Canterlot Orphan Twilight Sparkle receives a surprise when Princess Luna offers to take Twilight as her personal protege. Under Luna's tutelage, a new Valkyrie is born.
Glad to see this back, this world and its backstory is becoming very interesting, I'm definitely looking forward to more of it. It was also nice to see some spotlight on Pinkie and Rainbow.
Not to pick out of a great story, but might this chapter be influenced by the Ranger's Apprentice series? But in all thanks for the flawless chapter and so glad to see you back! And bless you Stephanie! Also an immortal spitfire? love it!
4325933 Yes, the entire fiction so far has been influenced by RA. Its what I call, a crossover that pretends its not. It shares some similar ideas with the series, but the rest of it is all my words and thoughts. The most you'll see is similar characters and maybe some similar plotlines, which prevents it from being a true crossover.
Ok, I'm an idiot. I've followed your two Changeling fics, but I completely miss this one. The story where Luna teaches Twilight, and unites the Canon Mane Six to free her sister from the form of Daymare Sun. Basicly the fic I've been looking for on this site since I became a Brony between Seasons 1 & 2. Let me repeat, I have been looking for years to find a fic exactly like this one, and I let it slip right under my nose since September.
I'll get to reading this as soon as I get back from the newly minted Minnesota Comic Con* tomorrow.
(*Apparently, Comic Con happens in places other than New York. Who knew? )
Edit: My mistake. I meant later today, as it is now 5 minutes past Midnight. I'm going to bed now.
cough cough wow the dust was thick on this one but man is it a good read. please bring out some more.... doubtfull but maybe reading somehting good will get me back into writing.
I really like the RA spin this story has. It's obvious, but not blatantly so, and you add enough of your own creation to the story that it feels like reading Rangers Apprentice for the first time. (Excellent series, I've been to quite a few of John Flanagan's talks at local libraries)
I'm surprised it took me so long to find this story actually, keep up the good work.
It took me nearly twelve minutes from seeing the notice in my email to remember this story no matter you're alive, you're back and you're UPDATE what a wonderful morning
somepony is VERY unlucky! they made Pinkie unhappy, this can only end badly
so, Dash is pushing the limits of her training while staying in the confines of her training when you're good you're good and SOME ponies KNOW it
teaching through combat isn't unheard of in history, usaly it's by a much more experienced fighter towards a specific student i'll give, still awsome job so far!
There is just one thing that is somewhat concerning to me...
...You wouldn't have gotten the idea for brightsteel from the Eragon Series by Christopher Paolini would you? Because that scene where Rarity is forging armor from it has an awful lot of similarities to the forging scene in the book 'Brisingr' when Eragon forges his Rider's Sword with Rhunön...
I swear it is either a recurring reference or a tribute to that book series...
4330345 Only a partial tribute. I actually use brightsteel in a lot of my works where something of this nature is spoken of. I dunno why, but I guess it could be called a tribute. As for the forging scene, that was actually coincidence. I didn't notice that till some other reader pointed out. That scene was actually written while skimming a Wiki concerning forging armor.
4330640 I totally called it. I mean the reference/tribute part... As for the forging, your terminology and explainations to the processes seemed almost exactly like the book. (I mean how everything was described)
Okay you have my undivided attention and have =earned an upward facing thumb and a pretty gold star. Also, thank you very much Stephanie for giving Flicka all the courage needed to continue writing this lovely piece of literature!
That scene with Rainbow reminded me of Horaces' (I think that's how you spell his name) from the Rangers Apprentice. So I'm going to guess you got it from there. And Halt. And the other massive amounts of awesome I don't feel like naming right now. Good work.
4340471 Thanks for all the corrections. They had been fixed... only on my GoogleDocs. Apparently I had forgotten to carry over the fixes to the published version.
As for Halt, yea. You read that correctly. And he's not the only one, as you'll soon discover. But I'm afraid if I tell you any more, it'll give everything away. And we can't have that.
Also, this Halt is a "pony version" of the original character. And in all actuality, this "pony version" is named Halter. The original character from the Ranger's Apprentice series is only known as Halt. So, not really the same character... but I can see your concerns about his... age, are quite valid. All in due time.
I know its cheating, but you're getting a triple burst in retaliation.
First things first:
In a word; EPIC:
NO ONE! NO ONE CAN SAVE YOU NOW!!
Buck it, I lied, four shot burst. So you had best get:
(Ready to Die was, is, and always will be my favorite song. I found it long before MisterDavies or FiM. Human Pinkie Pie mother fucker. DO YOU EVEN 3P!C???)
/twitch/
P.S. Yes I do think Valkyrie is this F***ING AWESOME!!!
4341022 First two took too long to get to the interesting parts for me. Then the Cupcakes lost me. You also admitted to cheating and lying, so I would win by default there. However, I shall counter with a few other songs of my own.
First, we have those who can rock out hard enough to raise the dead.
Also note that this song won a pop music contest. I repeat: a metal song won a pop music contest.
Next, it's Master of Puppets with only drums and vocals.
4341475 While I can't say for the show. But if we were to base their diet off of that of our horses & ponies, they can in fact eat meat. It isn't unhealthy for them, it's just a different source of protein. If they can't get any naturally from their environment in large enough quantities, horses have been known to eat small animals such as field mice, snakes, bugs such as scorpions, even smaller birds. That and I believe we say Twilight eat what looked like a hamburger in an earlier episode this season.
As well, while not widespread it wasn't an uncommon practices for cavalry to have red meat in the diet of allot of Friesian's. It was both so they would still get properly balanced diet in places that offered little to none in the way of readily available protein while on march, as well as superstition among knights and cavilers that it made their companions grow and stay stronger with more stamina.
On upside Yay a Princess Luna’s apprentice story that is still alive and kicking. On the downside there are some concerns about the teacher/student interaction and OP characters.
Ok I hope what follows is some useful criticism and not just me ranting that the author is not writing what I what even though I am not capable of writing it myself, I can bearly write this post for Luna's sake.
First up Luna’s interaction with Twilight: Luna keeps bouncing between treating Twilight like a young but intelligent filly and young mare capable of becoming the next Valkyrie. Two examples Twilight of being babied are the” you can’t disappoint me” and “I have some chores for you” scenes
Princess Luna chuckled a tiny bit, finally understanding what was eating away at her new student. “I chose you because I can see your potential, Twilight Sparkle. And I shall leave it at that. But know this: You won’t ever disappoint me, Twilight. I know you will always put forth your best effort, and that is good enough for me.
And just like that Twilight is cuddled out of her responsibility to perform even though the responsibility still exists. If Luna was talking to her next Valkyrie I was expecting it to go something like this.
Princess Luna chuckled a tiny bit, finally understanding what was eating away at her new student. “I chose you because I can see your potential, Twilight Sparkle. But know this: You won’t ever disappoint me, Twilight. Provided that you will always put forth your best effort, and that is good enough for me. And in the event I am mistaken about your potential then I will merely release you at the end of your apprenticeship to a career suitable of the skills you have demonstrated. Twilight could feel the sense of relive passing thru her, giving her best effort was practical second nature to her. She was just about to realise the Princess only address the results of her failing to reach her potential when her toughs were interrupted by two books floating over to her.
In the chores scene Twilight is given some minor responsibilities when she grumbles (just a bit) about this Luna’s response was “but it is to get to the fun stuff”. This is a trick you pull on children to get them to do stuff, Luna ogling Twilight’s flanks right after this does not help. Luna had the perfect opportunity to start Twilight off with some basic responsibilities, this is important because she intends to make Twilight responsible for keeping her country in order and cleaning up her mess. So let’s start off seeing if Twilight can keep a single room clean and in order.
This made sense. Twilight had noticed a distinct lack of servants on her walk here, despite the haze over her mind at the time. “So then I am going to perform the cleaning they are unable to do?” Try as she might, Twilight could not hide the disappointment colouring her words.
The response I was expecting from Luna was something like “Yes during your apprenticeship you will be responsible among other things for keeping my study neat and clean.” Followed by what it entails. The bit about gauging Twilight’s magical aptitude can be moved to Luna internal monologue where she can mention that while she needs her study cleaned this will also allow her to observe how Twilight uses her magic for daily activities and plan accordingly.
Next the OP characters: Ok there is every possibility here that your Main Six are not OP compared to the antagonist they will be facing and for all I know they may be alicorns in the process of being reincarnated and the abilities they are displaying are the result of them subconsciously drawing on thousands of years experience. But for now they seem a bit too perfect and what makes some cases worse is that in the same scene you had the opportunity to give the character a bit more depth.
Twilight, without having apprenticed as a weapon smith forged a weapon that wows a alicorn. Wouldn’t it make more sense for her to say she read up on weapon forging and then forged it herself with Rarity’s help, ok a lot of Rarity’s help. This would do two things for her character, first prevent her from becoming little miss flawless master of everything, two it shows that she has the critical leadership skill of recognising someone can do something better that her and getting them to help her.
Speaking of Rarity she gets a job that would normal go to a master craftsman that spent their whole lives perfecting their single skill but you could still sell me this idea. When she is placing the extra pieces in the forge instead it being for accessories, it should be because she knows some piece will fail to meet her standards so it will be discarded and she will start again. This shows that while she is not yet the perfect master craftsman (craftsmare?) her work is perceived as being perfect because she works hard at it.
Fluttershy and Applejack are also a bit OP but I can’t think of a good place to nerf them and build character. It doesn’t help that their superiors are doing practical nothing but praising them.
Pinkie Pie is ok so far and surprisingly Rainbow Dash actually you did a good job of passing off her character’s feats as believable especially chapter 4 and when her superiors are praising her ability in chapter 8 it was after we had a chance to observe her feats with them analysing her. It gave it a bit more credibility.
Wow this post got longer than I was planning. I sincerely hope I said something that is actually helpful up there.
4343184 All very valid points, of course. But, since I am aware you did not know this, let me tell you something:
This fiction was only meant to be an experiment. Nothing more, nothing less. I had slapped it together without much thought to much of anything, and published it so my personal readers could give me some insight on my world building. That's all this fic was supposed to be. An experiment, testing my world building capabilities and just screwing around. Well, Valkyrie became MUCH more wildly popular than I had ever dreamed it would (I mean, really. I didn't expect anyone to read this rubbish, let alone ENJOY it!). Which is why in the later chapters, you can definitely see me putting forth more of an effort that all of my readers know me to be capable of. An instance, like you mentioned, being Rainbow Dash.
With my decision to seriously continue this story after months of inactivity, I had actually planned to post a blog detailing a quick rewrite of some areas. Certainly nothing that would change what has already been written, but a rewrite that makes the characters a little more believable and made things flow a little bit better. Especially the examples you gave above. This is something that I've been thinking about since Chapter 8 went live a few days ago, and something I know needs to be done. So, if you don't mind, sit back, fasten your seat belt, and keep an eye out for changes and little tweaks.
4343184 I get the feeling that these iterations of the Mane 6 being 'OP' is kinda the whole point. Spitfire's chapter implies that this sort of cascade of improbabilities (highlighted in that chapter by Dash's little excursion into teaching by doing) has happened before - and the last time it happened heralded the Corona Flare fiasco. The Mane 6 are being positioned in a 'children of destiny' sort of role, and characters in that vein always get relentlessly blowjobbed (well, until whatever they're meant to fight turns up).
I agree that Grace's introduction had Twilight treading all over Rarity's core competancy, though.
On another note about Twilight, you go over Twilight apparently being rich as Croesus twice - once on her own, once talking to Shining Armor. You probably just need the latter.
So far I very much enjoy this story a lot. I'm already figuring out the general main and sub plots along with the side remarks that explain the End of the last Valkyrie. But no spoilers so wont specify.
I must also say though that I think it could be better if you changed your pacing just a bit. For example rather then the one on three fight having happened just one day after Twilight became Luna's Protégé, Add some time into it have it be like a week, and for the other Main 6 include their paths a little bit more, like make it so that maybe a chapter is completely dedicated to this Characters training and life while focusing minutely on the others, then do another character in the next. But mainly incorporate more timing then a day or two. start thinking along weeks or even months if you can. But try not to jump a year unless you run into like a writing block for training methods or just in general anything for the story.
Glad to see this back, this world and its backstory is becoming very interesting, I'm definitely looking forward to more of it. It was also nice to see some spotlight on Pinkie and Rainbow.
25.media.tumblr.com/d787ed54ace08f558471d87681deae5e/tumblr_mezfzipxKy1qlce6jo1_500.gif
Ooh, the story updated! been hoping to read more.
Not to pick out of a great story, but might this chapter be influenced by the Ranger's Apprentice series? But in all thanks for the flawless chapter and so glad to see you back! And bless you Stephanie! Also an immortal spitfire? love it!
4325933 Yes, the entire fiction so far has been influenced by RA. Its what I call, a crossover that pretends its not. It shares some similar ideas with the series, but the rest of it is all my words and thoughts. The most you'll see is similar characters and maybe some similar plotlines, which prevents it from being a true crossover.
Yay. Interesting as always.
/activates AWESOME.exe/
Ok, I'm an idiot. I've followed your two Changeling fics, but I completely miss this one. The story where Luna teaches Twilight, and unites the Canon Mane Six to free her sister from the form of Daymare Sun. Basicly the fic I've been looking for on this site since I became a Brony between Seasons 1 & 2. Let me repeat, I have been looking for years to find a fic exactly like this one, and I let it slip right under my nose since September.
I'll get to reading this as soon as I get back from the newly minted Minnesota Comic Con* tomorrow.
(*Apparently, Comic Con happens in places other than New York. Who knew? )
Edit: My mistake. I meant later today, as it is now 5 minutes past Midnight. I'm going to bed now.
cough cough wow the dust was thick on this one but man is it a good read. please bring out some more.... doubtfull but maybe reading somehting good will get me back into writing.
I like your spin on the book series, but the fact that you are almost copying the series word for word is starting to bug me.
I really like the RA spin this story has. It's obvious, but not blatantly so, and you add enough of your own creation to the story that it feels like reading Rangers Apprentice for the first time. (Excellent series, I've been to quite a few of John Flanagan's talks at local libraries)
I'm surprised it took me so long to find this story actually, keep up the good work.
Yes! The story lives!
I love this story
Totally an awesome chapter update! Also really cool to see what the rest of the girls are getting up to, besides just Twilight <3
Welcome back Flicka!
And another very good chapter, I love it.
Welcome you glorious ass kicker you! Appropriate music:
*squee*
It's back!
So glad to see you haven't given up on your amazing stories
I was unsure before, but now I'm 99% positive. Rangers Apprentice?
Welcome back!~ I hope you get to create more to this story!
Well I'm certainly glad you decided to keep going. This is very good
It's alive! And that gif is awesome!
>thousand years.
Say what? Did Luna do something to slow Spitfire's aging? Or is the name hereditary?
Also horray new chapter. Glad your muse decided to make words happen.
4292815
27K words in, there's no shipping, it hasn't been added to any shipping-related groups, yet it's tagged Romance. Hmm, mysteries abound...
It took me nearly twelve minutes from seeing the notice in my email to remember this story no matter you're alive, you're back and you're UPDATE what a wonderful morning
somepony is VERY unlucky! they made Pinkie unhappy, this can only end badly
so, Dash is pushing the limits of her training while staying in the confines of her training when you're good you're good and SOME ponies KNOW it
teaching through combat isn't unheard of in history, usaly it's by a much more experienced fighter towards a specific student i'll give, still awsome job so far!
I swear I've seen that training situation before but i don't remember where.
4292815
I dunno, that might be interesting - I guess it would be called Soulight shipping?
Or, you know - Princess Luna could share
If this isn't a long fiction, I'm going to find you and stare through your bedroom window at night.
I like this, a lot.
There is just one thing that is somewhat concerning to me...
...You wouldn't have gotten the idea for brightsteel from the Eragon Series by Christopher Paolini would you? Because that scene where Rarity is forging armor from it has an awful lot of similarities to the forging scene in the book 'Brisingr' when Eragon forges his Rider's Sword with Rhunön...
I swear it is either a recurring reference or a tribute to that book series...
4330345 Only a partial tribute. I actually use brightsteel in a lot of my works where something of this nature is spoken of. I dunno why, but I guess it could be called a tribute. As for the forging scene, that was actually coincidence. I didn't notice that till some other reader pointed out. That scene was actually written while skimming a Wiki concerning forging armor.
4330640 I totally called it. I mean the reference/tribute part... As for the forging, your terminology and explainations to the processes seemed almost exactly like the book. (I mean how everything was described)
Wonderful!
More please.
You've got a good thing here so far, I'd like to see it finished.
Keep it up.
Okay you have my undivided attention and have =earned an upward facing thumb and a pretty gold star. Also, thank you very much Stephanie for giving Flicka all the courage needed to continue writing this lovely piece of literature!
That scene with Rainbow reminded me of Horaces' (I think that's how you spell his name) from the Rangers Apprentice. So I'm going to guess you got it from there. And Halt. And the other massive amounts of awesome I don't feel like naming right now. Good work.
4335394
Was just about to say that too, many similarities.
4340471 Thanks for all the corrections. They had been fixed... only on my GoogleDocs. Apparently I had forgotten to carry over the fixes to the published version.
As for Halt, yea. You read that correctly. And he's not the only one, as you'll soon discover. But I'm afraid if I tell you any more, it'll give everything away. And we can't have that.
Also, this Halt is a "pony version" of the original character. And in all actuality, this "pony version" is named Halter. The original character from the Ranger's Apprentice series is only known as Halt. So, not really the same character... but I can see your concerns about his... age, are quite valid. All in due time.
4326036 I have a different AWESOME.exe. It starts around the 12 minute mark in this video.
4340541 So I've just noticed. I'm hazarding a guess that all of those ponies that Luna met has lived far longer than they look.
4340650
Challenge accepted.
I know its cheating, but you're getting a triple burst in retaliation.
First things first:
In a word; EPIC:
NO ONE! NO ONE CAN SAVE YOU NOW!!
Buck it, I lied, four shot burst. So you had best get:
(Ready to Die was, is, and always will be my favorite song. I found it long before MisterDavies or FiM. Human Pinkie Pie mother fucker. DO YOU EVEN 3P!C???)
/twitch/
P.S. Yes I do think Valkyrie is this F***ING AWESOME!!!
Yes! Update! More!
4341022 First two took too long to get to the interesting parts for me. Then the Cupcakes lost me. You also admitted to cheating and lying, so I would win by default there. However, I shall counter with a few other songs of my own.
First, we have those who can rock out hard enough to raise the dead.
Also note that this song won a pop music contest. I repeat: a metal song won a pop music contest.
Next, it's Master of Puppets with only drums and vocals.
Yes, that happened.
And now for something completely different.
Finally, pony music!
4341475
While I can't say for the show. But if we were to base their diet off of that of our horses & ponies, they can in fact eat meat. It isn't unhealthy for them, it's just a different source of protein. If they can't get any naturally from their environment in large enough quantities, horses have been known to eat small animals such as field mice, snakes, bugs such as scorpions, even smaller birds. That and I believe we say Twilight eat what looked like a hamburger in an earlier episode this season.
As well, while not widespread it wasn't an uncommon practices for cavalry to have red meat in the diet of allot of Friesian's. It was both so they would still get properly balanced diet in places that offered little to none in the way of readily available protein while on march, as well as superstition among knights and cavilers that it made their companions grow and stay stronger with more stamina.
4341442
Technically speaking, I only cheated in that I was following rules that didn't exist. As for lying, I just didn't bother to go back and change 3 to 4.
First up, I take you're last, and give it a twist:
Now while you're confused, I'll nuke you into oblivion:
Oh wait! You've forgotten what just happened? Here's a reminder:
All the while, Twiy is up in Canterlot just:
Favouring but with some reservations
On upside Yay a Princess Luna’s apprentice story that is still alive and kicking. On the downside there are some concerns about the teacher/student interaction and OP characters.
Ok I hope what follows is some useful criticism and not just me ranting that the author is not writing what I what even though I am not capable of writing it myself, I can bearly write this post for Luna's sake.
First up Luna’s interaction with Twilight:
Luna keeps bouncing between treating Twilight like a young but intelligent filly and young mare capable of becoming the next Valkyrie. Two examples Twilight of being babied are the” you can’t disappoint me” and “I have some chores for you” scenes
And just like that Twilight is cuddled out of her responsibility to perform even though the responsibility still exists.
If Luna was talking to her next Valkyrie I was expecting it to go something like this.
In the chores scene Twilight is given some minor responsibilities when she grumbles (just a bit) about this Luna’s response was “but it is to get to the fun stuff”. This is a trick you pull on children to get them to do stuff, Luna ogling Twilight’s flanks right after this does not help.
Luna had the perfect opportunity to start Twilight off with some basic responsibilities, this is important because she intends to make Twilight responsible for keeping her country in order and cleaning up her mess. So let’s start off seeing if Twilight can keep a single room clean and in order.
The response I was expecting from Luna was something like “Yes during your apprenticeship you will be responsible among other things for keeping my study neat and clean.” Followed by what it entails. The bit about gauging Twilight’s magical aptitude can be moved to Luna internal monologue where she can mention that while she needs her study cleaned this will also allow her to observe how Twilight uses her magic for daily activities and plan accordingly.
Next the OP characters:
Ok there is every possibility here that your Main Six are not OP compared to the antagonist they will be facing and for all I know they may be alicorns in the process of being reincarnated and the abilities they are displaying are the result of them subconsciously drawing on thousands of years experience. But for now they seem a bit too perfect and what makes some cases worse is that in the same scene you had the opportunity to give the character a bit more depth.
Twilight, without having apprenticed as a weapon smith forged a weapon that wows a alicorn. Wouldn’t it make more sense for her to say she read up on weapon forging and then forged it herself with Rarity’s help, ok a lot of Rarity’s help. This would do two things for her character, first prevent her from becoming little miss flawless master of everything, two it shows that she has the critical leadership skill of recognising someone can do something better that her and getting them to help her.
Speaking of Rarity she gets a job that would normal go to a master craftsman that spent their whole lives perfecting their single skill but you could still sell me this idea. When she is placing the extra pieces in the forge instead it being for accessories, it should be because she knows some piece will fail to meet her standards so it will be discarded and she will start again. This shows that while she is not yet the perfect master craftsman (craftsmare?) her work is perceived as being perfect because she works hard at it.
Fluttershy and Applejack are also a bit OP but I can’t think of a good place to nerf them and build character. It doesn’t help that their superiors are doing practical nothing but praising them.
Pinkie Pie is ok so far and surprisingly Rainbow Dash actually you did a good job of passing off her character’s feats as believable especially chapter 4 and when her superiors are praising her ability in chapter 8 it was after we had a chance to observe her feats with them analysing her. It gave it a bit more credibility.
Wow this post got longer than I was planning. I sincerely hope I said something that is actually helpful up there.
4343184 All very valid points, of course. But, since I am aware you did not know this, let me tell you something:
This fiction was only meant to be an experiment. Nothing more, nothing less. I had slapped it together without much thought to much of anything, and published it so my personal readers could give me some insight on my world building. That's all this fic was supposed to be. An experiment, testing my world building capabilities and just screwing around. Well, Valkyrie became MUCH more wildly popular than I had ever dreamed it would (I mean, really. I didn't expect anyone to read this rubbish, let alone ENJOY it!). Which is why in the later chapters, you can definitely see me putting forth more of an effort that all of my readers know me to be capable of. An instance, like you mentioned, being Rainbow Dash.
With my decision to seriously continue this story after months of inactivity, I had actually planned to post a blog detailing a quick rewrite of some areas. Certainly nothing that would change what has already been written, but a rewrite that makes the characters a little more believable and made things flow a little bit better. Especially the examples you gave above. This is something that I've been thinking about since Chapter 8 went live a few days ago, and something I know needs to be done. So, if you don't mind, sit back, fasten your seat belt, and keep an eye out for changes and little tweaks.
And again, thanks for the advice!
4343184
I get the feeling that these iterations of the Mane 6 being 'OP' is kinda the whole point. Spitfire's chapter implies that this sort of cascade of improbabilities (highlighted in that chapter by Dash's little excursion into teaching by doing) has happened before - and the last time it happened heralded the Corona Flare fiasco. The Mane 6 are being positioned in a 'children of destiny' sort of role, and characters in that vein always get relentlessly blowjobbed (well, until whatever they're meant to fight turns up).
I agree that Grace's introduction had Twilight treading all over Rarity's core competancy, though.
On another note about Twilight, you go over Twilight apparently being rich as Croesus twice - once on her own, once talking to Shining Armor. You probably just need the latter.
Awesome chapter. Can't wait for more!
So far I very much enjoy this story a lot. I'm already figuring out the general main and sub plots along with the side remarks that explain the End of the last Valkyrie. But no spoilers so wont specify.
I must also say though that I think it could be better if you changed your pacing just a bit. For example rather then the one on three fight having happened just one day after Twilight became Luna's Protégé, Add some time into it have it be like a week, and for the other Main 6 include their paths a little bit more, like make it so that maybe a chapter is completely dedicated to this Characters training and life while focusing minutely on the others, then do another character in the next. But mainly incorporate more timing then a day or two. start thinking along weeks or even months if you can. But try not to jump a year unless you run into like a writing block for training methods or just in general anything for the story.
Still great story cant wait for an update,
This is certainly an interesting re-imagining of the setting, and I don't believe I'll regret having it on my favorites list.
im gathering this is in the future some how also more need more