shoes is one o' 'em. Just wanna say that bit sounded like a poorly thought-out clopfic concep'. Seriously, woman. Ya can do better than that, I know it.
Fourths, the blacksmith in me is raring to smack ya upside the head for even thinkin' about bronze and wood for horseshoes. What the livin' hell? Ya obviously know enough about puttin' on horsehoes, so those two bits o' crap kinda caught me off my guard. Wood would never last, and I don't recall bronze ever bein' used for farrier work (can't recall why; I'm guessing it's just a pain in the ass to work with). =__= And what's this about the custom shoes? Normally, custom fitting just requires a general size, a small forge, and a decent anvil, so I'm not wonderin' why they have to be ordered out so far, but rather why they don't need much adjustin' on-site.
Fifths, damn English bein' yer second lingo to hell and back. There's missin' articles all over the place, word misuse ("then" is for temporal order, "than" is for comparisons), tense changes, and a slew o' other minor grammatical crapolas. Always start a new paragraph when someone's speakin', for starters. I unnerstand that yer not a native speaker o' the English lingo, but goddamn, d'ya need some work. Articles first and foremost. The other minor crap can wait (this doesn't include the bit about dialogue and paragraphs; fix that right-quick). Yer apostrophes are fucked up too, fer some reason. They all slant the wrong way.
Sixths.... Eh. I'll stop aroundabouts here, 'cause I think ya get the gist o' what I'm sayin'. Regardless, nice piece o' readin' ya got here, and I'm oddly lookin' for'ard to readin' the rest.
G'luck.
1304755
I had no chance to examine the accents in detail - it`s quite hard if one never heard it being spoken live. It might be too much, and I think I toned the twang down in later stories. This one? It`ll stay as is. For humorous value, if nothing else.
As for Macintosh - I don`t like the "don`t speak so much it comes across as disability" angle. It`s been demonstrated more then once in canon that Macintosh is capable of speaking up when he is agitated enough or has a reason to wax poetics. Consider the episode with Gabby Gums, for example - Macintosh is the one who breaks it down for CMCs at the Sweet Apple Acres, and he does not seem to lack the words to express his displeasure, either.
As for Derpy Hooves.. Apparently, the backstory came across a bit muddled for you. So let me clarify.
Things begin when Mac and Ditzy are both 'teenagers'. Ditzy had rather strained relationships with her parents. Why is not exactly important for the matter at hand - what is important part is that Ditzy needed to move out of her home as soon as it could be done. Macintosh and Ditzy were dating at the time, most likely for a couple years by then, what`s called "going steady". Obviously enough, Mac was in no position to take Ditzy in when both of them were still in their teens. Maybe once he became a "man of the house", or in the case at hand, farm... But at the moment, it wasn`t feasible. But when Ditzy is offered a job at the travelling circus that passes through Ponyville, she grabs onto it with both hooves, because it means getting out of house now. Dinky is the result of her saying "goodbye" to Macintosh.
As for Twilight, I wanted a solid reason why Mac would be afraid of pursuing obviously amenable mare. The easiest way of doing that would be to imply that magic and sex are tied way closer then one would like to think about. Ever heard the term "tantric"?
Now, about shoes. The whole DAMN POINT about Rarity`s wooden shoes is that they are impractical, complicated and elaborate - could you envision anything more suiting for a pony who`s whole life is dedicated to pursuing aesthetics in spite of practicality, reason, common sense and even self-preservation?
Reasoning for Fluttershy`s bronze shoes is explained as well - they don`t smell of iron, and therefore don`t scare the animals, who associate the smell of iron with imminent death and nothing else.
If you could notice, all the "custom" shoes are unusual in some way. Mac and AJ are ordering extra-hard steel shoes. Fluttershy`s shoes are made out of bronze, which is bloody likely to be custom job. Same goes for Dash - aluminium shoes are likely in limited production, but most definitely won`t be found in the regular smithy. Mayor`s shoes come with in-built stamps, and therefore have to be handled with some modicum of security. Rarity`s wooden shoes are obviously custom, as they`re literally built in process. Twilight`s shoes come straight from palace - obviously custom. Lastly, Ditzy`s shoes are clearly marked as maternity shoes. Aka, ones heavily padded to avoid hurting the foal when handling.
Additionally obviously, since custom shoes are custom, the makers already have the exact measurements and can get the shoes right from the get-go, so Mac would only need to do minimal adjustments on the spot.
As for english being my second language... duh. I`m not going to bother with missing articles that far post-fact. It`s a petty enough detail to be inconsequent. As for paragraphs when speaking? No. That turns the whole writing into a hellish eyesore. As for the apostrophes, I happen to use actual apostrophe, not the single quote you peeps usually substitute for it.
Also, WHAT rest? I marked this story complete for a good reason, let me assure you.
1307104
I had no chance to examine the accents in detail - it`s quite hard if one never heard it being spoken live. It might be too much, and I think I toned the twang down in later stories. This one? It`ll stay as is. For humorous value, if nothing else.
I'd sugges' ya make use o' a marvelous website known as Youtube, if ya haven' heard it in actual use yet. There oughtta be enough instances o' American Southern (ugh, rednecks) bein' used to tide ya over on its subtleties 'til this decade is out. In any case, I'd recommend agains' takin' any accent too far, unless strictly fer comedic value. It ten's to be mildly offensive otherwise, not to mention diff'cult to read.
With that said, back to standard Virginian for me.
As for Macintosh - I don`t like the "don`t speak so much it comes across as disability" angle. It`s been demonstrated more then once in canon that Macintosh is capable of speaking up when he is agitated enough or has a reason to wax poetics. Consider the episode with Gabby Gums, for example - Macintosh is the one who breaks it down for CMCs at the Sweet Apple Acres, and he does not seem to lack the words to express his displeasure, either.
While it is true that in the show he has no lack of a vocabulary when necessary, this does not prevent him from typically being a creature of few words. A person can be perfectly intelligent, southern, and physically hardworking, and not speak particularly often; in the southern US, stoicism such as this tended to be admired over long-winded nonsense. Regardless, ignoring the more popular iteration of Big Mac as the silent intellectual, your version isn't all that bad.
As for Derpy Hooves.. Apparently, the backstory came across a bit muddled for you. So let me clarify.
Ah. Grazie! That makes more sense.
As for Twilight, I wanted a solid reason why Mac would be afraid of pursuing obviously amenable mare. The easiest way of doing that would be to imply that magic and sex are tied way closer then one would like to think about. Ever heard the term "tantric"?
I suppose the biggest question is why you wasted your time with that plot point in the first place. It adds little to the story, and simply makes out mages to be little more than powerful sluts. I feel that the best solution would've been just to have him refuse her advances, and skip over the magical slut bullshit altogether, since he's padding after Fluttershy. It gets rid of the whole nastiness with slutty horseshoes, and saves Twilight a reputation bashing. Unless you aren't fond of Twilight. If that's the case, then proceed by all means.
...If you think that linking magic and sex provides a valid reason for a stallion not to pursue a mare, then you obviously don't know men at all.
Now, about shoes. The whole DAMN POINT about Rarity`s wooden shoes is that they are impractical, complicated and elaborate - could you envision anything more suiting for a pony who`s whole life is dedicated to pursuing aesthetics in spite of practicality, reason, common sense and even self-preservation?
I could go into a whole spheal based on economic indicators and a variety of other reasons for why Rarity wouldn't waste her time with something so unfetching and dull as wood, but I won't, because: a) you ought to be able to figure it out on your own, and b) it's just a minor point anyways.
Reasoning for Fluttershy`s bronze shoes is explained as well - they don`t smell of iron, and therefore don`t scare the animals, who associate the smell of iron with imminent death and nothing else.
This just displays a lack of thought on your part. Tell me, why would the smell of iron scare the animals, hmm? If you really need me to, I'll elaborate, but otherwise I'm expecting you to be able to figure it out on your own.
Additionally obviously, since custom shoes are custom, the makers already have the exact measurements and can get the shoes right from the get-go, so Mac would only need to do minimal adjustments on the spot.
Adjustments which you entirely neglect to mention (at least, I can't recall seeing any significant note of them, but it has been a few days). If you are going to be thorough, be thorough. Otherwise, be content to gloss everything.
As for english being my second language... duh. I`m not going to bother with missing articles that far post-fact. It`s a petty enough detail to be inconsequent.
It is only inconsequential until it starts causing you trouble with native English speakers. I will admit that I do not know the subtleties of Russian, or much of the lingo at all for that matter, but in English, articles are important. I will agree that bothering to go through and find every instance of a missed article in a story as lacking in effort as this one would be a waste of time, for the most part, but I think that doing so would provide you with a nice exercise in proofing your own work.
As for paragraphs when speaking? No. That turns the whole writing into a hellish eyesore.
Are you suggesting that the confused wall of text you have here is any better? An ordered conversation where each speaker is given a new paragraph is much easier to read than the eyesore you have going. As an experienced reader, I would know this. Regardless of how ugly you find organized written conversation to be, it is detrimental to your writing to clump everything together into a solid mass of nonsense.
You ever try to read a story that is nothing but a solid wall of text? Your conversations are a bit like that.
What's up with all the hyphens, anyways?
As for the apostrophes, I happen to use actual apostrophe, not the single quote you peeps usually substitute for it.
What you're using is a cute little thing called a "grave accent," not an apostrophe. Frankly though, I suppose you can't be held at fault for making such a mistake. European keyboards tend to have a different layout than American versions, and, when placed in conjunction with various driver differences, the true apostrophe mark ( ' ) often ends up being replaced with a grave accent mark ( ` ).
Also, WHAT rest? I marked this story complete for a good reason, let me assure you.
What else?
The rest of your stories.
1327116
Note the word examine. As in, being able to interact with accent in question. Ask specific questions, hear specific answers. Listening to accents does NOTHING worthwhile - if one does not comprehend how they form, they will not gain anything from recorded instances of such.
___
As far as I am concerned, Macintosh simply does not say more then necessary. It stands to reason he would not have to say much to a simple question. Why belabor the obvious, then yup or nope is sufficient? Whenever there is a reason for him to talk, however, I imagine he would be reasonably well-spoken.
Twilight and suppressors - Macintosh is thinking about her in... less then chaste terms at times. It`s natural for a stallion, as far as I know. Still, after encountering bona fide example of what Twilight is capable off, he passes over this opportunity - simply because Twilight creeps him out, when all is said and done. As for Twilight herself - I thought I made it rather clear she is very well aware of her own lusts and makes quite an effort to keep it in check. While I can see her indulging the cravings every now and then, I can hardly see where do you come from with "mages are sluts".
Unfetching? Wood? Heh. Exotic wood is a luxury commodity. Given that Rarity spends most of her time indoors, lacquered wooden shoes make much more sense then one would think. Light, sturdy and organic - and much less of a risk to hurt somepony or tear a dress when working.
Iron does not occur in nature as is, only in the shape of bound ores. Bronze and copper are rather similar in smell, and copper can be found naturally. So bronze shoes would smell to an animal like a regular rock. Iron, on the other hand, has a very distinct smell. (Which even I, with my rather stunted human nose, can make out.) It does not occur naturally. So the only chance for animals to encounter iron is in the hooves or paws or hands of creatures with a level of sentience enough to develop metallurgy. Chances are that someone toting around iron tools around the forest is either hunter or woodcutter. Either will scare the animals greatly due to fact they are out there to kill either animals or their habitat.
Lastly, I do mention the adjustments. Both to hooves (filing, spackling) and to shoes. Macintosh has clockwork hammers set up, and he does note how "everypony has differently sized hooves".
___
If someone`s going to be a bitch about a missing article, they can go screw themselves. I make a reasonable effort to get the articles placed where they`re due, as far as my comprehension of language allows. As it has been proven by practice, my comprehension is sufficient enough to be understood clearly. Further then that - I might fill in a missing article or two, if someone points out where they are missing, but beyond that? It`s my hobby, not my work. Anyone who`s bothered too much by a missing article is heartily invited to turn around and look for story that does not offend their grammar sensibilities.
And yes, I`m suggesting my wall of text is way better. Let me assure you, my reading credentials are quite on par with yours. It looks pleasant to me - and in the end, my opinion is the only one that counts, here.
___
Next thing you`ll be telling me is that apostrophe and single quote are in fact same symbol.
Speaking of rest... Give your accent a rest. It looks atrocious... And frankly, does nothing aside from giving a vague impression you might be a prick. (Also, you might want to inquire into logical structure of sentences. It really helps to clarify, when you say "the rest" and mean something else besides the object of discussion.)
Interesting story and I quite liked the ending. One thing to pay attention to is the overuse of the phrase guilty pleasure in the second paragraph; three times in total and twice in the same sentence.
damn. i was not expecting the last part!
It's a very interesting story. All the dropped pronouns make it sound like Big Mac is the narrator. I'll echo what others have said and say "yeah, that's not really a Southern accent" but there's definitely some mixed in. Some sounds like a Creole accent (that French/Southern accent in New Orleans), some sounds Scottish, and some is firmly Southern.
The tricky thing is that there's different Southern accents. Texas, Georgia, Louisiana, West Virginia, they've all got different flavors and you've got bits and pieces from all of them which just kind of confuses the accent into a bit of a mess. Applejack and family are probably closest to an Alabama or Tennessee accent.
The flow of the story really worked for me. The workman-like attitude with the "keep myself sane" silent musings coupled with that farm philosopher intellect just clicks into place so seamlessly. The bit about the power dampening horseshoes for Twilight felt forced - why wouldn't any other unicorn need them? - but overall everything still fit.
And I liked the ending. It's kind of thrown into the reader's face, but it felt real. We were watching this guy go through the day and got hit by the news just like he was. Nice job.
3816638
Show and fanon both are fond of emphasizing that Twilight`s raw power is off the scale for normal unicorn - if one were to need a scale, it would make more sense to measure Twilight against Celestia, rather then against Rarity or Lyra.
The idea is that this much of raw power addles the mind, not unlike the drink - lowers inhibitions, degrades reasoning and such. So anyone who does high-energy magic on a regular scale needs dampener boots.
3817064
That's a pretty logical view. I don't really buy it, but it's a heck of a lot better reasoning than I could see based on my own views. I can say it dampens that one bit that felt off to me.
3822556
Well, that`s why it`s called fanon. Each one has their own. ^_^
Once I hit the first "donnae" it clicked that this sounded much more scottish than southern, and actually started to flow a lot better for me.
It made me chuckle, it made me go "Aww~"... I liked it!
4313669
Well... as they say, mission accomplished.