Canterlot Orphan Twilight Sparkle receives a surprise when Princess Luna offers to take Twilight as her personal protege. Under Luna's tutelage, a new Valkyrie is born.
Well not bad, I was a big fan of the Ranger's Apprentice series so these references are not lost on me at all. But so help me if you try to fit in a boar hunt........... Not bad with the characters but I feel like the situations could be done differently, Will's and Horace's fight with the three cadets was the resolution to their conflict because it was one coming to the aid of the other, this is just Twi giving a smack down to your standard bullies every story has.
He was short and gruff, to be certain, and his mane looked like he cut it himself--with a blade.
Yeah... You totally 'did it'
Aaaw... Made this comment while reading. Why did you have to write it in the Author's Note as well
Anywho; You did well with the fight, I think. She seemed quite a bit more outgoing than usual when fighting but we can chalk that up to her having been raised an orphan and not by Celestia and her parents like she was previously. She's bound to have become hardened during her orphan years.
And the three cadets... I recognise that scenario I wonder where /end sarcasm.
All in all, a good chapter. I look forward to more!
Loved the chapter. Absolutely enjoyed every minute of it, except these two words naming 'Nightmare Celestia'.
Chorona Flare
Chorona Flare? Wouldn't this be Corona or Coronal Flare? Try saying Cheese out loud, then use the same Ch from that in Chorona Flare. See what i mean? The actual word's sound is more of a hard-k 'korona' than a cheese-ch 'C-shH-orona'. That's how it reads to me. The actual word is also Corona, without the 'h' as well.
3387154 Yea, I had to. This IS a crossover fic that pretends that it is not, so... yea.
3387237 The others are as much a part of this tale as Twilight is. Only reason the focus has been on her so much is because... well, she's gonna be the new Valkyrie. But I've got future chapters planned where the focus will shift a bit to the others.
3387286 Yes, Halt is a shout out to Ranger's Apprentice.
3387301 This is true, it is a little bland in the fact that Twilight just smacked them down. However, while I am following the "general timeline" of Ranger's Apprentice, I can't follow it entirely. That would be boring, as the readers would know exactly where I'm going all the time.
3387453 For some stupid stupid reason I kept wanting to put an "h" there where it did not belong, which is funny, because the one other time I mentioned her before now I managed to spell it perfectly.
3387659 Yea, knew I was forgetting something when I reformatted it from GDocs to FimFiction. I'll fix.
3387652 Well, too bad! The Great and Powerful Flicka commands you to!
“Now, I want a nice, clean fight,” she began, before sweeping her gaze towards the stallions, “From all of you.” Luna then flapped her powerful rings and rose swiftly into the air, and Twilight took that as an invitation to continue.
Yes, Madam Hootch!
There are some missing words here, some your/you're(or their/they're) confusion there, also this:
A good chappie. Nice to see that Twilight actually knows how to use that thing. However, I noticed that you used hands instead of hooves twice here, and confused they're for their once. Kinda distracting, but not terribly so. Finally, where can I find out about this Ranger's Apprentice thing people keep talking about?
Great chapter! I loved the fight scene, and Twilight wasn't OOC for me, given her past in this world. Also...Dagnabbit!!! Now I have to add "Ranger's Apprentice" to my ever-increasing reading list...let's put it after Drizzt, and before Tarl Cabbot..
3391103 Head to your local library or pdf torrent site and look up Ranger's Apprentice. There's like, 7 books in the series. Very good series. Which is partially what Valkyrie is based around. Its what I call, a cross over fic that isn't. Some of the timeline is the same, some of the events and stuff, but the rest belongs to me.
Oh, and lets not forget the shout outs. That Halt character introduced here? He's a main character in Ranger's Apprentice.
Another great chapter. I really want to know Celestia's part in this story. Either she doesn't exist in this universe, or maybe she's lost. Also, I love the Ranger's reference.
3392054 This is a Lunaverse, remember. So instead of Princess Luna being Nightmare Moon, its her sister that gave into the evil, and turned into Corona Flare. I've mentioned her a few times, remember.
3419355 I will say, your guess is so far the closest out of all the readers who have guessed, but its still pretty far cry from its mark. I find it to be fun carrying around this giant secret none of my readers know yet!
I think Twilight is fairly far off show canon to begin with (not to mention being reasonably fit and good with a weapon as opposed to being a bit of a couch potato), so I'm not sure what you mean by out of character.
What is the secret? That she becomes an alicorn in season 3? That she is an element of harmony? That she is chosen to be a valkyrie? That she is secretly a pomegranate? I MUST KNOW!
Halt never ever smiled. At least, not in all of the hundreds of years Luna has known him.
Waitwaitwaitwaitiwait... HUNDREDS?! How has no other regular pony freaked out from the fact that he's as old as some monuments? Pardon if my question comes as an outcry of foolishness since I believe this Halt character belongs to the Ranger's Apprentice series which have been mentioned but I have not read about yet.
3937151 This notion is seconded and must be done with all due haste.
4340471 Halt actually isn't over 100 years old in Ranger's Apprentice, but he IS rather up in years by the time he takes on Will. I'm fairly sure the "old as some monuments" joke has been used, but yeah.
Also, for Flicka:
On and on and on, never ending always moving.
Should probably be something like
On and on and on; never ending, always moving.
Otherwise, I thoroughly enjoyed this beatdown delivered by our resident bookworm.
She cleared her throat a bit. “First of all, my name is Twilight Sparkle, not ‘Plum’. Secondly, you will find that as an apprentice of Princess Luna, I am perfectly within my rights to conduct my business while armed. Furthermore, seeing as both of those Cadets are accompanying me, I permit them to carry their weapons if they so see fit.”
With barely a glimmer from her horn, Grace unsheathed itself and came to rest at Twilight’s side. “What did you call me?” Twilight’s voice was so cold, everypony else at the table shivered a bit. The stallions before her either didn’t see the danger approaching, or were just too stupid to recognize it.
Seems like you're missing a paragraph there.
Luna then flapped her powerful rings and rose swiftly
wings
“Lesson number two: You should remember that you’re foe is also a mage,
5427714 Fixed. I'm going to have to stop importing directly from GDocs. The feature has a nasty habit of not saving all of the edits I've made when I import, and now it causes an entire paragraph to not show up no matter how many different times I imported.
I find myself wondering if the Elements of Harmony will actually be a thing in this story, or if they'll come after a long battle of some sort. Only time will tell, I suppose.
I would say this is OOC, but not only is this OOC to Twilight in general. It's also OOC to the entire persona of Twilight you developed in the last five chapters. Omfg this is both fun and painful to read.
Really? Halt? You had to use him didn't you? Well he is such a loveable character so I can't blame you.
Haven't actually read it yet. But from the cover-text alone I can say: Now that's a Lunaverse worth reading!
Also, Flicka's works usally rock. Would be suprised if this doesn't.
PS: We need the next chapter of Peacekeepers and Unity
Before you banish the, you should totally let Shining have a little "chat" with them.
---
I wasn't expecting to see the orphans for quite a while yet, I'm glad I was wrong
Is Twilight going to start attending court at some point?
I feel that Halt might be a reference to the Rangers series or am I missing something here?
Also another great chapter, I can't wait for the next. Excellent work with those brutes too.
Well not bad, I was a big fan of the Ranger's Apprentice series so these references are not lost on me at all. But so help me if you try to fit in a boar hunt........... Not bad with the characters but I feel like the situations could be done differently, Will's and Horace's fight with the three cadets was the resolution to their conflict because it was one coming to the aid of the other, this is just Twi giving a smack down to your standard bullies every story has.
Halt is awesome, be he pony or otherwise.
I think you meant "Wings"
I see what you did there
Yeah... You totally 'did it'
Aaaw... Made this comment while reading. Why did you have to write it in the Author's Note as well
Anywho; You did well with the fight, I think. She seemed quite a bit more outgoing than usual when fighting but we can chalk that up to her having been raised an orphan and not by Celestia and her parents like she was previously. She's bound to have become hardened during her orphan years.
And the three cadets... I recognise that scenario I wonder where /end sarcasm.
All in all, a good chapter. I look forward to more!
Loved the chapter. Absolutely enjoyed every minute of it, except these two words naming 'Nightmare Celestia'.
Chorona Flare? Wouldn't this be Corona or Coronal Flare? Try saying Cheese out loud, then use the same Ch from that in Chorona Flare. See what i mean? The actual word's sound is more of a hard-k 'korona' than a cheese-ch 'C-shH-orona'. That's how it reads to me. The actual word is also Corona, without the 'h' as well.
What if I don't Want to 'get over it?'
This was very good as usual, although I did spot a little goof.
That should be hooves.
3387154 Yea, I had to. This IS a crossover fic that pretends that it is not, so... yea.
3387237 The others are as much a part of this tale as Twilight is. Only reason the focus has been on her so much is because... well, she's gonna be the new Valkyrie. But I've got future chapters planned where the focus will shift a bit to the others.
3387286 Yes, Halt is a shout out to Ranger's Apprentice.
3387301 This is true, it is a little bland in the fact that Twilight just smacked them down. However, while I am following the "general timeline" of Ranger's Apprentice, I can't follow it entirely. That would be boring, as the readers would know exactly where I'm going all the time.
3387344
3387453 For some stupid stupid reason I kept wanting to put an "h" there where it did not belong, which is funny, because the one other time I mentioned her before now I managed to spell it perfectly.
3387659 Yea, knew I was forgetting something when I reformatted it from GDocs to FimFiction. I'll fix.
3387652 Well, too bad! The Great and Powerful Flicka commands you to!
3387736 All Hail the Great and Powerful Flicka!
3387747
Nice to see Twilight apply a well deserved beatdown.
3387736
Makes since to me. I just figured we wouldn't see the other orphans until their training was done is all.
Yes, Madam Hootch!
There are some missing words here, some your/you're(or their/they're) confusion there, also this:
I think you meant horizontally.
But overall, still awesome! Keep it up!
3387736
No problem. Figured it was a typo, but i had to make sure.
3387736
Knew it loved the series.
so much rangers apprentice...i love it
Twilight is such a badass. What's with all the tonnes old ponies?
This is Australia...
A good chappie. Nice to see that Twilight actually knows how to use that thing. However, I noticed that you used hands instead of hooves twice here, and confused they're for their once. Kinda distracting, but not terribly so. Finally, where can I find out about this Ranger's Apprentice thing people keep talking about?
Great chapter! I loved the fight scene, and Twilight wasn't OOC for me, given her past in this world.
Also...Dagnabbit!!! Now I have to add "Ranger's Apprentice" to my ever-increasing reading list...let's put it after Drizzt, and before Tarl Cabbot..
3391103 Head to your local library or pdf torrent site and look up Ranger's Apprentice. There's like, 7 books in the series. Very good series. Which is partially what Valkyrie is based around. Its what I call, a cross over fic that isn't. Some of the timeline is the same, some of the events and stuff, but the rest belongs to me.
Oh, and lets not forget the shout outs. That Halt character introduced here? He's a main character in Ranger's Apprentice.
EDIT: There is actually a total of 10 books.
3387863 Hah! You're the only one that caught that reference.
Another great chapter.
I really want to know Celestia's part in this story. Either she doesn't exist in this universe, or maybe she's lost.
Also, I love the Ranger's reference.
Halt, even as a pony, is a badass. That just made the story 20% cooler.
3391918
... Oh wait, you're not kidding... I don't know what to say about that, so
...
Thanks. I'll look into it.
3392054 This is a Lunaverse, remember. So instead of Princess Luna being Nightmare Moon, its her sister that gave into the evil, and turned into Corona Flare. I've mentioned her a few times, remember.
3393725
Ok, now I understand.
Thanks.
Hello, Halt. Good to see you.
Badass Twilight is best Twilight. Keep up the great work.
3398266 I was wondering when Halt would show up and I admit it is good to see him. Glad you caught that referance or I would have missed it.
As for the Halt thing, I don't mind Halt is awesome. And what is the blooming secret ?
I've got it, Twilight is the secret daughter of Celestia, and the ghost monster thing Star Shard is the good conscience of Celestia
3419355 I will say, your guess is so far the closest out of all the readers who have guessed, but its still pretty far cry from its mark. I find it to be fun carrying around this giant secret none of my readers know yet!
I think Twilight is fairly far off show canon to begin with (not to mention being reasonably fit and good with a weapon as opposed to being a bit of a couch potato), so I'm not sure what you mean by out of character.
3476949
This is AU after all.
Halt huh. Tell me that at some point he throws some noble out of a castle window because that was the best part of the second rangers apprentice book.
What is the secret? That she becomes an alicorn in season 3? That she is an element of harmony? That she is chosen to be a valkyrie? That she is secretly a pomegranate? I MUST KNOW!
Halt never ever smiled. At least, not in all of the hundreds of years Luna has known him.
Waitwaitwaitwaitiwait... HUNDREDS?! How has no other regular pony freaked out from the fact that he's as old as some monuments? Pardon if my question comes as an outcry of foolishness since I believe this Halt character belongs to the Ranger's Apprentice series which have been mentioned but I have not read about yet.
3937151 This notion is seconded and must be done with all due haste.
4340471 Halt actually isn't over 100 years old in Ranger's Apprentice, but he IS rather up in years by the time he takes on Will. I'm fairly sure the "old as some monuments" joke has been used, but yeah.
Also, for Flicka:
Should probably be something like
Otherwise, I thoroughly enjoyed this beatdown delivered by our resident bookworm.
*wings
I'm sorry, but Halt? Really?
Seems like you're missing a paragraph there.
wings
your
Don't think that 'h' is supposed to be there.
5427714 Fixed. I'm going to have to stop importing directly from GDocs. The feature has a nasty habit of not saving all of the edits I've made when I import, and now it causes an entire paragraph to not show up no matter how many different times I imported.
I find myself wondering if the Elements of Harmony will actually be a thing in this story, or if they'll come after a long battle of some sort. Only time will tell, I suppose.
3937151 ikr
I would say this is OOC, but not only is this OOC to Twilight in general.
It's also OOC to the entire persona of Twilight you developed in the last five chapters.
Omfg this is both fun and painful to read.
Every time I see the name Corona Flare in this story, I want a beer.
Not sure why.