Vinyl Scratch makes an unexpected friend whilst doing her job of bartending. Stories are shared, drinks are downed, and for once, it won't be a wild night.
(Don't ask how I thought this up!)
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 23rd Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 3rd, 2019
The Princess Rarity
Quirky teenage girl who writes about cartoons & has an obsession with sparkly things & cute dorks. Goes through life following by Dr. Seuss's wise words; "You have to be odd to be number one."
The Princess Rarity
Joined 23rd Oct, 2012 ·
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Really well characterized. Have a
Hope they can both turn their lives around.
Really well written
Some nice feelings to it, too!
One draw back though was one point in Vinyl's past
(You know which one 
)
Won't stop me to fave the story, though
Keep on writing so well
This is going on my blog.
All good, apart from Tavi leaving Vinyl. It's a sin to write that.
2586136 I'm going to Hell anyway, so who cares, right?
2586141
Why?
2586149 Because since I don't believe in God, then I'm damned for eternity with Satan in a fiery realm... or at least, that's what the people at my church say.
2586152
You don't believe in God, yet go to church?
2586180 My dad forces me.
2586196
Ouch. My family forced me to go to church as well.
2586180
I worship Lord Satan, and yet I go to church... keeping up appearances, since where I live is mostly Catholic and it's beneficial to fit in.
2586228
You follow the oath of hypocricy well!
I imagine the jazz in the background was something like this
I've already listened to it once over. Once. The whole way through. You know something's wrong when you listen to an hour-long track and you find yourself thinking it's not long enough...
And peh, I don't bother with church. Religion is a messed up thing, especially in England.
2586196
I know that feel
2586136
I second that thought
It's brilliant. Loved Vinyl's past too. Made a lot of sense.
Pretty good fic, nice to see a friendshipping fic rather than a ship/sad fic
Well this was very well done, am glad to have read it.
2586228 Soon as I saw the character tags I knew I would see you here....
I liked it.
There were some parts that grated; most were when you described Vinyl using her coat colour. There's no need for that. 'Vinyl' will do.
This goes for Lightning Dust as well. Still, since we don't know Dust's identity before she introduces herself, we can only refer to her using her physical characteristics.
Good luck!
That full stop should be a comma (read more).
That bit.
And finally what 2589686 said about describing the character in place of their name.
Those and using buck (that one's just preference) were my only gripes. Otherwise, it was pretty damn good, and wrapped up nicely.
This was epic....until Octi was mentioned.
Asides from my pet peeve about that shipping (over-done in my opinion), why did she have lead Vinyl on likemthat?
There's another DJ pony by the name of Neon Lights (just google 'Neon Lights mlp' and you should get something) and he could have worked just as well. If anything, it would have been cool to see Octi was one of the musicans in the bar.
That gripe asides, I'm so happy you kept Vinyl and Lightning plutonic. Such a relief to see a story like this that avoids that knee jerk reaction of "SHIP THEM LIKE FEDEX!!!".
Faved
congrats on the Feature. excellent story, btw.
2590322 Thanks! Love the new username, by the way.
2590423
thanks! you can thank TheCloudtop for the inspiration.
Enjoyed it a lot
beautiful characterization, I really like Lightning's history it fits her nicely. The plots a bit of a trope but you handle it really smoothly and only add to the base. Exactly how it should be.
Your hard work shows. thought of submitting to EQD? Be warned though, they'll be brutally honest so if you don't think you want to risk the rejection avoid it. I think it should be accepted but I'm not working for them.
I could actually see this being a full on, multichapter story. I don't know, just an idea if you're willing to take it. If not, I could always use another story to write as a way to keep myself from getting bored and getting my story ideas on print without having to start a whole new story.
2614974 Why thank you, kind soul!
And yes, it was indeed featured. I'm glad to know that a lot of people believe my measly stories belong in that special box.
2614996 Ahhhh, you flatterer!
Yes, I figured making Vinyl a bartender would be interesting, because I honestly don't know where else that deadbeat could get a job, lol.
But, nonetheless, like I said, thanks once more for your wonderful comments!
Great story. I really loved the characterzation, and how you kept it friendly between them.
That was quite an enjoyable story! Great backstories for both of them. This was a perfect slice of the two characters' lives; a sort of island of solace for both of them; a turning point that lets the reader leave with their own interpretation of what may happen, but gives enough that it satisfies the reader.
As far as the story's writing, it was decent enough, but I noticed a few small, but repeated errors that wouldn't be too hard to rectify. Especialy with the help of a good editor or two.
The most prominent error I noticed was this:
–""Lock up in about four hours." the elderly stallion who owned the joint hoarsely snapped,
When dialogue is followed by a 'speaking verb' – i.e.; "Well," she said – the appropriate punctuation mark for the dialogue is a comma, instead of a period. Exclamation points and question marks can serve as commas in this case as well. If the dialogue is not followed by a speaking verb – "Like this." She got up. – then the period is the appropriate punctuation mark in most cases.
If a period is used, it implies that the character spoke, then performed whatever the verb was. In which case, the pronoun/name should be capitalized.
"I guess so." She sighed. – The character spoke, then sighed.
"I guess so," she sighed. – The character sighed as she spoke.
Also, is the error in the chapter title intentional? O_o
Other than that, I really liked this fic! Well done!
I have to say you did a great job, and i don't say that all the time.
You did it so well i have to fav it or i'll feel guilty not to do so.
Also i hope you can do more like this, Hell maybe with Gilda and others.
This was exceptionally well done. Five stars!
2633928 Yes, the error in the chapter title was intentional. It's a lyric from one of my favorite songs - which, in turn, inspired this story. Glad you liked.
The excessive verbosity is cloying at parts, but the piece as a whole is great. Characterization is consistent and realistic, and the narrative serves its purpose.
+like
A Great background pony and my favorite character sharing stories to enlighten each others mood, I like it +1 like and a favorite.