Dr. Mike Hastell is a young scientist who works in a biotechnology research project. But he lives alone, with nothing to do, he needed a hobby, so, he decided to research about those fluffy ponies that now you can find in pet shops, those stupid and adorably pathetic things, so maybe he could find out something interesting and make money about it.
Fluffy ponies are genetic engineered pets, based on the show My Little Pony. They tried to recreate those pony characters, but instead, they created a 30cm tall ball of fluff that can barely talk like a two years old child. They are not prepared to survive in almost any environment, and usually die at the slightest danger, so, they need human attention to live. It's the perfect pet!
Except manuals about how to take care of them, there are no information about how they were made, their actual biology or their psychology and behavior. It's time to do some science!
Liked and faved for now, lets see where you take this :)
Create a new generation of pets, little equinoid, based on the popular child show My Little Pony, but fluffy, ridiculously small, completely harmless to a human and completely helpless against almost any environment, so, they tend to die at the slightest danger and need attention and someone to take care of them.
Wow, lots of comas for such a big sentence. Might wanna split that there.
Any particular reason you space things between paragraphs, but not for dialogue?
Interesting premise. I'd like to see more.
2721898 I space things between paragraphs but not dialogues because I like that format. This is an experimental fic, so, I'm open to suggestions and opinions.
And the other point. I wanted to make it to look like it was a hasty explanation about something that the speaker didn't care a lot, that's why I used comas, to make shorter pauses and make it look like a fast speaking.
2721701 Thanks for reading! Glad you liked it.
Seriously. I wish these creatures existed.
And I'm certain I'm not the only one who feels this way.
2722119
I pose this to you: If you go into whether or not Fluffies are sentient, I would direct you to a book called Mogworld. In it the sentient AI asks (one of) the creators why would someone create him to be apart of a cruel game (MMO) and make them believe it was life. The creator responds with an analogy. Say that a toy maker creates a doll meant to look exactly like a human. He gives it leather muscles to move, soft velvet skin (of the rabbit variety), eyes that tear up, and a little voice box which can be programmed to say things like "I love you." and "How was your day?"
When is the creator supposed to know when the creation stops being an object and starts meaning what it says?
2727852 Thanks for your comment. About the fic, I don't want to make it very philosophical, It's only an experimental fic, I wanted to see the reaction of the community. I wanted to see if I was going to get a lot of downvotes only because it's a fic about fluffies, or if it was going to be for my poor english (It's not my first language.). This is a comedy, maybe with some touching stuff in the future. I will write in the author notes more detailed explanations about were is this going to.
2725072 Thanks for your comment. And I don't know how to feel about the idea of these creatures being real. Maybe that's the point of the fic. I don't really know were is this fic going to anyway...
2721874
I agree with this guy.
Instead of:
Why not:
2731527 Actually sounds better. Corrected! Thanks for your constructive help!
We'll see if Hastell is in a forgiving mood when he wakes up huh?
Any chance that kicky is still alive?
Not bad... but it has a few problems. Thankfully Indentation isn't one of them, that is one of the things people around here seem to have a problem with.
Okay, the main problem I see is slight "mis-wording" issues. For example in Chapter 2
I'm guessing you meant "euthanize" and not "sacrifice".
And in Chapter 3
you should have used "painful" instead of "hurtful".
Also, you need to work on your punctuation, mostly the use of the "Comma". For example, in Chapter 3
this paragraph has a rather long sentence with a total of 5 commas, which could have been broken down. For example, you could have wrote
While it still isn't perfect, it avoids having a run-on sentence and adds to the word-count.
2739998 Thanks for this comment. It's really useful.
In Spanish, we use the direct translation of 'sacrifice' for animals and 'euthanize' for people. I will take a look about that.
Painful, yes, I think I was quite tired and didn't find the word.
And I have to work about commas. Actually, in Spanish, to put a lot of commas is a correct way, I usually put a lot of commas when I write in Spanish. That is not working fine for English.
2736827 Maybe someone took him to home and the other fluffies thought he was killed, or maybe he is dead. Actually, I don't know.
2735302 I'm working on it... Let's see...
I don't know if you ever found it but there's actually a fic where on one of the attempts to get fluffies they ended up with something like Twiley. But she couldn't talk and they decided she was to big.
I have read fluffy stories where the fluffies suffocate infants, or trip humans down stairs and let gravity kill them. So the overwhelming abuse on the booru doesn't get to me anymore.
2757762 Throw science at the wall, change something, throw it again, repeat n times until it does something cool... success!!
2757820 I would like to read that. You know where is it?
2757897 The fluffy ponies were created by man... they rebelled... they reproduced, they invaded everybody's yard, some of them look like the mane six, some of them are programmed to think they are one of the mane six... there are many of them, and they have a plan.
I was disturbed about the amount of bizarre things in the booru, not only human-to-fluffy abuse. I have to admit that I laughed at some... but others were simply like 'Oh gosh, why?'
Decent. Looking forward to more.
Looks like you're improving. The only big problems I saw was a lack of periods when you type "Dr." and missing commas after the dialog. Keep up the good work.
2878434
Ok, corrected, I think. And thanks.
2877796
Thanks!
You're a mean mean human! Ending like that
Primus damn it I hate cliffhangers!
The only (mild) error I noticed was some slightly awkward phrasing here and there. But otherwise, great improvement.
.
Cute as hell, Twily is. I look forward to more.
Mistakes there may be, but I was enjoying this far too much to notice them
3086579 Wow, that means that this little experimental fic is being a huge success!
3080884 Thanks. I tryed to make it cute, but not sickly sweet like the 'me and my lovely pony' kind of stuff. (I'm ok with that kind of fics, actually, I read some, but not feeling like writing one.)
3027509 Thanks. Awkward phrasing is going to be a problem with difficult solution, since english is not my first language.
3021891 I don't usually end chapters like that, but this one was special, so, I tried to give it some aditional expectation.
In general, sorry for the delay in answering comments. I usually read carefully and think too much before give and answer. Feedback is what keeps this story alive. I thought it was going to be about three or four short chapters, but now, we have 7 of them.
3088477
Well, mission accomplished I suppose. Glad that your first fic is going well.
The story is shaping up very nicely... I can't wait to see what shenanigans Twiley and her new-found friend will pull on poor Michelle.
Hmm while I admit I find your writing awkward to read, your English seems to be steadily improving and the story itself seems both unique and pretty interesting.
3294801 Hmmm... from all the possible things, unique in a fic is quite awesome, thank you.
3256059 Thanks. I'm going to write more than I expected. Looks like that's only the beginning.
nice lil story could use some work but all in all pure awesome...hope some other stories are made in this concept
3304017 Thanks. This is turning into something more complex than the little experimental fic I planned.
Her purpose was to allow progression in the understanding of artificial animals. After that was completed she was free to pick a purpose herself.
3387356 Maybe that Idea is going to help me to develop this story further.
R and L?
3404162 What? I don't get it.
But that is when more that half of the company who created the new thingie were MLP fans. Or if MLP was THAT famous that new technology would be given to them, and created new species.
NOOOOOOOOO it's DEAD! DEAD I TELL YOU! THE FIC IS DEAD!
4204167 I have one more chapter almost ready to upload, and writting another one. I want to have a few chapters ready before starting to upload again.
4204255 Okay. I can stop panicking now.
It Lives!
Good to see this story isn't dead.
fun fum fun fun
Holy crud this is awesome! I have no idea what inspired you to start this but its interesting.
4431973 Well... actually it's an experiment I did. Fluffy ponies is a really disgusting thing out there in the internet. I mean greentext stories about violence or abuse and things like that. I think that fluffy ponies are some kind of gross parody about the WONDERFUL Fluffle Puff.
I decided to write with my poor english grammar about something that is not very popular, but with the best of my intentions about the story and see how the comunity would react. That's how I created the premise and started to write.To my surprise I'm still writting it and there are some people that enjoy it.
Thank you for reading.
That coverart never stops being funny.
5174569 Thanks ^_^
For someone who is learning english, your english is actually pretty good. There were a few wrongly-chosen words, but for the most part it's not bad. Will read more later.
It lives!
>Twiley frowned at mike
Damn you, inevitable microphone!