This updated literally like five minutes after I Favorited it. Coincidence? Probably. But I still can't help the feeling that I had something to do with it...

Anyway, this story is really good, keep it up!

Write on,
Legion

congrats on the Feature.

2587336
my favorite was about that long before the update too.

Do you mean Medic corps? You keep using corpse, which when associated with medics doesn't inspire
hope in these particular doctors.

Good story though, keep going

Corps not corpse. A corpse is a dead body whereas a corps is a formation of people.

Enjoying the story Flicka just like I do your other one.

2587397 Yea, just caught that about a minute before your correction. For some stupid reason I kept automatically adding the "e".

2587404 Fixed, again. Stupid me kept automatically wanting to add an "e".

Also, should have update to Unity soon, now that I am back in my zone.

2587412

Heh, I have a similar problem with spelling shop. I keep trying to write shoppe for some reason.

Yay! New chapter!

I'm loving this, it's whole reversed military Equestria!

But wait, where's Celestia?

2587436 Ah, that would be telling, wouldn't it? A little Hint. Re-read the last few lines of the long description. Does that give you enough of a hint?

THANK YOU for another good story line on this site yes there ARE other good stories on this site but seriously CAN you ever have to many good stories? some may say yes, I say no not really

2587523 Aw shucks, its only just starting out yet!

2587536 your point?

Well, this chapter answers where Rarity went. I was 1/3 tempted to go right to the comments and ask that, but the other 4/6 beat that temptation.

I need to asses Twilight

I did not know that an alternate term for Plot in the plural was a verb. I believe you meant assess. If you highlight, right click, and select "search Google". You'll see what I mean.

Error aside, this was another spectacular chapter. I look forward to more.

wonderful! you have offically won my eternal thanks for writing such an awesome story!!!

The magic bit seems a tad cliche in some ways, but I'll hold off on the judgement until I see where it goes. Personally I think of magic as independent of categorization, except by how it is used. This is kind of interesting, but I feel like I need to read something else first because it's not clear what's with this orphan business? Unless all orphans in Canterlot receive the same treatment, calling them Wards might make more sense and maybe be slightly more appropriate (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ward_(law)). The same may go for the rest of how your Equestria works.

2587404
I'm guessing it's confusing, because you say it more like 'core'. And a corpse is a body, technically, though specifically a dead one.

2587661 I thought I had made this clear when I referred to the rest of the Mane 6 as "fellow Orphans", but maybe there are a few places it is not entirely clear? The general idea was that "fellow Orphans need to stick together". And while they are not as yet super close friends, they are certainly friends enough to be called as such.

2587804 Will be fixed.

2587836 I actually thought long and hard exactly what to call them, as all Orphans in Canterlot are supposed to receive the same treatment. their parents died in service to the Crown, so the least the Crown can do is make sure their child is at least given a chance at a decent future. And normally I do not bother to categorize magic at all, but I decided I really wanted to experiment a bit in this fic.

EDIT: However, I do think Ward does sound a bit better. I might have to go back and make some changes.

So, this mystery romance...

Is it going to be awesome and be Twilight and Luna? Or is it going to be a 'oh, damn' moment when it ends up being someone else?

Glad to see another story from ya.

EDIT - and wow, 26 groups? Any other ones it's not in yet?

2587914 Honestly, I had planned on TwiDash. I know, I know, its rather old, but I'm a complete sucker for that ship. I thought the fact that Dash is a bit more impulsive and rash in this 'verse (if that is even possible) would also be interesting.

I had originally thought TwiLuna, but there are so many fics out there that have Twilight start learning from Luna and then they become romantic partners. I don't want to feel like I'm just going with the norm

Just two points really... the 1st one is why does Twilight only have those two choices? Either a Master or marriage? I'm sure there's a reason, I just didn't feel like that explanation was very clear. Though, seeing as how we can often think there are only X options missing many of the others that are right in front of us this is a minor note.

Next is Rarity. I was just a little confused as to where exactly she stands with Luna. Is she also a personal apprentice of Luna or does she just work closely with Luna? I felt like that could have been clearer. However, again I felt this was a smaller complaint.

Otherwise I felt this was a good chapter.

Excellent! Bust mostly, I'm thrilled you updated so quickly. I hope this is a trend you plan on keeping with.

2587924
-5 points for TwiDash, and another -10 for almost doing TwiLuna, then not doing it. Just saying. Got the TwiDash in Unity already, was hoping you'd go for the TwiLuna for something different.

And now, when I read the story itself, I'll leave some constructive criticism for you.

And oh, you really should reconsider the romance pairing, just sayin. All that's been on the site the last couple of weeks are TwiDash's it seems, you should totally do what they haven't been... TwiLuna.

EDIT - forgot to mention, grading on a 10 point scale. :p

2587924

well fuck, another Twidash? was expecting a Twiluna by the tags... I'm out!

2587934>>2587936

Easy there, easy. Its still rather up in the air. This fic was originally designed just to be an experiment, just something for me to stretch my writing limbs with. I was not expecting it to take off like it has. Who knows, maybe I'll surprise you all!

2587908
Okay, well best of luck with the categorized magic.

I think the confusion Treilacl was dealing with has to do with how they seem to be at least as good friends as in canon. Now, maybe canon makes the friendship seem too casual, but it's possible (my speculation here) that you could be letting your knowledge of the show and how those characters behave with each other bleed in. Especially since we rarely see the mane six apart from each other after the first episode.

OMG ANOTHER STORY THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Nice AU! Great world building so far, have a and a couple of's.

Well the world building is good and the magic system intrigues me. Not so hot on forced romance but whatever.

I wonder if you can tow the line between making Twi powerful without being invincible and boring.

2587941
so this ranty comment is mostly to explain my downvote, as I don't downvote without explaining. and get my rage at being cheated out of a story that I was looking forward to out of my system. However, you choose to write whatever pairing you want regardless of how I feel. I"d vastly perfer Twiluna, but whatever.

I'll kick off with this. I hate Twidash. I hate it so fucking much. I love Twiluna. Its really the only pairing I'll read. I read tags to avoid Twidash and other pairings, and find Twilunas. I"m VERY picky about what I read. This crosses a lot of things off my potential reading list. I'm fine with that. Move on, find something else to read, whatever.

What I'm NOT fine with is improper tags. Normally, I'd just look at the tags on something like this and move on, no downvotes, no ranty comments that probably look bad, but you've thrown this in "I just want a comment", so whatever. when I first noticed this, I put it in my read later because of the tags and potential Twiluna and wariness because it could be TwilightxOC. But I was still looking forward to reading it eventually. Then it gets thrown in Twilight Sparkle's Twilight x Main Six folder. Its at this point I go "what the fuck." There's no Main Six tags... Why is that even in there? So I travel on in to the comments, notice you're going to go Twidash, drop my comment, then downvote for improper tagging, as that's one of the few things I allow myself to downvote without reading the story over.

And just cause I hate this assumption, I've only ever seen 3 Twiluna's (The Dark Apprentice, In Dreams, Do You Believe in Magic) actually have the teacher/student aspect of the relationship be a major thing, and two of them managed to catch my interest, and both got over 700 likes each despite that, because they did something new with it. Meanwhile, I've seen way too damn many Twidash come through, as it is easily the pairing with the most stories, 3 or 4 of which were in the feature box these last few days.

TL;DR: this story is improperly tagged so I'm downvoting you for it.

If it hits the Twiluna group, I'll probably check it out. However, till then, as I said, I'm out.

2587941

If that is the case case,I'm going to give you this advice right now:

Write what you think is best.

Of course,take all the grammar,proofreading and general writing advices,that's always good,but when it comes to something as a pairing,it must be what YOU like.Don't let other readers preferences let the course of the whole thing just because of the minor risk of losing a few readers.You are presenting your ideas,your story to us,not the other way around.

I've seen some examples here and they never ended good.

2588496
>TL;DR: this story is improperly tagged so I'm downvoting you for it.

Aren't you exaggerating a little bit about that?

The "Archmage" fic came to mind when you described Night magic, as well as Twilight being expected to learn all types of magic, but that's not too hard to write off as coincidence, given the premise of the fic.

The only thing that caught in my brain while reading was Luna's statement that "they are equals." A student/protege is by definition not equal, as the teacher/master is still superior to them in knowlege, plus this is Princess Luna, arguably the highest authority in the land. She may WANT a friend, but it seems a bit contrived to have her declare them equals on day zero. That's the sort of relationship that should develop over time as Twilight learns and grows.

Nevertheless, I'm fairly certain I haven't seen this take on the "Luna is the remaining sister" alternate universe concept. Twilight and her friends are technically already friends. I will be interested to see how they're brought together, as well as more detail on the world building that you're attempting. I shall continue to watch!

2588516

The TL;DR? Not in the slightest. The second and fourth paragraph? Probably. They veer into personal opinion, one in which I was sure would prompt a comment much like this one. However, I take tags very seriously. If I run across a story that has what I believe are improper tags, such as leaving half of the main romance pair out of them, I will downvote them. Simple as that. If in the future he goes Twiluna or TwilightxOC, then the downvote was wrong and I will correct it as such.

And I agree with the first part of the comment. I was worried I'd come off being a bit bullyish about the pairing, but as I said in the opening paragraph: He should write what he thinks is best. However, in return, I will exercise my right to NOT read it AND I will express my displeasure that the main pairing isn't properly tagged.

Twilight Sparkle. Personal protege of Princess Luna. Who is being very win and very Luna.

There aren't enough squees in the entire world.

2588559 Yea, I'll have to fix the tenses. And trust me, as forgetful as I am, I've not forgotten any little detail about anypony's family-- even if I've not gotten to them yet. Seeing as how Twilight's House is as big and influential as it is, she should have some relatives too, yes? Trust me when I say families will eventually play a part in this tale.

2588625 You think I actually managed to get Luna pretty spot on?

I've never really written her at all, and so I was extremely worried I'd fail to get her to come off as the Luna we all love.

HI!!!!!

2588560 Archmage Night magic, or its "Shadow" magic, is mainly about being humble. Asking never hurts, of course, but the main thing to remember with Archmage's magic is that you need to be humble. For my Night magic, there is no such road block. You ask, offer payment, and its done. But yea, I can kind of see the similarities.

Luna is also already hinting at Twilight's future duties, though Twilight does not know about them yet. Hence why Luna calls them "equals". The Valkyrie is technically considered to be a part of the royal family, something I plan to go into detail with later. So not only does Luna want a friend, she's already guiding Twilight into her new role. With all the stuff that's happened now, its not surprising that Twilight isn't catching the signs.

2588427 Twilight is not planned to be super powerful for this one. Skilled, yes. Talented, yes. But not nearly as powerful as I decided to make her in Unity, for whatever stupid reason.

so where would summoning fall into this? time manipulation?

2588660 Well, Luna is largely a blank slate upon which we can project what we think she's like. The only truly canon things we're sure of is that she went off the deep end, was redeemed, comes off as an amazingly ordinary pony for being royalty, and she has power related to dreams. As long as you stick inside those borders, you've got a good Luna, and you stick well within those borders.

My Luna, for example, is very much "the people's princess", the Sister with the more common touch and her ear to the ground, as it were. In war, she's the field general and has given and taken wounds in service to her nation. Her magic is like the moon, a more subtle thing than her sister's, and she often acts as a "hidden hoof" figure to ensure that laws are enforced, justice is done, and the promises he sister makes to her subjects are fulfilled.

But all that is because I'm a shameless Luna fanfilly. Yours is just as good and very cool besides.

The ending of chapter 2 immediately forces a Terry Pratchett Discworld quote to mind.

"'Necromancy for Beginners.' Hm. 'Chapter One: Correct Use of Shovel.'"

2588796

2588934 Please, by all means, do. Go ahead and send them via pm so I can sit down and correct them. Its almost 1:30 in the morning here, and I don't think I'll be able to correct them by myself in my slightly sleepy state.

No mane 6?Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Is this a LunaVerse?

2589169 The Mane 6 are all still accounted for. This is the life they lead before finding the Elements of Harmony.

2589216 Also, that is the basic reversal of canon Equestria. Slightly different 'verse and stuff, though. I like building my own stuff, instead of just mimicing the first Episode of Season 1 and calling it my own.

Also, sure. Twiluna has been in the brain waves.

Also, HOLY COW! What started as just a little something to stretch my writing limbs has now expanded to the top slot of the Featured Box and number 4 on the "What's Hot" list! What on Equestria did I do to warrant such attention?

2589221 I suppose you could call it that, although this is my own LunaVerse, and has no affiliation whatsoever with the LunaVerse already established that most people are familiar with.

2589229
I always thought "LunaVerse" was just a term used for stories where Luna was the primary ruler, and Celestia never existed or something.

...didn't know it was an established "verse" by someone else

2589235 Yea, there is an entire group dedicated to those guys, where Trixie is Luna's student or whatever and Twilight never existed. Something along those lines. Never bothered to read those stories. But yes, this is still a LunaVerse.

However, as I'm sure most have been able to deduce, this is also primarily a "reversal" of canon Equestria, with my own world building added in.

I don't know why but career day gave me vibes of The Giver. Eh.

Seems interesting. I think I'm going to like the Necromancy magic best >:3 I don't see enough of it.

Also tyrant Celestia! yay.
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5498173184/h40F37A8A/

~Have a good one.

2589237
From the tags and the description alone, it's pretty obvious that it's very different from the Canon universe.

2589240 Yea, that branch of magic I'm looking forward to going into details with. There is just so much I could do with that its unreal. With any of my magic, really. I love building new worlds within my stories, as it is just so much fun creating new things.